Mrs. Muir (whenbuffysmiles) wrote in bloodclaim,
Mrs. Muir

Realizing You

Title: Realizing You
Author: Mrs. Muir
Pairing: Spike / Xander
Rating: NC-17 (Adults Only!!)
Feedback: If you’d like…I’d like
Beta: _sharvie_
Summary: Xander turns to Spike when his home life falls apart and in a moment of desperate loneliness they cross the boundaries of friendship. Together and apart they travel a rocky path to manhood and to the truth of their hearts.
Warnings: Underage, All human
Disclaimer: All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and whoever else can lay claim to them. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

Previous chapters can be found here


~~~Chapter 5~~~

It was Friday.

All she had to do was get through until the afternoon and she and Willow would be heading for the mall for the makeover. By this time tomorrow, she would be a different girl. No, she would be a woman. There wasn’t any more time for the kid stuff, she was going to prove that she was worthy of Angel’s attention.

Buffy pulled the books she needed for her first couple of classes out of her locker. She hoped the day wouldn’t bring any surprises. Well, at least, not any more after the big one of Spike not showing to pick her up this morning. It happened every so often when he got in one of his moods, but after last night, it was a cause for concern. She hadn’t seen him so emotional or edgy since before his own transformation from William to Spike.

Buffy closed her locker as she looked up and down the hallway for her friends. Willow walked to school with her so she was off the worry radar. Xander, so far, was a no show, as was Spike. Not that she was going to show any concern for Xander. Apparently, he didn’t want her compassion. He was another male on her bad list. They could all stay there the way she was feeling this morning.

“Oh crap,” Buffy muttered, when she saw Cordelia and her pack turning the corner ahead. The only way to get to her first class would make her pass them. The last thing she wanted today was to tangle with Miss Popularity, but if she didn’t want to be late, she didn’t have a choice.

“Oh well,” Buffy sighed.

With all the bad vibes building, it would seem the day was going to be a bust anyway. She ducked her head, hoping they wouldn’t notice her, but once again, it would seem fate had it out for her. Cordelia’s voice got louder when Buffy tried to skirt around them.

“Yeah,” Cordelia said. “Angel called me last night.” She giggled dramatically. “We talked for over an hour.”

“What about?” One of her sheep asked in breathless anticipation.

Buffy wanted to throw up, but her feet slowed to hear the answer.

Cordelia waved a hand. “Oh, about nothing and everything. He was hinting around about the winter formal. Silly boy better hurry up before someone else asks me to go.”

Tears stung Buffy’s eyes while a large lump took up residence in her throat. How could Angel want such a vapid whore when Buffy was more than willing to love him? It wasn’t fair. She wanted to wail, however, French class was waiting. She tried to swallow as she hurried to her first class.

Willow waved to her from her usual seat. Buffy slid into the desk next to her friend.

“Have you heard from the guys?” Willow asked. “I just bet they ran off somewhere together.”

“Where would they go?” Buffy asked, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, I just bet that would happen.”

“You never know,” Willow remarked. The smile she previously wore was gone. “I was trying to stay on the bright side.”

“Sorry.” Buffy squirmed. “I’m just having a bad morning. Besides Xander doesn’t want me to worry about him, remember? Therefore, I won’t.”

“You will anyway,” Willow said. “It’s ingrained into your nature.”

Buffy giggled. “Is ingrained your new word for the day?”

“At least I know what it means. Do you?”

“Of course. It has something to do with bread, right?” Buffy couldn’t help teasing. She winked at her friend. “Makes it healthier.”

“Yeah right. Just like worrying about our friends is bad for your health.”

“Then I’m on the verge of death,” Buffy sighed.

No matter what the boys said or did, they were worthy of worry, love and loyalty. Although she knew it wasn’t so, she really hoped that they had run off together. She started to imagine their new lives while everyone else around her was learning to conjugate verbs in French.


Everything hurt. He wondered if a semi ran him over the night before and someone forgot to bury him. There was cotton stuffed in his mouth leaving him wanting something to drink, which only contradicted the intense desire to puke that his stomach was telling him to do.

