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You know they're doin' it
The joy of slash 
30th-May-2011 11:04 pm


Title: The Joy of Slash
Rating: R? No graphic descriptions of sex, just references to it.
Concrit: yes please
Disclaimer: the usual
Warnings/Squicks: nope, apart from slight silliness
Summary: The boys get into a little creative writing. Ok you can see where this is going from the start…
Previous chapters: no. Stand alone/complete

Thank God Spike didn’t know the alias under which he published his stories online. He’d got quite a following on HomeJournal and he’d ‘met’ lots of like-minded people on there. In all, it had boosted his confidence immensely. It was mainly science fiction or fantasy, but however much he tried, he never seemed to be able to keep a gay element out of it. He was so gay. Not that he’d done anything about it, other than buy the Gay Karma Sutra and a dildo, mentioning which, incidentally, he’d come home today to find Spike on the sofa, idly twiddling it around his fingers, while he watched an old rerun of The Waltons. Xander wasn’t sure what was more incredible and disgusting - the fact that Spike was fiddling about with his sex toy, which he had hidden in what he thought was a safe place (thank goodness he was always scrupulous about washing it after using it... he had washed it hadn’t he?) or the fact that they still showed The Waltons on TV.

Needless to say, Xander had rushed into his room, mortified, repeatedly mumbling ‘you bastard, you bastard’ under his breath.

Meanwhile, Spike, with an evil grin, had switched off the claptrap on the TV, and switched on the PC to see if there was a new story by ‘The Master’ on HomeJournal. He’d set up a user name for himself – The Servant - and had started publishing short stories online. They centred on a horny, frustrated, but nevertheless quite innocent teenager, who lusted after an unattainable and incredibly attractive blond, with mysterious, and as yet unidentified, superpowers. The stories were readable as standalones, but also formed a series of sorts. Spike hadn’t had so much fun of the non-killing variety in weeks, apart from taunt-the-donut boy sessions which, were, he admitted, wearing rather thin now as a means of entertainment.

The Master was as avid a follower of the Spike’s stories as Spike was of the Master’s. No new stories today though, so there was nothing to distract Spike from his own writing.

Hmm, he thought, maybe it was time to push the plot on a bit, but the ‘Mulder and Scully/will they won’t they?’ thing might could yet be worth milking for a while longer. Perhaps it was time to introduce a new character though. A source of jealousy. A woman perhaps?

While Spike was busy tapping away, Xander snook out of his bedroom and into the kitchen to hide his notebook – the one in which he jotted down his thoughts and plot ideas - behind the washing machine. In the lounge, Spike smirked. He’d fetch whatever Xander was trying to hide later, when the boy was asleep. With luck it would provide him with something else which he could use to humiliate and possibly blackmail the boy with. In the meantime...

“The dark haired boy was out of breath when he burst into his apartment. But his breathing stopped altogether, momentarily, when he found his incredibly hot roommate having sex on the sofa with a petite pretty blonde girl...”

Ok, maybe scrap the ‘incredibly hot roommate’ bit. Too clichéd and corny.

“… When the boy caught his breath again, he apologized for the intrusion, then dashed into his bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed silently cursing himself for not shouting at his housemate, Nick, for doing what he was doing, doing it where he was doing it, and for not telling him to do it (if he really must do it) in his own bedroom.

Nick had seen the expression on James’ face - a mixture of horror, disappointment and misery. Not what he’d intended at all. This had been a horrible mistake. He’d just wanted to make him jealous. The girl - what was her name? Bunny? She was obviously a slut and not even a particularly good fuck. Just quick and demanding - not what he really wanted. There was only one he wanted. James.

The girl was outraged when he pulled out of her, tossed her clothes at her and told her to leave immediately. In fact, she was so furious, she’d have spat venom if she could have, but luckily she was human, if a bit of a strange one, and thankfully not a Varshank demon. She did slap him around the face though with surprising force, and called him a loser. He just laughed and, as soon as she had gone, went to make James a hot chocolate. With the peace gift in his hands, he tentatively knocked on James’ door.

“What d’you want a sullen voice?” asked.

“You, James,” Nick replied.

“And what about her?”

“She’s nothing.”

“Didn’t look that way from where I was standing.”

“She’s gone.”

“And what the hell did you mean when you said you want me?” James asked, as if what Nick had said had only just sunk in.

“I want to wrap my arms around you and you to wrap your legs around me and I want to take my painfully hard cock and slide it into your...”

And then the phone rang. Shit, thought Spike.

“To be continued...” then.

Spike did a quick save and picked up the phone.

“Spike and the Slayerette’s residence,” he said sarcastically. “How can I help you? I can’t? Well, have a nice non-day.” He slammed the phone down.

Xander was still working on his laptop. Damn, The Servant had stopped writing mid-story, just when the story was getting really hot... or least Xander was. Under the collar, and underneath other items of clothing too. Xander supposed he ought to answer the phone. After all, it was unlikely that Spike would. He was about to run into the lounge to pick it up when he remembered that his zip was down and he was hanging out of his jeans. This delayed him long enough for the phone to ring off before he could leave his room. Just as well as he still didn’t really want to confront Spike over his earlier behaviour. He knew that he would have to at some point, if only as a matter of pride. Although it was kind of pointless because Spike always seemed to not only get the last word on such occasions, but also the last smirk and at least a week’s worth of ammunition for Xander-bating.

