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Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Series Summary: Spike has gotten himself a soul by accident. The Powers That Be want him to go to Sunnydale and deliver a message about the upcoming Harvest. He just wants to get in and get out, but will he be able to stick to his plans?
Chapter Summary: Xander is infatuated with his science teacher. When he goes to her house and doesn't come back, Spike has to save him.
Warnings: Souled!Spike and AU
Previous Chapter: The Harvest
Notes: I'd like to thank kimalis for helping me out with Spike's slang. Then I'd like to thank Buffyworld for episode guides. Also, The Witch still happened, just Spike wasn't involved in that episode.
Spike was getting a drink when he heard a familiar voice speaking with a boy he'd never met.
“Something like lobotomy?” Xander said to the other boy.
“And how many times did you score, Xander?”
Spike mulled it over in his mind. He had two choices, he could watch Xander squirm and be teased or he could go over there and try to save him from embarrassment. Spike took another sip of his beer and tried to prepare himself for watching a humiliating defeat.
“Oi, arsehole.” Spike found himself saying as he got up and rounded on Xander. “You bloody bastard. I know it’s you. Trying to hide now, aren’t you?”
“Hide? What? I’m not trying to hide,” Xander said confused.
Spike glanced at the other boys who had been talking to Xander, they seemed just as confused. Damn soul, making him stick up for the boy.
“’Couse you are trying to hide. Bloody told you if I ever saw your fucking face again, I’d beat you red. After what you did to my twin sisters, I oughta do more. They ain’t even mad at ya. But, with their best friends, fucking arsehole.”
Spike gave him a hard shove and walked off. He could hear the boys asking Xander what was going on and Xander skillfully making his way towards Buffy and Willow as they entered the room. He had done his good deed for the day. He could go back to enjoying his beer in silence.
“How can you tell if a girl likes you?”
Jesse took the seat next to Spike and watched Spike down his beer. Spike sighed, when did he become the babysitter of a bunch of teenagers?
“Well, if Dru wanted to show her affections, she’d get me a puppy, then she’d let me eat it.”
“Oh.” Jesse thought. “Well, I don’t think she likes me enough to get me a puppy.”
Spike snorted, “I should pick someone here and eat them, just to remind you lot of what I am.”
“Then, I’d have to stake you and having you around makes my job so much easier.”
He felt Buffy and Willow hug him from behind.
“We heard what you did for Xander,” Willow said.
“Was bloody possessed.” Spike motioned for the bartender. “Can we get four Cokes for the Americans? I want another one of these.” He motioned to his beer. “Fucking brilliant this stuff. Only decent place in this town that sells imported beer.”
They grabbed their drinks and pulled him into an empty table. He preferred sitting by the bar.
“We need to get you new clothes,” Buffy said. “It’s like you are wearing the same thing everyday.”
“I am wearing the same thing everyday,” Spike said sipping his beer.
Buffy shivered, “And I touched you. Oh, I hope your bad fashion sense doesn’t rub off on me.”
“You have no problem touching Xander,” Spike pointed out.
“Hey! You saved me from embarrassment just to embarrass me. I don’t think the world is supposed to work like that.”
“Get used to it. It’s how I work.”
“We know you’re not some big fluffy puppy with bad teeth,” Willow said. Spike glared at her, but she went on. “But, you do kind of work with us. This is kind of like standing around the water cooler, except we’re in a club and we don’t push papers.”
“Yeah, we push vampires!” Jesse said. “Did you see that move Spike did the other day? You have to teach me that!”
“I ain’t holding lessons. It’s my fighting style; I’d like to keep it that way.”
“Spike-foo, I’d learn that,” Xander said.
Spike downed his beer and got up to get another one.
“That’s your second one!” Willow exclaimed.
“Vampires can drink more than humans. Anyone want that onion petal thing?”
Xander raised his hand, “Me! We’ll go halves!”
“And what about the rest of us,” Buffy asked.
“Get your own!”
“Do you think Timmy will make it,” Joyce asked Spike.
“Oh, of course he will,” Jessica said to him. “You think so, right?”
They had all met at a book signing last night when Passions star, Timothy Patters, had come to the Sunnydale Mall to sign his latest book, Killing With A Smile. Spike had seen the commercial for the signing and decided to pop by, not that he had already owned a copy or had actually read the book cover to cover five times, but he was a fan and ended up in line behind Joyce and in front of Jessica. Jessica recognized him as the man living in her basement and Joyce recognized Jessica use the name Xander since he was Buffy’s friend. They had a nice chat in line and decided to get together to watch Passion.
“I’m more worried about if they’re going to find out if Tommy is gay,” Spike said pointing at the screen. “Harry isn’t exactly happy with him as it is after he ran over the family cat.”
