Mrs. Muir (whenbuffysmiles) wrote in bloodclaim,
Mrs. Muir

Update to Realizing You

Title: Realizing You
Author: Mrs. Muir
Pairing: Spike / Xander
Rating: NC-17 (Adults Only!!)
Feedback: If you’d like…I’d like
Beta: _sharvie_”>
Summary: Xander turns to Spike when his home life falls apart and in a moment of desperate loneliness they cross the boundaries of friendship. Together and apart they travel a rocky path to manhood and to the truth of their hearts.
Warnings: Underage, All human
Disclaimer: All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and whoever else can lay claim to them. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

Previous chapters can be found here

and the new chapter 3 can be found

Chapter 3

Spike shuffled his feet as he waited for the others by his car. After tossing his backpack into the front seat, he reached for the cigarettes in his coat pocket. Maybe a shot of nicotine would bring his nerves back to a manageable level. Rarely in his life did he allow himself to feel this much emotion. Well, not since Cecily dissed him in front of everyone at the freshman dance. That was the same night he met Drusilla, changed his name to Spike, and lost his virginity along with his willingness to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Maybe he wanted to for Xander, but he wasn’t ready to yet. In the harsh light of day and after returning to the reality of his life at school, the previous night was more of a dream. He kept trying to tell himself it was a sex thing and that their friendship was the cause of the affection he feeling.

It had to be because he wasn’t gay. Girls were his thing. No other boy had caught his eye or his dick’s attention. Only Xander. Maybe it was horniness. It had been a while since he’d gotten laid. Closing his eyes, he leaned back on his car, taking a deep drag on his cigarette as he realized he’d been trying to rationalize away the yearning he felt. Acceptance, if possible, would come by spending more time with Xander and exploring the new feelings. Pleasure spread through him as he fantasized about doing just that.

“Hey Spikey,” Buffy’s voice broke into his thoughts making him open his eyes.

“Hello Slayer,” Spike said, referring to Buffy by his nickname for her. A reference to all the hearts she broke without any real malice. She was just too cute for words, and once he wanted to love her, but it didn’t last beyond one hot make out session. Their friendship was too important to him to be the one to take her virginity. That he would leave to someone who she could really love. “Where’s the other two?”

“Willow went to pick up Xander’s homework,” Buffy said, leaning on the car beside him. “Mr. Harris came to pick him up during fourth period.”

“Ah, shit.”

“Yeah, Xan said he spent last night with you.” Buffy held her books against her body like a shield. She turned a concerned gaze to him. “Was it bad?”

“A beating,” Spike said, staring at the ground. He dropped his cigarette, grinding it out with his shoe. “The usual.”

“I’d love to beat the shit out of that bastard.”

Spike laughed. “Yeah right, do you really think a little thing like you could do damage to Mr. Harris.”

“I’d sneak up on him from the back with a baseball bat and just lay him out with a blow to the head. Then I’d tie him up and just whale on him for awhile.”

She was serious. There wasn’t any laughter in her voice. Actually, it trembled with the emotions behind her words. Spike threw his arm around her shoulders, tugging her closer. He kissed her cheek. “Wish I could too.”

“Wish you could what?” Willow asked, as she rounded the back of the car.

“Turn Mr. Harris into a bloody pulp,” Buffy answered.

“Whoa,” Willow said, stopping beside Spike. “What happened?”

“Nothing new,” Spike said. “Same shit different day.” He opened his car door. “Ready to ride, ladies?”

“Can we stop by Xander’s so I can give him his homework?” Willow asked, slipping by Spike to crawl into the backseat.

“Thank you,” Spike muttered, plopping into the driver’s seat. He turned the ignition on as Buffy got into the front seat beside him.

“For what?” Buffy asked.

“Nothing pet,” Spike said, reaching over to tug on her hair. “Well, maybe for the company of two such hot girls.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and Willow giggled while Spike felt relief. They didn’t suspect that he was grateful for the excuse to check on Xander without having to be the one to initiate it. No matter how close to or how much he trusted the girls; he wasn’t ready to spill the beans on the new relationship with the fourth member of their group. Right now, he was only concerned about finding out how Xander was doing and God help that asshole of a father if Xander wasn’t all right.


