Kitty Alex (ex_kitty_al) wrote in bloodclaim,
Kitty Alex
ex_kitty_al
bloodclaim

If I Were Souled ~ Bad Eggs

Title: If I Were Souled ~ Bad Eggs
Rating: R
Author: kitty_alex
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairings: Spike/Xander
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Series Summary: Spike has settled into Sunnydale and has found a place for himself with Xander. Only problem is the Anointed One has unknowingly created a major road block for them.
Chapter Summary: Eggs are given out in health class for everyone to raise, but are these eggs more than meets the eye?
Warnings: AU
Notes: I'd like to thank kimalis for helping me out with Spike's slang and bringing detail to me jumbled mind. Then I'd like to thank Buffyworld for episode guides. The episode "Ted" creeps me out, it didn't happen in my verse.
Previous Chapters: You can find previous chapters here







Spike wheeled away from Drusilla in anger, “Get it away from me.”

She followed him around with a kitten in her arms, “But you need to get your strength up, Spike. If you don’t eat something, how do expect to get stronger?”

“Bring me a human, you daft bird! I refuse to eat animals! It’s disgusting.”

Spike fumed in his wheel chair. It was William’s fault. It was all his fault. If he had never come Spike would have killed the slayer by now and he wouldn’t be stuck in this fucking wheel chair. There was no hope of recovering at this point. Drusilla was treating him like a sodding pet. She was bringing him leftovers from her hunts and kittens! He bet she would feed her William human babies until he regained every bit of strength possible. He growled. Humans, William was feeding on human blood. Maybe not from the source but it was still human blood. Stupid William and his functioning legs.

“Eat, I won’t be in to feed you later,” Drusilla put the kitten in Spike’s lap.

Spike shoved the kitten off his lap then onto the floor and watched it scamper off. He’d rather starve.




Jesse watched as Cordelia grabbed anyone but him as her partner. Ever since they kissed in Buffy’s basement things had been rocky between them. They continued to make out whenever they had a chance, but it was never in public. It was usually in some dark broom closet or in Cordelia’s car. It wasn’t how he pictured it. When he used to fantasize about dating Cordelia, she wanted everyone to know. Now he was ‘dating’ her and she was too ashamed to even kiss him with the lights on. He huffed and walked over to Xander, who was standing next to a carton of eggs. The eggs were their assignment for Health class. You took an egg home then ‘raised’ it. The eggs looked standard and there was nothing special about them. He wondered how they could tell if they replaced the egg if it broke. Xander was considering the eggs as well. He had a look of deep concentration on his face as his hand moved forward and back from the eggs on the table.

"This is unfair," Jesse whispered to him. “I don’t want to raise a stupid egg.”

"Tell me about it!" Xander exclaimed then lowered his voice. "I don't want to partner with any of the girls and Larry keeps giving me this look. I think he wants to pound me."

Jesse picked up on of the eggs and handed it to Xander, "Magic happened, you were left pregnant and you just couldn't give up your baby. I, the completely ungay Jesse, saw pity and married you so I could be your sugar daddy. The end."

Xander chuckled, "I dub thee, Xander Jr."

"Why not Jesse Jr?"

"You arrived late on the scene; he was already named, sorry."




Buffy glared at Jesse and Xander as they walked into the library with Willow at their side. She was upset. She had been the odd man while partnering up so she had to be the single mom. She did not want to be the single mom. The thing she feared most was turning into her mother.

“You’re two guys, I’m sure you could have sacrificed yourself for me,” Buffy whined.

“We didn’t know. Besides, do you know how hard it is for a single, gay man to raise a child all alone? Pretty difficult.” Xander said. “Xander Jr. needs to be in a stable environment.”

“You could have had Will help you raise it,” Buffy pouted. “You two are kind of dating, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am going to let a vampire help me raise Xander Jr. Maybe he can teach Xander Jr. how to drink blood and the best way to determine if a girl is a virgin or not.”

Buffy set her egg down on the table, “You’re being unfair to Will. Now just let Jesse be my partner and you can enter pretend wedded bliss with your vampire lover.”

“No way!” Xander hugged the egg to his chest. “Why don’t you just enter wedded bliss with Angel? I’m sure he’d be happy to have little egg babies with you.”

“You know what? Fine. Angel would probably make a much better dad than either of you.”

Giles came in from his office, “Are we talking about Angel? Because there is some interesting information I found on him while going over the Watcher’s journals.”

Giles went to put the book he was carrying down, not seeing Buffy’s egg. She snatched it away before Giles could smash it.

“You almost failed me and killed Eggbert!”

“Eggbert?” Giles asked confusion ringing in his voice.

“It’s a class project, don’t ask.”

