Paring: S/X with a side of W/G
Summary: Xander is drifting, looking for a purpose in life.
One that finally comes clear when he spots a certain
hairdresser by the name of Mr. William. Xander
immediately begins planning and plotting to win over
this scrumptious man. Of course nothing worth having
ever comes easily.
Genre: Comedy, romance. HAU
Warnings: The usual bad language as well as graphic m/m sexual
activities. Also warned of hints of poultry perversions.
Disclaimer: I Own or have claim on none of the characters or products
used and named in this story and no profit is made.
Feedback: Much appreciated. It encourages me to continue.
Tony Harris sat sprawled out on the sofa, careful to avoid the broken
spring that protruded through the cushion on the far left side.
Totally engrossed in the football game he was watching on his
pirated satellite system he was annoyed as fuck at the sound of the
loud motorcycle that came rumbling down the road and stopped
directly in front of his house.
Glancing out the front window, he couldn't even imagine who
the fuck it could be. He didn't know any body that rode
a fuckin' crotch rocket. Certainly not one as expensive as that.
Yet there they were, obviously headed for the Harris estate.
He felt sorry for any fuckin' ass hole that had the nerve to come
banging and interrupting the Pittsburgh Steelers when it looked the
fuckin' idiots might finally make a Goddamn touch down. On the
up side, at least it would give him someone to vent his frustration on,
so he waited.
Spike pulled the Harley up to a stop. He booted the kick stand and swung
his leg over the side. Walking around to the back of the bike he lifted
the flap on the right saddle bag and removed a thick packet of papers.
He then reached into the left side and brought out a large cardboard
With one item under his arm and the other in his hands he started up the
cracked walkway to the house careful to step over the yard trash and
what looked suspiciously like a small dead animal.
With the doorbell obviously broken and hanging by an exposed wire,
Spike lifted a leather, fingerless, biker glove and pounded on the door.
Gleefully Tony jumped to his feet and rushed to get it before his
lazy wife dragged her fat ass off her kitchen stool.
Angrily he recalled the last time he let her answer the door it was
a snotty Avon rep. She had spent $25.00 of his hard earned money
and was still ugly as a sack full of assholes.
Jerking the door open, a look of confused disgust crossed his face.
"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?"
Spike shoved the hot, steamy bucket in the hands of the disgusting
slob who had answered. Sadly, he had Xander's eyes and Spike
resolved to make sure the Son would no further follow the Father.
Letting his eyes dart quickly down to the gaping, thin boxers,
Spike quickly looked back up, relieved that apparently
Xander took after the other side of his family and had avoided
the curse of the Harris's tiny dicks.
Tony's eyes got huge as he was given a bucket of the Colonel's
own Kentucky fried chicken.
He tugged the cardboard lid off and stuck his face in, inhaling
"What the fuck is this?"
Shoving past him Spike stepped in the filthy house and tried not to
crinkle his nose in disgust.
"That's my calling card, extra crispy. Name's Spike and I'm here for your
Son. You got a problem with that let me know now. If not, point
me in the right direction."
Tony pulled the drumstick out of his mouth and waved it in the direction
of the basement then headed back to the living room yelling as he went.
"Jess! Bring me a beer, the boy's got a date!"
Spike descended into the dank, mildew smelling cellar, giving his eyes a
second to adjust to the dark. Standing at the bottom of the steps it
took him a minute to locate what he was searching for.
Xander was laying, curled up on the ragged sleeper sofa, sniffling.
Checking his sympathy at the door, Spike went directly over and kicked
the couch to get his attention.
"Hey! Wake up!"
Xander sat bolt upright shocked to see Spike, big as life, standing
right in front of him. He squeezed his eyes shut then opened them again
to make sure it was real. He would have turned religious a hell of a lot
sooner if he had known prayers were answered that quickly.
Tossing the pack of papers down on the table in front of him, Spike
made sure he had Xander's full attention then began his practiced speech.
"I love you Xan, but I need a man who will stand beside me. I want
more out of life than what I have. I want to be someone and I need
a man who is willing to work hard and wants to be someone with me.
I need a man with ambition.
You said you just couldn't find your niche in life, but I don't think that's
true. You more than proved where your talents lie.
This package is full of all the information you need to go to the technical
school at the college where Wes and Charles work. There is a one
year course in private investigation and law enforcement that you seem
to have a real penchant for. Considering your, ahem, financial situation
you are eligible for complete state funding. Wes has offered to help you
fill out all the applications and Charles will help with your school work.
Within one year you could be a licensed private eye with your own
practice, living with me, and building a future. Or you could be sitting
right here, alone, watching......is that Divorce Court? Anyway,
it's your choice."
Xander flipped through all the forms, papers, and course work
descriptions. The thought of it was facinating. It was exactly what he
never realized he wanted. It was everything he could see himself doing.
Spike held out his hand to the silent, overwhelmed young man
who stared at the mountain of paperwork in front of him.
He was stunned to think how much research and time Spike had put
into all this, for him. For them.
"This is it, Xan. Do you take my hand and come home with me?
Are you ready to start your life Xander? Are you the man I'm looking
There was nothing to consider. There was no one side against the
other. It was a no brainer even for someone as challenged as him.
His thoughts swirled and spun. Private eye! It was fucking perfect!
He gathered up all the papers and reverently tucked them back in their
Immediately Xander took Spike's hand and rose to his feet.
"I'm him Spike and I promise I won't screw up again."
Spike just laughed and led the way upstairs.
"Sure you will, but that's o.k. I probably will too. Just do me a favor
and try to keep the private dick jokes to a minimum"
Walking out the door into the sunlight, Spike climbed back on the bike
and leaned up. Xander knew just what to do. He climbed on and
settled in as if he belonged there, which, thank God, he finally did.
Wrapping his arms tightly around Spike's body, Xander laid his cheek
on Spike's shoulder.
"I love you too, Spike."
Spike ran his hands lovingly over the arms that held him then griped the
handlebars and kicked the bike to life.
Over the roar of the motor they barely heard the sound of Tony Harris
bellowing from the front porch.
"Next time don't forget the fuckin' biscuits!"
Thank you so much for all you who faithfully read, commented and stuck
with me. Also a quick wave to those who read but don't comment.
Since this story ran into November, my November offering will be a
short - very short - 6 chapter story starting Nov. 12 and running for the week.
It will star the S/X from the holiday stories and Mathematical Equations.
It is, of course, vampire Spike and Consort Xander.
The Council sends them to Scotland on assisnment.
The story is called The Legend of the Cock-ness monster.
See you then. B.