Something was up. Buffy could feel it. It wasn’t that Xander was in trouble again, or that they were checking up on him. It was Spike. He was all nervous and shy acting. Since he’d become Spike neither one was an obvious thing as he usually hid his emotions pretty well, but now he was trailing behind her and Willow, and fidgeting with his coat. She just wasn’t sure what it was, but she vowed she was going to find out what was up, but it had to wait.

“Ready?” She asked her companions, waiting for their nods before plastering on a smile. The dumb blonde cheerleader one she wore when she needed to get on a guy’s better side. She rang the doorbell. “Let’s hope he’s in a better mood.” She didn’t bother to explain who ‘he’ was because Will and Spike already knew and were probably praying the same thing.

“What do you kids want?” Mr. Harris barked when he finally opened the door on the second ring. He briefly glanced at the girls, but focused his glare on Spike.

Another clue. What the hell had Spike done now? Buffy thought as she forced herself to giggle. “We just wanted to bring Xander his homework since he missed his last two classes.” She batted her eyes once she knew Mr. Harris was looking at her. “Don’t want him to get behind or anything.”

Mr. Harris held his hand out. “Give it to me. I don’t want Xander hanging around with you three anymore.” He glanced at Willow then back at Buffy. “Don’t understand why you girls would want to hang out with someone like him.” The glare returned to Spike who was staring at a bush at the side of the steps. Mr. Harris laughed. “Figured you would prefer real men, not pansies.”

Buffy blinked, turning to study Spike. What was Mr. Harris talking about? Spike was still studying the foliage, but, after the last comment, was turning bright red. She looked at Willow, who shrugged, then back to the sneer on Mr. Harris’s face.

Bingo, was her first thought as she figured it out, and then ah shit, was the second.

“Oh, oh,” Willow said, as the light came on for her too.

“I think you all need to get out of here,” Mr. Harris said. “Like I said, give me the homework and I’ll make sure Xander gets it.”

The hand was out again. Think Buffy think, but it was overwhelming as thoughts and emotions raced through her. She watched as Willow fumbled with her folder to get the homework. Something snapped when the papers appeared. She snatched them from Willow to hand to Mr. Harris herself.

“Will you tell Xander that I brought it to him?” Buffy asked as Mr. Harris took the papers from her hand. She looked up at him through her eyelashes. “Please?” She turned on her unsure and shy girl act. “I hope you’ll change your mind about me seeing Xander again. I mean us,” she giggled. “I’ve been trying real hard to find ways to, even using the group thing, to well,” another giggle and shy look, “spend time with Alex lately. He’s just…,” she fanned her face as she took in the astonished, confused look on Mr. Harris’s face. “Since the start of senior year he’s just gotten so manly,” she gushed.

Mr. Harris stared at her for a moment, and then started a long leisurely look at her starting at her bare legs beneath her coat. He lingered at her cleavage before looking in her eyes. Buffy knew her friends were confused by their gaping expressions. She just hoped they kept their mouths shut until they were out of there.

“Well, I might allow you to see my boy,” Mr. Harris said, glancing at Buffy’s cleavage again. “With some persuasion. I’ll tell him you brought his homework by and have him call you. Maybe you can come back later, without your friends, and have a study date with Xander.” He winked. “You know…learn something with a real man.”

Buffy wanted to kick him between his legs. Never before had she felt so dirty. Mr. Harris always stared at her and Willow when they visited, but until today, he hadn’t crossed the line into being a pervert. Spike was stiffening beside her and Willow was backing away. It was about to become ugly, real fast, if she didn’t do something.

“I’d love to spend some time with Xander,” Buffy said, but she couldn’t force herself to be all girly anymore. “Have him call me. He’s got my cell. Thanks, Mr. Harris.”

She stepped back, corralling her friends so they could leave.

“I’ll be sure to do that, Buffy.” Mr. Harris was laughing as he shut the front door behind him.