“Ah, right.” He took off his glasses and polished them. “Well, I was looking and as you know, Angelus is well over two hundred years old.”

“I thought we said we’d stop researching Angel?”

“We did?”

“Okay, no, but it was assumed.”

“Well, he is hardly one to share his past.”

“Will doesn’t share anything about his past!”

“Hey, Will is not on trial here. You ask him, he tells. Well, if you pay him, but he’s broke and a man has to make a living. It’s not like he can just go out and get a job.” Xander defended.

“Whatever,” Buffy huffed. “Defend Will all you want. You’re just a hypocrite. I’m going to go out patrolling. You do all the research you want on Angel or Angelus. Whoever the hell you think he is.”

Buffy stormed out of the library.

“Yeah!” Xander called after her. “If you want to arrange a play date with Xander Jr. you can just forget it now.”

“Harsh,” Jesse commented.

Xander blushed, “Shut up. Let’s just go to my place and take care of Xander Jr.”




William watched Jesse and Xander in the kitchen; they were huddled around the stove staring into a pot.

"Your mum said I had to stop you from killing your child?" William asked curiously.

"You're eight minutes too late," Xander said looking for tongs.

"I see. Boiled them to death?"

Jesse took the tongs from Xander and fished out what was in the pot.

"No, see." He pulled out an egg and showed it to William. "It's ingenious. We won't have to worry about it breaking. It's for a class project. We take care of this egg then get a grade and a good one if it's in good condition."

"What about when you have to turn it in? Will they not notice it is ummm... cooked?"

Jesse and Xander looked at each other with worried expressions on their faces.

"We never thought of that!" Xander said the panic in his voice was clear.

"Can I see the egg?" William said extending his hand.

"It's still a bit hot." Jesse said dropping the egg in William's hand.

William looked over the egg and went into the fridge. He moved items around until he found the carton of eggs. He pulled one out and compared, they were identical. He closed the fridge and handed the two their new child.

"Try not to hard boil this one, alright?"

"Alright, but this one is Jesse Jr." Jesse said.

Xander looked at the other egg in William's hand, "Can I have that one? Just in case I get hungry later."

William tossed it to him and Xander struggled to catch it.

"When it gets old and you get sick after eating it, do not expect me to care for you."

"I will puke in the comforts of my own room. Besides, you say that now, but I know you’d be right there holding the bucket if I did get sick."




Xander moaned into Will’s mouth as Will deepened the kiss. They were laying on Will’s pulled out bed in the basement, trying desperately to devour each other’s mouths. They had been dating ever since Will was rescued from Spike. Xander pushed Will back as he felt a finger trying to get at the zipper on his jeans.

“Hey! No sex!” Xander said.

Will gave him the look. It was the look that said, “You’ve done this with Spike but you won’t do this with me?” combined with “It’s technically not even sex, just going to jerk you off.”

“Aren’t supposed to be chaste and virginal?”

“I am a Victorian, not a priest.” Will rolled off Xander and onto his back. “I am not some big prude. I know what I am doing. I have been doing it for over a hundred years. Besides, you were the one talking about Sex Education anyway. I heard experience cannot be learned from a textbook. Who would be a better teacher than me?”

“It’s not Sex Ed. It’s Health class. And I was talking about hormones and pregnancy.”

“You have a lot of hormones,” Will pointed out. “And you cannot get pregnant. I think we should shag just to make sure. You know, for science.”

“When did you get replaced with the horny vampire from Hell?”

“Was always the horny vampire from Hell, you did not notice?”

“No, you’re supposed to be the soul. What happened to ‘Let’s wait’?”

“That was last year and I remember being dragged into bed and coaxed into shagging you frantically. Wait,” Will narrowed his eyes. “You are counting that as a Spike shag!”

“No, you’re just over reacting.”

“Get the fuck out.”

“What did you say?”

“I said get the fuck out of my flat. Are you deaf or is it my lack of proper tone that is throwing you?”

“You’re always over reacting. Spike shag, Will shag, what’s the difference?”

“EXACTLY MY POINT!”

“Fine, fuck me, ravish me. Oh, baby. Oh, baby,” Xander said flatly.

“Now you are just being an amazing arse about all this.”

“You know what; I have to get to bed. I have school tomorrow.”

Will crossed his arms and watched Xander storm up the stairs. The door slammed and hunger hit him. He got up and opened his fridge. He stared at the blood packet; he grabbed a few and made his way out the door.




Spike lolled his head back in the chair. There was nothing on the telly and all his books were downstairs. Dru hadn’t even bothered to bring any up for him before she left.

“Dear lord,” a voice behind him said. “Knew you were not dead, but this is- this is not what I expected.”