“Who ran over the family cat,” Xander asked coming down the stairs.
The women and vampire looked at him. He was dressed rather nice to be just going to a teacher’s house. Spike narrowed his eyes at him, Xander shifted nervously.
“Tommy did,” Jessica said. “Did you leave the address of where you’ll be staying?”
“Yes, mom. What’s with the sudden parental kick?”
“If you didn’t notice, Alexander, we have guests.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be back later. Alright?”
“Make sure you check in.”
“I will. Bye, mom!”
“Bye, I love you!”
“Love you too.”
He left and Jessica sighed, “I don’t know what to do with him.”
“It’s the same thing with Buffy.”
“What were you like when you were a child, William?”
Spike scratched his head, “Don’t really remember. Oh, look, it’s back on.”
Jessica looked at the clock, “He’s been gone for a very long time.”
“He’s a boy,” Tony said. “He stays out late.”
“Well, I think we should go look for him.”
“Well, I think…”
Spike growled, “Well, I’ll go find him and make sure he’s home for dinner. Won’t be too long; keep a plate warm for us, Jessica.”
“You’re such a good boy, William.”
Spike tried to stop a cringe. He was just trying to get out before the fighting; he wasn’t trying to be good. He sighed and went into the kitchen. He pulled the teacher’s address out from under a chili-shaped magnet. He hoped the boy hadn’t gotten into too much trouble.
Spike knocked on the door and waited. He hated playing keeper to the whelp, but that boy had habit of landing himself in danger. He went to knock again but the door opened and a scantily dressed brunette was standing in front of him. Spike almost turned around and checked the address, this couldn’t be Xander’s teacher!
“May I help you?” she said.
“I’m looking for Xander. Have you seen him?”
“He stepped out for a bit. Are you his father?”
“No! Bloody hell no. Xander and me, we’re just, I live in his parents’ basement. They sent me to get him. Because, he’s been gone. Do you always answer the door like that?”
She grinned seductively at him, “Only when hot men are behind it. Would you like to be behind anything else?”
Spike grinned back, “Yeah, I can name a few things.”
“Then why don’t you come in and have a drink before the boy gets back.”
Spike stepped in; this was going to be his lucky night.
“This is all your fault, you stupid wanker!”
“I’m not the vampire piñata hanging from the ceiling!”
Spike kicked his legs and pulled on the chains, “All your fault! If you just kept it in your pants!”
“ME!? You’re the one who came in! You had a drink too!”
“No! I came in solely with the mission of waiting for you.”
“As you would say, bollocks! You were looking to french Miss French!”
“We English don’t french, we snog. There is a bloody difference.”
“Boys, please. There is enough of me to go around.”
Miss French came down the stairs still dressed in her flimsy negligee. She stopped in front of Spike and admired him. She ran a hand down his clothed chest and grinned.
“A virgin vampire. I never thought I’d find one of those.”
“Oi! Not a virgin! Had sex plenty of times, even took it a bit sometimes. Trust me, not a virgin.”
“Turned a virgin, stays a virgin.”
“That’s the first I’ve heard of that rule! Mantis demon, right?” Spike nodded towards the eggs in the back. “I’m a vampire. My swimmers, they’re dead. Ain’t got that life givin’ spark. So, just let me go and you can take the boy.”
“Hey! No! Don’t take the boy! Don’t take the boy! Take the vamp! Take the vamp!”
“Will you shut up? I’ve got a plan. It’s not a very good plan, but still a plan.”
“With enough magic, I could get those swimmers swimming again. Imagine how powerful my babies would be if they had a vampire father. It’s almost a turn on, don’t you think?”
Miss French convulsed and transformed. A preying mantis stood in front of Spike. He pulled on the chains, checking exactly how sturdy they were. It was a small area. He could fight with just his feet. He jumped and swung his legs forward kicking her in the abdomen.
“Good to see your true form, now I don’t feel so bad trying to kill you.”
“Why do you hurt me, baby? All I want is a little kiss.”
“Kiss this!” Spike kicked her again.
Buffy burst through the door, “Whoa.”
“About time, Slayer! Get me the Hell down!”
“Oh, dear lord.” Giles exclaimed.
Jesse and Willow were behind him trying to see past him.
“Did we walk in on a porn filming?” Jesse asked only being able to see the chained Spike from his position on top of the stairs.
Spike kicked the advancing Miss French, “Slayer! A little help if you don’t mind.”
Buffy ran down the stairs followed by Giles, Jesse, and Willow. Jesse and Buffy pulled out bug spray cans and sprayed them at Miss French. She screamed and thrashed around, knocking Spike back into Xander’s cage.