Spike had a knack of unearthing things. A talent that extended from fledges to things Xander definitely wanted kept private and secret. The dildo episode was just one of many. One evening he’d come home to find Spike parading around the lounge in some of the sexy underwear that Anya had left behind when she’d walked out on Xander. Xander had been incensed, but also, scarily, slightly turned on. He couldn’t bring himself to throw away the skimpy, lacy panties afterwards, and if he hadn’t been in denial he might have admitted to himself that the slight frisson of excitement he experienced when he looked at them had little to do with the thought of Anya wearing them anymore.

Anyway, there couldn’t be much left for Spike to unearth now though. At least, not much. If Xander was in his right mind, he would have already thrown away his collection of gay porn magazines, his gay sex manuals and the DVDs, but he was loath to do so. They were useful research tools for his ‘career’ as a slashy fiction writer after all. Plus he suspected that Spike had already found them and was having too much fun reaping the benefits or their presence in the apartment to use them as fuel just yet.

So he mentally shrugged and started writing again.

“We were out hunting the first time he took me. I wasn’t a vampire then. In fact, just a vampire hunter. A vampire killer. Not a really good one, but I’d survived doing this for a number of years, so perhaps not a really bad one either. He, Sam, was an anything-killer. Humans would have been his first choice, demons his second at a pinch. It was entirely possible that he’d kill kittens for fun. And also vampires, it almost went without saying. He justified the last of these by saying that fledglings were usually stupid and therefore dangerous to the vampire population at large, but I suspected he just liked dusting them, his favourite weapon being a stake, of course, which he always referred to as his spike. So, that night we killed half a dozen fledges and a nest of Rfarlon demons. I was out of breath and feeling incredibly turned on by the sight of Sam fighting, by the time we’d finished. Sam had turned to me with a curious expressionon his face. Then, suddenly he jumped on me. I didn’t know what to think at first. I assumed that something else was attacking us and that he was protecting me as he always tried to do, but then suddenly Sam’s tongue was in my still open mouth, and, oh God, I thought, and it felt like I was going to come there and then. Then Sam began to unzip my jeans, and...”

Jeez! The fucking phone rang again. Spike must have answered it, but Xander had lost the impetus to write, not to mention his erection. Was it too much to ask that a boy got to come every now and again? Obviously, yes. So he saved his story, and started to write a message to The Servant.

“Where are you, Servant? I was really hooked on your latest story, then it suddenly just stopped. You there Servant?”

“Yeah, I’m here Master. But you just did the same thing.”

“Yes sorry. The phone rang.”


“So you’re enjoying the story then?” The Servant asked. “I wasn’t sure about the last bit. Ok James and Nick have been pussyfooting around each other for a while, and something has to happen soon, but is Nick’s move too sudden? What do you think?”

Xander really enjoyed the conversations he had like this with The Servant.

“Weelll… maybe it is a little sudden, but perhaps if you emphasized Nick’s sheer frustration with James’ apparent obliviousness then it might work better.”

“You think? Thanks. I’ll try that.”

Another internet silence.

“Master, are you still there?”

“Er yes. I was thinking...” Xander was nervous about suggesting this but nothing ventured, nothing gained. “You could make James be the one to initiate things... I mean Nick is obviously the more dominant one - or seems to be - and that in itself might make it more, er, interesting if James was the one to make the first move.”

Another pause.


More silence. Shit.


“Oh fuck it, Xander, let’s just shag.”

Xander nearly fell off his chair.

Then Spike burst into the room. “Make the first move then.”

And to Xander’s (and Spike’s) surprise, Xander did.

It was the best first move he ever made. The second one was pretty good too. Spike’s first one was a revelation.


“Xander, you are going to finish that story, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I thought I might make it into a dark angst-ridden epic. I’ve written to many light ficlets lately.”

“Maybe we should collaborate,” Spike suggested.

“Oh yeah. I’m always up for a bit of collaboration,” Xander grinned evilly and rolled over on top of Spike’s sweat slicked, sex-sated, but ever eager-for-more naked body.


30th-May-2011 10:17 pm (UTC)
Oh that was good - made me laugh out loud!! Nice one.
30th-May-2011 10:24 pm (UTC) - Thank you!
thanks! You read that quickly! I probably should have given it another proof before publishing - some of it is not written as succinctly as it could be - but I wanted to get it off and done with so that I can finish off the next (less silly) one.
31st-May-2011 03:07 am (UTC)

Mulder/Scully!!! My first pairing!!! I laughed so hard my husband asked why, and he listened to the explanation EVEN THOUGH it involved Spike/Xander slash.

OOOOOH I do hope they act out a few things that they've written

: )

31st-May-2011 03:09 am (UTC)

"Xander snook out of his bedroom"

Sadly my spellcheck never catches this because 'snook' is the proper way to spell the name of the fish, but the actual word you want there is snuck.

AND I WANT TO SEE SPIKE IN THE LACY PANTIES. Fingering Xander's dildo. I'm going to close my eyes and see this picture now......
31st-May-2011 07:05 am (UTC) - spelling correction
noted. Thanks! My attempts at American English going awry!
I am glad you liked the imagery...!
31st-May-2011 02:57 pm (UTC)
LOL That was very clever and had me giggling... a lot!
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