Spike recognized the voice as William’s, “Got your peek of the disabled vamp, you can go now. Bring that boy with you? I could use a bloody snack.”

Spike listened to the movement behind him and watched William make his way to the front of the wheel chair. He held out a bag of blood to Spike. He raised an eyebrow and took it.

“So, what? Being all brother vamp now? Want me all better so we can go spill the blood of the innocent together?”

“If that was the case, I would have brought you an innocent. But, you are on death’s door. If you do not eat soon, you will probably be dust. Go on, then you can have some of my blood.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“My secret, but as soon as your legs start working again, I want you out of town and I never ever want you to come near Xander again. Do you understand me?”

“What’s so special about the whelp anyway,” Spike asked ripping into the blood packet.

He began to drink and William sat on the ground in front of him. The identical blue eyes stared up at him with a smile that was usually reserved for when they were talking about their sires.

“He is amazing. He has so much heart. He may say the wrong words and complain constantly, but he always throws himself in front of danger and tries to protect everyone, even us. We are all weak compared to him. He is a mere mortal and yet he would gladly take hits meant for a vampire or a slayer. You must see it too or you would not keep trying to turn him.”

Spike threw the packet aside and held his hand out for another one, “Dru asked me too.”

William put it in his hand, “I doubt Dru would have noticed if you did or did not confront Xander in the church.”

“I see. You think I got a wee crush on your Xanny-bear, well sorry to burst your bubble, but I don’t. Thanks for the blood, I’ll be happy to be out of your way once I’m better. The whelp does nothing for me.”

He began to drink and William watched him. He hated when William watched him. It made him feel like he was under a microscope or looking into a mirror. He should have scarred the left side; it would have been a lot less creepy.

“We love too much,” William commented solemnly. “We loved Drusilla too much; we loved Angelus too much, now we love Xander too much.”

Spike finished the rest of the back, “I still love Dru very much so. Angelus, well, he’s old news. I don’t love Xander, for the last time, stop saying it. We’re different now, Will. Only thing we have in common is we’re both vampires.”

William stood up, “Here I thought I would help you out, get you out of that wheel chair and out of this God forsaken town, but I guess I thought wrong.”

“You promised me your blood!”

“Yeah, well, I am a vampire. I tend to lie.”

“I don’t know when I’ll get to feed again. Dru ain’t feeding me right. Puppies and kittens, all she’ll bring me. Don’t make me beg.”

William sighed, “Alright. You try anything, wouldn’t put it past you to-”

“Not while I’m in a wheel chair, Will. Wouldn’t be fun for neither of us. Now just bring your neck over this way. Please?”

“Alright, I do not know if this will be as good as sire’s or childe’s blood, but we will just have to try it and find out.”

William held his neck out for Spike. Spike grabbed onto William just in case he changed his mind. His fangs sunk in and started pulling the blood. It was better than sire’s blood, Spike even betted it was better than childe’s blood if he ever had one. This blood tasted of connection, magic, and a word he couldn’t describe. It tingled and he released, licking William’s wound and getting all excess blood as the wound quickly closed up.

“Amazing blood you have there, Will.”

“I think you took a bit too much.”

“You can spend the morning.”

“No, I have to get home. Besides, I do not want Dru finding me.”

“Will you bring more blood?”

“Only if you leave town when you can get out of that wheel chair.”

“I give you my word that as soon as you see that I can get out of this wheel chair, I’ll leave town.”

“Rephrase it; you are giving yourself too much leeway.”

“I give you my word that as soon as I get better and I can walk without the wheel chair, I’ll leave town.”

“And you are a vamp of your word. I will be back next week, try to behave and do not let loose anything on the city, will you?”

“You’re the one with all the info, Will. It’s not like I paid any attention.”

“You are smarter than you look; you give yourself too little credit. You were made from me after all.”

“This is getting weird fast.”

“I think it is the blood you took from me. We are not thinking clearly. Still immortal enemies?”

“To the bitter end.”

“Good, I will see you in a week.”

“A week?” Spike whined. “If you came everyday, I’d probably get better in a week then I could leave town sooner.”

“I am not so easily fooled. If I come everyday, not only will I risk getting caught by Drusilla and Xander, but I will be completely weak by the time the process is over. Then you’ll stake me.”

“That’s very uhhh…”

“Astute of me, yes.”

“I was going to go with clever, but if that word works too, then use it.”

“Well, I have to go. One week, no sooner.”

“Tell Xander I said hi,” Spike mocked as William left.

That would assure William would never ever mention him coming to see Spike to those bloody Scoobies. Spike played with the wheels of his chair. William had said he was smarter than he looked. He started racking his brain for something he could possibly unleash onto Sunnydale just to mess with William. Wasn’t like he gave his word for that. It had to be something that wouldn’t affect him and something that would prove to Drusilla that he was better than William. He grinned evilly, he knew just the thing.




