Series Title: Expectant Hell
Chapter Title: Ten Weeks
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Summary: A demon casts a spell on Xander. Willow reverses the spell, but weeks later, they find it has one huge side effect.
Warnings: Male Pregnancy
Notes: Thanks to kimalis for betaing!
Previous Chapters: You can find previous chapters here.
"Intruder." Drusilla hissed, just before the front door banged open. Xander jerked his head up, to find Anya hovering over him.
"Xander, can you get the vampire off your stomach? We need to talk."
Xander looked down at his stomach to see that Drusilla was sleeping on the pullout couch with him and Spike was no where to be found.
Xander ruffled his hair groggily, "You always did like to make an entrance, Ahn. How have you been? How's the demon life treating you?"
"No time for this small talk. What do you know about the Jenlanar?"
Xander paled and called out, “Spike!”
Spike came rushing in the room from the bathroom his hair only partially slicked back, "What's- Anya! It's good to see you. I was wondering what happened to you. You look better than ever. Demon always worked good on you."
"She needs to talk to us about the Jenlanar." Xander muttered. "And get her off me." He pointed to Drusilla.
"Dru, it's just his ex. And we gave up the big bed so you could have it. I think Miss Edith should teach Hamlet about tea parties."
Drusilla got off Xander and cast a wary gaze at Anya, "Those who break the hearts of kittens have no place in my home." She nodded and went into the bedroom.
"What's going on, Anya?" Xander asked.
Anya gulped, "Are you pregnant?"
"No, he just has vampires staying with him for his health. Of course, he's pregnant. They're mine and Drusilla just came in from across the pond to help protect them."
"There's a prophecy," Anya blurted out.
"A prophecy?" Spike asked. "What's it say?"
"When the Champion of Slayers lays down with the Slayer of Slayers, a powerful force will be born onto the world. Neutral will it be until a choice must be made."
"Oh, I'm a champion. It is talking about me. Isn't it, Spike?" Xander said.
Spike crossed his arms, "Yeah, I've head it before. You really think it pertains to us?"
"I don’t know, there was some incident in a waiting room-"
"I told you. I told you to behave yourself and what do you do? You rip off the finger of the first demon that comes near you."
"He was going to touch me!"
"Didn't have to announce that you were human or I'd kick their arses if anyone else tried to touch you again, did you now?"
"So, Buffy is the only one allowed to get speechy? I don't even get what this means? Why would me snapping off one brittle finger matter?”
"We're going to be on top of every demons' snag list. Not to mention the Slayer-" Spike growled.
"You growled and didn't say Buffy. That means something really bad."
"Damn right. And what if they know about the chip and send humans? What if I can't protect you?"
"Then there's Dru," Xander said with a glare and crossing his arms. "I did nothing wrong. The demon shouldn't have attempted to touch me."
"Don't worry." Anya said. "They don't know who you are yet. They just said bleach blonde vampire and slightly pudgy man."
"Maybe you should stop dying your hair," Xander suggested.
Spike looked at him wide-eyed, "Let them find us. I ain't going to stop."
"Hey!" Xander exclaimed. "I am not pudgy." He crossed his arms."Oh right, you're not going to stop dying your hair."
Spike glared at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's the least you can do for me." Xander muttered. Then, he looked at Spike and grimaced. "Never mind. You'd be weird looking without it."
"No, if the Almighty Xander wants my natural hair colour, then so be it. I'll dye it back to my natural colour."
"No," Xander exclaimed. "I just don't want to endanger our babies!"
Spike sighed and looked at Anya, "Would it help any if I changed my hair?"
"The only demon to get a good look at you has one eye, and very little peripheral vision." Anya replied. "You're just going to want to watch." Xander nodded.
"Does that mean I have to dye my hair or not? Because they're going to be looking for a bleached blonde vamp with a human mate."
"You might want to." Anya said. "Even go a shade or two darker. Stay blonde, but think Backstreet boy blonde?”
Spike gave her an odd look, "Who are they?"
"They?" She looked puzzled.
"The Backstreet Boys. Who are they?"
"Ever heard of 'I want it that way'? That very nice blonde man, Nick Carter?"
"You want me to dye my hair after a soddin' boy band? I got my own natural colour, thank you. I'll just go back to that."
"I think you'd be cute with boy band hair." Anya said.
"Hey! Get your own vampire!" Xander squeaked, holding Spike to him.
Spike chuckled, "Up to you Xan. You really want me to, I will. I think the last time I had my natural hair color was the twenties, maybe. Then I started dying it black."
"No, you're not the black type." Anya said.
"Natural color works. What is it?" Xander asked.