“Bollocks,” Spike muttered. His eyelids were glued to his cheeks. This wasn’t good. Not at all. “Shit,” he said louder when he remembered it was a school day. “What the hell time is it?”

“It’s after nine,” a sleepy voice said next to him.

A female voice.

Spike sat up despite all his discomforts. He wasn’t at home or any place that was familiar. He was in a room that was exploding with roses against pink backgrounds. It made his stomach heave with all the femininity. What the hell had he done? And with who?

“Bathroom?” The other questions would have to wait. A toilet was a necessity in more than one way.

“Through that door,” the voice said again. A pink tipped hand appeared from beneath the comforter to point at one of the three doors in the room. “Be quiet so my parents don’t hear you.”

Spike bolted in the direction she indicated. He flipped the switch for the fan. It wasn’t very loud. Certainly couldn’t cover the sound of his puking. He tried to be quiet, but all he wanted to do was die. Images from the night before were slowly coming back to him.

Too many drinks. A petite blonde who reminded him of Buffy coming on to him. Dancing. Flirting. Making out on the dance floor. In the front seat of his car. Trying to stay on the road. Climbing through a window. Then a blur of sex that made him try to empty his stomach again.

“You’re a pig,” the voice said again. This time it was behind him. “I told you that the tequila shots were too much.”

A washcloth appeared beside him. He wiped his mouth as he turned to see whom he’d shagged. Yeah, she was pretty. Someone a week ago that he would have cajoled back into a good mood and back into bed, but now all he could think of was that she wasn’t Xander.

“Yeah, I guess they were,” Spike said. “Sorry about that.”

She giggled. “I’ll forgive you. After all, you were an animal last night.”

“Give me just a minute,” Spike said, hoping she would leave him alone so he could pee. “You know,” he waved a hand over his crotch.

“Sure thing, blondie bear,” she said.

The door closed on her perfect behind. He shook his head before doing his business. When he was done, he washed his hands and face, before rinsing his mouth with her mouthwash. He still wasn’t presentable, but at least he didn’t look like he was at death’s door.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed with his cell phone in her hand. He didn’t say anything as he looked for his clothes. He pulled them on as he located them, hoping there wasn’t going to be a big scene when he left.

“My dad already left for work,” she said. “My mom doesn’t care so you won’t have to go out the window.”

“Lovely,” he muttered, pulling his coat on. He held his hand out for his phone. “I had a great time,” he said when she placed it on his palm.

“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “I put my name and phone number in there in case you want to hook up again.”

The whole scene was too bizarre for words. A week ago, it would have been another one of those mornings where he had too much fun the night before. He would know what to do, what to say to leave both of them satisfied and open for another night of sex. He felt as awkward as he had the first time he spend a random night with some girl who was easy.

“Sure…um, yeah…”

“The name is Harmony,” she said. “It’s okay.” She trailed a finger down her chest to her belly. “You’ll call again.” She giggled.

Spike kissed her, wanting to feel the heat again. It wasn’t there. Totally absent. Making him wonder how the hell he performed the night before. Damn Xander and all of his problems.

“Yeah, I’ll call baby,” he promised. Maybe he would. If he got it up once before for her then he was confident he could again.

After all, the world didn’t revolve around his best friend.


Bypassing the cafeteria, Willow headed toward the exit door. Xander was in school. She’d spotted him on her way to English class. He hadn’t looked in her direction or was ignoring her, but either way she was going to corner him. It wasn’t right that the four friends were going in different directions. She was the only one with a clear head, so it was up to her to fix things.

She was right. Xander was sitting on his time out bench, as he called it, under the oak tree in the back of the school. He was sitting with crossed legs while he plucked the peel from an orange. She wanted to hug him. He didn’t look welcoming when she came into view, so she sat beside him instead.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Eating lunch,” Xander said, pitching a large piece of peel nowhere in particular.

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

“I have no idea of what you’re talking about.”

“Yep,” Willow nodded. “Another noncommittal conversation from you while I try to pry essential information from your ungiving lips.”

Xander didn’t even smile. It really was bad.

“Xander, what happened? Buffy came to my house last night. She told me how you threw her out. She was really upset.”

“So sorry the princess received a dent to her ego.”

