Summary: After his relationship with Anya fizzles out Xander and Spike become lovers. Xander’s insecurities lead him to seek help from
Notes: AU begins S6 replacing Hells Bells. No Dawn, Buffy didn’t die, and Season 6 Spuffy? Eewww no.
Feedback and con crit appreciated and lusted for
Disclaimer: not mine, all belongs to Joss and Co. Damn them. And bless them.
Other chapters are here
Beta thanks tokitty_alex
“So what does that mean? You’re with me?” Xander asked. He knew damn well what Spike meant but there was no way he would let him off that easily; the words were too important to Xander.
“Always got to have it spelled out don’t you?” Spike sighed and smiled. “Alright. Everything you said, I completely understand cause tonight I felt exactly the same thing. I love you Harris, pushy git.”
Xander laughed and lay back on the couch, pulling Spike down on top of him. “It’s not too soon?” he asked.
“Can’t be mate. Feels right don’t it?”
Xander smiled. “Yeah it does.” He wriggled his hips. “So does this.” His hard length was pressed alongside Spike’s and Xander wrapped his legs around Spike’s waist, tilting his hips up so that Spike’s erection was nudging his opening.
With one minor adjustment to his position Spike was slipping in easily, his way slicked by their earlier coupling. It was slow and easy, they kissed and caressed each other while Spike languidly slid himself back and forth, rolling his hips on each thrust. He gradually brought them both to the edge, then with one hand wrapped firmly around the head of Xander’s shaft and a final deep thrust they both came, Spike filling Xander with burst after burst of cool seed, Xander’s warm flow filling Spike’s fist and spilling through his fingers. They lay together lazily kissing until Xander’s breathing slowed and Spike’s stopped altogether.
“Spike I need to tell you about today.”
“Spoil a perfectly good post-shag moment.” He climbed over Xander and stood up, holding out one hand and pointing to the bathroom with the other. “Come on then, you can tell me in there.”
An hour later, lying back against Spike in the hot water, Xander had finished explaining everything he’d learned from
“A consort? I’m gonna have a bloody consort?” He tightened his arms around Xander.
“Well kind of, I mean it won’t be exactly the same cause I read about the blood thing, you know.”
“Yeah I suppose it won’t technically be a master and consort bond. Fucking chip.”
Xander turned himself to look at Spike. “You don’t mind? Even though we don’t have a choice?”
“No love, I don’t mind. Do you?”
Xander turned back around and rested his head against Spike’s shoulder. “I don’t know Spike. It’s such a huge thing isn’t it? I mean on top of the whole bonding spell. I’ve been tagged, hell
“And when you do you’ll see all your friends there backing you up, the whole soddin’ Scooby gang will be there for you.”
“Where will you be?”
“Beside you mate, every step. If those things come back for you they’ll have one hell of a fight on their hands. No chance they’ll be getting my consort.”
“There’s no law, there’s codes and understandings and fuck the lot of them. It might never happen mate, but if it does we’ll deal with it okay? We’ll get the watcher researching, in fact the witch has probably already got him onto it. We’ll see if he can come up with something to help if it ever does happen.”
“Meantime business as usual. You meet with your friends, I piss them off, we all go patrolling, you get back to work.”
Xander shook his head, his agitation becoming clear. “But it’s not business as usual Spike. I can see in the fucking dark, I can smell the blood on your coat in the living room, I could fuck you for twenty four hours straight and not go soft. It’s not even close to business as usual.”
“All incidental love.” Spike combed his fingers through Xander’s hair. “Sure those things are gonna take some getting used to but the bare bones of your life are still there aren’t they? The basics haven’t changed.”
“Well yeah even the bones have changed. Unless you were planning on leaving, maybe going back to your crypt?”
“Can’t say as I was mate. Got used to the good life here. Hot showers, big telly to watch Passions on, fridge full of blood, that bloody amazing electric blanket of yours.”
Xander ran his hands along Spike’s legs. “And I want you here, I do. But it can’t be business as usual when every aspect of my life is turned around. I don’t even have my damn job to give me that bit of routine and balance.”
“You’re a big boy now Harris, you’ll deal with it all just fine. Just like every other thing that’s ever come up and every bloody thing that’s happened to you this week. You get past it all and come out the other end wondering what all the fuss was about.”