Xander crept down the stairs to see William was passed out in bed. If Xander didn’t know better, he would have thought there was a dead body in the bed. Xander shook William and William knocked Xander back onto the floor.

“Sleeping,” William muttered with a small growl at the end.

“Wow, someone is very grouchy. What were you doing all night?”

“Saw wheel chair,” William said without removing his head from the pillow. “Spike says hi.”

“You saw a wheel chair then Spike said hi? Spike’s alive? Was he at the hospital or eating someone disabled?”

“In wheel chair, now go away.”

“Go away? How do you expect me to go away after learning Spike is alive and in a wheel chair?”

“Bring, bring,” William didn’t even bother moving or pretending he was picking up a telephone. “What is it? Oh, Xander is late for school AND he has been suspended? Okay, I will tell him.”

“Oh, you are such a clever vamp. Forgive me when I forget to laugh,” Xander rolled his eyes. “But, that’s the reason I came down here. I’ll be staying at school late, so if you wake up and want to drop by, go ahead.”

“You always stay late. I think you could petition for a library club if you wanted.”

“Your humor is lacking.”

“I will bite you and drain you dead. I am picturing it now. Yes, now I am picturing your dead body on the floor while I sleep peacefully. Dear Gods, that is brilliant.”

“Enjoy your perverted fantasies; I’m going to go now.”

“I think that is best before I regain the ability to move.”




Giles stumbled out from the stacks to find four teenagers sitting around the table talking animatedly. He looked at the clock then looked from Buffy, Jesse, Willow, and Xander then back to the clock. Jesse was the first to notice Giles walk in.

“Health class was cancelled,” he explained.

“Yeah, the teacher was out. Apparently, he had scrambled eggs this morning and was arrested for child abuse.”

“That’s not funny,” Buffy said trying to mask a yawn.

“How did patrol go?” Giles asked her.

“Called off.”

“In other words,” Jesse said. “Her and Angel made out the entire time and forgot all about the little fledges running about.”

“Do I need to remind you what we discussed the other day?” Giles demanded.

“Xander gets to kiss vampires,” Buffy whined.

“Well, Xander isn’t the slayer. He does not hold the duty to patrol and kill vampires. It is your sacred duty. Everyone else just helps out.”

Buffy scowled, “Shut up.”

“Is everything okay?” Xander asked. “Buffy, you seem a bit out of it.” He looked at Willow who was now dozing off and she never dozed off. “You too, Willow. Is everything okay?”

Willow woke with a start, “The capital of New York is Albany!”

“Good job, but we’re not in class.”

“Oh. Well, I’m just feeling a little drained. I probably studied too hard or waited until it was too late to do my homework.”

“Or maybe it’s parenthood bringing you down. You two are taking this too seriously. I know it’s for a grade, but come on. It’s health. Xander, show them Xander Jr.” Jesse said.

“But, Will said… Oh! I getcha.” Xander reached into his lunch bag and pulled out Xander Jr.

“You kept it in your lunch bag,” Willow exclaimed. “You weren’t planning on eating it, were you?”

Xander tossed the egg to Jesse and they began throwing it back and forth between each other. They grinned at the horrified expressions on Willow and Buffy.

“No, well, not really. If I got hungry. But, the little guy needs to know his place. If he doesn’t know his place he’s going to go out into the world with big dreams and false hopes. We don’t want that.”

Jesse missed the egg and it landed with a thud. Buffy and Willow looked at it expectantly and glared at the pair when they realized it hadn’t broken.

“You two are heartless,” Buffy said.

Jesse tossed the egg back to Xander who put it back in his lunch bag for later.

“Heartless?” Jesse asked. “It’s just an egg. It’s not like they’d actually give us an egg with something live inside. Will gave us another one; no one will be the wiser.”

“That would be cheating, yes?”

“No,” Xander protested. “It’s more like when you mess up on a test and you replace your test with someone else’s’.”

“Which is still cheating and morally unethical, by the way,” Buffy said. “Wait, I’ve been getting lower scores than usual in History!”

Xander opened his mouth to protest but Cordelia came running into the library. He pretended to wipe sweat from his forehead and Jesse chuckled.

“What are you all doing sitting around here? Don’t you usually investigate these kinds of things?”

“Well, the dress is a bit whorish and says ‘I’ll do anyone once’, but why do we need to investigate it?” Jesse asked trying not to look at her.

She raised her nose in the air, “Please. Could you be more childish? The health teacher didn’t show up for school today.”

“Yeah, people get sick. That happens.”

