Rating: R (mentions of guys having sex and sex toys and the like)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't own 'em. Don't sue.
A/N: Doing the "Five Answers" meme over on my journal. jjjean65 asked for "Five Things Spike never used as a sex toy with Xander".
Five things Spike NEVER used as a sex toy with Xander (and why):
i. Spike wasn't adverse to using stakes as sex toys (his ill-advised pseudo-crush on Buffy was proof of that), but he never could quite get out of his head the glinting, stake-happy looks Xander had always shot his way during said Buffy-crush. Xander still had military flashbacks, dammit, and those weren't even of real-life events.
ii. Blood was out, too. Fantasy of fantasies, that was, but convincing Xander that he didn't actually think of him as snack food (often) was difficult enough as it was. Spike contended that if blood was out, so should chocolate, ice cream, strawberries, and cumquats, but after much consideration, realized that they'd probably never have sex again.
iii. Popsicles had been fun for about three weeks, and by fun, he meant outrageously satisfying, possibly illegal, unnaturally arousing sex. All over the house. Even the indelible juice stains (in a stunning array of colors) on the carpeting, upholstery, tile, bed linens, and counter top could not stop them. It was the unfortunate, and highly embarrassing (for Xander) Incident of the Impressive Hard-On at the Scooby Meeting in which Somebody Brought Popsicles of which We Will Never Speak Again that finally led to the banning of any type of snack food from the bedroom.
iv. Spike was not normally a jealous man, and he didn't often consider himself as being easily threatened, but Xander's appraising glances, appreciative moans, and generally looking as if he'd just been handed the moon (and all of this just in the shop!) led to dildos being stricken from the list very early on in their relationship.
v. Handcuffs were fine, they'd decided, as were whips, shackles, and the occasional necktie or leather strap. Chains were still on a case by case basis, as were butt plugs, vibrators, harnesses, clamps, and anything involving suspension. The only thing that both agreed on was the unilateral banning of gags of any type, ball or otherwise, because if there was one thing they both loved to do, it was run their mouths.