“You’ll be my anchor point? You’ll stop me getting tied up in the details and slap me out of it when I let it all get on top of me?”
“If there’s any slapping to be done mate, you can count on me.” Spike chuckled. “Well not literally, mind; fucking chip.”
Xander rolled over to face him. “You’d get rid of it if you could, wouldn’t you?”
Spike didn’t even need to consider his question. “In a heartbeat mate, in a heartbeat.”
“You could kill anyone then. No restraints.”
“Still some restraints. The ones I would put on myself, love. I’ve had a chip for only a short while, didn’t go round eating you lot before then did I? Might have tried a couple of times though.”
“And now? You’d kill my friends?”
“Keyword love, your friends. Wouldn’t touch them, wouldn’t hurt you like that, I promise you.”
“Killing any one of them’s not worth the trouble no matter how much I might want to.” Spike sighed and shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d be more than happy to knock that dozy cow on her arse. But if I offed her I’d have to deal with the whole soddin’ gang and then my bloody great poof of a sire would have to put his nose in wouldn’t he? No slayer’s blood is worth that.”
“What about me Spike?
“Told you already haven’t I? Would bite you only if you asked me.”
“You’d turn me?”
“No! Never turn you. I’d claim you eventually. Then there’d be no issue about this bloody not-quite-a-consort deal.” Spike ran his fingers along Xander’s throat and his voice dropped, low and husky. “The bite’s an amazing thing love. Not just the claim, but the act itself, anytime. It’s intimate, not like anything else we could share. I take your blood, you take mine and we’re part of each other forever.”
“That’s why Rose wouldn’t let me give you my blood. She said you’d be angry if you had my blood and weren’t conscious.”
“Bloody right she was too. That’s not something I would ever want to miss.”
“Wait!” Xander sat up suddenly, water sloshing over the sides an expression of shock on his face. “Forever. You said forever and you didn’t mean that metaphorically did you?”
“I thought you knew that. Didn’t you read it in that book? Its forever love, if you’re a consort.”
“Oh do I want to know what that means? No, Spike it’s too much.” Xander lifted himself out of the tub and stood dripping in the middle of the bathroom. Spike got out after him and reached out but Xander jerked away and paced the small room. “This is just too much, I can’t deal with this. Okay, some vision, some hearing, a bit of fancy footwork and some extra sex yeah. But now you’re telling me forever? No, no, that’s huge, I- it’s, it’s too much Spike I can’t – how do I-.” He looked at his lover with shining, pleading eyes. “Spike?”
Spike closed the space between them and pulled Xander to him feeling Xander’s arms clutch at him. “Love, I’m sorry, I thought you knew that part too or I would never have said it like that. I’m an idiot mate, I should have known you hadn’t got to that yet or you would have brought it up. I’m sorry Xander.”
“Even if we never exchanged blood it would still be forever wouldn’t it? This spell would give me that too.”
“Yeah mate it would.” Spike held him tightly as he felt the shudders wrack Xander’s body.
“My friends. My family.” Xander’s voice began to break. “I can’t watch all the people I love- they’re all going to-. Spike I can’t watch that, how can I do that? How do I have forever alone?”
He took no offence and was not hurt at Xander’s words. Spike knew exactly how Xander felt and what he meant. He’d not been attached to a human but he’d seen lifetimes begin and end, knew the pain and heartache of losing family.
“I’m a poor substitute love but you’ll never be alone.” Spike held him while Xander finally broke.
The stress and strain he’d been withholding all week flooded out and Xander clung to the one thing that he would have forever. Not his friends, not his parents. Just Spike. They were just seven days into an eternity and Xander could no longer bear up against the pressures against him. The anxiety and worry over the spell, the guilt over his friends and Spike’s injuries, the tension between himself and Buffy, the weight of knowing that at anytime, any moment he could be claimed and taken by a demon. Add to that the overpowering emotions of his rapidly developing relationship with Spike. And now. Now the comprehension of that one hard fact, he would live and watch his friends, his
Spike held him. There was nothing he could say in the face of this. Nothing that would help. It would be hollow platitudes at best. Spike wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders and gripped him with all the strength he knew Xander would need to get through this.
