Title: Freaky Friday
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Summary: Spike and Xander go to a Chinese restaurant, when they wake up in the morning, they are in for the surprise of their lives.
Warnings: Just swearing and mention of adult content
Notes: Thanks to kimalis for betaing it.
Spike and Xander sat in the Chinese restaurant. They had finished patrolling early, then decided they could go for some food. Xander of course was the one treating. He glared at Spike playing with his chopsticks; picking at the last of what Xander could only assume was hopefully chicken.
“I haven’t had food this good since the Boxer Rebellion. Had these brilliant outside markets. It was bloody beautiful. I miss those days. Now I can barely harm a bloody fruit fly.”
“You think you have it so bad just because you can’t maim and kill humans. What about my life? Everyone around me has super powers, but me? I’m the Zeppo.”
“What are you talking about? You have amazing healing abilities,” Spike gave him a toothy grin. “I bet I could beat you all day and only a few bruises would be on you the next day.”
“You’re sick. I don’t get why I always get paired with you.”
“Cause everyone else is butt buddies. You got Glinda and Red, then you got Slayer and Captain Cardboard. We are the only ones who ain’t stiffing each other up the arse nightly.”
“Lovely picture. I think I’ll go puke now. CHECK! Check please!”
“Yeah, it’s really lovely for me to picture my cock buried in your bulky body.”
Xander glared at Spike. His body was not bulky! He opened his mouth to tell Spike off but the lady with the check came with two fortune cookies for them. They both grabbed one and opened it.
“I wish you could see what it was like in my life,” they said at the same time.
The restaurant shook violently, but as quickly as the tremor started, it ended. Spike looked down to see what his fortune cookie said as he popped one of the halves in his mouth.
“’What you wish for is what you get, until you see you won’t turn back’,” he read aloud. “What kind egghead do they have writing this bullshit?”
“I don’t know, Spike. I think it’s write up your alley. Get it? Write up you alley! You know, because it’s writing.”
“Trying to kill me with the lame puns? Because I prefer stakes.”
Xander pulled out his wallet it and counted out the bills, then put them on the tray with the check. He handed it to the waitress and told her that she could keep the change. They got up and went their separate ways. Spike back to his crypt and Xander back to his apartment.
Xander woke up the next morning with a strange feeling. It felt like he was naked in a bed of satin sheets, which was funny because he was fond of sleeping in boxers and a wife beater or sometimes just sweatpants, never naked. Also, his sheets were cotton. He heard movement and squeezed his eyes shut tighter.
“Harris! Wake up! Something wonky is happening. There was this stupid beeping machine at the side of your end table, but I smashed it, so no worries there. But, it hurt my hand and I was bleeding. Then I almost fainted because the blood smelled and tasted horrible. Then I was hungry, can you believe I was actually hungry? Now get your lazy arse up out of bed.”
Xander pulled the blankets over his head and muttered sleepily, “Crazy dream Spike. He sounds like me but with an English accent.”
Xander felt the blankets pulled off him. He opened his eyes to yell at Spike for daring to interrupt his sleep, but Spike wasn’t there. The tall man with broad shoulder and thick, wavy brown hair was waving his arms frantically and ranting about how he wanted to be a vampire again. Xander assessed the situation and came to a conclusion.
“EVIL ROBOT!” He screamed and scrambled out of bed.
“I ain’t an evil robot. I’m Spike except in your bloody body.”
“You haven’t done anything-” Xander narrowed his eyes. “Evil with it, have you?”
“Yeah, I ran out and kicked a couple puppies then made sure that you picked up a few nasty diseases.” Spike let out an exasperated breath at Xander’s look of horror, he hated see that look on his own face. “It’s called sarcasm, Harris. I ran straight here when I realized I had a pulse.”
“Shouldn’t you be celebrating? You are all human and you can see the sun, then do all the daytime things you never thought you’d get to do.”
“You Scoobies don’t get it. I like being a vampire. I can already feel this body decaying as it shifts through its mortal coil towards death.”
“Hey! That’s my mortal coil and I happen to like it. Oh, God. I’m in your body. I’m dead! Oh, God, I always knew that I would wind up dead someday if I stayed here, but I always thought I’d be dead in my own body!”
“You ain’t dead. Your soul is still here, so you ain’t dead.”
“But, I’m cold. Well, your body feels all cold. It’s like I’ll never be warm again.”
“You get used to it.”
“What’s in my body right now?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Is there a demon in my body? Am I technically possessed?”
“If I was all demon, you lot would be dead, chip or no. So, you’re not possessed.”
“You’re all Mr. Share, why?”
“Bloody fortune cookies. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out they were magic. They said we had to see what it was like in each other lives or else we won’t turn back. So, I’m trying to explain to you as quickly as possible, I’m not all demon.”
