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|| Bloodclaim ||
You know they're doin' it
Want Fries With That? 
13th-Jun-2008 02:01 am
Title: Want Fries With That?
Rating: NC-17
Author: kitty_alex
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Spike/Xander
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Summary: Giles left for England and Spike needs money. Xander runs into Spike at his new job.
Warnings: Swearing at stupid customers and Spike in a chicken-cow hat.
Notes: Thanks to kimalis for betaing it. This was for the mod prompt "Spike goes to work" at nekid_spike and it's been cross-posted at bloodclaim.

He wasn’t going to say it. There was no way in any Hell dimension that he was going to say those words ever again. He gritted his teeth and gripped the counter then forced a smile.

“Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. How can I help you today?”

“What’s in the number four?” the customer asked.

Spike looked up at the menu over head making sure the stupid spliced chickow, as he so kindly called the stuffed toy stitched to the top of the hat, accidentally hit the customer.

“I believe that would be meat, sir.” He turned his head and the chickow hit the customer again.

“I meant beside meat. Like what else do they put in with the meat?”

“It’s called soddin’ fast food for a bloody reason. You order fast it, you don’t question what’s in it, you eat all fast like, then get the Hell out of my face really fast.”

The customer’s eyes narrowed at him, but he ordered anyway then counted the change just to make sure Spike hadn’t stiffed him. Spike rolled his eyes. If he really wanted to rob the poor bastard blind, he’d have just leaned forward and took his wallet, wasn’t like the chip prevented robbing, as long as he didn’t knock the pathetic sod out. The night shift was always slow and Spike hated it, but ever since the Watcher had moved to England, he had to find another way to make some money and the Doublemeat Palace was the only place that didn’t check your background records after you submitted an application.

“Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. How can I help your poor soddin’ arse get fatter today?”

“SPIKE?” the alarmed man said to him.

Spike looked at the dark-haired man in front of him and groaned when he realized it was the whelp. Did the Powers That Be just hate him or did someone put a sign on his back that said “Here’s a great big git that you can knock around and have fun with”?

“Just order something, Harris.”

“I think I’ve gone into shock. I’m speechless.”

“Speechless implies that you can’t speak. Now can you please order something and get out of my damn way?”

“Why are you working here? I don’t exactly see this as a creature of the night type working environment.”

“Watcher left for England. I got no way to make money, this place was hiring. Now order something and let me get back to work.”

“You could do so much better than this. If you needed money, I could have continued to pay you.”

“Look, I need a break or I’m going to attempt to tear someone’s spine out of their throat despite my chip firing, so order something or get out of my way.”

“I’ll take the Double Doublemeat burger with a toy please.”

“Would you like fries with that?”

“Yeah, sure. This is all to go, by the way.”

Spike was smoking a cigarette when Xander made his way around the back to where Spike was taking his break. He looked over Spike’s uniform and tried to keep from laughing. Xander walked over to Spike and opened the bag he was carrying and offered the contents to him. Xander looked over Spike. He was just standing there in that stupid uniform and he was pulling it off. The way the shirt seemed a size too small and clung to Spike’s well shaped arms. The hat tilted just enough so it was off to the side, making even that stupid stuffed thing look sexy. He looked like pure sex. It made Xander jealous that he could never look like that. Spike blew smoke out of his nose and Xander tried hard not to notice how it added to Spike’s appeal.

“Want fries with that sex?” Xander teased.

“Ha, ha. Very funny, Harris. Do you do stand up as well? Because you are killing me all over again.”

“You look really sexy in that, Spike. I mean, I didn’t think it was possible; you make that chicken-cow thing on your head look so hot. I just want to lick it.”

“Laugh it up, Harris.”

“No, I’m serious. Look at those red and white pinstripes. How do you work? I’m sure you have to be beating the ladies off with stick. Well, the demon ladies. If you touched one of the human ladies your chip would go off and you’d both get fried.”

Spike reached into the bag and pulled out a fry. He nibbled on it suggestively, then slid it in and out of his mouth, letting Xander watch him. His eyes went wide and his mouth hung open just a tiny bit. The boy flinched when Spike finally bit into it.