It was days, almost a week before Xander was ready to even think about facing his friends or leaving the apartment. Days in which he locked himself inside with Spike, crying, raging, talking, reasoning, arguing. Spike was his anchor as promised. He stayed by Xander’s side, holding him when he needed, accepting the blind fury as Xander railed at the future thrust upon him, making love to him when he calmed, telling of his experiences, his ways of dealing with loss, albeit with the demon slant. They moved between the bed, the couch, the kitchen, the bathroom, almost always together, neither feeling confined nor stifled. The need for contact, to touch and reassure felt equally between both of them.
Spike fielded phone calls, surprising even himself with the tactful way he was able to fend off Xander’s friends. Giles had been informed of the spell’s results and wanted to begin further research. Spike suggested he take care of that without them. The girls phoned, they understood what Xander needed and after reassurances from Spike that Xander would contact them soon, eventually they stopped calling. The only call Xander took during that time was from his boss. The site was not yet ready to reopen, the rewiring job more difficult than they first thought; the newly replaced main switchboards had twice been burnt out overnight and the insurance company wanted a full investigation into the safety of the site and the existing wiring. A glitch in the insurance payout further held up the order of new equipment. Xander’s concerns however, lay only with the workers and he was satisfied to learn that most had been temporarily relocated to several of the company’s other sites.
On Thursday night, Xander and Spike lay together on the couch, wound in each others’ arms; the television was on but neither was watching. Xander had had a good day and Spike was grateful. They had taken the time during the week to become more comfortable with each other and through dealing with the ramifications of the bonding spell, had become even closer. Spike had been there every minute Xander had needed him and for the first few days that had been often, almost constantly. Now it was mainly while Xander slept; the nightmares assaulted him and while he wouldn’t always recount them, Spike knew that they reflected his ongoing battle to deal with his longevity. Xander would toss and turn and weep, Spike would hold him, whisper to him and gradually Xander would calm again. Often, when he woke, he had no memory of this.
As they had every other night that week, they lay together, Xander stretched out over Spike, his head pressed to the cool hard chest, listening to Spike’s voice echo and rumble as he spoke of his time before Sunnydale. This night he had made it as far as
Spike felt the change in him immediately; he didn’t even need to feel the wetness on his chest. A connection of sorts was developing between them and Spike found that he was able to very quickly pick up on the slightest change in Xander’s moods and sometimes even feel it himself. He knew this same thing was beginning in Xander to a certain degree, but he’d not pushed for Xander to talk about it. He had enough to be going on with this week. Spike stopped talking and slid down the couch, pulling Xander harder against him. He didn’t need Xander to tell him the details, it had been the same thing these past two days. Xander was having so much trouble accepting the fact that he would go on without
As he had done every other time, Spike held him while he cried, stroking gentle hands over his back and through his hair. It was less harsh now, almost silent tears rather than the gut wrenching sobs of Sunday and Monday. It was over sooner too, Xander finding himself less distraught and more resigned.
“Spike I can’t keep feeling like this. How long can it go on?” Xander asked as he wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand.
“It’ll take as long as it takes love. Don’t rush it.”
“I just want to be past this. Get back to my normal life, but that’s never going to happen.”
“No it isn’t, you’re right. This is your new normal, you have to get your life working around this now. It will get easier, love. Promise.”
Xander gave a wry laugh. “Can’t get any worse can it?”
“Don’t tempt the fates Harris. You know better than that,” Spike chided him.
“You been so patient, putting up with my blubbering all over you.”
“I love you mate, what else am I going to do?” Spike kissed him, wiping the last of the tears from his face.
Xander’s stomach rumbled. “Guess that means I should get up.” He wrapped his arms tighter around Spike and pressed a kiss to his lips. “But I don’t want to. Are you sure there’s no consort power coming where I can just wave my hand at the kitchen and dinner comes to me?”
“Love I’m a vampire not a bleeding wizard.” Spike shook his head. “And before you ask again, no you won’t get x-ray vision or invisibility.”
“Damn. No superpowers with this gig.”
Spike slid a hand into the front of Xander’s boxers feeling him swell almost instantly. “Oh I don’t know about that love. I’m pretty fond of this power myself.”
