animal: "Dreadful Sorry" or 'a mostly untitled Xander!embarrassment story'
vegetable: yours truly, but you can just call me Debris
other: S/X slash, bad!sex, angst, discussion of said sex, angsting over bad!sex, Xander!abuse, stupid!sexy!vampires and bad!parents... you get the idea. Also stupid references, OOC-ism at every turn, smut and over 5000 surplus words (originally meant to be a ficlet for gnome781, it grew out of proportion). And eternal gratitude to everyone who told me this didn't completely suck; you know who you are! No betas were tortured in the production of this.
this disclaimer disclaims itself in its entirety
Cut into two parts due to length: Dreadful Sorry (1/2) and Dreadful Sorry (2/2).