"Normally I'm a sandy maybe even dirty blonde."
"I suddenly find that very hot," Xander's eyes glazed over.
"Will be nice to have the curtains match the rug finally. The sun go down yet?" Spike said looking around for a clock.
"Another hour or so." Xander muttered. "Next week...we'll be able to...have...A TEA PARTY." Anya looked around.
"Is that a kinky name for sex?"
"Yeah, I think it is," Spike sat down in bed next to Xander. "Have time for small talk, Anya?"
"I miss you, you know," Xander said quietly.
"Who?" Spike jerked his head around.
"Your sexual comments are innuendos while hers are blunt. I miss the bluntness."
Spike growled at him, "I can show you sex right here. Got an hour to kill."
"Not until the doctor clears it." Xander said. "No. Besides not with Anya and Drusilla in the house!"
"I don't mind," Anya said cheerfully.
"See," Spike said. "She doesn't mind."
"Well, I mind." Xander said. "What if we were to hurt them?"
Spike pressed his head into Xander's shoulder, "Alright. But, when we're alone. I'm going to show you all the ways to get off with out penetration."
"Oh, Xander is uncomfortable doing that," Anya said.
"I wish you would leave," Spike said to Anya.
"I can take a hint. No need to bring my job into this," she waved her hands and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"She's gone." Spike murmured, gently nuzzling Xander's neck.
"Drusilla's still here and you have to go buy hair dye."
Spike grumbled, "When do you get to the stage where you're so horny you honestly don't care if there are other people in the room?"
"Not for another two or so months." Xander said.
"Can we pretend it's two months from now? I want to do nasty things to you and corrupt your innocence."
"No. Not until we're sure it's safe. Plus I feel fat."
Spike sighed and got up, "See you in a bit, love. I've got an appointment with my hand."
"I'll settle for some kissing!" Xander called.
Spike hopped back on the bed, "Better be 'Wow, that kiss was so hot it made me come' kissing, like hell I'm going around the grocer’s sporting wood."
Xander moved forward, lightly brushing his lips against Spike's. Then, he pulled away, despite a gasp of protest and lightly began to trail kisses down toward Spike's stomach.
"Xan," Spike moaned. "What are you doing down there, love?"
"Trying to be sexy," he admitted, moving back up to plant a kiss on Spike's mouth.
Spike grinned and pulled him into a rougher kiss, "You don't have to try. Already are."
Xander kissed back with equal harshness.
"See Pet? You've got Spike Jr.'s full attention." Spike looked down at the straining bulge in his jeans.
"Spike Jr?" Xander questioned. "You named it?"
Spike growled, "Of course I did. Didn't you name Xander Jr?"
"Actually, his name is Bob."
Spike raised an eyebrow, "Well, then Robert, my friend, looks like I better say hello." He gave 'Bob' a quick squeeze and waggled his eyebrows at Xander. "How's that for a hello?"
"Spike I love it, but I don't want to hurt the babies." Xander gently nuzzled Spike's neck.
Spike groaned when he felt Xander’s warm and breath on his skin. "I really have to go take care of this, Xan. It's starting to hurt down there."
"But I don't want to let you go." Xander pouted.
“Pet, it’s either your hand or mine. Personally, I’d rather it was yours.”
"Drusilla is in the other room!"
"Can’t we put her up in a hotel or something?"
"You're not going to let up are you?"
"Now it just sounds like I'm pressuring you."
"I kind of want it." Xander lightly trailed his fingers down Spike's side.
"Yeah?" Spike grinned. "Do you? How do you want it?"
"Any way you're willing to give it."
Spike lightly rolled on top of him. He pressed his knee into Xander's groin and growled.
"You're sexy, you know that?"
"I'd like to think so." Xander moaned. "Even with the flab." He pressed his lips to Spike's frantically.
Spike lightly bit Xander's lip, "Especially with the flab. Those are my babies causing that flab, I'm so proud." He pressed his knee harder into Xander's groin."I love you, Xander."
"Mmmmm… Love you too," Xander lightly groped whatever skin he could come into contact with.
Spike tilted his head and sucked on the side of Xander's neck, “You’re beautiful and I want you more than anything right now."
Xander let out a keening moan.
"Tell me what you want me to do, Xan. Anything." He licked Xander's Adam's apple then his kissed his jaw. "Anything that comes to mind."
"Anything. Whatever you want. That's not going to hurt me or the bits."
Spike pulled down Xander's sweat pants, "I wish you could see yourself. You're beautiful like this.”
Spike smiled and moved some hair out of Xander's face, "Yeah, really. Going to take care of you."
