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|| Bloodclaim ||
You know they're doin' it
Head Of The Class 
14th-Sep-2008 05:05 am
Head Of The Class

Author: BmblBee
Paring: S/X HAU
Rating: Adult
Warning: Contains very adult content. Strong language
and sexual activity of the m/m nature.
Disclaimer: I tried to buy them but they apparently
aren't for sale so I own none of the products or characters
named in this story and make no money from it.

Summary: Kindergarten teacher Xander meets porn star Spike.

Additional notes: Along with the wonderful banner, a big thanks
to the brilliant Petxnd who encouraged me and offered plot

Something had changed.

The bar was still packed with a hoard of people laughing, drinking and
conversing happily. The music, loud and now fast, played on and the
two strange women still clung tightly to their respective dance partners
with a possessive iron grip.

Clumped closely together, the four made their way through the
movement of the dance floor back to their table, but two of them
now felt the night had shifted and transformed.

The ions in the atmosphere had slid and despite their levels
of inebriation, or possibly because of it, both men were acutely
aware that a new vibration was in the air.

They couldn't keep their eyes off each other.
The women with them nattered on unceasingly about their hair,
the heat in the room and the skanky outfits of the others on the dance
floor but the comments came across as mosquito buzzing around
the outer shell of the men's ears.

Reclaiming their table, the four sat down. Gracie wanted another
drink. Melanie needed to go to the bathroom. The men wanted.....

"Come on Gracie. Go with me. Spike can get us another drink
while we are gone then we can all dance some more."

The two women looked at Spike and waited for confirmation.
Luckily, just enough of her whinning has seeped into his brain
that he was ready with an answer.

"What? Oh, sure thing Love. Have at it and we will take care of
the refreshments. Isn't that right, Xan."

Xander shook his head. What had Will asked him? His ability
to comprehend was gone. He felt strange, as though he were
suddenly on a different planet.

An astronaut who had landed on the planet William. He was dizzy
and light headed from the lack of oxygen and he couldn't speak the
language. Still, he knew this strange world could be paradise and
he would gladly live here forever.

Blinking, he tried to clear his head. He could hear the women
laughing. One said words like 'bathroom' and 'together'.
He tipped his head slightly. Will was telling them they would
buy more beer. Xander's stomach rolled. He did NOT want
more beer.

"Come on, Love. Get up."
Will had Xander by the arm and was pulling him to his feet. Xander stood,
but the change in altitude made him dizzy and he nearly fell back. Will
chuckled and tightened his grip.

"Oh, no you don't. You need to get up, Pet. The skanks will
return soon and we need to be out of here before they do."

Xander stared into the blue eyes and he smiled. He still couldn't
understand the language this beautiful alien spoke, but Xander knew
he would follow him anywhere. It was a situation made easier by
the fact that Xander's cock had been hard as a rock ever since the
dance floor and apparently Will was steady North.

Once up and fairly balanced, Will stepped behind Xander and placed
his hands on the larger man's hips steering him toward the door.
Several of the patrons they passed laughed at the sight.
One man, tall and drunk, an obvious erection pointing straight ahead,
while the shorter, lighter, steered from behind.

Will smiled and waved as they passed.

Once outside, a blast of cool autumn air slapped Xander in the face
with a shock of oxygen. He threw his head back and sucked it all
in as every inch of his body tingled. His head was swimming,
and his mouth tasted like cotton. His arms and legs were made of
lead and his stomach regretted everything he had foolishly put in it.
But the worst, the worst was his bladder.

"I gotta pee. We gotta go back in there so's I can pee."
Xander turned back toward the bar and Will laughed, quickly tugging
on Xander's arm to stop him.

"No! The evil skank monsters are in there and they might eat us up
if we go back. Come on. I'll stand guard. We can slip in to this alley.
No one will see you."

Xander frowned. He remembered telling someone that peeing outside
was a no no but he did not want to be eaten by a skank monster.
He immediately threw his arms around Will's neck.

"Don't let 'em get me, Will. I don't like the skank monsters. I
like you better. If anybody eats me up I want it to be you."

Will wrapped his own arms tightly around his companion and, for
just a minute, allowed himself to believe. The arms that embraced
him were strong, warm, and felt like heaven. Will took a deep
breath, his nostrils flairing and filling with the scent of alcohol,
after shave and sweet kindergarten teacher.

When he felt like he had taken enough, Will gently pried Xander's
arms off and dragged him toward the alley. Xander went willingly.
He trusted Will completely. He would follow him anywhere.

Ducking in to the dark and around the side of a dumpster, Will
glanced back toward the mouth of the alley and waited till it appeared
"O.k, Love, let it fly."

Xander swayed and fumbled with the complicated mechanism that was
his fly. His hands were confounded and he swore to personally beat to
death the genius who had invented such an impossible contraption.

"I can't"
Xander whined, his hands hanging limply at his sides.

"Oh, for pete's sake. Come here, Pet."

Xander stood happily, like one of his 5 year olds, his hips canted
forward while Will unsnapped and unzipped his jeans with ease.
When he looked up at the puppy pout on Xander's face, Will groaned
and reached in.

Tugging all that man meat out of confinement was not easy task.
Will wrestled and worked until finally a huge slab of thick round cock
popped out and lay, heavy in his hand.

"Good grief, Xan. What the fuck?"

Xander snickered. He was drunk, very drunk, but not as out of it as he
pretended and although his full bladder was straining and painful, thanks
to Will's cool grip, pissing may take a little longer than anticipated.
Xander didn't mind.

