JenLea (bohofemm) wrote in bloodclaim,
JenLea
bohofemm
bloodclaim

Fic: Push Me Farther to Bring Me Back. 1/1

TITLE : Push Me Farther to Bring Me Back
AUTHOR: bohofemm
FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
PAIRING: Spike/Xander. .
GENRE : Slash
TABLE: B
PROMPT: 094. Sanctuary.
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 703 words.
SUMMARY: After an awful attack, Spike manages to push Xander farther than ever thought possible just to make sure he exceeds.
WARNINGS: None. Angst.
NOTES: X-Posted to lover100. To the Lovely kitty_alex , I give half title and beta credit to. Set Post Chosen and NFA.
DISCLAIMER: You recognize them? I don’t own them.


The first thing Xander saw when he awoke from the coma was Spike, silently hovering over his journal. Tears filled his eyes, as he frantically scribbled, only stopping when he felt eyes on him. He gasped, and ran out of the room.

When doctors told him he’d most likely be paralyzed for life, they seemed baffled that he showed absolutely no emotion. Only Spike understood that his Xan needed time for it to sink in.

When it finally sunk in five hours later, Spike held the howling man, refusing the nurses’ suggestion of sedatives. Only he knew that this was Xander’s way of mourning his loss of body.

When they released Xander from the hospital, confined to a wheelchair, Spike was right there, ready to take care of him. He fed him, bathed him, took care of his personal needs, until one day, he stopped. Xander was angry at first, by both his body limits and by Spike’s off behavior. Couldn’t he see Xander needed his help?

His anger with Spike lasted until the first time he managed to successfully shower alone. As he struggled to lower himself back into the chair, Spike was suddenly there, helping him. When Xander lashed out at him for not helping sooner, all Spike did was accept the man’s feeble hits and when the anger subsided, Spike hugged him. That hug gave the answer to what he had been up to.

Knew you didn’t need me.

When memories of the attack hit him in the middle of the night, Spike was there, holding him until the sobs turned into hiccupping cries. He didn’t speak, just bit his lip and held Xander. He knew nothing he could say would help ease the pain, as just sitting there and holding him did.

When physical therapy proved painful and hopeless, Spike was right there to be Xander’s guiding force. He reminded him that the pain was not in vain. It led to a brighter future. The chance to walk again.

When Xander took his first guided steps, Spike was one of the people he held onto. He didn’t notice Spike crying over this major accomplishment for his pet.

That night, Xander kissed Spike unprovoked for the first time since the attack. It was chaste, just the slightest peck on the lips, a thank you. He knew how lucky he was. Most guys would have left by now.

Not Spike.

When Xander’s limitations got him down in the night, Spike was there, to hold him and dry his tears, all while softly offering words of comfort.

I don’t need a walking man to love. All I want is you.

Xander always managed to fall asleep, curled into Spike’s arms.

The day he bumped into the bookcase and broke the crystal vase was the day Xander was ready to end it all. Life couldn’t be life, if he was confined. Spike would want an able-bodied man, someone who would care and provide for him.

Spike, somehow knowing what was going on, ran into the living room. Taking the wheelchair handles and turning it around, he stooped in front of him and made sure Xan knew just how special and how much Spike loved him, chair and all.

When Xander took his first steps, aided only by a walker, Spike met him at the edge of the mat, and gave him the biggest hug he had ever given him.

Spike was there, to watch Xander make more progress than any of his doctors had ever thought possible. After the attack, doctors had given him a fifteen percent chance of waking up with no neurological abnormalities. He had done it. They had given him a ten percent chance of ever getting out of the chair assisted. Xander had done it.

Deep in his heart, he knew it was all because of Spike. Without his obnoxious lover to push him, he would have given up on himself. Without Spike, he would have just accepted life as a paraplegic.

The day he managed to walk completely across the mat, assisted by no one, he managed to give Spike the best kiss either had ever experienced.

It was the kiss of a grateful man.
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