solitudecoven (solitudecoven) wrote in bloodclaim,

Title: I Wish I Was Speical
Author: Solitudecoven
Rating: PG-13
Paring: Spike/Xander
Summary: Sometimes, we wish we were special, and sometimes we get more than what we wished for.
Spoilers: Season 7
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and they rightfully belong to Joss Whedon.
Feedback: Very much appreciated
Beta'd: By Cel

There were times when Xander felt that he was useless amongst his friends of life saviors: them with their special powers and him without any of those special powers at all.

At times, he wished that just for one day alone, that god, or anyone, would allow him to feel what it is like to have special strength, knowledge or skill, or at least to feel what it is like to be treated as special.

Sometimes, we wished we were special, and sometimes we get more than what we wished for.

Xander was about to learn that occasionally, we need not need special powers for someone to treat us as special and make us feel that we were.

* * *
It was something unexpected, something he would have never thought would happen in his lifetime.

It all started with Spike saving him from one of the regular demons sent by The First. Or maybe, it probably started when he lost his eye. Or even back when he had let Spike stayed in his basement.

Xander didn’t know, but he knew he started to feel something when Spike saved him from the demon attacking them and then unexpectedly, took him to his crypt to get his wounds cleaned.

It was all done in silence, but Xander was aware of every careful brush Spike took to clean the more severe wounds.

No mockery, no snark, just careful tending.

Oh no, it wasn’t intimate, but it felt nice and comforting.

It felt as though he was being treated with care. Treated as something more meaningful than he usually thought himself was.

With the wounds cleaned, Xander got out of Spike’s crypt only to be followed till he was at his apartment steps.

“Thank you,” he managed in the awkward silence. Spike only nodded and left him at his apartment footsteps.

* * *
The days wore on, the pressure built among the new slayers as the battle against The First became a more tiring process.

All the while, Xander couldn’t help but notice Spike’s reluctance to let him go
on patrols on his own, always making sure that he was save at home in the night, always covering his back for him.

Initially, Xander assumed that it was Spike’s way for thanking him for saving him the other time, but it was not until he was knocked unconscious and ended up in the hospital did he realize how wrong he was.

* * *
He woke up to the blinding white light, which was all his eye could take before snapping it shut again.

The next time he pried his eye open, the bluest eyes he had ever seen met his.

“Spike?” he managed to croak.

“Sssh, it’s alright luv, go back to sleep.”

And Xander did.

* * *
The next time Xander woke, Xander found himself with an armful of worried looking Willow.

As Willow told him how Spike saved his life from the ‘slimy-dreadful demon’, threatened all the doctors and nurses to attend to Xander; Xander began to wonder whether all the times when Spike took careful care of him was something much more.

He then sat up sharply from his seat and started smacking himself in the head, wondering where in the world did such an idea come from. No way would Spike like him in that way. They were just comrades, fighting an impending battle.

Yeah, comrades, that’s all, Xander’s final thought as he fell asleep into a peaceful slumber dreaming about a certain blue eyed vampire ignoring Willow’s babbling.

* * *
Eventually, Xander decided that perhaps Spike did feel something for him.

And days away from the end of Sunnydale, Xander finally cornered and asked him, “Why the hell do you care about me?”

Spike’s only reply was to kiss him.

Initially, Xander was nonplused, as he felt cold, hard lips pressing against his. He opened his mouth to yell a protest and question Spike’s sanity but Spike just took the opportunity to slip his tongue in and explore his mouth, and the only thing that came to Xander’s mind was that Spike was a really good kisser.

The confusion still there as Spike drew back to let him breathe, it made Xander ask, “What-? When-? How-? Huh?”

Spike just smiled and kissed him again.

* * *
It was the day before they were going into battle where all lives may be lost; where they were lying naked on the bed after an hour of love making did Xander finally had the courage to ask, “how come? Since when?”

At the far corner of his eye, Xander saw Spike shrugged. “When? I have no idea. How come? Obvious isn’t it, decent bloke like you, with no special powers off being a sodding white hat saving the world. Makes me want to protect you.”

Xander watch as Spike rolled on to him, whispered in his ear, “love you even,” before kissing him briefly on his forehead and moving down to his lips.

And that was when Xander realized he needn’t any strength, knowledge or skill to be treated as special, for when he was with Spike, he was.

A/n: This-well short story came as a moment of inspiration. The purpose of this story was to show that in life, whether you believe it or not, in more ways than one, all of us are special (just like Xander). It may not be obvious, it may not stare you blankly in the eye but it is there: for you. And sometimes we need not be all-powerful and mighty to know that, cause in some cases; it will eventually come to you.
Discreetly or not, sometimes it even comes from the most unexpected person in the world.

Note: The phrase ‘I wish I was special’ is part of the lyrics of Creep by Radiohead.
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