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|| Bloodclaim ||
You know they're doin' it
A Consort's Holiday 
7th-Mar-2007 04:48 am
TITLE: A Consort's Holiday 7/26
RATING : Very Adult
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in
this story and make no money
off anything including
any products named.
SUMMARY: This story is a follow-up to
"What Happens In Vegas"

The newly mated couple decide
to take a little holiday.

Genre: Comedy.

The first two bags were swallowed so fast he barely
tasted them. The third had an odd bitter bite to it, so
Spike figured a fourth might clear his palate.
Not sure when his next free meal might be, he then
gulped a fifth and sixth.

Staggering out into the hallway, Spike suddenly felt woosie.
Giggling, he noticed that he could no longer feel his face.
"Xaaaander?" He called out in an exaggerated whisper.

Leaning against the wall, Spike rubbed his belly and
chuckled at the thought that he appeared to be at least
5 months pregnant, distended from all the blood he
had ingested.

"Xander! Where the fuck are you?"
Patting his tummy again he snickered.
"Xander? Are you my babies daddy? Can we go on the
Springer show for a paternity test?"

No answer. Shame since it appeared to be the funniest
thing Spike had ever heard in his unlife.
He laughed uncontrollably, nearly falling to the floor.

Overcome by drug induced dizziness and tired from the
impending daylight, Spike studied the area and was thrilled
to find a gurney parked just around the corner.

Right now that bare, small slab looked for all the world
like a rich tapestry covered bed in a sultan's palace.

Feeling his way down the wall, he made it and was able to
climb up just as he passed out.

Xander whistled and tucked the newspaper under his
'Yup, that was some of my finest work' He snickered.
'Gave new meaning to the term Toxic Dump'

He hoped the unfortunate soul who wandered into that
bathroom had a whole pocket full of those pine tree
air fresheners with them.

He couldn't imagine what the hell he ate that produced those
results. Spike always did say Xander's ass could be rank
enough to melt the gel from Angel's hair. Too bad he
wasn't there to appreciate it.

Rounding the corner, Xander froze then instantly ducked
back out of view.

"Who the hell was working security last night?"
Lab coat number one was obviously pissed off.

"Dunno. Fisher maybe? Why?"
Lab coat number two was less concerned

"Because they parked another dead body here in the
hallway without identification and still fully dressed.
I thought the Administrator sent out memos to all
departments that they were not to do that anymore."

Must not have been lab coat number two's department
or concern as he had grunted something indecernable and
trotted off in the direction of the elevators.

Number one continued to grumble and bitch , eventually
leaving the area with a gurney and dead body that Xander
had a sinking suspicion he could identify.

Finally stepping around into an empty hallway, Xander
put his hands on his hips.
"Well if that don't beat all. I just can't take him anywhere.
Now I suppose I'm going to have to find and retrieve his
dead ass."

Xander followed the retreating back of the white coat never
losing the sound of the squeaking, wobbly gurney wheels.
Down several hallways and ramps, they descended even
lower into the bowels of the building directly to - of
course - the morgue.

Pacing back and forth in front of the solid double wooden
doors, Xander gave serious thought to what he should do next.

He obviously couldn't just march in and collect his
inexplicably unconscious vampire. That would require a
whole lot more information than he was willing to offer.
Besides that, it was now very much daylight outside and they
were still trapped here. All this thinking was starting to make
Xander's hair hurt and his teeth twitch.

Another thought bothered him even more. What if they did
an autopsy? Spike could bounce back from a lot of things,
but Xander was pretty sure that wasn't one of them.

'O.k. Xanman it's all on you. You can do this.' Xander
stopped moving and stared at the closed doors. He then
took a deep breath and slamming both palms into the
double doors, marched in.

The orderly on duty was lab coat number one from the
hallway. He was a chubby younger man with thinning
red hair and wearing his required white coat snug over a
well cared for beer belly.
The name tag labeled him as "Rick"

With no hesitation, Xander marched up and stuck his
hand out to shake.
"You must be Rick. I've been looking all over for you.
Seems I miss placed a body. Yea, yea, I know that was
pretty careless, but you know sometimes they just slip
through your fingers."

Rick, who was leisurely sucking on the end of a toothpick,
did not participate in the suggested hand shake. Leaning
against the wall of refrigerated storage shelves he watched
Xander silently waiting to see what came next.

"Ha ha, yes well here's the thing. I have some other patients
to take care of and then I will be back later to pick up my
body. It's just very important that he remain in tact.
No cutty the body. Capish?"

Rick slowly removed the tooth pick from his mouth
and examined the collected adhesions.
"So you saying you're a doctor?'

Xander could feel the sweat starting to bead up on his
forehead. "Well not exactly. Although I have been known to
dabble in a little personal proctology" wink wink
"If you know what I mean."

Finally deciding he had other things more interesting to
tend to, Rick pushed off the wall he was leaning against
and brushed past Xander.

"Look, Renfrew, I don't know your life story and really
don't want too, but here's the deal. This ain't no vampire
storage unit. You get your ass back here before nightfall
and remove him from my cooler. You capish, asshole?"

Relief washed over him "Gotcha! Keep him on ice and
I'll thaw him out later."
Xander waved Rick an enthusiastic good-bye and left through
the same doors he had entered. 'Don't know why he's up
on his vampire info. Don't wanna know.'

'Well this is just dandy. Kinda like a vampire bank. Why, yes,
Mr. Bank President I do have a vampire on deposit, and
if you don't mind I believe I would like to make a withdrawl.'
Xander chuckled happily and considered how to spend his day.

'Damn, I'm hungry as fuck so a trip to the coffee shop
wouldn't be out of the question then I need to get
some sleep.'
This was working out better than expected.
7th-Mar-2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, eww...well, you can tell you have men in your life. LOL.

Oh, funny...so funny. Just wait around and withdraw your vampire. Snicker. Say, are there any around that don't have owners, I know where a few could be placed...??
7th-Mar-2007 04:41 pm (UTC)
I'd suggest looking in the pound, but if it were that easy
everybody would be adopting. Hell, I would indulge in a flea
bath with one myself.
7th-Mar-2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
"Xander? Are you my babies daddy? Can we go on the
Springer show for a paternity test?"

So, a missplaced, spiked Spike on ice. Not SO bad for Xander in charge of things. Someone can be mighty pissed when he wakes up frozen solid in a morgue.

Eagerly waiting for tomorrows news!!!
7th-Mar-2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Oh, he definitly wakes up to an unexpected welcome.
See you tomorrow.
7th-Mar-2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
Mwa-ha-ha!!!I'm enjoying this a lot!
7th-Mar-2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
I am tickled to know you are getting a
chuckle in the morning.
8th-Mar-2007 01:15 am (UTC)
*snicker* Love the "vampire bank" line... Can't wait to see what happens when Spike wakes up in the cooler!
8th-Mar-2007 09:32 am (UTC)
He will have to face Xander.
13th-Mar-2007 02:11 pm (UTC)
Why, yes,
Mr. Bank President I do have a vampire on deposit, and
if you don't mind I believe I would like to make a withdrawl.'

Arrrrgghhhhh,like bad sperm bank jokes- beautiful, lol. Although I think in my case Pup would be wanting to place me in as a deposit, lol, she's always nattering on about me, her neck, and her firm belief I have fangs, lol.
13th-Mar-2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
So in your case you would need not only the deposit slip
but the deposit bra and panties to go with?
Yea, I know, that one was pretty bad.
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