Xander rolled to his back and pulled Spike over him, sliding the borrowed boxers down Spike’s hips. Spike kicked them the rest of the way off then reached for the tube that had been lying on the floor by the couch for the past week. It was near empty but Spike found enough to swipe a coat over Xander’s erection before slowly impaling himself. They’d made love so often each day that there was rarely a need for more thorough preparation; Spike’s cool channel was still slicked from an earlier encounter over the back of the couch.
Spike rode him at a rough pace, his hands braced behind him on Xander’s legs, back arched, Xander’s warm hands wrapped around his cock. Sometimes they lay and made love for hours, other times they just stopped where they were and fucked. Each was just as good and each had its own purpose. This time was quick and Spike worked his muscles against Xander’s cock, reaching back to slip a finger inside him and take him over the edge. When he heard Xander’s breathy grunts and felt the warm rush deep inside he too came shooting thick streams of come across Xander’s chest.
Spike fell down against Xander’s chest, smearing them both with the cool fluids. Xander gripped his hair and pulled Spike’s mouth to his, taking it in a deep kiss, grinding their lips and teeth together, tasting all corners of Spike’s mouth. He pulled away and scraped his teeth gently over Spike’s neck. “Love you vampire.”
Spike grunted and pressed his neck harder against Xander’s teeth. “You know love, technically you should call me master.” Spike sat up and smirked down at him.
Xander lifted himself upright and shoved a laughing Spike onto the floor. “Don’t push your luck Bleachie.” He stood and offered a hand to Spike. “Come on, you got me all dirty again. Shower then food, I’m starving.”
“Its about time we got out mate. How ‘bout dinner at the Lion?”
A cloud passed over Xander’s face. “Nowhere else? Just the Lion then back home?”
Spike hugged him. “That’s it love. We have dinner, maybe a beer then we come straight back here; no side trips till you’re ready.”
“I don’t know Spike. There’s so many demons in there. How will we know-”
“Love you can’t stay locked up forever.” At Xander’s flinch Spike gave him a small shake. “Yes its forever, we have forever and I will not spend the remainder of my existence in your soddin’ apartment no matter how much I love you. I will be with you tonight. Tom would never let anything happen. We won’t go anywhere else yeah?”
“I think I can do that. And I’d like to catch up with Rose.” Xander let Spike pull him along into the shower.
Clean again and dressed for the first time in days, Xander put on his brave face and tossed his keys to Spike. “You, Bleachie, can drive. You’re taking me on a date.”
“What the fuck Harris. I’m a master. We don’t do dates.”
Xander pulled Spike to him and whispered in his ear. “Sure you do. Cause you know what? I put out after a good date.”
Spike poked Xander’s chest. “You put out after a good sneeze,” he chuckled and dragged him out the door.
It was a lighthearted moment, but Xander clung tight to Spike’s hand as they left the apartment. He’d not been outside for close to a week and assurances aside, he knew he wouldn’t be entirely comfortable out of his apartment.
Spike felt his hesitation, and caught waves of his fear. He knew Xander would struggle with the outing, but they had been inside for so long, Spike needed to get him out, needed to get out himself, if only for a change of scenery. He was loathe to point out the obvious to Xander. If the demons who had bonded him wanted to come for him, then inside or outside, uptown or downtown, I wouldn’t matter. They would come. He never entertained the thought of telling Xander this. His boy needed a haven and his apartment was it. Spike made a mental note to quietly ask Tom for some wards on the apartment.
Spike pulled the car into a spot a short distance from the Bear and Lion. Even after he’d taken the key out, Xander sat still, staring down the street and at the sidewalk beside the car. Spike sighed and reached out, turning Xander to face him.
“Right here with you okay?”
“I know, thanks.”
“Wait here alright?” Spike quickly got out and went around to Xander’s side, opening the door with a flourish and holding out his hand. “It’s a date you said love? Let do it properly then.”
Xander offered him a weak smile of appreciation and took his hand. Spike knew damn well that Xander didn’t want to be standing on the sidewalk on his own for the few seconds it took to walk around the car.
Xander climbed out and kissed him lightly. “Thanks, Spike, I don’t deserve you.”
Spike gave a heavy theatrical sigh. “I know, but I put up with you anyway mate.” He locked the car, pulled Xander close with an arm around his waist and whispered in his ear. “You’ll be okay. We’re just getting some food, visiting the Joudels then home again. I won’t leave you alone Xander.”Xander smiled. “Better not. Come on, let’s get inside.”