“But, he’s missing! Presumed dead!”

“Presumed by whom?” Giles interjected.

“By me!” Cordelia said waving her arms in the air. “Now get up and get going. This is the Hellmouth people, any all and disappearances usually point to demons.”

“You do have a point, Cordelia.”

“Good,” Cordelia said with a smile. “We’ll split up. Jesse and I will check around, while you guys can do research.”

Jesse scowled, “I don’t feel like checking around.”

“We can check closets. You know his body might fall out of a closet.”

“Cordy, I don’t feel like checking Goddamn closets especially now. Besides, I thought you were embarrassed of by closets.”

“No, I like closets. I’m not embarrassed of them at all. Maybe you should come before I ask someone else to investigate the closets with me.”

Jesse let out a heavy sigh and got up, “Looks like I’m investigating closets. You guys have fun looking for clues. Maybe we’ll meet up later and ser a trap for those pesky monsters.”

Cordelia gave him a pointed look and Jesse sighed again. They marched out of the library, Jesse looking miserable.

“Poor Jesse,” Xander muttered. “I wonder why she is being so mean to him.”

“They’ve been acting weird,” Willow said with a scowl. “I don’t like it. Cordelia Chase would never want to get paired up with Jesse McNally. I think they are possessed.”

“Should we look into possession? Because I’m voting yes,” Buffy said.

“We do not have time for jokes,” Giles said. “You skipped patrol last night; you can’t miss it again tonight.”

“Alright, I will try very hard to be good tonight.”




He was laying in Will’s bed with his tongue down Will’s throat when the phone rang, Will broke the kiss and answered the phone.

“Hello! This is the Pratt residence; may I ask who is calling? Ah, Buffy. He is right here.”

Xander took the phone from Will, “Hello?”

“Making out in your boyfriend’s apartment, bad Xander.”

Will snickered and Xander shooed him away, “It was his idea. He’s a very bad and corrupted soul.” Will nibbled on Xander’s shoulder blades. “Did I mention bad and corrupt?”

“Yes you did. You mentioned it twice.”

Will continued to nibble up towards Xander’s neck, then he slowly moved a hand under Xander’s shirt. Xander squirmed and tried to pull his hand out.

“So, what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”

“I just wanted to know about Xander Jr. Did he move or do anything?”

“He’s a bit dead, I’m afraid. I boiled him alive, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. Listen, something weird happened. This thing came out and attacked me. My egg is broken. I think whatever attacked me was from the egg. I can’t get a hold of Willow. Can you try calling her? I’m wigged and just spent the night patrolling with Angel.”

“Don’t you mean you spent the entire night making out with Angel?”

“Hey! We dusted some vampires and you make out with your vampire honey all night too.”

“Yeah, but at least we aren’t on duty.”

“I have to go. I’ll see you.”

“Bye, Buffy.”

The phone on the other end hung up and Xander rolled his eyes, “Well that was rude. Oh, well. I need to call Willow to check on her.”

“Make sure she smashes the egg.”

Xander began to dial, “Yeah, Willow take a failing grade. I highly doubt that.”

Willow picked up the phone on the first ring, “Hello?”

“Willow, hey. Buffy told me to tell you,” Will poked him. “Yes, I know, I know. She wants you to smash the egg. She thinks there is something demony about it.”

“Demony? Mine is just sitting here. Maybe it was just her egg. You know? Something Spike set up.”

“How does she know Spike is alive?” Will hissed at him.

Xander put his hand over the mouth piece, “I don’t know. I didn’t tell her. Let me ask.” He took his hand off and to Willow said, “How do you know if Spike is alive?”

“Oh, that’s right. I completely forgot about Buffy smashing that organ on him. I just got- I mean, I just remembered that memory now. Either way, I don’t think it’s for us. There are tons of demons after Buffy.”

“Yeah, true. Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Willow.”

“Me too, Jesse.”

“This is Xander.”

“Oh! You guys sound so similar on the phone.”

“Uh, I think you fried your brain, Willow. Get some sleep.”

“Okay, bye Xander.”

“Bye, Willow.”

He hung up the phone and met Will’s gaze.

“Well that was peculiar. It seems like Willow has either lost a few marbles or has been replaced with some entity of unknown origins. We will have to inform Giles tomorrow.”

“Alright, right now sleep. Are you going to sleep too?”

“Yeah, so you can stay down here tonight.”

Xander smiled and snuggled up against Will, he liked the feel of his cool flesh against his. He heard Will let out a long sigh then wrap his arms around Xander.

“Poor horny vampire,” Xander muttered before drifting to sleep.




“How did Willow sound? Was she okay?” Buffy asked Xander catching up with him on her way into school.

