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Learn to be Lonely Chapter 25

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 25/?
Author: chocgood84
Rating: NC-17 for brief violence and sexual content
Pairing: BtVS Spike/Xander
Author’s Note: Yes, I am aware that the timeline is a little screwed up and that Giles didn’t own the Magic Box until after Adam and after Dawn arrived. But in my reality, who’s Dawn? Adam what? Also, a huge spanking thanks to kitty_poker1 for being my official L2BL beta.
Disclaimer: These character’s aren’t mine, never were; I don’t get any profit for this hobby, so don’t sue – Thanks.
Warning: Brief violence, nudity, and hetero and homo sexual content and situations. And some h0t man-luvin.
This can also be found in my LJ Memories, as well as on my website.




Learn to be Lonely




…There’s a pain that sleeps inside. It sleeps with just one eye and awakens the moment that you’re near…

Spike’s lips were on his neck, suckling fiercely at the tender warmth rushing just below the surface of his flesh. His strong hands were gripping Xander’s torso almost harshly as the human straddled him, pulling him closer and running his own craving fingers through the too-blonde locks of Spike’s soft hair. Xander was panting, whining, voicing his need to have Spike inside him, to feel himself wanted, needed. He was hungry for Spike, and these teasing touches, this forceful claiming of his body wasn’t enough – would never be enough.

…Though I try to look away, the pain it still remains, only leaving when you’re next to me…

“Don’t let me go,” he whispered, grinding his sweaty body against Spike’s as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. “Please.”



The blue disco lights swirled and swum around him, and he thought he might be sick. But Spike’s hand, cold and firm against his own, steadied him against the rising tide of vertigo.

“Tara?” Xander asked again, trying to blink away this strange mirage. “Is it really you?”

“Xander, thank Goddess,” Tara exclaimed, her shy smile expanding into a laugh as she lunged at him, throwing her arms around him and hugging him fiercely as if she wasn’t sure that
he were real. “I’m so glad I found you,” she said, pulling away slowly.

“I…I…” Xander stuttered, the shock of seeing her having taken away his ability to speak.

“Spike, it’s good to see you,” Tara said with honesty and directness. Something about her had changed, Xander could tell. She wasn’t the same quiet, shy girl she’d been when he’d taken off into the night those weeks ago.

“You too, Glinda,” Spike smirked, showing none of the surprise that Xander had.

“I…I…” Xander continued to murmur.

“Well!” Tuna exclaimed loudly, giving away his nervousness. “I’ve got shots piling up on the bar that all need to be slammed down, and countless Romeos that need this Juliet to show them what the moon really is. So, uh, I’m just gonna scadootch and let you all sit down and talk over, um, what’s, uh, up. Toodles.” The demon wasted no time in making his getaway, swishing as fast he could straight to the bar and signaling the bartender.

“Xander, luv,” Spike whispered, squeezing his hand gently and putting his other hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“What?” Xander blinked again, shaking off his shock. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied. “Just a little surprised, is all.”

“Sorry.” Tara bowed her head. “I just didn’t know what else to do. And I thought you should know what’s going on.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Xander insisted, reaching out and squeezing her arm tightly. “It’s really good to see you.” He glanced back at Spike and they exchanged worried looks. They’d expected a witch, and a witch is what they got.

“Come on, now, let’s have a seat and get to the bottom of this,” Spike suggested, nudging them both to the chairs and sofa.

“Good idea.” Xander took a deep breath and sat in one of the matching velvet chairs. Spike took the chair at his side, and Tara fell softly onto the couch across from them. Her hands shook slightly as she took a sip of her drink, the ice rattling against the glass.

“I’m sorry to tear into your new life,” she began, looking up to meet Xander’s gaze. “I know that when you left, you didn’t want to be found.”

“It’s alright, really,” Xander insisted, leaning forward and giving her a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t running away from
you.”

“Glinda,” Spike spoke gently, but with authority, “ you’ve done nothing wrong, pet. But we need to know what’s going on. Why did you track us down?”

How did you track us down?” Xander asked.

“I found your letters,” Tara explained. “The ones you wrote to Giles. I found them while we were searching his things for…a cure.”

“A cure for what?” Xander asked suspiciously, instantly aware that he didn’t
want to know the answer but terribly afraid he already did.

“For Giles,” the witch explained, a tear falling from the corner of her eye and slipping down her cheek, onto her folded hands. “He’s dying, Xander.”



…Do you know, that every time you're near everybody else seems far away. So can you come and make them disappear? Make them disappear and we can stay…


Spike kissed him possessively as he laid him down on his back against the down pillows and chenille blankets covering the bed and spread his body on top of him. Rocking his hips against Xander’s, rubbing their cocks together, he was careful not to lose contact with the human, making sure Xander knew he was there, knew he wouldn’t leave him. He would never leave him.