"Pet," Spike called, opening the door. "Got a surprise for you." He walked in, to find Buffy and Willow surrounding Xander on the couch. "Hello. Slayer. Red."
Buffy pointed at his head, "You're blonde! A different blonde!"
"Glad you can tell your colours apart, Slayer." He looked at Xander. "When did they get here?"
"Ten minutes ago. After Cousin Peter went to buy beer."
Spike shifted uncomfortably and played with his newly dyed hair. He hadn't even had time to slick it back.
"Anything I should be informed about or am I interrupting the baby shower?"
"We thought we'd visit him," Buffy said. "Since you're keeping him trapped here."
"He's not trapped here. He can leave when he wants. He goes to work everyday. Just because he doesn't want to visit you without me doesn't mean he's trapped."
"Plus I still get queasy. And I feel fat. I think I'm constipated. And I really don't like seeing people."
"Do you want me to call your work and see if they'll give you a few months off? Soulless, so I don't feel bad about lying."
"I was thinking of quitting," Xander admitted.
"You have bits to support. I can't exactly go out and get a job. And we ain't going to live in this flat for the rest of ours lives. Why would you want to quit?"
"See, supportive, caring Spike," Willow pointed out to Buffy.
"I don't know. It just felt like I should."
"Lia?" Spike mouthed.
Xander shook his head, "How can I go back to work? Everyone else has normal families and wives that gave birth to their kids."
"Xander, don't think like that. You're still normal." Willow said with a concerned look on her face.
"Fine. I'll take the next few months off, and we'll reevaluate." Xander said. "I'll at least have you and Peter to watch them."
"Peter is staying that long?" Buffy asked.
"I didn't even know you had a second cousin named Peter. Did your Uncle Rory get married again?" Willow asked curiously.
"Um. He's on my mom's side, and he'll be staying on and off with us for a while." Xander said. He elbowed Spike. "Right?"
"Yeah, right. Peter is even cool with the whole creature of the night thing. He's like Xander. You know. Into all that horror and sci-fi crap."
"Alright then." Buffy gave a skeptical look. "Can I ask why there were red lace panties on your bathroom floor?"
"Fuck, Slayer. What I wear under my jeans is my own damn business. If you don't like it, don't look."
"I never pegged you as the lacy type."
"Feels good against my privies."
"Ew. That's a thought I could have gone years without knowing," Buffy said disgusted. "Oh, Xander, we bought you a raspberry donut. Your favorite." She held out the bag.
Xander looked into the bag, "I don't feel so good. Is something wrong with it? It smells nasty. Take it away and toss it then burn it. God, that's horrible."
"He must be spelled," Buffy said. "Xander has never turned down a donut before."
"It's called an aversion, Slayer," Spike hissed.
Spike grabbed the donut bag, "Yes. Pregnant women sometimes develop a dislike for certain smells and it can make them sick. I'll get rid of this, pet."
"This is insanity." Buffy muttered crossly. "He's living happily with Spike, and hating donuts." She blinked. "I don't know which thought is scarier."
Spike went into the kitchen, "I think it's scary how few brain cells you have. Do you want anything while I'm in here, Xander?"
"Just tea. I'm suddenly very queasy." Xander slumped over.
"Don't we have any crackers or something to settle your stomach?" Spike threw away the donut then began filling the kettle. "Unless those make you sick too."
"I don't know. I can't walk into the market without getting sick. Am I in the second trimester yet?" he whined.
"Well they have the bloody bakery aisle and their lies of fresh baked treats when they've really been sitting there for days. Would make anyone sick, I think." He put the kettle on the stove. "Camomile, green, or black?"
He pulled out one of the tea bags and muttered under his breath something about Americans and proper tea leaves.
"Where do I pick up my vampire servant?" Buffy asked.
"Have a vampire's baby." Spike mumbled. "Then you'll get a servant."
Xander pouted, "You're only doing this because I'm having your baby?"
"No, Xan. You know why I'm doing this. Now just let me make your tea."
"Oh right. The love thing," Xander said.
Buffy looked like someone had just slapped her, "The love thing? What love thing? There's a love thing?"
"Bloody Hell. Yes. Buffy, Xander and I love each other."
"See this is what convinces me that it's a spell. You love Spike, Xander. Spike, he kidnapped you once. Tried to eat you during Parent-Teacher Day."
"The last one wasn't his fault though. Angel offered me to him," Xander said.
"He's the evil undead! You've hated him for years!"
"Well now, I love him." Xander muttered, looking wounded. "He'd never hurt me."
"He wouldn't hurt you now. You have his babies. What about when they're out? What if he takes them to raise them to do dastardly things?"