“Oh, she said some weirdo things. Will is going to check with Giles about it.”

“Did you check your egg?”

“I have the dead carcass of the thing that was living inside the egg in a baggie in my backpack. Will had the brilliant idea of testing your theory while I was asleep. I was not pleased to wake up with him dangling it over me. He thought it was funny to scare me half to death.”

“He’s a vampire, nothing will change that.”

“Remember that about Angel too.”

“Apples and oranges. There’s Cordelia. I want to ask her about her egg.”

They walked up to Cordelia. Xander wasn’t happy. He didn’t like that Cordelia had somehow become a part of their group and was somehow affecting Jesse. Then why did she want to inspect closets? He almost chuckled when he remembered when he and Spike used to inspect closets. The chuckle died when it hit him. They were dating. Jesse had gotten his dream girlfriend and she was making him miserable! He just had to remind himself not to interfere in anyway shape or form.

“Have you seen Jesse?” Xander blurted out.

“You came all the way over here to ask me where your friend is? Pathetic much? How should I know?”

“No,” Buffy said. “We wanted to know about your egg. Did it hatch or something?”

“It’s sitting perfectly fine in my bag. Nothing happened to it. It sat there all night. This is going to be the easiest A I ever get.”

“I think you should smash it,” Xander said. “Look, I have what came out of mine.”

“I’m not falling for it. You just want me to fail.”

“Fine, don’t smash it. Let the creature eat you.”

“I have to go.”

“If you see Jesse, tell him I said hi.”

“I’m not seeing Jesse. Now I have to go embarrass someone about their very bad dye job.”

She turned and left in a hurry. Willow walked up to them with a smile plastered to her face.

“Hey, guys.”

“Hey, Willow.” They said together.

Jesse came out of the bushes, “Is Cordelia gone?”

“Avoiding her?”

“Like the plague. So, what’s going on?”

“Some demon set a monster thing against Buffy and killed her egg in the process,” Willow said.

Jesse sucked in some breath, “Tough luck. You can have Jesse Jr. and we’ll just take Xander Jr.”

“Uh, actually,” Xander said, pulling his backpack around and digging through. “Will de-shelled Xander Jr. I have him in a baggie somewhere. “Ah! Here he is!”

Xander pulled out an octopus like monster that was laying dead in his baggie. It looked like one of those creatures you say on the Discovery Channel when they were talking about evolution and what came before man. He shook the bag and it wiggled a bit like jelly.

“That’s disgusting!” Jesse exclaimed but didn’t take his eyes off the bag.

“I’ll analyze it in the lab,” Willow said. “Someone should go get Giles. He should be in the library, I was just there. He’ll want to know about this new development.”

“I’ll go,” Jesse volunteered. “I really don’t want to watch you do whatever it is you plan to do to that thing.”




Jesse walked into the library to see Will was already in there hurriedly closing books that were open on the table. He didn’t seem to notice Jesse was there until he touched him on the back. Will hissed at him, but then calmed down when he saw it was Jesse.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. What are you doing here?”

“I was going to talk to Giles about what I had found when I opened Xander’s egg, but we had a long talk and he convinced me that it was nothing.”

“Are you sure? Because I saw what was in there. It didn’t seem like nothing.”

“Oh, it was just a demon that was sent after Buffy, but she got it, so we are all safe and sound. I am actually putting away reference books for Giles. Can you get me the one near the card catalog?”

“Uh, yeah sure.”

Jesse moved towards the card catalog fully aware that Will was moving with him. If he wanted him to fetch it, why did he have to come with? Jesse shook his head and proceeded to reach for the book anyway. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement and noticed Will’s hand reach into a drawer.

“No, not that one, the other book to your left.”

Jesse was confused; there wasn’t any other book to his left. He felt Will’s hand move under his shirt and something painful attach to his back. He screamed loudly and tried to reach around to pull it off. The pain continued until he felt a presence worm its way into his mind. The only sensation he felt after that was a small, numb drone.




“Jesse has been gone awhile,” Xander said. “Should we check on him?”

“I’m sure Giles just roped him into doing some more research,” Willow said. “We can just start without him.”

“Alright, but still, we’ll have to go look for him later.”

“He’s probably hiding in more bushes,” Cordelia said. “Like I didn’t see him duck into the bush. We didn’t get all the closets the other day. There could still be bodies in them.”

Xander glared at her, “Yeah, I can see why he’d have to worry about bodies in closets.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hey, guys, we have a demon here that needs to be opened and dissected. Can we focus?” Buffy said.

“Yeah, Buffy,” Xander said. “You dissect the nasty monster thing.”

“You do it. Your boyfriend gave it to you.”

“He dangled it over my head when he sensed I was waking up! That’s not giving it to me!”