“That’s so not fair. Buffy only wanted to help you out.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Xander snapped. “So butt out.”

“I won’t.” Willow shook her head. “I’m not going to sit by and watch our friendships go kablooey.”

“They already have.”

“You’re just going to let your father take away everything?” Buffy said from behind them.

They both turned at the question. She shrugged her shoulders at their silence before sitting on the other side of Xander.

“Thought I told you to stay away,” Xander growled. “That I didn’t need or want your help.”

“Not offering any,” Buffy said, raising her hands in surrender. “It’s your life. Mess it up if you want. Me, I’m out of it.”

“Why are you here?” Willow asked, a little piqued at her friends squabbling. “I mean, if you don’t want to help Xander.” She couldn’t help it. Her nice side won out over her weak attempt to be a bitch.

“I never said I didn’t want to help. Just not offering,” Buffy clarified with a sniff. “A girl can only take so much rejection.”

Xander sighed, but didn’t say anything. He took a bite of his orange while staring off into the distance. The silence among the three of them was too much for Willow to handle. They were always talking. About something or nothing at all. It was what they did.

“So, Buffy and I are going shopping this afternoon,” Willow offered up the first thing in her mind. She ignored the ‘shut up’ expression from Buffy. “Do you want to come along, Xander?”

“No, he doesn’t,” Buffy said. “I would be there. Right Xander?”

“Not everything revolves around the Buffster,” Xander said, standing. He threw the rest of the orange into the garbage before wiping his hands on his jeans. “You know, I didn’t ask you to come over last night and flirt with me and talk about wanting me or Spike to take your virginity and…”

“Shut up,” Buffy cried, standing up. A deep blush stained her cheeks. “How could you just blurt that out?” She looked around to see if anyone was listening. “Besides that’s not what I said…exactly. I was just trying to help you out and you were cruel to me.”

Willow couldn’t believe it. Things were far worse then she ever imagined. Buffy was about to cry, Xander was retreating, and Spike was MIA. Something needed to be done immediately.

“Stop it! Both of you,” Willow demanded. “This isn’t right. We’re not the enemies. We’re supposed to stick by each other. Isn’t that what you said yesterday, Buffy?” She poked a finger into Xander’s chest. “And you, buster, is the one who kept things from the rest of us and then changed everything. So, you’re going to have to let us catch up before you give up on us.”

She took a deep breath and waited for their reaction. They stared at her then at each other before turning eyes to the ground.

“I…,” Xander hesitated. “Buffy, it’s…I…don’t want you to get hurt,” he finished in a rush.

“Like you could,” Buffy said, flinging her hair over her shoulder. She crossed her arms and stared at Xander.

“Buffy,” Willow said in a warning voice. “Let him finish.”

“I am finished,” Xander said. He took a step closer to Buffy. “You think you know everything, but you don’t. You have no idea what my father is capable of and if you can’t take my word for it then find out for yourself. Just don’t come to me crying when you find out.”

“I just don’t want him to hurt you anymore,” Buffy said.

“You can’t stop him from that,” Xander said, with a sigh. For a brief moment he appeared to be considering if there was anyway they could, but then gave up. He pulled Buffy against him and whispered, “No one can.”

Buffy didn’t argue or fight Xander. She opened her arms to wrap them around Xander. It was beautiful to watch as the two let down their guards again.

“See,” Willow said, satisfied that part of her mission was complete. “A little communication never hurt anyone.”

“Shut up, Willow,” Buffy said, opening her arm to include the redhead in their embrace.

Willow went willingly, but her mind was already plotting to call Spike after school and see why he hadn’t been there.

to be continued…


  • The Love of the Bullied 22/25 + Epilogue

    Title: The Love of the Bullied 22/25 + Epilogue Author: Forsaken2003 Pairing: S/X Rating: R Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon…

  • The Love of the Bullied 21/?

    Title: The Love of the Bullied 21/? Author: Forsaken2003 Pairing: S/X Rating: R Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon Comments: Always…

  • Buffyverse Top 5 Opens in 2 Weeks!

    It's time to pick out your costume, start carving those pumpkins, and decide on goodies to share because it's almost time for the 2021 session of…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic