Paring: S/X with a side of W/G
Summary: Xander is drifting, looking for a purpose in life.
One that finally comes clear when he spots a certain
hairdresser by the name of Mr. William. Xander
immediately begins planing and plotting to win over
this scrumptious man. Of course nothing worth having
ever comes easily.
Genre: Comedy, romance. HAU
Warnings: The usual bad language as well as graphic m/m sexual
activities. Also warned of hints of poultry perversions.
Disclaimer: I own or have claim to none of the characters
used in this story and there is no profit made.
Feedback & concrit: Very appreciated and encourages continued writing.
Special thanks to Petxnd for the wonderful banner and her patience and
willingness to preread and comment on my stories.
Xander zipped through traffic effortlessly despite the
constant obstructive orange barrels that signaled ongoing
'My tax dollars at work' Xander chuckled at the thought.
Truth was, Sunnydale couldn't fill a single pothole on the tax
dollars he had paid.
The thought brought him back to his dilemma of no job, no money,
no future. A situation that seemed to go hand in hand with no sex.
Funny how hard it was to get some pussy without a decent date
and no money meant no date. It was all a vicious circle.
It was an inconvenient situation made even worse by the troubling
thought that maybe it wasn't pussy at all that he wanted, but since
he didn't seem to have the prospects of either, it didn't appear to be
all that urgent to figure out which sex he wanted for...... sex.
When he did try to give it some philosophical consideration,
the little voice in the back of his head told him that a pussy was not
the tight hole he was interested in and that it lacked a certain
bit of hanging flesh that was increasingly popping into his
Generally, though, he chalked that thought up to the fact that up to
this point most of his sexual experiences had been with a male hand,
his own, and he definitly enjoyed that, immensely, regularly, and
It was also convenient in that it could be combined with his
other pleasures. After all, he couldn't possibly be the only one
who jacked off to that guy on channel 43 who claims to have
whipped his body into shape on his new and improved Bow Flex.
'Shit!' He thought 'I need a job'.
"HERE! Turn here!"
Jessica's screeching voice and waving arm had interrupted his
daydreaming and brought him rudely back to the present.
"You almost missed it! I swear, Xander, sometimes I don't
know where your brain is."
"Sorry, Mom. You know there is nothing more important to me than
your hair appointment. I live for the one day a week that you get
to have your grey hairs dyed an unnatural shade of brown and then
teased into a three foot high bee hive glued to the top of your head."
"Was that sarcasm? Are you saying my grey hair is showing?
Cause I gotta tell you, Mr. William is a genius when it comes to covering
Xander just rolled his eyes and whipped the car into a parking space
near the front door of the mall. Thanks to his expert driving they had made
it with three minutes to spare.
Xander waited for his Mother to thank him for his speed and accuracy
or at least to get the hell out of the car so he could be gone. He had plans
for a couple Big Macs and a coke and he hated to keep them waiting.
"Xanny, my arm hurts. Why don't you walk me in and make sure I
get to my appointment then you can leave."
Xander bit his tongue as hard as he could without drawing blood. He
badly wanted to ask how an injured arm affected her walking, but he knew
the whining answer would only prolong the torture. No, it was easier
just to walk her in then cut and run.
He could apologize to his meal deal by super sizing it.
He was sure to be forgiven.
Xander jumped out and ran around to the passenger side. Now that
they were here, his Mother's injuries reached crippling proportions.
Moaning and struggling, she cradled her arm as she hoisted herself
from the car.
"Ooohhh, Xanny, what would I do without you to care for me?"
She stood weakly by the car and waited for her son to help
her into the mall.
Xander just rolled his eyes. He had seen this act so many times
over the years that it's effect on him had died out long ago.
He knew it was a simple mathematical equation.
Injury or illness multiplied by the number of potential
observers equaled the total incapacitation.
Thank God math was not one of the subjects he nearly failed.
Nope, the goal was still the same.
Deposit the grey hair into Mr. William's capable hands and
still make his 12:15 appointment with Mr. McCheese and his
cohorts The Fry Gang.
Hustling her as quickly through the door as possible, he
couldn't wait to pass her off to the wonderful Mr. William.
Xander snorted. He had heard about these ancient fruity, flipping,
flaming fags that "do hair" or decorate apartments.
They were NOT what came to mind when he came to hand.
No, he might not be sure which side of the fence he wanted to
graze, but he knew that wasn't what he wanted to chew his cud on.
Hustling her in the door and up to the counter, Xander noticed
two elderly gentlemen waiting patiently in the little sitting area
for their blue haired wives.
He snorted. No matter how old he got he would NEVER
be that whipped. What was next? Wearing their wife's purse around
their neck while shopping?
He wanted to shake the old geezers and yell
"Come on men! Have some fuckin' pride! Prop up those
sagging balls of yours and act like real men again."
"Mrs. Harris! Good morning! Aren't you looking good this morning.
Oh, hun, what happened to your arm? You poor thing."
Xander cringed as the bleached blond receptionist bubbled and
cooed over his Mother. He could feel her physically decline
beside him with each word.
"Thank you Ginny. It was terrible. A horrific car accident I barely
survived. Some people should NOT be allowed on the highway.
Thank God I have my son here to look after me. Have you met
my son? My single, eligible, handsome son, Alexander."
Jessica wobbled, obviously to weak to stand much longer.
Ginny gave Xander the required look and glanced away, clearly
Xander was crushed, NOT.
Ginny was totally not his type. Too tall. Too thin. Too old.
Too, um, what was the word? Ah yes, female.
"Nice to meet you Alan. So, let's see, Hun, your appointment is
with William, right? Good, he should be out in just a minute.
I think he snuck out back for a smoke."
Ginny giggled and whispered the last part like she and Jessica
were involved in a major world saving conspiracy.
That was it.
Xander was through and it was time for the big escape.
"O.k., then. So, Mom if you are all settled in here, I'll be on my
way and come back for you..............."
Ginny cut him off and waved in the direction of the back door
that had just opened.
"Oh, here he is now. William, your 12:15 is here."
Jessica enjoyed a sudden and miraculous recovery.
Her back straightened and her legs no longer wobbled.
Her good arm flew up in the air and she positively
glowed as she waved frantically.
"William. William, over here. See, I'm right on time."
Then, just as suddenly as his Mother had recovered, Xander
went weak. His body locked up, his mouth fell open and his
eyes bugged out comically.
His vision went tunnel and could focus on nothing except the
amazing God creature that moved slowly toward him, hands out.
Xander stepped forward to accept the loving embrace of the most
gorgeous, sexual man he had ever seen.
The only thing that saved him from embarrassing himself was his
Mother who had shoved him aside and rushed to the greeting
hands of the incredible Mr. William.