Spike came back in with a mug of tea for Xander, "Yes and everything else I am doing is to throw him off guard and get my undead kicks."
"I told you!" Buffy exclaimed. Xander doubled over, clutching his stomach.
"Xan?" Spike set the mug down. "What is it? Is something off?"
"You're upsetting him. If you don't stop, I'll have to ask you to leave," he said to Buffy.
"What about me?" Willow asked.
"Not being disruptive, so you can stay."
"Jenlanar pregnancies can't terminate." Buffy pointed out. Spike softly growled.
"Doesn't matter. He can't get stressed. Doctor's orders."
Xander straightened up, "I'm better now. I'm okay."
Spike picked up the mug and pushed it into Xander's hands, "Drink it anyway, okay love?"
"Of course." Xander said. Spike stood up.
"Slayer, can I talk to you in the kitchen? Alone?"
Buffy stood up, "Can I bring my stake?"
"No, but you can bring some bloody manners."
Reluctantly, she followed him.
Spike rounded on her, "Do you know what stress does for him?"
"Gives him cramps?"
"Well, besides that." Spike paced. "Too much of it puts him at risk for preterm labor. Do you want to see the bits born early?"
"How would that work though he doesn't have- Well, you know."
"Exactly my point! We don't know. It not only puts him at risk, but the bits at risk. I know what you think, but can you just keep it to yourself. After the bits come out, he doesn't want me or them anymore, I'll leave and never come back. I know I said that before, but this time I mean it."
"Fine," Buffy agreed reluctantly. "I may not like this situation but I don't want anything to happen to him."
"Thank you. Now can we pretend for a few minutes just for him that we're all one big, happy, soddin' family?"
"Not going that far, Spike,"
Spike slid his hands in his pockets, "All holier than though Slayer and I'm acting like the better person. I take comfort in knowing my good deeds make me better than you."
"As far as we know, he has the end of the world in there."
"Well, they aren't. They're neutral."
"How do you know?" Buffy asked. Spike silently cursed under his breath.
He ran his tongue over his upper lip, "I ain't one for mojo and all that black arts crap. I believe that you choose to be good or you choose to be evil and everything is born neutral. Just because you're born a certain way don't make you good. Like your slayer friend, uh, Hope or was it Tru."
"Faith." Buffy said. "Her name is Faith."
"She turned out pretty bad. Especially what I hear from Xander. Ain't Slayers supposed to be all good and holy?"
"No." She nibbled on her tongue. "Not necessarily," She sighed. "Listen. I still think you're hiding something but I'm willing to let it go for a bit."
"Alright. All I was asking for. I get it. We'll never be friends. So, don't think that's what I'm doing this for. I don't want to hurt Xander. He doesn't deserve it. So, let's go back in there and play nice, okay?"
"Sure," Buffy said. They stepped in the doorway, just in time to see Willow press her palm into Xander's stomach. "What's she doing?"
"Xan's probably showing her the bits. He can't feel them move yet. They're far too small, but he knows where they are, and pokes regularly."
"Can I feel too?" Buffy asked cautiously.
"You'd have to ask him." Spike said.
She approached Xander and gave him a small smile, "I'm sorry for upsetting. I talked with Spike and we're going to play nice. I was wondering if I could feel the babies too. I promise to give them Slayer protection if you do."
Xander glanced to Spike, who slowly nodded. He reached forward, and pressed her hand into a single spot, until she felt a hard lump.
"They're really in there," Buffy said. "Wow. This makes everything so much more real. Think you can name one- No, it's stupid forget I mentioned it."
"Name one what?" Xander asked.
"If one's a girl, could you maybe name her Faith?"
"Well, we'd have to think about it." Spike said. Deep in the recesses of his mind, he could have sworn he heard a little girl squeak no.
Buffy smiled, "Thank you. I wonder how she's doing. I hope she's better. Angel told me she was doing better last time he visited her."
Xander grimaced, "Can we NOT mention that name around me?"
Buffy looked startled, "Sorry. Didn't know your relationship was that bad with him."
"The babies don't like it."
"Don't blame them. It must be all the hair gel. Those spikes scare me too," Spike said offhandedly.
"His hair is cute in a boy band sort of way."
"Ew." Xander twitched. He glanced to Spike. "Just ew." He pointed to his stomach, and nodded forward.
"What's it with boy band hair cuts?” Spike said changing the subject. “You know someone else was telling me that I'd look good with a boy band hair cut. I might not have a reflection, but I know I would just look stupid with one."
"Boy bands are fun," Buffy chirped.
"Yeah, if you like no talent tossers."
"Excuse me," Xander stood up, and headed towards the bathroom.
