“Spike we need help!” Xander cried, breathing heavy.
“What’s in it for me?”
“What’s…in….it….for….me?” the vampire asked slowly.
“The pleasure of knowing you helped a friend in need?”
Spike snorted. “Why don’t you just go knock up Buffy then?”
“What the—how would that help?”
“Get her out on the streets at least,” Spike shrugged.
“Firstly, not that I would do that, but secondly, Joyce would never kick Buffy out even if she was disappointed in her.”
Now it was Spike’s turn to look confused. “What the ‘ell are you on about?”
“Knocking Buffy up of course…not that I would! ‘Cause, eww! Um, not that I mean she’s not attractive. She’s gorgeous, but even when I was totally gaga over her, she didn’t even think of me that way and now we’re friends, really good friends who wouldn’t take advantage of each other like that—”
“Whelp!” the vampire yelled, waiting until he had the flustered man’s attention. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“And why are you talking about sex?” Spike asked, completely mystified.
“You brought it up! You told me to go get her pregnant!”
“I did not!”
“Yes, you did! You said to go knock Buffy up!”
Spike blinked rapidly as he processed the conversation. “I said,” he stated very slowly, “to go knock Buffy up, meaning to go knock on her door. Do you not speak English?”
Xander blushed. “Oh! To knock on her door! Hee! I thought you were talking about…uh, never mind.”
The vampire shook his head wearily. “Where’s the demon?” he asked, heading for his stash of weapons.
“So you’re gonna help?” The brunette brightened, smiling happily.
“Anything that’ll get the image of you and the slayer gettin’ busy and producing a sprog outta my head.”
Xander paused, not sure whether to be insulted or not. Deciding not, he followed the vamp out into the night. The door banged shut behind them and he rushed to catch up with the blonde.
“Hey! I know a story that will get that image out.”
“Do tell,” Spike replied sarcastically.
“Have you ever been to the Fabulous Ladies Night Club? See there’s this guy there-“
Spike groaned loudly as they walked into the dark graveyard.