Rating: Adult overall
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story
Summary: Xander has a crush. William has a secret
The room was silent. The tears flowed freely down both Xander and
Willow's faces, yet they made no sound. Fearful their sobs may
add to the overload of sorrow that was already permeating the air.
Somewhere outside the window was the far off sound of a car alarm blasting.
Kids on their way to school could be heard shouting and laughing.
The world outside William's small window went on as normal.
As if it didn't know the tragedy that was being played out within
his room and heart.
"Almost done Will. Finish it up" Xander encouraged quietly.
William took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was so tired.
If only he could just lay down and sleep forever But Xander was right.
This was almost over.
He had hid from it for so long that he was to tired to be
afraid any more.
He had nothing now, so he had nothing to lose.
Even though he knew Xander would leave when this was finished,
he still wanted to go on.
His story was something he was either going to live with or it was something that would kill him, and he honestly didn't know
"I stood there for a long time before I walked to the edge and looked down.
When I did I saw his body laying on the garden walkway.
He was lying on his back with his mouth and eyes open and he
seemed to be looking up at me like he was on the verge of telling
me again how much he hated me.
His head was at an odd angle, and the pool of blood that was
spreading under it covered the edge stone and ran into the overgrown
I'm not sure how I got there, but the next thing I remember is being
in the downstairs library calling the constables.
I think I told them I killed my father and I went to the front porch
It seemed within minutes there were people everywhere.
Police, medics, reporters, photographers, and what seemed like
half the village.
They were all over the grounds.
I remember the constable yelling at them to get back from the crime
scene but no one appeared to listen.
I sat there watching it all.
It didn't feel like it was real.
It was like a movie that was playing out in my back garden.
I wasn't sure what my part was to play.
Was I the villain or the hero?
While I was still trying to understand it all a man came and
grabbed me up.
He was very angry and very rough.
He put the handcuffs on me and threw me into the back seat of his car.
I wondered who he was and why he was so mad at me.
Did I push one of his family out of a window too?
That thought almost made me giggle, but I stopped myself before I did.
As the car drove away there were faces pressed against the windows
on all sides. I asked the man driving the car what all the people were
looking at, and he said they wanted to see what a monster looked like.
I tried to watch the estate grounds as we went by.
I wanted to see the monster too, but there wasn't anything there.
It took only a short time before we were in the village and at the
The angry man took me in and put me in a small holding cell.
It was already full of men and it smelled very bad.
It reminded me of the smell of Mother's sick room.
I was very scared.
One of the men came over and put his arm around me.
He seemed very nice.
He said not to be afraid and he would take care of me.
He said his name was Angel and I thought that was odd.
It seemed like a girl's name but he was definitely not a girl.
He was very big and strong.
He led me over to the bunk with his hand on my shoulder and
told me to sit down. He said they heard I was coming and they
all wanted to see me but he would protect me.
He said I would be safe with him and in return I could do things
for him. The other men were laughing."
Willow turned her face away and reached for the handle to the apartment
door. She wanted to leave.
Please God, she did not want to hear this.
But she remained. Her feet cemented to the floor.
Xander carefully checked his face to show no expression although his
stomach was trying it's best to drop to his toes.
William noticed neither of them as he went on.
"That's when I noticed that they were all standing around us blocking
the view from the front of the cell. Angel pushed me back and laid
on top of me. I couldn't get away, and when I tried to scream he
put his tongue in my mouth. It tasted terrible.
His hand was on my privates and he laughed when he told the
other men I was still soft.
I remembered Grandda telling me I should not let any man touch
me like that till I found the one I loved so I knew even though
he was very big I had to stop him."
That small bit of information pierced Xander's heart like a knife.
He was the one William had chosen to touch him.
Xander suddenly knew what he had taken as a golden opportunity
was in fact an overwhelming honor. He felt humbled.
He felt ashamed.
He felt loved and in love.
"I wasn't strong enough to push him off so the next time he stuck his
tongue on my mouth I bit it.
When he pulled back I clamped my teeth down and bit it as hard as I could.
We both screamed and the jailer came running.
He grabbed me and called me a bitch. Said I was causing problems
in his jail, but at least he took me out of the cell.
By then Mr.Rayne had arrived. He did whatever it is solicitors
do and after what seemed like hours we left.
He took me home with him and put me up in a guest room.
I heard him arguing with his wife and I know she didn't want me
there, but I was so tired I just wanted to sleep.
The next days were a confused blur.
There was an investigation of the incident and I told them everything
that happened. The lead inspector went to the house and filed his report.
One week after Baxter fell they held a coroners inquest and it was
ruled an accident.
They agreed he had fallen, but said I couldn't have hit him.
There was no walking stick anywhere in the attic.
I know it was there. I held it. I hit him with it.
They said I was confused and in shock.
When the official ruling came down none of the tabloids were interested.
One or two of the respected newspapers in London did print a small
article on the back page saying I was innocent, but in everyone's
eyes I was still a murderer.
I was the monster everyone wanted to see.
I knew I could not stay where I was so Mr. Rayne sent me to school.
A different boarding school than I had been to, using a new name.
After graduation I went to two years at university and finally Mr. Rayne
arranged for me to come to this job here in the States."
"So you have been all alone for four years? Suffering these memories
by yourself. No friends. No family?" Xander's heart ached for the
broken young man sitting next to him
"It was the only way. It still is." William felt Xander's weight lift
from the bed and he knew he was leaving.
Keeping his face in his hands, he did not want to see it happen.
He heard the rustle of the papers being collected, and the
door open and close. He thought Xander and Willow were gone.
Xander had stood up and stepped away from the bed.
He picked up the hateful note and ugly articles and handed them to Willow.
Leaning close to her he whispered "Get rid of these but keep the note.
Go back to my apartment and wait for us.
And Willow? Make some tea."
With that he opened the door for her to leave.
Returning to the sad figure hunched over, Xander crouched down in
front of him.
As soon as William realized Xander had returned he lifted his head
and look questioningly to him.
Xander opened his arms and quietly spoke one word
It took less than a second.
William dove in.