"Was it something I said?" Buffy asked.
"No, it's just his all-the-time sickness. He won't let me call it morning sickness anymore."
"Ah, I see," Buffy smirked. "Poor Xan. We never thought he'd be the first of us to get pregnant."
"I always had my money on Red."
"Excuse me?" Willow asked almost offended.
"Wedlock, of course! Just never saw the rest of you with kids."
"And now you're going to be the big bad with the minivan," Willow teased. "So, why'd you dye your hair?"
"A minivan?" Spike groaned. "But, was talking about my natural color and Xan thought it would be hot. Then there was whining on both parts and I ended up at the grocer's trying to remember if I was sandy, dirty, or honey blonde."
"Yes, a minivan," Willow laughed. "Is Xander alright?" Spike stood up.
"I'll check on him." He opened the bathroom door, and moved inside, only to find Xander sitting in the corner. "What is it, Pet?"
"The Angel talk upset Ophelia."
Spike stepped in and closed the door behind him. He sat down beside Xander and held his hand.
"Why's that? What's wrong with my girl?"
"She doesn't like it," Xander whispered. "It makes her anxious, and then, she takes it out on me."
"Lia doesn't mean to. It's just pent up psychic energy. Should ask the doc if you can do yoga. That will help you and her find a center of balance."
"I can't see myself doing yoga," Xander commented. "But I have a feeling she called Grandmummy, so, you may want to clear the house.”
Spike pointed at Xander's stomach and mockingly said, "Bad Lia. I know it's you who likes the banana nut swirl ice cream. Don't tempt me." He got up. "I'll get them out before she gets here, don't worry."
"She didn't like you scolding her," Xander muttered, still clutching his stomach. "She likes being touched."
Spike bent over and quickly kissed Xander's stomach, "Sorry, love. I'm asking the doctor about yoga and that's final."
He left the bathroom before Xander could argue with him.
"Is he okay?" Willow asked.
"Yeah, he's just not feeling well and wants to sleep it off. Can we catch you another time?"
"Sure. Call us if you need anything?" she asked.
"Of course, I will. I'll call you if he needs anything too."
As soon as he heard the door shut, Xander walked out of the bathroom. He still felt awful, and he knew just who to blame.
"Feeling any better, Xan?"
"Not really. She's still messing with things. Maybe if you touched her?"
Spike came up behind Xander and wrapped an arm around his waist. He rested his head on Xander's shoulder then began stroking his stomach.
"Any better, Lia?"
"She says yes. But she still wants Grandmummy." As if on cue, Drusilla burst through the door.
"Little Bundle...oh so bright..."
"Pent up psychic energy, right?" Spike asked her.
Xander pouted, "It's not my fault. I wasn't designed to channel that type of energy."
"It's not you." Spike said. "She just happens to take after her da's side."
Xander watched Drusilla press her ear against his stomach, "Dru what is it?"
Drusilla shushed them, "She is telling Grandmummy about her visions."
"Anything good?" Xander asked.
"Can't tell. That would ruin the surprise." She stood up and looked at Spike. "Daddy needs to listen more. Little Bundle cries out to him, but he hardly hears."
Spike looked concerned, "She does? I'm sorry, Lia."
"Grandmummy is here, Little Bundle. For you and the Hunter."
"Who's the hunter, Dru? What's he hunt?"
"Undecided. They will not know for awhile. They are not able to make up their minds."
Xander paled, "This all just hit me. I am having a psychic baby, who makes me feel awful when I miss her cues."
"He's not drinking enough blood," Drusilla said poking Xander's chest. "Vampires need blood. It's the basic rule. You cannot break the rules."
"I'll try to feed him more blood. Just don't bring anyone home for him."
Drusilla seemed satisfied and wandered off into the bedroom to have a tea party before going out again.
"I'm confused," Xander muttered, cupping his stomach. "What is in here?"
"Two human babies who just happen to be unfortunate enough to have a vampire father."
"It's not unfortunate. But one week, I only need a few sips to develop her sight...You don't think we're hurting her sight, do you?"
"Sire's blood is different than regular blood. It's like human junk food, I guess. Not in that it makes us fat, just we can't have too much and we can't exactly live off it. It's probably not hurting her sight, just making her frustrated."
"What do we do about it?"
"I'll just have to share my pig's blood with you."
"No. I draw the line there." Xander crossed his arms over the chest.
"Pet, you can't be stubborn."
“But, I want them to be normal."
"They are normal. They survive on human food, but they're mystical also, so it means they need blood as well."
"Fine. But I'm not going to drink a lot of it.”
"Once a week should do it."
"And yoga," Spike added quickly.