Want Fries With That?Rating:
Buffy the Vampire SlayerPairings:
I own nothing but the plot. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.Summary:
Giles left for England and Spike needs money. Xander runs into Spike at his new job.Warnings:
Swearing at stupid customers and Spike in a chicken-cow hat.Notes:
Thanks to kimalis
for betaing it. This was for the mod prompt "Spike goes to work" at nekid_spike
and it's been cross-posted at bloodclaim
He wasn’t going to say it. There was no way in any Hell dimension that he was going to say those words ever again. He gritted his teeth and gripped the counter then forced a smile.
“Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. How can I help you today?”
“What’s in the number four?” the customer asked.
Spike looked up at the menu over head making sure the stupid spliced chickow, as he so kindly called the stuffed toy stitched to the top of the hat, accidentally hit the customer.
“I believe that would be meat, sir.” He turned his head and the chickow hit the customer again.
“I meant beside meat. Like what else do they put in with the meat?”
“It’s called soddin’ fast food for a bloody reason. You order fast it, you don’t question what’s in it, you eat all fast like, then get the Hell out of my face really fast.”
The customer’s eyes narrowed at him, but he ordered anyway then counted the change just to make sure Spike hadn’t stiffed him. Spike rolled his eyes. If he really wanted to rob the poor bastard blind, he’d have just leaned forward and took his wallet, wasn’t like the chip prevented robbing, as long as he didn’t knock the pathetic sod out. The night shift was always slow and Spike hated it, but ever since the Watcher had moved to England, he had to find another way to make some money and the Doublemeat Palace was the only place that didn’t check your background records after you submitted an application.
“Welcome to the Doublemeat Palace. How can I help your poor soddin’ arse get fatter today?”
“SPIKE?” the alarmed man said to him.
Spike looked at the dark-haired man in front of him and groaned when he realized it was the whelp. Did the Powers That Be just hate him or did someone put a sign on his back that said “Here’s a great big git that you can knock around and have fun with”?
“Just order something, Harris.”
“I think I’ve gone into shock. I’m speechless.”
“Speechless implies that you can’t speak. Now can you please order something and get out of my damn way?”
“Why are you working here? I don’t exactly see this as a creature of the night type working environment.”
“Watcher left for England. I got no way to make money, this place was hiring. Now order something and let me get back to work.”
“You could do so much better than this. If you needed money, I could have continued to pay you.”
“Look, I need a break or I’m going to attempt to tear someone’s spine out of their throat despite my chip firing, so order something or get out of my way.”
“I’ll take the Double Doublemeat burger with a toy please.”
“Would you like fries with that?”
“Yeah, sure. This is all to go, by the way.”
Spike was smoking a cigarette when Xander made his way around the back to where Spike was taking his break. He looked over Spike’s uniform and tried to keep from laughing. Xander walked over to Spike and opened the bag he was carrying and offered the contents to him. Xander looked over Spike. He was just standing there in that stupid uniform and he was pulling it off. The way the shirt seemed a size too small and clung to Spike’s well shaped arms. The hat tilted just enough so it was off to the side, making even that stupid stuffed thing look sexy. He looked like pure sex. It made Xander jealous that he could never look like that. Spike blew smoke out of his nose and Xander tried hard not to notice how it added to Spike’s appeal.
“Want fries with that sex?” Xander teased.
“Ha, ha. Very funny, Harris. Do you do stand up as well? Because you are killing me all over again.”
“You look really sexy in that, Spike. I mean, I didn’t think it was possible; you make that chicken-cow thing on your head look so hot. I just want to lick it.”
“Laugh it up, Harris.”
“No, I’m serious. Look at those red and white pinstripes. How do you work? I’m sure you have to be beating the ladies off with stick. Well, the demon ladies. If you touched one of the human ladies your chip would go off and you’d both get fried.”
Spike reached into the bag and pulled out a fry. He nibbled on it suggestively, then slid it in and out of his mouth, letting Xander watch him. His eyes went wide and his mouth hung open just a tiny bit. The boy flinched when Spike finally bit into it.
Spike leered at him, “I bet you I could make even you drop your pants and take it for me in this.”
“Yeah? Well, I take that bet.”
Xander put his head against the wall as he felt Spike pull out of him. He had no idea what had possessed him to chase after Spike when he took his break, but he was now fucked and confused. It wasn’t the ideal place for his first time with Spike, even though he really never pictured having a first time with Spike, he probably would have chosen some place that wasn’t behind a dumpster in the back alley of the Doublemeat Palace. He heard Spike zipping up his pants behind him so he zipped himself up too. There was kind of an awkward silence and Xander turned around to look at Spike.
“Well, break’s way past over,” Spike said. “I have to get back in. Mouths to feed, especially mine.”
“You should move back in with me.”
“One fuck in an alley and you expect me to move in with you? What kind of vampire do you think I am?”
“An easy one?”
“Got me there, but still, won’t the demon bint mind?”
“She moved out after that whole musical. We had a song fight and we decided it’d be best if we ended it there since it didn’t seem like it was getting better.”
“Oh. Does anyone else know?”
“Nope, so if you keep my secret, I’ll keep yours.”
“Blackmail, quickest way to a vamp’s heart. I’ll consider it, Harris. The moving in and the keeping of your secret.”
“When’s your next break?”
Spike looked at the watch he had stolen off a table. The guy had just left it sitting there under a few napkins and a jacket. It was like he was asking for it to get stolen. Besides, he shouldn’t have complained about cold fries.
“Three hours then I’m off.”
“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Xander picked up his cold meal off the floor and wondered what he could do for three hours as he wandered off into the night.