“It’s close enough. I’m not dissecting it.”

“Well, I’m not either.”

Willow took the scalpel, “You guys are such big babies.”

She started dissecting and they watched her.

“I wonder if this is what happened to the health teacher, like it ate him ore something. And without Giles here, how are we supposed to figure out what this thing is?”

“Maybe we could ask it if you didn’t boil it alive,” Cordelia said.

“Getting all defensive of the monster there, Cordy.”

“Maybe it’s not really a monster and it just wants to get back to the mother bezoar,” Willow said with a pout.

“The what?” Buffy screamed and from the corner of his eye he saw he go down while Cordelia held a metal rod menacingly. “Cordelia, what did you do that for?”

He turned to Willow to see if she was a freaked out and saw her wielding a heavy microscope. He thought, “Well, that can’t be good.” Then everything went black.




Xander awoke to the sound of squishing, cracking, and clanking, when he opened his eyes and turned his head, he saw Buffy using a toolbox to smash the crap out of two eggs that had been left for them.

“So, those things,” Xander said. “I think they possess humans.”

“Yeah, I would guess so, unless we did something to really piss of Cordelia and Willow.”

“Maybe she’s still mad I stole her Barbie.” Xander rubbed his head, “It feels like I was hit by the Death Star.”

“I actually saw that movie, not a good sign.”

“Do you think it’s safe to come out? And what the Hell is with bad guys just leaving you alone and just expecting you to stay passed out until whatever they locked in the room infects you? Can’t they be bothered to infect you themselves?”

“I would count my blessings, Xander.”

Buffy tried the door and it swung open effortlessly.

“That makes me even more pissed; they didn’t even bother to lock the door. Their plan stinks of fail.”

“Let’s just get to the library and see what we can find.”

They carefully walked to the library. Xander was in the back while Buffy took the lead. He knew how to fight thanks to the vampire memories. He wasn’t as strong as Buffy, but with it giving him directions and oddly enough it slowly merging with his own mind, he was able to over come at least over comes minions and fledges. He was sure he could take a couple of possessed high school students. They reached the library to find that Giles wasn’t there, but a brown leather jacket was.

“This is Will’s,” Xander said rushing over to grab it. “He treasures it; he’d never just leave it behind.”

“So, we’ve got Giles who isn’t in the library and Will leaving behind his treasured jacket, this spells apocalypse without a doubt. I never got what it was about them and getting sentimental about jackets. Spike had his duster and now Will has this thing.”

“Forget about the jacket thing and trying to figure out Spike. We have to look up the monster bezoar.”

“Right, Willow mentioned it.”

Buffy and Xander looked at several books laying closed on the table.

“They’re all closed.”

“Obviously someone didn’t want us finding anything out.” Xander sighed heavily. “Looks like we’re going to have to go through all of these.”




Number 234 happily stood guard as he watched the others work. He had been promoted since acquiring the vampire’s body. Even though the thing was technically dead, it had enough blood and energy to spare, then unlike a human body, it wouldn’t die and he wouldn’t have to find a new host. He was glad that he didn’t have to work the mines and was now a very powerful tool to Mother that meant once the new order came about, he would be valued. He was not disposable like the other and was allowed free thought outside Mother’s own will. He could still feel connected to her though; he could still feel her plan. The vampire did fight against him though, he had a hard time making him put Number 809 on the boy, but he had quickly over powered him. Things were definitely looking up for him.




Buffy finally found the book and read what it was. Apparently, the bezoar was an ancient prehistoric demon that was buried long ago. Before it was buried, it had taken several hundred humans and used them as hosts for its offspring.

“An earthquake must have shaken it loose,” Buffy said.

“Why is it always with the earthquakes? Then who gets this information if it’s been buried since before anyone can remember? If you ask me, Giles outsources his books from beyond this dimension, if you know what I mean.”

“I think we should be more worried about where this thing is and how to stop it.”

They heard screaming outside the library and in the hallway. They rushed out to see a boy struggling, but seconds later he straightened up and smiled at them, then walked off.

“That was Jonathan,” Xander said to her.

“Jonathan?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah, you know, short kid, kind of a dork. He hangs around that blinky kid who talks really feminine. You know the one with the vendetta against the drama department because they wouldn’t cast him for the lead of Grease.”

Buffy shook her head, “No, but let’s follow Shorty and see if he takes us where we want to go.”

Buffy and Xander followed him down into the basement, past the sewer entrance that Will so commonly used, and into the boiler room. There was a huge gaping hole in the wall and they watched Jonathon step through it.

Xander gulped, “Down the rabbit hole, I guess.”

“That’s the biggest rabbit hole I’ve ever seen.”

