rngrdead (rngrdead) wrote in bloodclaim,

Stilled Desire #13

It's a bit short... but at least... well you'll see

Stilled Desire
Author: josie_h@yahoo.com
Archived at:
Pairing: Xander/Spike
Rating: Mature Audiences – for content and themes
Summary: Anya utters a final garbled set of words that sets off a wish that will alter Xander’s existence forever…
Spoilers: Canon is Post S7 BtVS and S5 AtS.
Warnings: M/M – if you don’t like boys together, don’t play here! *Toys* and angst too… and lovin’ eventually
Disclaimer: Don’t own the characters nor make any money from stories etc, and bow down to their original creators Joss, et al., plus all the wonderful online writers who continue to give the Buffy/Angel verse characters life.


They set up in the bathroom potion ready to be administered as quickly as possible phone on redial. Santiago suggested they try to separate the two and after some struggle it was possible fortunately Xander’s arms articulated all the way around at the shoulders; from straight to ninety degrees at elbows, knees and hips (with a little flexibility to allow legs to spread for the comfort of the user); wrists and ankles were fixed, straight at the wrist and ninety degrees at the ankle. His hands like his mouth always took on their sex toy position, hands with fingers curled to make a perfect channel and mouth in the ‘O’ position. Spike was similarly ‘made’ and neither could their heads be moved more than to tilt up and down a few degrees.

Xander had wrapped himself around his lover and had him tight both on their sides. He had hold of the back of Spike’s T-shirt with both hands, but they finally managed to pry the material out, then work out how to untangle the legs. Finally the two came apart and were lying on their backs, Giles belatedly kicking himself for not doing that prior to inserting the feeding tube, a tube which they could clearly see through the gaping hole in the mannequin’s neck, the stake obviously puncturing a hole in Spike’s oesophagus.

Minutes later Giles saw the beginnings of the shift and fast dialled Willow. They would all have to wait until the change was complete to pour in the antidote and begin the chant. It seemed like hours as Xander arched and moaned with the pain, Spike also starting to move a little but was unable to even whimper with the feeding funnel and tube preventing sound escaping. Santiago immediately pushed a towel against his neck. He knew they only had seconds before the final shift but Li Wa didn’t wait, yelled *now* to Giles and poured in the potion.

The chanting began, the phone was on speaker and they could clearly hear the wiccans doing their part on the other side of the world Xander had been aware of the preparations so had quickly moved to hold his partner’s head still as the foul smelling brew was poured into the funnel. Li Wu was careful not to allow the funnel itself to empty and a stop start in flow cause air bubbles, the last thing they wanted was Spike being forced to burp during the process.

It was a relief to see the last of the mixture disappear just as the chanting concluded, Willow finishing their call with a blessing and promise to check in the following day.

The next few hours were terrifying, Santiago still had the towel firmly against the neck but was struggling to keep it there – were it not for Li Wu holding his head fast, he might have failed. They twice tried to move Spike to the bedroom but his body was convulsing so badly that even with four helping as best they could it was nearly impossible. Finally Giles spotted the blanket that had covered the two, they placed it down beside the writhing figure, eventually moving him onto it and wrapping him tight. Li Wu had replaced Santiago holding the towel so Santiago and Xander might do the lifting. They placed him gently on the bed – at least now he would be as comfortable as could be expected in this state – feeding tube still in place.

Now holding his lover’s head still again, with the other three taking turns holding the towel, Xander was becoming more and more concerned as the contorting and thrashing continued. Spike was sweating profusely, jeans and T-shirt soaked and he was constantly in game face. He could feel Spike’s terror and pain through their soul link, but was barely able to send his love in return as he too felt more than a little desperate. “Isn’t there *anything* more we can do… an anti-convulsing spell or a knock-out potion, *anything*?”

Giles answered by putting a quiet hand on the boy’s shoulder, “We really can’t risk altering any of the effects of the spells or the antidote… he’ll,” Spike writhed again this time so badly that he bit the feeding funnel clean off the tube and began bleeding from his nose. “You’ll both have to ride it out I’m afraid, I’m sorry Xander – it is the best we can do.”

Two more extreme convulsions later, suddenly he fell still, simply twitching in odd places occasionally and finally his face fell back into its human guise.

They were all exhausted, Li Wa simply said, “I think we are done here. He still will not be comfortable but perhaps now the healing will begin.”

Giles nodded and moved to assist their wonderful helpers pack up their wares before departing. It left Xander holding the towel against the hopefully now mending neck and stroke his partner’s face softly. Giles stopped at the door and as an afterthought said, “I’ll be back in a minute – we may be able to give him a little blood now but with the funnel gone… Anyway… I’ll just see the others to the door”

Spike’s eyes had been closed since the fitting ceased but now opened the pupils bloodshot as though he had been crying and the expression still desperate and pained. He lifted a weak, shaking hand up to touch first Xander then his own partly open mouth, tube still inserted.

He tried to say something, to swallow properly, felt an excruciating pain where muscles tugged at the injury, then simply let tears track down into his hair.

Xander leaned down and kissed him, “ Oh *please* honey, they had to... they’re pretty sure she put a hole in your oesophagus… they had to get the mixture down somehow… don’t you remember? Do you remember any of it?” Xander hoping the answer would be no.

Spike just shrugged a little.

“Do you remember me taking you to the bathroom and the change?”

Spike blinked slowly then lifted a shaky hand a few centimetres and rocked it to indicate somewhat.

“What about after the change? Just blink once for yes and twice for no.”

Two deliberate blinks.

“And after… the treatment? When you were fitting do you remember that at all?” Xander kept up a mantra of please say no, please say no! but really… already knew, he’d been there and felt it himself, just hoped that Spike might have been ‘out of it’ despite his body registering the sensations. But the eyes blinked once only.

“Oh Spike! All of it?”

Again a single blink.

“The blanket and us holding your head?”

Bloodshot eyes closed once only and it was Xander’s turn to shed tears.

“Oh God, oh God! We couldn’t do anything… just sit and watch and try to stop you bleeding out! I um… oh Spike” Being sure to keep pressure on the towel he leaned down and kissed him on the forehead each bloodshot eye and the lips.

“Are you still in pain? The twitches are still going a bit… do they hurt?” The hand lifted and rocked a little again.

Spike closed his eyes, and Xander was relieved to see Giles return to the room carrying a washed measuring jug, six bags of expired human blood in a large dish of warm water and a sharp knife.

“I think this should suffice. One in the jug, we can pour it in directly into the tube.” The older man looked over to where Xander still held the towel fast. “He should heal enough to remove that in a few hours with this inside him.”

He lifted the first bag but stopped when Xander all but demanded, “He gets mine first Giles… Consort blood is the best… His first blood after all this should be mine.” He thrust out his free arm and looked pointedly at the knife.

Before making the cut however, Giles paused, “This is going to hurt you know – it has none of the finesse nor the healing/anaesthetic saliva. I will just get a bandage before we start – I will need to dress the wound afterwards.”

Xander looked back at his dear tortured lover, “Will be nothing like what Spike’s going through.”

An hour later, vampire fed and though still twitching had finally fallen asleep, Xander beside him arm lovingly slung over the lithe form – the patient still in his clothes of three days previous. Giles was holding the towel.

In the quiet he looked at the two Master and Consort. Life never seemed easy for the pair, and they *still* had to find the perpetrator of the crime against the Master.
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