“So William is still in there.”
“I am William, I just don’t care anymore. Was always love’s bitch, Dru said ‘I love you, but I want to murder half of London.’ I said, ‘Yeah? That’s brilliant!’ We didn’t actually murder half of London and she didn’t use those exact words, but she loved me in her own demented way.”
“But she left you and cheated on you.”
“I blame you Scoobies, the Judge, and Angelus. Overall, she’s still a demon and being reminded that I’m not all demon, it made her lose faith in me.”
“So are you soulless or not?”
“Completely soulless, but it’s like if you were to make a deal with a devil for your soul. They’d take it and you’d just be kind of left with this empty side. You’d still be you, you’d just feel emptier, but with vampires, a demon comes in and takes the empty side, then it whispers to you. Of course, I don’t know if that’s what it’s like with all vampires. Sometimes it feels like it’s only me that got to keep the human parts.”
Xander waited a couple of seconds, “I see you, why haven’t we switched back?”
“This is a two way street and there’s no way you see me.”
“Of course I do. You’re not a demon and yet you’re not a man. You’re in between. You’re not like other vampires, which explains why you were mostly alone most of your demon life and came seeking human attention, not vampire kind, when you got chipped. You see other vampires and you want to be like them. When you were turned, you dove into the lore thinking you finally found a place to belong, but because of the chip, it showed you that you never really belonged in that world which is why you actually hate it. Am I close?”
“I, uhh, no. Not bloody likely, way off. You don’t know me at all. I want to do you now,” Spike blushed and hung his head, making Xander’s body look like some of the pictures he had seen of Spike before he was turned. “That came out wrong. I meant I want to try and psychoanalyze you now. You know, for the cookies and so I can get back in my own body.”
“Okay, Doctor Spike. Let’s get with the psychoanalyzing. There’s nothing really special about me, not really. I grew up in a semi-normal home. My dad was big on verbal abuse and fighting with my mom, while my entire family was big on drinking and fighting. My only really good friend was Jesse, but he died. I haven’t mentioned him in years and it still hurts just saying his name. Everyone around me has super powers, yet I don’t. Did we switch back yet? Because I really don’t want to go any deeper.”
Spike sat on the bed still in Xander’s body. Xander watched him for a bit before sitting down next to him. He was glad he couldn’t blush because he just looked down to see that he was completely nude and was thinking that Spike’s body was pretty good looking.
“Now it’s time for what I see?” Xander nodded. “Well, I see a man who can’t really see himself. Even though he has grown up and moved out of his parents’ basement, he really doesn’t see who he is and because everyone around him has physical powers that they can see, he can’t really see that he’s more powerful than all of them.”
“Why’s he more powerful than all of them?”
“Because he’s got an unbreakable soul and really sexy legs,” Spike smirked.
“Don’t tease,” Xander, not caring that it was his body, knocked Spike in the back of the head.
Spike winced and Xander fell back in pain as the chip fired. He screamed loudly as electric shocks ran through his brain and wasn’t for a good full minute until the pain subsided.
“Is it like that every time it fires?”
“We need to get this thing removed. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”
“Am I your worst enemy?”
“No, not anymore.”
Spike nodded awkwardly, “That’s good.”
“Why do you care if I hate you or not?”
“Dunno. You were always with that demon bint, not like you aren’t now, but I guess, I guess I lied.”
“I told Buffy I loved her, but I lied. I don’t. She was a distraction, guess that’s why I got so obsessive. The real person I love, real person I have been lusting after is- Bugger, I can’t say it. I don’t want to get hurt.”
“You can trust. I promise I won’t say anything to whoever it is.”
“Really aren’t that bright, are you love?” Spike ran a hand through the bleached blonde hair that used to belong to himself. “It wouldn’t have stopped me before, but after Dru, I didn’t really want to get hurt again. Last time, it felt like dying all over again, I never want to experience that again.”
“You’re talking in circles, Spike.”
“You dumb wanker, I’m in love with you. I have been since you used to tie me up in your basement. It’s why I left once I found I could fight. You obviously didn’t want me around and loved that stupid demon bint so much. It just made me want to kill both of you, but I couldn’t.”
Xander looked at Spike shocked, “Well, that’s um, wow.”
“I don’t love Anya though.” Spike looked at him hopefully; it was so weird seeing that look on his face. “But that doesn’t mean I exactly love you, I mean, yeah, you aren’t what you seem and I guess you can see me.” Xander noticed Spike inching closer to him. “What are you doing?”
“Well, since I have a chance, I’m going to take it.”
“Uh, don’t you think it’s a bit weird kissing your own body?”
“No, I guess it’s kind of like kissing your twin, but it’s not exactly your twin.”