They didn’t say a word until they were in the safety of Spike’s car.

“That rotten son of a bitch,” Spike swore, hitting the steering wheel of his car. “I ought to…”

“No Spike,” Buffy said, grabbing his arm. She sighed. “Even if I agree with you, that’s not the way to handle it.”

“Oh, the better solution is to fuck that sleazy bastard,” Spike said, starting the car. “Yeah, that’s the thing to do, be the sacrificial lamb and whore it up for that drunken piece of shit.”

“I’d slap you if you weren’t my ride home,” Buffy retorted, turning away before he could see how hurt she was by his remark. It was easier to deal with his problems then her own so she forced her pain to the side. “Don’t talk to me like that because you’re all frustrated.”

“Sorry pet,” Spike said. He pulled out into the street, heading toward Willow’s house. “Really,” he added when Buffy didn’t say anything.

“Accepted,” Buffy said, after a few moments. “You going to tell us what the deal is with you and Xander?”

“Nothing to tell,” Spike shrugged.

Too abbreviated. Spike was lying. It was way obvious, and a glance at Willow let Buffy know her friend had the same hunch.

“You know you can tell us anything,” Willow said. “We love you guys. No matter what.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Hey,” Buffy said. “I just flirted with scum to try to help you, and you’re going to go all secrety on me. So not fair. It’s not like we don’t know anyway.

“Nothing to know,” Spike was getting pissed. His mouth was becoming a thin line and his hands clenched on the steering wheel.

“Only that you and Xander have gone Ted and Emmett…yeah, that’s nothing.”

Buffy couldn’t help prodding Spike with a reference to one of her favorite shows, Queer as Folk. Where the characters of Ted and Emmett, two lifelong friends, became lovers was the perfect comparison in her mind. She could be a Daphne to them. And Willow too, of course. Maybe this wasn’t a bad thing to happen. If only Mr. Harris wasn’t in the way.

“Stop it, Buffy…now,” Spike said. “This isn’t going to end all happily ever after. Be more like the ending to that prom scene you’re always swooning over, and I don’t fancy a bat to the head.”

“Aha,” Buffy said, sitting up. “You two are...”

“Are nothing,” Spike declared, pulling over to the side of the road in front of Willow’s house. “It’s just some stupid idea that Mr. Harris got when he decided Xander wasn’t manly enough.”

“Then why are you acting the way you are?” Willow asked, gathering up her stuff as Buffy got out of the car.

“It’s bloody embarrassing,” Spike growled.

“Fine whatever,” Buffy reached back into the car to get her pile of books. If Spike wanted to act like an idiot then let him. She wasn’t going to beg for information. No matter how badly she wanted to know the truth. Holding the seat forward, she let Willow get out before she slammed the car door. “I’ll stay at Will’s and call my mom to pick me up,” she informed Spike through the open window. She leaned down on the door when she saw Spike blinking his eyes as if he was trying to stop from crying. Why wouldn’t he let them in?

“Spike, we do love you,” Buffy said, in a gentle tone. “And Xander. Nothing will ever change that. We’re on your side.”

Spike leaned his head forward with his eyes closed. “I know. Just not ready to talk yet. Not sure myself.”

Willow crowded beside Buffy. “Do you wanna hang out for awhile? It’ll just be us.” She crossed her chest with her forefinger. “We promise not to pry. We can just watch a movie or something.”

“Come on, Spike. Do you really want to be alone?”

“Okay, okay,” Spike turned off the car. “Just as long as it s’not Brokeback Mountain.” He climbed out to join the girls on the sidewalk.

“How about The Fast and the Furious again?” Buffy suggested one of his favorite movies. “Hot cars and girls?”

“And guys,” Willow giggled.

Spike groaned while Buffy laughed. Maybe the truth would come out sooner than later since Spike was staying. He just needed to know that nothing was going to change between them. She was going to prove to him that the four of them were family for always, no matter what Mr. Harris or anyone else tried to do to change things. The four of them were meant to be. They just had to be.

to be continued…

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