“Bloody hell,” Spike said pulling the chains off. “That’s going to hurt in the morning.”
Xander pouted and quoted, “Take the boy?”
“She’d let me free and then I’d go around and snap the head off the bitch. That was my plan. I swear I wouldn’t leave you behind.” Then he added quickly, “’Sides, your mum would kill me if I came home without you.”
“So, this a rescue or a make out party? I want out of this cage.”
“Oh, right,” Spike said only guessing what Xander could have meant by that.
“Help me! Please! Help me!”
Spike recognized the boy in the other cage as the one that was giving Xander a hard time. Xander went over to the cage and tried taking out the bars. Spike came over and helped pull out a few, allowing the other boy to escape. He ran past the fight and up the stairs. Spike helped Xander out of the cage and stared down the mantis demon.
No one chained Spike up then tried to mate with him, well, not unless he had asked to be chained up in the first place. There was that one time with Angelus though… Alright, no one drugged Spike and got away with it. Spike vamped out and threw himself into the battle. He dropped to his knees and put his hands to his ears in pain. A screech that sounded like a bat, but amplified, assaulted his sensitive ears. He looked at Buffy. She mouthed “Sorry”, then killed the Mantis demon.
Once it was dead and the tape recorder turned off, Spike straightened up and pointed at the eggs in the back. Buffy took her axe and hacked at them until there was nothing left.
“Looks like there will never be a Spike Jr.” Xander said.
“Spike Jr.” Buffy asked with a snort.
“Bug demon wanted to mate with a vamp!” Jesse exclaimed. “She must have been desperate.”
“Hey!” Xander and Spike said at the same time.
“I need a shower,” Buffy said holding up her hair. “Why can’t demons slay easy like vampires?”
“Hey, Spike is you know, livingly-challenged. You might hurt his feelings,” Willow said.
“Hurt my feelings? Don’t worry, ain’t got any. Come on, Xander. Let’s go home.”
Spike bounced in the shower and sang, “Jackie is a punk, Judy is a runt!”
He tried to shower down in the basement earlier, to rid himeself of the mantis demon odor,but had ended up dirtier than when he began. Obviously something was seriously wrong with those pipes. Now he was in the family's shower, wishing he hadn't thrown his only set of clothes in the washer. He poked his head around the curtain and looked distastefully at the Hawaiian shirt Jessica had stolen from her son’s wardrobe. He grabbed his shampoo that was made especially to prevent damage to bleached hair. What humans wouldn’t think of to keep their fads. He hummed to himself as he massaged the shampoo into his hair then rinsed. Spike stepped out and grabbed a towel. He dried his hair with the towel then wrapped it around his waist. There was a knock and the door burst open.
“HARRIS!” Spike exclaimed. “You’re supposed to wait until someone says go away before bursting in!”
Xander blushed and stared blankly at Spike’s compact yet well-muscled body, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I mean, I didn’t know the shower downstairs was broken!”
“S’alright,” Spike said.
Spike hopped back into the shower drawing the curtain closed. William was going crazy in his head, he was twittering about how Xander had seen him naked. Almost naked, he reminded himself. There was the towel. He blamed the soul for making him embarrassed. Usually he would walk around despite who might see him or his arse. He leaned his head against the wall of the shower, waiting for Xander to finally leave the bathroom. Xander coughed loudly and Spike peeked out at him.
“Are you almost done? I really have to piss,” Xander said.
“Oh. Well, could you hand me my, um, your clothes.”
Xander looked at the clothes sitting out for Spike and grinned. He handed them to Spike and continued to grin. Spike snorted and hid behind the curtain again. He dressed quickly and stepped out. He tried to move past Xander, but Xander stopped him and looked him over.
“My clothes look good on you,” Xander said then he pouted. “A lot better than they do on me.”
“Can I go now?” Spike said abrasively.
Xander moved out of the way, “Yeah, sure. Sorry I was blocking you.”
“Yeah, sure,” Spike muttered.
Spike left the bathroom and didn’t hear the door close behind him. He inwardly blushed. Why should it matter? He had walked around in public nude before; it wasn’t a new thing people seeing him nude. He should have run out with a towel or something too. Xander looking him over in his clothes, it had made him uncomfortable, especially when he implied that Spike looked good in Xander’s shirt. No one looked good in floral patterns no matter what anyone said. He stormed downstairs. He’d stake himself if he had to wear these kinds of clothes every day. But, looking good in them, that had to be an insult. He just wished what he had made it an insult. He fell on the couch flustered. He didn’t like being William, the weak and pathetic poet. He liked being Spike, the strong and depraved vampire. He turned on the telly and watched Passions. Maybe if he hit his head hard enough as in the show, he’d forget he ever had a soul.