Xander looked at him with an air of confusion, “What?”
“Here, let me clear things up for you.”
Spike pressed his hand onto Xander’s shoulder. Xander looked into Spike’s eyes and smiled. It didn’t feel as weird as they thought it would be. The skin stripped away and they could see each other through what was on the outside. Spike pressed his lips into Xander’s and it felt natural. The earth quaked and they were back in their own bodies.
Six months later and Xander found himself in the same Chinese restaurant that he and Spike visited what seemed like years ago. His fingers were tightly entwined in Spike’s as Spike’s thumb stroked Xander’s hand.
“Did you hear about the Slayer dying?” a demon from another table asked Spike. “Rumor has it, it was to stop some kind of Hell God. It all happened while you were out of town, so if you know, stop me.”
Xander growled at the demon, “We know. Shut up or you’ll be on the main menu.”
“Now, pet,” Spike chided him, but unable to hide his smirk. “That isn’t nice.”
“I don’t need a constant reminder that Buffy died.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Even if you were here, there is no way you could have prevented it. Some things, they just happen for a reason. Slayers don’t live too long and there’s probably a reason for that. What the reason is, I don’t know, but probably a good one.”
Xander wanted to protest, but the waitress arrived along with a beautiful Chinese woman. Xander sensed it was a vampire and felt his vision go slightly darker. He knew the green in his eyes must be showing, but he honestly didn’t care. He growled at her and she smiled at him.
“William, you do pick interesting mates,” she said.
“Mai Ling! I knew this food tasted familiar. Don’t mind my mate; he’s still kind of new to being part demon.”
“Part demon?” She inspected Xander who continued to growl at her. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Usually waitress says you come once a month. This is the one who got the fortune cookie with you, yes?”
“Yeah,” Xander said. “After that, we went to go find a cure for Spike.”
Spike shook his head, “Nah, my chip. Xander felt what it was like to have it shock me while he was in my body, so we went off to find a way to find a way to remove it. We found a trader; I don’t really like what we traded for the removal though.”
“The hyena took its place,” Xander said. “I don’t see the problem.”
“Your soul for the chip wasn’t a very good trade. I should have never said anything.”
“Is there a problem?” Mai Ling asked.
“No, just we ran into the trader in Sicily, but the arse didn’t want anything I had. He wanted my mate’s soul, which wasn’t a fair trade. But, the trader had been our last bet, so without my permission, my mate goes and makes the trade, then the demon soul, this hyena that Xander got possessed with a while back, crawls in and takes were the empty space used to be.”
“Traders always were especially pricey.”
“I know, try telling him that though.”
Xander whined in his throat. He hated when Spike said what he did was bad. He just wanted to help. Spike had been the first person to really see him and he wanted to repay him so badly. There wasn’t any empty feeling and he felt freer than when he had his soul. He didn’t have any regrets and Spike seemed happier now that he could kill again. Xander didn’t have any qualms about Spike killing either. It might be because he was soulless now too and got to snack on the hearts, but he was sure there were other factors in the not caring.
“Well, it’s too late. Deal has been signed and humany and demony parts have been merged, but hey, but bright side, immortal demony mate for your pleasuring needs.”
Xander was starting to ease up around Mai Ling, maybe it was because she acknowledged his claim on Spike and she wasn’t challenging it. She seemed almost a friend to Spike and he would have hated to have to stake her if she did.
“Bloody Hell, I didn’t properly introduce you two.”
“Always the Victorian,” Mai Ling said with a smile.
Xander chuckled and smiled back.
“Very funny. Mai Ling, this is my mate Xander. Xander, this is Mai Ling. We met back during the Boxer Rebellion. She had small food cart with her mate back in China. Is Natalia still around?”
“She is in the back with our new childe, if you wish I can go get her for you.”
“No, raising a childe is hard work; I wouldn’t want to distract her. We’ll be in town for a while; we can just catch her when she’s free or out on a hunt.”
“Very well, will you be dining here tonight?”
Xander nodded and grinned. He wondered what Natalia looked like. He couldn’t help picturing a slender blonde with blues eyes who contrasted perfectly with Mai Ling’s dark hair and almond shaped and shaded eyes. Xander whimpered and panted as his mind turned to the two of them hot in bed along with their new childe, who in his mind was also a woman and a redhead.
Spike eyebrow rose, “Well, I think that’s a no. We’ll probably pick up someone on the way home. I hope you’re not offended.”
“No,” Mai Ling smiled seductively. “Maybe you two can join us for a private dinner one night.”
“We’d love to!” Xander jumped in then he winced. “I probably smell like a bitch in heat, don’t I?”
Spike kissed him. “That’s okay. You’re my bitch in heat.”