spiceblueeyes (spiceblueeyes) wrote in bloodclaim,

Xander's Apple Part 2

Title: Xander's Apple: Part 2
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Summary: Xander talks to Willow about his decision. Previous part is here.

Xander’s Apple: Part 2

Xander dialed Willow’s number and lifted the phone to his ear. Three rings later he heard a soft click followed shortly by a cheerful but tired, “hello?”

“Hey Wills, it’s me, we need to talk.”

Twenty minutes later he was ensconced on one side of a back booth at the coffee shop around the corner, staring at his mocha wondering how he was going to tell Willow about his decision. For her part, Willow sat opposite him, her hands curled around a mug of Earl Grey.

“Okay Xan, I came because you sounded really serious on the phone, and you’re my best friend, but it’s been a really long day…and night, with school and demon battling and everything, so if you’re not gonna talk now can we do this sometime when it’s not ‘oh god o’clock’?”

Xander sighed and took a sip of his coffee. Setting his cup down he looked at Willow. “Spike said I almost died tonight.”

Willow grimaced, “yeah, I saw that. It was close, but Buffy had your back.”

“Yeah, except…Spike…he doesn’t, he…” Xander floundered, searching for words. “He really freaked out, and we ended up talking, well, it was more like Spike was begging and I was crying and…he asked if he could turn me.” Xander ran his right hand through his hair, still holding his coffee with his left. “He wants to turn me.”

Willow gasped, “Oh goddess!”

“Wills” Xander said before Willow could overcome the shock of the last statement and launch into babble mode. “I want him to.” He met her eyes, wanting her to see the truth in them. He wanted this, for Spike, for himself, but most of all for both of them together.

Her eyes widened at his revelation. “Xander…”

“I know, I know, you don’t have to go over all the reasons I shouldn’t do it. Or even all the reasons I shouldn’t even want it in the first place, I know I’m sitting here right now telling you that I want to become the evil undead, what we’ve been fighting against for years now. But Wills, that’s not what I want. I want to be undead, but not evil, and I thought if anyone could make me not evil it would be you, and so I’m telling you, and you’re staring at me, and I haven’t even told Spike yet, and stop me when I stop making sense, unless that already happened a while ago. You probably think I’m crazy, maybe I am crazy.” Xander had to stop for breath.

The epiphany he’d had back in his apartment had filled him with a certainty that this was the path he wanted. He’d felt totally calm, totally confident, totally sure. Now, he still felt sure that he wanted this, but little butterflies were waking up in his stomach.

“Xander, calm down, breathe,” Willow smiled a little “you’re not dead yet.”

Letting out a small bark of laughter at that comment, Xander shut up.

“I get it. I do.” A look of sadness crossed her face, “If I could have kept Tara with me forever, I would have.”


“I’ll help you. You love each other, anyone can see it. You deserve to be happy.” Willow reached over and took Xander’s hand. “You’re my best friend; I’d do anything for you.”

“You will?” Xander was a little dumbstruck. He’d expected a long drawn-out conversation about pros and cons complete with groveling, at the least. The instant approval and agreement threw him. “I don’t have to like…convince you or anything? I had a speech. Well, not really, but I was prepared to wing it with speechy-ness.”   

“No speeches necessary. I’m in, especially with the you-not-being-evil part. I don’t want my Xander-shaped friend to become Xander-shaped evil.”

They smiled at each other, neither speaking, in silent appreciation of the strength of their friendship. After a few minutes Xander broke the silence and spoke. “So any ideas on how to keep me from, you know, killing people?”

Willow frowned, her gaze focused inward. She made a little “hmm” sound that always indicated she was thinking extra hard about something.

“Would snacks help? Can’t think on an empty stomach, and the cuisine here at Casa de Coffee is actually pretty good. They have awesome banana nut muffins.”

“No thanks. I should get going anyway. I have class tomorrow, or today actually, and some sleep before then might be nice.” Willow shouldered her purse and made to stand up.

“So, is that a no on the ideas-to-keep-Xander-from-eating-people front?” Xander asked, a little nervously.

“I have some ideas, but there’s a lot of research to be done before I can even start to know for sure. I’ll let you know as soon as I find anything.”

Xander quickly slid out of the booth and pulled Willow into a big hug. “Thanks Wills.” Willow just gave him an extra squeeze and let go. Turning, she left the coffee shop and Xander sat back down to his now room temperature mocha.

Happy that Willow was in his corner, he wondered what the reactions of the others would be. Most of all, he wondered if he should tell what he’d decided Spike right away, or wait until Willow had more information for him. Spike would be ecstatic at the news, but he would be impatient. Xander knew how Spike thought. The sooner Xander was a vampire, the sooner Spike wouldn’t have to worry about car accidents or wrinkles. Not that Spike wouldn’t love him if he had wrinkles, but any signs of aging on Xander’s part caused the vampire to panic. Spike had spent the weeks before and after Xander’s last birthday in a major funk, and had given him a helmet as a present (along with something else, which had cool whip involved) to wear when driving, “just in case.”

Draining the last dregs of his coffee, Xander made his way to the exit. Whether he told Spike about his decision or not, he couldn’t leave things the way they were. Spike had stormed out of the apartment, angry and afraid. Xander would wait for him to come back home, and then they would talk. Though maybe some sleep first would be a good idea.

Though, Xander reflected, if sleep was what he wanted, maybe he shouldn’t have ordered that extra espresso shot.

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