Disclaimer: I do not own any of the
characters in this story and make no
money off them.
Summary: AU. Xander is a young man
living in an Amish community when he
finds himself confronted by the evil of a
STRONG WARNING: although done in a respectful
manner, this story deals with religious issues. If you
find that offensive DO NOT READ.
Special thanks to Petxnd for the wonderful artwork
Willow continued to pet Spike's head gently, as he wept
for the loss of his boy.
"Demon, it's important that you pay attention to what I'm
saying, can you do that?'
Spike sniffled and nodded.
Willow smiled and continued.
"You've been feeling differently since coming here haven't you?
Each day you spent with Xander made the change more
evident, but you can't exactly put your finger on what is wrong.
Am I right?"
Spike did not answer, but the look on his face told her she
was spot on, so she continued.
"When you first had contact with him I could see your demon,
the evil aura of you trying to surround him. Trying to take
him over. I was terribly afraid for him but before I could
figure out what to do, something started to change.
I'm ashamed to admit I should have had faith in the beginning,
but I allowed my fear to override it.
What you didn't know about Xander was the fact that the
purity, innocence and goodness of his spirit is stronger
than any evil or corruption you could throw in his path.
When it came to a struggle between spirits, you were
no competition. When your bodies joined willingly
the bond was made complete."
Spike's eyes got big as the realization of what she was
saying began to sink in. Flailing his arms around his head,
he attempted to swat away the changed aura as though it
were a swarm of fruit flies.
Willow shook her head.
"Too late Demon. His aura has turned your heart of stone.
His live, compassionate one has joined with yours. He may
have absorbed a fraction of your Demon, but you now carry
a large part of his soul."
Spike's depression only deepened with the confirmation
of something he had already felt.
"But now I'm alone, and he is gone. Why would this happen?"
"Demon, I told you before, it is not our place to understand
everything that happens to us. It is our place to remain
steadfast in our faith that God knows the way of our
destiny. It was yours to come here, and it was Xander's
to connect with you. Sadly, I also believe it is his place in this
world to go with you."
Spike's hands never broke contact with his boy's body,
petting, caressing, clinging. His face remained blank as he
tried to absorb what the witch girl was saying.
He had always been a slow train on the tracks of
comprehension, but when the train did finally arrive at it's
scheduled stop, Spike's eyebrows shot up.
"What are you saying? You want me to turn him? Are
you crazy? He would not be the same. He would be evil
and filled with a demon like me. He wouldn't be Xander.
He wouldn't be my boy anymore."
Spike collapsed with a new wave of tears. Willow put her
arms around him and whispered in his ear.
"Demon, we are short on time and I need you to pull yourself
together. If I really believed that was true I would never
allow it. But I see it. You are in effect holding his soul in
trust for him.
When he comes back you two will again share the weak
demon you carry as well as the stronger soul that is his."
Spike mulled that over and in the mean time felt he should
offer a somewhat offended, mumbled retort to a percieved
"Demons not weak. So you think he would still be him?"
He was scared, but unable to stop the spark of hope that
was threatening to grow in his chest. Then another even
worse thought came to mind.
"Maybe he wouldn't want that. Called me an aberration
once. I don't think he would want to be like that. Or maybe
he just wouldn't want to be with me."
Willow cupped Spike's face in her hands and forced him to
look at her.
"Search and trust what's in your heart Demon. Remember,
it is his heart too."
Spike could hear the heartbeat ragged and irregular and
knew the decision would have to be made soon or not at all.
He heard the sloshing of the blood as it leaked into the lungs
and settled into a broken backbone.
Willow leaned over and kissed the pale sweaty forehead
of her beloved brother. She pushed back the damp hair
and in her heart told him good bye for the last time.
Climbing to her feet she placed her hand on Spike's shoulder
"Is there any thing you need me to do?'
Spike's mind was spinning. All the possibilities. All the
hope. "Huh? Oh, yea. What will your family do with him
"The body will be washed and prepared for interrment.
We do not do the things the English do. It is against God's
words to desecrate the body with cutting or embalmbing.
He will remain here for the families mourning and service.
The community will come tomorrow to pray with us and
he will be buried in three days time, at the dawn of the third
Spike nodded, giving himself time to think.
"Fine, that's good. Do everything as you would ordinarily.
I will return for him in two nights."
Arrangements made, there was no further need for
Willow turned and headed for the closed door to rejoin her
parents. She would keep them occupied as promised,
knowing she would return to find him gone.
"I will make sure no one comes in. I can give you at least
thirty minutes. Is that enough?"
Spike nodded, and when he looked up, he was alone.
Laying his head back down on the boys chest, Spike
allowed his body the luxury of the feel of the boy
beneath him as his mind warred with selfish needs and wants.
"She's right, Demon, we don't have much time."
Spike jumped at the whispered strained voice.
He looked up to see Xander smiling down weakly.
"Are you sure, Xander? Do you really want this? Do you
really want to spend forever with me?"
Xander struggled to keep his eyes open and the pain at bay.
It hardly seemed important that he could not feel or move his
"Willow was right. You are holding something very precious
for me, and I expect to be able to reclaim it. Now unless you
don't want me, I suggest you get busy and do whatever it is you
do." Then, closing his eyes, he drifted off again, this time
with a smile on his lips.