"That, my friend, is the family inheritance. If you keep digging,
I also have the crown jewels to go with it."
14th-Sep-2008 10:04 am (UTC)
"That, my friend, is the family inheritance. If you keep digging,
I also have the crown jewels to go with it."

LOL. That has got to be the funniest line in fanfic ever!!!
14th-Sep-2008 10:29 am (UTC)
Thanks, I admit I snickered when I wrote it.
Looks like Will has his hands full.
14th-Sep-2008 10:45 am (UTC)
*sputter* Gawds Bee you had me all "awwww" then Xan comes out with that last bit talk about blast of cool water, lmao! Not that Mys minds, in fact, she thinks Will should invest in some major excavation gear, maybe set aside some time for exploratory spelunking, and just generally grope around in the dark. Oh yes, definately...

Btb, they better not be having a quick one in the alley!!!!!!! Or at least if they are, they better be going back to Will's place after for deeper bit of mining! Never know when you're gonna strike the motherload (though Mys thinks Will may have just realized he was within spitting distance of it).
14th-Sep-2008 11:43 am (UTC)
There will be no alley quickies for these two. They
need a warm, private apartment with a soft, temporarily dry,
We are off and running in search of stalactites.
14th-Sep-2008 03:18 pm (UTC)

That was a great chapter. I don't know how long it will take me to stop having to muffle laughter (don't want to wake my husband up) but it was well worth it.

*giggle, snort*
14th-Sep-2008 03:54 pm (UTC)
If your's is like mine, when you try to explain the really
good parts of a gay story you are reading, they just stand
there with a blank look on their faces.
Tomorrow, they arrive back at Will's apartment.
14th-Sep-2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
Well, the advantage I have is that for all but one of the fandoms I read in my husband has also seen the shows. He watches SG-1, Atlantis, BtVS and Angel (we even have at least some of the DVDs for SG-1 and Buffy), and I got him to sit through and admit he liked some of due South and Smallville.

So while he doesn't see the whole slash thing, when I laugh like crazy at dialogue or a situation the characters are in, if I try to explain it he at least connects with the characters. Depending on what it is that made me laugh, he may even get the joke (though I don't try to explain the more explicit stuff to him as he doesn't want to know).

I even got him to read 2 short stories in the SG-1 fandom years ago. The stories were technically slash since there was a relationship between Jack/Daniel/Teal'c referred to, but each story centered had only 1 character - the first story was Jack filling out the census long form and deciding that well, it was the law that he had to tell the truth so that was what he had to do, and the second was Daniel dealing with the phone call from the census bureau asking for explanations of Jack's answers.

They made him laugh, too.

But yeah, I don't try to explain anything juicy to him as he really does not want to know.
14th-Sep-2008 03:20 pm (UTC)
Xander is so drunk. If he remembers any of this the next day he will die of embarrassment. I hope they do make a clean break before those two skanks find them. Will needs to get Xander home to sleep it off.
14th-Sep-2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
Xander is drunk. Too drunk to make it home tonight.
He will have to stay at Will's apartment.
His embarassment won't hit till he sobers up in the morning.
14th-Sep-2008 03:27 pm (UTC)
LMAO!! drunk Xander is so much fun!! hilarious chapter! and yay! they got away from the skank monsters!!!
14th-Sep-2008 03:58 pm (UTC)
They did escape the evil clutches of the nasty skankies.
Now what will they do? The evening is still young
and they are going back to Will's place.
Maybe they can pop some corn and watch the telly.
14th-Sep-2008 06:26 pm (UTC)
too nummy
14th-Sep-2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Gets nummier tomorrow.
14th-Sep-2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
Ooo, that? Out of a kindergarten teacher? *snerk* I'm glad the skank monsters didn't get them. Great chapter.
14th-Sep-2008 10:27 pm (UTC)
It can be scary when one of those monsters are after you, but I think Will has probably had a lot of experience dealing with them.
14th-Sep-2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
Terrific chapter. I loved the image of Xander and his erection being propelled through the crowd by Spike, hilarious. And this......

"Good grief, Xan. What the fuck?"

Xander snickered. He was drunk, very drunk, but not as out of it as he
pretended and although his full bladder was straining and painful, thanks
to Will's cool grip, pissing may take a little longer than anticipated.
Xander didn't mind.

"That, my friend, is the family inheritance. If you keep digging,
I also have the crown jewels to go with it."

i can see a diving expedition is in order for Spike. Xander is such a cute drunk. Will he make a move on Spike? Hmmmmm.....can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
14th-Sep-2008 10:30 pm (UTC)
If you think about it, what is the point of being drunk if you don't make a move on someone?
14th-Sep-2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
Very hilarious Bee. At least they got away from the skanks from hell. Now to get out of the alley and back to Will's place. Hopefully they can stagger their way there, because Will isn't exactly sober either.

Does Spike have a rival in size? Hmmm? Perhaps they are just going to have to compare. Loved the reference to the crown jewels.

14th-Sep-2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
Let's put it this way, Xander is to drunk to drive and Will is about to get a close up look at the crown jewels.
15th-Sep-2008 03:41 am (UTC)
Oh my god. You made me giggle! This Xander was incredibly cute.
Love him to bits!
Good lines in here, this chapter was the funniest yet!
16th-Sep-2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
So glad it made your day. :)
15th-Sep-2008 11:32 am (UTC)
Oh, crap! No crown jewels for breakfast. Buzy Bee?
16th-Sep-2008 01:29 pm (UTC)
They will be served up as a late night snack
16th-Sep-2008 01:41 am (UTC)
LOL! That ending line is totally priceless. I am so glad I found your stories. They are so much fun to read.
16th-Sep-2008 01:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much and welcome aboard. Hope you enjoy the ride.
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