bmblbee (bmblbee) wrote in bloodclaim,
bmblbee
bmblbee
bloodclaim

The Legend

Title: Legend of the Cock-ness monster 3/6

Author: BmblBee
Paring: Spike/Xander
Rating: Adult for language and activity
Summary: This is the S/X from the holiday stories.
Working for the Council, they are sent on assignments
that require their special talents. In truth they are less
interested in anything other than each other.
Comedy.
Disclaimer: I Own none of the characters in this story
and make no money off any of it.
Warnings: Bad language. Bad activities. m/m/monster.
Additional warnings: May be offensive to citizens of Scotland.
To them I say "oops, sorry"




It was a scene straight off of a picture postcard of a perfect
Scottish night. The full moon shone high in the star filled
sky, the night air cool and clean. A soft breeze drifted
through the fields of heather causing a slight sway through
the purple flowers and light delicate aroma to fill the air.

The shores of the loch were rocky, some spots low, grassy,
and damp while others were high with tall cliffs over looking
the dark mysterious waters of the Scottish highland.

The only thing out of place, the ruin of the idelic scene, was
the two men nestled happily in the patch of high weeds.
Their rooting, snuffling, and sucking as they arranged themselves
into a 69 position was somewhat of a distraction to the locals
who were enjoying an evening on the shores of the mystical
attraction.

The old man sitting just twenty feet away reeled his fishing line in,
checked his worm, and casually cast it back out.

"Oh, fuck, Xan. Hell, yes. Come on , baby suck the knob under the head.
FUCK! Again! FUCK! Balls, Xan. Don't forget to roll the balls.
That's good. That's good. Maybe just a bit more pressure on the taint.
Oh, God that feels so good."

SLURP. POP.

"Say, Spike, Love of my life, how about a little less talk and a bit more
tongue. In case you hadn't noticed there is a cock dangling in front of
your face too."
Just to make his point, Xander pumped his hips causing his wet, leaking
cock to bounce of Spike's nose.

"Oops, sorry, Love. How rude of me."

Tipping his head forward, Spike immediately slid his lips down the needy
twitching cock and held it in the back of his throat where he repeatedly
swallowed around the head squeezing it almost painfully.

In awe and appreciation, Xander increased his efforts, curling his
tongue around Spike's shaft and slipping it snuggly up and down
pausing on every other pass to deeply stab the slit with the tip.

He could feel Spike's cock grow even harder in his mouth as his
balls drew up and knew it wouldn't take much more to send his
vampire over the edge.

Wetting two fingers in the saliva that dripped out of the corners of his
mouth, Xander reached between Spike's legs and shoved them in
the vampire's clenched hole. With practiced perfection, he found
just what he was looking for.

Tapping and pressing the spongy bump sent Spike over the edge with
a grunt. With the memory of last weeks accident involving a sharp
fang, a hard human cock, and a scream that caused the neighbors to
call 911, again, Xander grabbed the base of his dick and pulled it
quickly out of Spike's mouth.

The beautiful sight of his vampire's face between his legs, contorted in
pleasure, sent Xander into eruption also, shooting blob after stringy glob
of shiny crotch cream onto Spike's nose, lips, and chin.

Immediately Xander scooted around and with Spike now flat on his back,
Xander licked off every trace of himself, and collapsed, a shit eating grin
covering his face. He then capped it off with a deep, bitter tasting shared
kiss.

"You must be the laddies from the Council. Mr. Giles told me to expect
ya. I gotta say, you fit his description to a tee."

Xander sat up like a shot. Caught up in the passion it had completely
slipped his mind as to where and why they were there. Scrambling into
his twisted, bunched up jeans he watched the old man reel in his line and
casually tap the tobacco out of his pipe and onto a moss covered rock.

"Shit! Sorry. Um, that vortex thingy sometimes causes convulsions.
You know, makes us choke, jerk, um, flop around. Isn't that right Spike."

Xander dressed quickly and looked to his vampire who was still slowly
buttoning his fly, for backup.

Spike rolled his eyes. He had known the entire time exactly where they were.
He had seen the family with the poodle run for their car and had idly wondered
if the old man was using night crawlers or minnows when he caught that last
blue gill.

"Don't be silly, Love. This is Scotland. You ever see these blokes wrap their
lips around a bagpipe? They know a blowjob when they see one, ain't that
right MacFishy?"

The old man stood slowly with his hand on his lower back. The damp
grass always did go straight to his arthritis.

"Name's McFeeny, and ai, in me day I sucked a biggun or two."

McFeeny scratched his balls, lamenting the terminally soft dick that
flopped loosely in his baggy cotton britches.

"So Mr. Giles says you two are the boys for the job. He tell you
what the problem was?"

Spike looked all around reminising about the area. Loch Ness.
He and Dru had visited here years ago on a whim. She wanted to see
the monster. Unfortunately her patience was short and after only two hours
of finding nothing, she took to eating a monk or two from a nearby
monastery.

The resulting mob scene was straight out of a Hollywood movie, complete
with pitch forks and fire torches. Stepping close, Spike put his arm around
Xander and pulled him in close. He was enormously grateful for the normalcy
of his relationship with the boy.

Spike groaned.
"Please don't tell me we're here to find the Loch Ness monster."

Xander's face lit up with excitement.
"Lock Ness? Nessie? Really? Oh. My. God!"

Running to the edge of the shore, Xander strained to see any movement,
any suspicious ripple or wave.

After taking the time to fill and relight his pipe, the old man blew
a slow circle of smoke out into the night air.

"Ai and nay. Tis the monster all right, but one of the little lassies at the
Coven has caused a wee bit of a change. Would appear a slip o' the tongue
and an ill placed word has change it from the Loch Ness monster to
the Cock ness monster."

Xander turned back from the water with a frown on his face.

"It's a big dick? You got a huge cock out there? A monster dildo?
A magnificient meaty mammoth? Do you have pictures? I think it would
help us to have pictures. 8X10 glossies maybe. Oh, and a few wallets."

Cutting his boy off, Spike wanted this job over as quickly as possible.
If they got home early, the rest of this night could still be salvaged
and certainly those sluffers at the power company would have fixed the
lights by now.

"Fine, it's a spectacular sausage and you want us to kill it. I got no beef
with that. Point us in the right direction and we'll beat the snot out of it."

Waving his hands frantically, McFeeny stepped closer, his pale stubbly
face glowing in the moonlight.

"NO! No, we don't want it killed. The monster is our bread and butter.
The tourists pour a ton of money into our village. If you kill it we'll all
have to get real jobs."

The old man shuddered and continued.
"We just need you to change it back. Turn it from a willy to a fishy again.
Mr. Giles wrote down the spell the little witch used and said you can
use it to reverse the curse. Any questions?"

Xander scratched his head, turned to Spike and asked,
"Yea, what the fuck is a taint?"
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