Spike leered at him, “I bet you I could make even you drop your pants and take it for me in this.”

“Yeah? Well, I take that bet.”

Xander put his head against the wall as he felt Spike pull out of him. He had no idea what had possessed him to chase after Spike when he took his break, but he was now fucked and confused. It wasn’t the ideal place for his first time with Spike, even though he really never pictured having a first time with Spike, he probably would have chosen some place that wasn’t behind a dumpster in the back alley of the Doublemeat Palace. He heard Spike zipping up his pants behind him so he zipped himself up too. There was kind of an awkward silence and Xander turned around to look at Spike.

“Well, break’s way past over,” Spike said. “I have to get back in. Mouths to feed, especially mine.”

“You should move back in with me.”

“One fuck in an alley and you expect me to move in with you? What kind of vampire do you think I am?”

“An easy one?”

“Got me there, but still, won’t the demon bint mind?”

“She moved out after that whole musical. We had a song fight and we decided it’d be best if we ended it there since it didn’t seem like it was getting better.”

“Oh. Does anyone else know?”

“Nope, so if you keep my secret, I’ll keep yours.”

“Blackmail, quickest way to a vamp’s heart. I’ll consider it, Harris. The moving in and the keeping of your secret.”

“When’s your next break?”

Spike looked at the watch he had stolen off a table. The guy had just left it sitting there under a few napkins and a jacket. It was like he was asking for it to get stolen. Besides, he shouldn’t have complained about cold fries.

“Three hours then I’m off.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Xander picked up his cold meal off the floor and wondered what he could do for three hours as he wandered off into the night.
13th-Jun-2008 08:02 am (UTC)
Blackmail, quickest way to a vamp’s heart

It's a great phrase. I love these small stories, and I still can't over the fact that Xander still thinks Spike looks sexy in one of those outfits.
If that's not love... or deep, deep lust...
13th-Jun-2008 08:16 am (UTC)
:D Thanks. It's nice to just to take a break from my longer stories and write short ones. This is Xander who likes to wear Hawaiian t-shirts and fuzzy orange sweaters, what he thinks is hot is far beyond what we we think is hot.

Edited at 2008-06-13 08:17 am (UTC)
13th-Jun-2008 09:58 am (UTC)
“It’s called soddin’ fast food for a bloody reason. You order fast it, you don’t question what’s in it, you eat all fast like, then get the Hell out of my face really fast.”

I was laughing like an idiot when I read that :)

Can I have more in this verse, please?
13th-Jun-2008 10:10 am (UTC)
:D Thanks. I'll put it in my journal (my notes journal that sits beside my computer) and will write more for this verse later. It'd be nice to know what happens three hours later.
13th-Jun-2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
LOL that was the best quote of the fanfic!

Anyways love it this!
13th-Jun-2008 02:29 pm (UTC)
Haha, thanks. I'm glad you loved it. :D
13th-Jun-2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
*Giggles* Cute and sexy!! ;)

13th-Jun-2008 02:30 pm (UTC)
:D Thanks!
13th-Jun-2008 08:09 pm (UTC)
damn just lovely hun
14th-Jun-2008 01:58 am (UTC)
:D Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
13th-Jun-2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
Spike's idea of good customer relations had me laughing, especially bopping that man with his stupid spliced chickow. Xander finding the outfit sexy must mean he's been finding Spike sexy for a while. There's no way that uniform could ever be attractive.

This was a fun, sexy read.
14th-Jun-2008 02:11 am (UTC)
Spike in this was supposed to be the little voice in your head that every time a customer did something stupid, it would say what you really seriously wanted to. That's Spike. *maybe customer service is where her Spike voice came from* Haha, Xander knows that Spike is "compact yet well-muscled". *always thought the real reason he didn't approve was because he was jealous of Buffy with Spike*

:D Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

Edited at 2008-06-14 02:12 am (UTC)
14th-Jun-2008 12:38 am (UTC)

Spike working! At the doublemeat Palace!

