bmblbee (bmblbee) wrote in bloodclaim,
bmblbee
bmblbee
bloodclaim

The Legend

Title: Legend of the Cock-ness monster 5/6

Author: BmblBee
Paring: Spike/Xander
Rating: Adult for language and activity
Summary: This is the S/X from the holiday stories.
Working for the Council, they are sent on assignments
that require their special talents. In truth they are less
interested in anything other than each other.
Comedy.
Disclaimer: I Own none of the characters in this story
and make no money off any of it.
Warnings: Bad language. Bad activities. m/m/monster.
Additional warnings: May be offensive to citizens of Scotland.
To them I say "oops, sorry"





Spike and Xander stood hand in hand on the dark shores of
the murky waters of the loch. They watched the huge cock monster,
they now referred to as Bob, and considered their options.

They knew that Scotland's economy depended heavily on tourism
and that Bob, lovely as he is, would have to go.
They also recognized the Council's wisdom in sending the best
cock strokers in the world.

The only real question was how.
How do you jack off a fifty foot dick with a cock head
the size of a VW Beetle?

Previously Bob had ducked and dunked. Surprisingly agile, the
giant erection played in the breaking waves like a sea cow, popping
to the surface then submerging himself again.

Now, however he seemed more focused, and to Spike's concern,
that focus seemed to be centered on Xander. Spike could only
imagine what was going on in that fat fleshy head of his.
Spike wrapped his arm around Xander's waist, pulling him
close and staking his claim.

Preoccupied, Xander pulled away and edged up closer to the brink
of the cliffs, leaning out over the water, he reached his hand out.
Immediately, Bob lowered his mushroom like cock head and allowed
Xander to pet his hand over the dripping, sticky slit.

"Awww. Look Spike, I think he likes me. He really is cute.
Kinda like a big dog. A really big dog."

Spike reached up, grabbing the collar of Xander's shirt, he snatched him
back away from the pink pulsing penis.

"Get your ass back here! He is not a puppy and you can NOT keep him!
Fucker is not a pet, Xander. Besides where the hell would he live? In the
fuckin' bathtub? I think NOT! Unless you have forgotten, we fuck in that
bathtub and there's only room for two cocks in there at a time. Unless
you wanted to try...........no. no. We can discuss that later."

Not wanting to be too harsh with his boy, Spike hugged Xander close.

"Don't forget, Love, Bob is really just a big fish, remember? We're here
to change him back so the tourists and the locals can have their prehistoric,
whatever he is, back in the loch. Tell you what, maybe when we get home
you can get a gold fish. O.k? But right now we have a job to do
and a cock to stroke. You up for that? I know Bob is and we don't want
to leave him hanging do we?"

Xander looked back over his shoulder at his new buddy and nodded.
He knew Spike was right. This was a big job and Giles had
trusted them to spank this sea monkey.

He took a deep breath and straightened his back with resolve.

"You're right, Spike. No more fucking around. Time is running and
we need to pull this pud and get back home. Besides, I really want
Giles to be proud of us. I want him to know that anytime he needs
us to jack off a huge dick we're here for him."

Then Spike watched as Xander immediately went into all-business
mode.
Picking up the discarded backpack, Xander whistled as he
unzipped it and began pulling neatly packed items from several
different pockets and pouches.

He then removed his shirt followed by his jeans, folding them carefully
and laid them on the ground. Spike snickered when he saw that
the boy was wearing his lucky UnderDog boxers. Leaning back against
a tree, crossing his feet at the ankles, the vampire was fascinated and
anxious to see where the boy was going with all this.

Xander next tugged out a length of nylon rope they often used for
bondage games and the large bottle of Ouchless Anal, their
favorite brand of lube. Kiwi flavored - don't ask.

Quickly, Xander began pouring and spreading the lube all over his chilled
body. Chest, arms, legs, feet, he coated himself entirely till he shone and
sparkled like one of the stars in the Scottish sky.

As he carefully made a loop in the end of the rope, it suddenly occurred
to Spike what his human's intentions were.
Jumping to his feet, Spike stood with his hands on his hips as Xander
began twirling the lasso around and around.

"Oh, hell NO!. You are not going to jump up there and jack that thing off
all by yourself. No fucking way! It could be dangerous. What if he
starts bucking? What if you slip off and slide up under the shaft?
You could drown! How the fuck would that sound? Death by dick.
I'd be the laughing stock of all the other vampires if I let a big cock
do in my human. Especially if that big cock wasn't mine!"

"Way, Spike. Unless you want to do it. But to be honest, I think
he would pop faster for me. I don't think Bob likes you Spike.
Besides, look at him. He's gonna cum quicker than a hound dog
answering a dinner bell."

Spike turned to face the bobbing, floating hard on. He had to admit
Bob did seem stiffer, the veins bulged and the slit dribbled continuously.
It was almost as if Bob knew what was cumming, er, coming.

When he turned back, Xander was gone. Spike spun around in the
darkness but couldn't see his Consort anywhere.
"Xander! Xander. Where the fuck are you."

After a few minutes, Xander returned back up the cliff, coming from
the direction of the heather fields below. His hands were full of
the deep blue flowering plants, the roots hanging low, dripping with
mudd and dirt.

"What the fuck is that for?"

Xander scowled. Sometimes he just couldn't believe how thoughtless
and crass his partner could be.

"It's called foreplay, Spike. You don't expect me to just jump up there and
start workin' him do you? We need to get to know each other a little bit first.
Now I realize dinner and a movie are out so I thought maybe some flowers
and.........."

Spike snatched the follage from Xander's hands and slammed it on the ground.
He then began stomping it, dancing on it and kicking it high into the air.
When there was nearly nothing left, he turned, disgusted, and shouted.

"It's a cock, Xander. It doesn't need foreplay. If it was a snatch it would
be different. Haven't you learned anything? The three words a pussy wants
to hear are "I love you." The three words a cock wants to hear are
"You wanna fuck?" Look at him. Bob is as fuckin' ready as he's ever
going to be. So let's do this. Are you ready? Are you man enough
to show Bob the fuckin' time of his life?"

Xander bent at the waist, dropped his drawers and threw his hands
out to the sides, his huge, confident smile lit up the night.

"Fluff me, Spike. I'm goin' in!"
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