Xander’s back arched sharply as Spike massaged his cock with one cold hand, his other trailing first to cup and roll his balls gently and then to find that tender spot of entry. With one sharp but soothing finger, he rubbed the sensitive area, loosening up the muscle that was clamped shut against him. Xander bucked his hips up, growling in anticipation. With tears still on his cheeks, his brown eyes opened and looked up at Spike, full of sadness and longing. In the candlelight they looked almost amber, and the flickering shadows gave the illusion that amber could bleed.

Spike pressed one finger inside the warmth of Xander’s body while claiming his lips again. Xander was whimpering against the kiss, melting against Spike’s touch. He felt both cold and hot at once, as traveling shivers wrung the sweat from all his pores.

Xander was babbling with a scratchy, hoarse voice that made him sound even sexier. His words were full of longing and smacked of desperation. Each muttered syllable was like a thousand rays of sunlight against Spike’s skin. His pain sang out in a chorus of husky shudders.

Xander momentarily felt empty, alone, as Spike withdrew his finger. Quickly, one was replaced with three, pressing slowly but incessantly into him, stretching him, making him ready.

“Don’t leave me, Spike.” Xander was crying again, arching his hips to meet the thrusting of Spike’s fingers. “I need it, Spike. Need you.

Spike slid his fingers out and reached up, propping Xander’s legs against his chest. After positioning his ready cock at Xander’s entrance, Spike murmured, “Look at me, pet. Don’t take your eyes off mine. I want you to know this is me,” he explained, his voice nearly as hoarse as Xander’s. “I need you to know how much I love you.”

In one swift stab of pleasure and pity, Spike was buried deep inside him, where he waited and watched as Xander winced and relaxed around him.

… And I search through every face without a single trace, of the person the person that I need…



“What!?” Xander cried, feeling Spike’s hand clamp tight on his shoulder again. “What are you talking about!?”

“I’m not telling this right,” Tara mumbled. “There’s…it’s bad, Xander.”

“Tara, please, tell me what’s going on,” Xander begged.

Taking another unsteady sip of her drink, Tara met his gaze again, tears staining her porcelain blue eyes.

“About a month ago,” Tara began, “right after you left, weird things started happening.” She laughed bitterly. “Weird, even for Sunnydale. All over town, people just started to fall down in the middle of whatever they were doing.” She took another drink. Xander didn’t remember her drinking very often, if ever, in the time he’d known her. “Anyway, at first it just seemed like everyone was passing out, fainting, you know.”

Xander nodded, noticing out of the corner of his eye as Spike inched his chair closer to his own, his hand moving from his arm to around his shoulders. Tara smiled faintly as she saw this.

“But then, when people pass out they usually wake up, unless they hit their head or something,” she continued. “These people weren’t waking up. The few that didn’t…that didn’t die right away were examined, and the doctors found out that they were asleep. Not in comas or concussions or anything, just…sleeping. Even stranger, they were all dreaming, and from the REM activity and their sleep behavior – kicking, lunging out, that kind of stuff - it seems like they were having nightmares.”

Xander felt the bottom of his stomach fall out, and his heart drop into the abyss created.
Nightmares!? “What kind of nightmares?” he asked.

“We-we don’t know. They never woke up. But we, uh, we have a hunch it’s all the same nightmare – a sort of shared nightmare. All of the victims were displaying the same behavior, everything from the timing of their turning to them all having the same heart rates, breathing patterns. The ones that died all shared the same diagnosis: heart attack, but only after falling down, asleep.”

“All of these people fell…uh, asleep at the same time?” Xander puzzled.

“That’s just it – it happened in stages. No two people fell asleep at the same time, at least not that we know of. And, other than the symptoms, the victims don’t seem to share any common bond or connections. It’s totally random. Some people died right away, some people slept for a while – a few weeks, even, before suffering a heart attack and passing on. There are a few that are even still just dreaming.”

“And…” Xander whispered, biting down hard on his cheek to keep from throwing up. The bottom of his stomach had returned, and was pressing its contents up into his throat.

“The Watcher?” Spike asked for Xander.

“A couple of days ago, we were researching, trying to find out what was going on. Giles had gone into his office to get a fresh cup of tea, and we heard a crash, glass breaking.” Tara’s words were running together, like she was trying to say them as fast as she could or she wouldn’t be able to say them at all. “When we found him, he was out cold. It was like he just…passed out. We…um, we’ve been running around since then trying to find a cure for this, a way to wake him up – wake everyone up - but nothing seems to be working. It was when we were going through his papers and his confidential files that I found all the letters you wrote.”

Xander nodded, untrusting of his voice.

“Don’t, uh, don’t worry, though. Buffy didn’t see them; I hid them away before she got a look at them. She doesn’t know I’m here now.”

“She’s not the one we’re worried about, Glinda,” Spike said, giving her a knowing look.

“What – what about Willow?” Xander found his voice, small and timid as it was at the moment. “Did she see them…does she know where we are?”