Can't form other words yet. Oh here's somre Wonderful JOB!
14th-Jun-2008 02:13 am (UTC)
:D Thanks! I was kind of unsure at first "Would people really like Spike working at the Doublemeat Palace?" I'm happy to find it's a yes.
14th-Jun-2008 02:17 am (UTC)
I can be picky about fic. I my book it's gotta be at least believable if canon had gone a different way, you now. Plus I've worked in fast food. They hire anybody, and from what I could tell by my past co-workers- demons too.

Still this made me snicker!
14th-Jun-2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm a bit picky too. If I start reading and I don't hear Spike's voice while I'm read, I'll close the fic without even finishing. And I've worked it too. I think I would have been on of the people you thought were demon, well maybe. I always had the Spike voice going "Tell them that they were sitting there for two hours and that's why their food got cold! Go on! Tell them!"

It makes me snicker every time I re-read it. I enjoy my own work a bit too much.
14th-Jun-2008 02:48 am (UTC)
I think I would have been on of the people you thought were demon, well maybe. I always had the Spike voice going "Tell them that they were sitting there for two hours and that's why their food got cold! Go on! Tell them!"


I don't think I would've thought you were a demon... Just the folks who liked to get mad at me for not entertaining them with stories about my weekend. As I like to say "I'm not working this job to entertain you. I'm here to do the job, that it."

Spike is constantly in my head when I work fast food jobs. My last job I did some delivery driving- and you would thought I was Spike by the way i drove those to their destinations.
14th-Jun-2008 03:34 am (UTC)
Oh, I hated it when other workers would give you "tips" on how to do your job. Like I used to sweep up and someone tried to give me tips on how to properly use a broom. I wanted to go "As long as I'm not using it as a lightsaber, I think I'm using it properly."

Haha, that's me in the car. My driving closely resembles Spike's driving. Beware all stationary objects and welcome signs!
14th-Jun-2008 03:57 am (UTC)
Oh god that ticked me off too. the the rookies who tried that shit, forget about it!

Yup also beware of idiotic drivers and deer standing in the street in front of the bowling alley.

Did I see right in another comment as I scrolled down the page- you're gonna do more of this 'verse???

*is happy*
14th-Jun-2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Haha, did you smack them with the broom you/they were using or at least mentally pictured it?

I think they should more watch out for me. I don't know what it is about getting behind the wheel of a car, it changes you.

:D I'm going to try. *is trying to write a sequel for one fic and update her other* Then when I'm done with those, I'll work on a sequel for this one.
14th-Jun-2008 04:34 am (UTC)
OMG THAT ICON!!!!! *lol*

Oh hell yeah I imagined it. If I'd actually done it I'd been fired, cause I wouldn't have stopped.

How about the fact that you're in control of several thousand pounds of steel&fiberglass&god knows what else!

YAY! I will keep an eye out for the sequel. You'll post it here at bloodclaim right?
14th-Jun-2008 05:02 am (UTC)
Thanks! *loves it* It's my new fav icon!

Co-worker: What are you smiling at?
You: Your untimely death by broom, I mean Nothing!!!

So, it's like a power trip. My teacher always called them "ten ton bullets", I thought that was an awesome name.

Yep, everything I deem post worthy ends up here. :D
14th-Jun-2008 05:10 am (UTC)
Co-worker: What are you smiling at?
You: Your untimely death by broom, I mean Nothing!!!

OMG! I must remember that and hell maybe I can add it to a fic somewhere. Provided it's cool with you?

Yup I think it's a big power trip for some of us. Others it's a way to annoy every other f***ing person on the road by driving so freaking slow!

YAY! I'll keep an eye on bloodclaim then.
14th-Jun-2008 05:29 am (UTC)
Sure! Use away! *likes it when people find her funny*

I hate the people that drive too fast and weave around cars like they are auditioning for the Too Fast Too Furious.

Cool. :D *goes to be a busy bee*
16th-Jun-2008 01:30 am (UTC)
Sorry it took so long to reply..

*likes it when people find her funny*
I though we established that your funny earlier because of the lovely fic. *winks*

I hate the people that drive too fast and weave around cars like they are auditioning for the Too Fast Too Furious.
I admit I do this sometimes but not ALL the time like a lot of people do around here.

Have fun being a busy bee!
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