They took a deep breath and stepped through. They clung to the side of the wall, trying to stay in the darkness to avoid being seen. They looked upon the scene and were shocked. They could clearly see students, teachers, and parents. Some were digging, while others were harvesting eggs. The ones harvesting the eggs would pull out the egg and put them in a box, once the box was full, they would walk away and come back boxless.

“They are mass producing eggs!” Xander’s hushed voice exclaimed to Buffy.

“I can see that. Look there’s Willow, Giles, Jesse, and my mom! They have my mom!”

“I don’t see Will though.”

“Right behind you,” someone said.

They slowly turned to see Will towering over them. His face was expressionless and Xander couldn’t read it.

“Hey, Will. Uh, go mother bezoar?”

“Intruders!” He screeched. “Protect the eggs!”

“You take care of the eggs,” Buffy said to him. “I’ll handle lover boy over here.”

“Just don’t stake him.”

Buffy attacked Will without answering him. He watched as Buffy pounded Will in the face. She looked like she was enjoying herself. Great, he was going to have to play nursemaid to a black and blue vampire later. Now all he had to do was figure out how to destroy the eggs. He always got the fun jobs.




“Son of a bitch!” Will swore loudly as Buffy tore the parasite off his back. “You could have paralyzed me for life or caused brain damage!”

He and Buffy had been exchanging blows for awhile before she was finally able to remove the parasite from his back. It would have been easier if she was allowed to stake him, but no, Xander wanted his vampire boyfriend alive. At least she could have help in defeating the bezoar.

“You’re a vamp, I figured you’d live or well, unlive.” She squished it and looked at him. “I need your help though. Everyone ran off with the eggs but I still don’t know how to defeat it. You were connected with it. Know any weaknesses?”

“Its brain is almost directly above its mouth.”

“Thanks!”

She picked up a metal rod and ran towards the hole where the people were collecting eggs. She jumped into the hole and Will heard the fighting instantly begin. Xander looked at the hole then at Will.

“She did something stupid, didn’t she?”

There was the sound of an unearthly scream and Will shielded his ears against it. Buffy climbed out of the hole waving her metal rod triumphantly. The parasite dropped off Xander’s back and Will picked it up.

“When did you get infested?” Buffy said looking at the dead creature in Will’s hand.

“Oh, just a few moments ago while you were kicking Will and I ran off to smash the eggs, then I was surrounded by you know, like the entire school and their parents. It was fun. Really, don’t worry about me.”

“Well, looks like the parasites cannot survive without the mother to sustain them, so we should not have to worry about the other eggs.”

“That’s good,” Xander said. “Let’s go home. I just want to sleep.”

“Yes,” Will agreed. “I think I could sleep through the night.”




Spike threw a blanket over the box he had when he heard someone coming. He growled and looked at the human. He didn’t want Xander seeing him like this.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when Xander finally entered the warehouse.

“Uh, official story, there was a gas leak and it made everyone light headed, including my vampire boyfriend who is now passed out in his bed while I sneak out to see you.”

“And the real story?”

“Will was possessed by a parasitic demon and is passed out while I come over here to see you. I brought blood.” Xander put the packets down on the table and looked at the ivy laced chairs. “You did a good job remodeling the place.”

“What do you want?”

“I know you’re trying to kill me and make me into the undead so we could like spend an eternity together or something, but I just couldn’t leave you knowing you were in a wheel chair.”

“I’m not one of the good guys,” Spike said picking up one of the blood packets. “If you came here and I wasn’t in this chair, I’d kill you.”

“Says the vamp that has yet to kill me.”

“I just haven’t had my lucky day yet.”

Xander sat in Spike’s lap and Spike scowled at him. He switched to game face and moved in to bite Xander, but stopped. He couldn’t kill him here, then Dru would know he didn’t turn him. He sighed and shifted out.

“Why not bite me? I’m right here.”

“Because I want to kill you, not turn you. Dru will know and then she’ll stake me for killing her kitten. Will is the one that loves you, it ain’t me. Stop hanging around here expecting attention from me, because I won’t give it to you.”

Xander’s eyes darkened and he got off Spike’s lap. He began walking to the door with his shoulders squared and his back straight, not trying to hide his anger from being rejected.

“Will’s a better kisser anyway,” he said then he slipped out the door.

Spike knew the whelp was just saying that to make him angry, but it still worked. He threw the packets of blood across the room.

“Will is not better than me at anything!” He screamed after the boy.

It was too late, he was gone. Spike gritted his teeth and glared. Xander thought he had him all figured out. All he had to do was wait and see. He’d send his little surprise after him and Will first. Spike crossed his arms and glared at the floor. Then they’d see who was better.
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