“She didn’t see the letters,” Tara confirmed. “I don’t know if she knows where you are, though. I haven’t…seen her.”

“What do you mean?” Xander asked, his mind racing to solve a Rubik’s Cube that had too many sides and not enough colors.

“She’s missing,” Tara explained, her shy face cracking into a thousand miserable pieces as the tears flowed freely from her swollen eyes. “No one’s seen her. Not since the night you left.”



… Do you know, that every time you're near everybody else seems far away. So can you come and make them disappear? Make them disappear and we can stay…


As Spike ground into him, Xander let his mind empty its contents. He focused only on the sweet white face above him. That tortured smile, those searching eyes, that too-long moonlight colored hair, soft and ungelled, falling in curls against Xander’s face. Pale lips pressed against his own and strong legs flexed beneath him. Spike’s wandering fingers snapped Xander’s nipples to attention, and he gulped the too-warm air, shaking the sweat off his brow. His entire body sighed as Spike wrapped a clever hand around Xander’s cock, squeezing it tightly and pulling hard on it.

“Do you even know how beautiful you are?” Spike asked as he shifted his position, causing Xander’s vision to blur slightly and his heart to race even faster. “My beautiful, tragically broken boy. My love.”

… There's a pain that sleeps inside, sleeps with just one eye, and awakens, the moment that you're near…



“She came back to the Magic Box after going to find you,” Tara explained, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse. “She was…Goddess, like I’ve never seen her before. She was so
angry. It was like, it wasn’t even her anymore, you know?”

Xander only nodded, as he remembered how she’d looked the last time he’d seen her. He remembered how hurt he was that she couldn’t understand it, couldn’t accept it. How guilty he felt for hurting her so much.

“She accused Buffy of warning you. She told her to stay out of it, that if she was too blind to see how wrong this was, she should just leave it alone or she would make sure Buffy was blind to everything.”

“Bet that went over well,” Spike huffed, “threatening the slayer like that.”

“Not so much, no.” Tara finished the rest of her drink. “They had this huge fight. First they were shouting at each other, and then Willow…she started spelling at Buffy. If Giles hadn’t stepped in when he did…”

“Wait.” Xander cringed. “Willow was using
magic against Buffy!?”

“I knew one day she’d magic the wrong person,” Spike interjected.

“I don’t know what she had planned to do – I didn’t recognize the spell, but I think Giles did. He stepped between the two of them and cast a spell of his own. He told me later that it was a sanctuary spell, throwing a net over the shop that no one could cast a spell under. Willow was so upset…so pissed off. She left, practically taking the door with her. No one’s seen her since then. All of her stuff is still at home, nothing’s missing, so she hasn’t been there. It’s been over a month, and there’s been…nothing.”

“Jesus,” Xander finally muttered after a few minutes of silent reflection.

“I…I thought you should know,” Tara replied, glancing between the two of them. “I thought you would
want to know.”

“You were right,” Xander replied, though he wasn’t so sure. What could he do about this? He was thousands of miles away, and a hundred thousand miles away from that life.

“I should get back.” Tara stood up.

“We’ll be on the next flight back,” Spike said, standing as well, pulling Xander with him. At the surprise on Xander’s face, he smiled faintly. “We can’t do much here. We’ll have to go back and fix this so we can get on with our lives again,” he explained.

Xander couldn’t voice his words, but settled for a deep kiss. When he turned back to Tara, he saw that she was crying again.

“You shouldn’t come back, Xander, Spike. You should stay as far away as possible.”

“Well, that’s the best invitation to Sunnydale I think I’ve ever heard,” Xander joked. “Isn’t that the town motto?”

“There’s…there’s other stuff, too, Xander,” Tara said, dropping her head again.

More?” he asked.

“Your parents…” She trailed off. “They both fell asleep, too. At the beginning. Your mom is still sleeping, but your dad…I guess his heart couldn’t take it. He’s gone, Xander.”



…And I search through every face without a single trace, of the person, the person that I need…


Xander felt it in his chest first. From there it spread quickly to the hair on his head and the tips of his toes. His fingers clenched Spike’s taut back as his breath hitched. Fire tore through his veins followed by freon. Half a second later his cock burst, spewing molten cum against his chest, neck, face. Above him and inside him, he could feel Spike tense and shudder, shiver, as his own aching erection spent its thick load deep inside Xander.

Spike collapsed onto him, all of his muscles loose and wobbly, panting against Xander’s ear. Xander’s tears dried as Spike’s fingers wound themselves through his hair and their lips found each other again.



That night, as they slept, arms wrapped protectively around each other, Xander dreamed. He dreamed of sunny days filled with little league and Boy Scouts, of summer weekends filled with camping and cook-outs, of fishing trips and mountain trails.

He dreamed of the father he never had.

… Do you know, that every time you're near everybody else seems far away? So can you come and make them disappear. Make them disappear and we can stay…*


Lyrics in this chapter are from:
* Disappear by Hoobastank
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