'Coz you won't stop talkin'.
Why don't you give it a rest?,
You got more rabbit than Sainsburys,
it's time you got it off your chest.
Now you was just the kinda girl to break my heart in two,
I knew right off when i first clapped my eyes on you,
but how was I to know you'd bend my earholes too?
With your incessant talking,
you're becoming a pest.
"And then he was like, 'Hey, little girl. Are you sure you should be out without your daddy?' Really cheesy and smarmy, like a Tuna Melt Supreme. And Buffy just smiled at him. You know that innocent, helpless smile that she does sometimes? So she was doing that smile, and he moseyed up closer, thinking he was going to get somewhere with her. As if! Have you seen the guys Buffy dates? Of course you have. Angel was an obnoxious freak, but he was really buff. And Riley is totally hot, in an Everybody's All-American kinda way. So this guy should have known he didn't have a chance. I mean, I never had a chance, and I'm not a total goober ..."
Spike tried to tune Xander's monologue out. The boy had drunk three espressos at the coffee shop where he had just started working, and the caffeine had gone straight to his mouth. He'd been talking since the moment he'd come down the stairs. Spike had tried interrupting him and insulting him, but nothing seemed to penetrate that wall of noise. The vampire sat down on the couch and pressed his hands over his ears. No good. It dulled the sound a bit, but it didn't keep it out. He tried singing instead, but fragments of speech kept drifting through, filling in all the pauses in his song.
It was almost hypnotic, the way the boy could talk this long without stopping for breath. Spike had seen Willow perform some prodigious feats of babble in the past, but they didn't come close to what Xander was doing now. Spike peeked out the window and saw that the sun had set. Finally! He grabbed his duster and started up the basement stairs. Unfortunately, the source of the gabble followed right behind.
"Where are we going? 'Cause I don't have much money right now since I haven't had a paycheck yet, and I started in the middle of a pay period, so I have to wait another two weeks until they pay me. If you want to go to the movies, maybe we can sneak in. I bet you're good at sneaking in. You have that whole creepy thing going for you. Not that I think you're a creep, although there have been times when you really were, but you *can* creep. I don't really know how you manage it in those boots, but it would be great if you could teach me some time."
Xander was going to wear out his mouth. He was going to be reduced to complete silence for the rest of his life, and Spike would be there to gloat. The vampire stalked through the twilight, trying to think of some way to cut off the never ending flow of words pouring out of the boy's mouth. It had been amusing at first, especially since his verbal filters had been short circuited by the coffee. Speech poured out of Xander's mouth without checking in with his brain about whether or not he *really* wanted to say these things. The amusement had been worn away under the flood of prattle.
Spike had had enough. He vamped out and spun around, hoping to scare the boy into silence. "You look so weird like that. Hey, I bet you've never even seen it, what with the no reflection thing and all. That sucks. I would hate to never see my face again, and you're way better looking than I am. You must miss your face, huh?" Spike slipped out of game face, slumping his shoulders in defeat. There had to be a way of shutting Xander up. Maybe he could get the Watcher to cast a silencing spell on him. The vampire figured the older man would refuse at first, but if he was trapped with the boy for more than a few minutes, he was sure to cave.
He started walking toward the Watcher's apartment, then stopped with a curse. He'd just remembered Rupes was out of town. Xander stood at Spike's side as the blond vampire tried to think of another course of action.
"And then Cordelia said Willow didn't know what she was talking about, so Willow got out this big, old encyclopedia her parents got her for her birthday and ..." Spike grabbed Xander by both arms and pressed him back against the wall of the nearest building. He didn't actually have a plan, but that didn't bother him. Spike was more of an improviser anyway. He stared into the boy's face and opened his mouth to threaten horrible death to the Babylon 5 plates if he didn't either belt up or leave.
Instead, he found himself leaning forward and silencing Xander with a kiss. If he had thought about it beforehand, Spike would have expected Xander to either freeze in surprise or push him away in disgust. Instead, the young man's mouth segued smoothly from actively talking to actively snogging. Spike heartily approved the change.
Xander was warm and vibrant, and he apparently approached kissing with the same enthusiasm he put into Star Trek and snack cakes. In other words, he poured himself into it, heart and soul. And, in this case, tongue. He wrapped his arms around Spike's waist and kissed him back fiercely. The way the boy took to it almost made Spike forget whose idea it had been in the first place. Almost, but not quite. Not enough to give up control of the kiss.
Spike cradled Xander's head in his hands, winding his fingers through his dark hair. This allowed him to control the angle and pressure of the kiss, and he took advantage of it. Tilting Xander's head, Spike plunged his tongue into that hot mouth, submerging himself in the feel of it, the taste of it. Xander responded by dragging Spike's body even closer. They were pressed together so close that Spike could feel Xander's heartbeat thudding through them both.
Spike pulled back and stared into Xander's soft brown eyes, still hearing the boy's heartbeat thundering in his ears. It was so loud, it took a moment for Spike to realize what he wasn't hearing. Xander wasn't saying a word. He was watching Spike silently, eyes dark with passion. Spike smirked. The ability to render Xander Harris speechless was a power to be proud of. Newly confident, Spike swaggered back to the basement, a quiet, slightly breathless Xander trailing behind.