Spoilers: BtVS Season 4 & 5
Summary: Xander finds out that sometimes death is not the end, it's only the beginning.
A/N: A Xander gives his life for Dawn instead of Buffy- story.
Song by Ryan Cabera.
Right after the kiss a demon came over. When I say came over I mean, it wrecked the door and kind of did this roaring thing. It was a spine-y and kind of fish-y looking. It growled about slayers and reminded me of the swim team. Which is not a good thing to do, makes me kinda mad to think about. It also tried to hurt my Dawnie, which always puts me in a killing mode.
The good news, as usual, it tried to kill us all but me and Spike took care of it. I worked out some of my unresolved anger at the same time.
The bad news is that it flooded the basement, fast too, and the water destroyed all my stuff. Guess that's what happens when you rip off a pipe from a waterline. I got to remember that the next time a demon comes... comes to kill us, I mean.
Spike left quickly after the demon was dead. It was still floating in the basement. At least I didn't have to explain the kiss to him. Don't really know how to explain the kiss really. It felt good though and kinda sexy even if it didn't last long. Made me feel like I was more than dead.
So the next morning I told the gang I was moving out to become... to be Jesse. Willow freaked, told me that I was crazy. Then she broke down and cried. Buffy didn't or couldn't understand why I would do such a thing and Tara...
Tara smiled her smile and was supportive. It felt like she got that this was I needed to do. Giles... I don't know.. Giles seemed bothered by it. The whole me becoming someone else. Made a speech about how dangerous it could be and hurtful to me. But I think that maybe this is my way of getting closure about Jesse in a way. To put him at rest finally after 6 years.
I can't believe it's been 6 years. Feels like yesterday that my main concerns was pop quizzes and if I looked hot or not. I didn't according to Cordy of course but what did I care. I was treasurer of the I hate Cordelia Club. Jesse wouldn't be a member of that club but he's still got in on the pranks I did to her. Like that time we dropped a frog in the back of her dress at biology. I'd never seen Cordy move like that before and I finally got why Jesse had a crush on her. A week later she got us back when she pulled down our swim-shorts at the water park in front of everyone. But it didn't end so bad because later Amy Yipp kissed me under one of the slides. My first real kiss, thanks to Cordy.
Anyway... I moved out from Buffy's and in to the McNallys. John came over early in the morning to help me carry boxes only to find out it all had been ruined. Some of my clothes, that are too big, was the only thing that could be salvaged. All my things, my comics and pictures was in the bottom of the boxes, to keep them from getting dents, only to become completely wet. Willow said she'll try a spell on the the stuff but magic gives me the creeps now. Makes my spine tingle.
John was driving Jesse's old car, a cherry red mustang, that had been a gift from one of his uncles when he turned 13. We used to work on that car every summer, making it better and making it shine. We also used to sneak out in the nights to drive it around town. I always suspected John knew because there was always a pot of hot chocolate on when we came back.
Sarah gave me a tight hug when we arrived back to the house. Like I've been gone longer than a day. We ate steaks and fries for dinner to celebrate our new family. A plate set out for Jesse.
Now I'm sleeping in his bed and I can still feel a faint smell of him on the sheets. I bury my nose in his...my pillow to make it stronger. The shelves are filled with action figures like Batman, cape billowing behind him, and Wolverine, his claws out. Jesse has only one clock in his.. my room though. Which always made me feel like I was going to be late every time I slept over. In my room I had about thirty, making sure I never overslept because being late for school was always a bad thing. They had reasons to punish you then.
Jesse never worried about being late as much as me. Now I understand why. It's only ten pm and still early for a scooby but sleep is pushing me over the edge in to dreamland.
I'm running on a rooftop, chasing the prey down on the street.
Run, run, run and try to catch it.
The prey, man-sized and fast, turns in to Eternal rest cemetery.
I jump off the roof, down on to the street but keep on moving.
Keep up with the prey.
The gate creaks loudly as I run past it and a sudden wind chills me to the bone.
Fire runs through my leg muscles, almost burning me up. Leaping of a headstone on to the prey and I crash in to another with the prey in my arms.
I snake my arms around it's neck and twist of the prey's head fast. As fast as I can I turn it around and watches it's eyes when it turns in to dust.
Watch as I dust.
I'm the prey.
I look down at my hands in shock.
The name on the headstone I broke catches my eyes.
It's my own.
Then I'm back in that box and I'm trying to claw my way out again.
I can't breath.
I wake up gasping for air and soaked with sweat.
It was a dream, just a dream and it didn't happen.
I look around in panic. Where am I? Jesse's room.
Alive but scared I lay back down. The light flicks on and in the doorway stands Sarah.
"Are you okay?" She's seems concerned and a little scared. Her brow wrinkles when she frowns. I never saw that before.
"I'm fine" She comes in to the room and sits on the edge of the bed. Her fingers plays with the edge of my sheets.
"You probably too old but.. do want me to sit with you until you're sleep?" I shake my head.
"Not too old" She smiles and it makes me happier too. She starts to hum slightly and the words comes to me in my head. She used to sing this when we were little.
"Go to sleep now, go to sleep now little birdy, little birdy Go to sleep now, go to sleep now little birdy, little birdy" I close my eyes as she leaves. I hear her moving towards the door, she's still humming when she turns of the light and closes my door. It makes me feel loved and soon I'm asleep again.