JenLea (bohofemm) wrote in bloodclaim,

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Fic: Coping. Prt 1/1

Title : Coping
AUTHOR: bohofemm
FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
PAIRING: Spike/Xander
GENRE : Slash
PROMPT: 087. Biggest Fear.
SUMMARY: Spike struggles to cope with a diagnosis.
NOTES: X-Posted to bloodclaim Companion/prequel to A Life Alone
DISCLAIMER: You recognize them? I don’t own them.

The biggest fear Spike has is that one day, Xander will forget him.

He realizes how foolish this may seem, but when the doctors tell him that his “father” probably has Alzheimer’s Disease, it is a fear that can quickly become all too real.

Spike’s been given the role of caretaker once more. He’s spent the last ten years watching Xander age, as gracefully as he can. He cried the day his love’s hair turned pure white…but made sure his love could not see it. How could he be sad at the fact his love had outlived the rest?

The doctors told him to consider a nursing home. After all, sickly parents can “quickly become a burden” and “most would prefer assisted living to the idea of troubling their families”.

Spike hears none of it. He cared for Drusilla, for over a hundred years. How much harder can his elderly pet be? Drusilla was cruel…unpredictable and insane. Xan…is a sick old man. He’s complacent. The only thing Spike visibly notices is that he tends to mix up words, and it’s not so much work to prompt him.

The first sign something is seriously wrong is the day he walks into the living room, to see all their blackout curtains lifted. Does Xander really want him turning into a little pile of dust?

He gets burnt from having to pull down the curtains, and then, has to explain to Xander why touching the curtains is bad.

It’s like speaking to a child.

Not even “Speaking to Dru” but as if he is speaking to a genuine child.
The first time Spike is ever truly scared is the morning Xander wakes up, looks at him and just softly murmurs… Who are you? Have we met? Then, his eyes cleared up, and he started apologizing to his lover.

Spike hid his grief, not wanting to upset Xander during his few lucid moments.

The day Spike knew something had to change was the day he found Xander moments away from drinking cleaning fluid. That one incident makes Spike consider his plan.

He can’t keep taking care of Xander.

The doctors recommend Morning Sun Farms. It is “the best assisted Living home in the state.” It kills Spike the day he signs the papers, knowing that Xander will not be returning to their loft.

The old man howls furiously. He’s not quite sure who the blonde pale man is, but he knows he likes him. His howls are angry, but mainly confused. Why is this man leaving him?

Spike is only grateful that his pet cannot see the look of utter anguish written plainly on his face.
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