Paring: S/X HAU
Warning: Contains very adult content. Strong language
and sexual activity of the m/m nature.
Disclaimer: I tried to buy them but they apparently
aren't for sale so I own none of the products or characters
named in this story and make no money from it.
Summary: Kindergarten teacher Xander meets porn star Spike.
Additional notes: Along with the wonderful banner, a big thanks
to the brilliant Petxnd who encouraged me and offered plot
Will sighed as he turned the familiar box over in his hand. He
remembered it well. It had been one of his earlier jobs. The pay
was bad and Angel was worse. It was also the one that started
their very brief relationship.
Like a lot of actors just starting out, Will had confused reality and play
acting. He had fallen into the trap of becoming involved with your costar
and believing that the feelings and actions that took place on screen
could be translated to off.
It took only weeks for him to understand and rectify.
It was like the cop that went home and policed his own family, or
the chef who insisted on belittling his wife's cooking. A job is just that.
It is a way to make a living. Will now clearly understood that an
occupation was not real life.
It was taking Angel a lot longer to comprehend. And that is where
Will's strong suspicion of where this came from originated.
Will crossed his arms, leaned back against the desk of the next
cubical and chuckled.
"Ah, yes, I see you have discovered my little secret. Well, I did tell
you I was an actor."
Will's casual, cavalier attitude stunned and crushed Xander, causing him
to spin around and face a man he now realized was really little more
than a total stranger.
"That's it? You lie to me. You jeopardize my job by interacting with
my students. You pretend that what we did was something special when
the truth is, you will fuck anyone for money. How could you? How
can you do this? How can you let these people touch you and fuck you?
And who is this Angel? What are you two to each other?"
Xander's eyes were on the box in Will's hand. His breathing was
ragged and his heart pounded painfully in an attempt to not shatter.
If he had looked up, he would have seen the matching agony on
Will's face before he drew on all the acting skills he knew to mask it.
"Fuck for money? I am NOT a prostitute. I am an actor. I told
you that. I make independent films. That part was also true.
And Angel? What about him? He is someone I work with. He
is an actor that I make movies with. Period. Nothing more.
So what am I guilty of? Not spilling every single little bean? What
great sin have I committed?"
"The sin of omission, Spike"
"Sin of o...., why you sanctimonious little prick. Who the fuck are you?
You think you are so much better than me? Are you open and honest
about every single detail of YOUR life? Do the parents that trust their
most prized possessions with you know you are gay? Have you stood
up at the PTA meeting and confessed your deviant lifestyle?"
Will waved his arms as though addressing a large audience.
"Yes, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public, that's correct. I teach your kiddies
the alphabet during the day and I engage in anal, homosexual behavior
at night. Up the arse? Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Xander rose to his feet and took a step back as though he had been
"Are you threatening me? You want to tell my student's parents
and ruin me? Do you hate me that much? You say Angel is nothing to
you, but that's not how he sounded on the phone."
Will was confused.
"You talked to Angel on the phone? When? Why?"
Then something else Xander had said rattled his brain.
"You think that I am so disgusting? Like a disease? You're afraid that my
mere presence around your delicate charges could contaminate them?
Or is it that you think I would intentionally say or do someting to cause
you to lose your job?"
"Would you? Is that what you want?"
Will was stunned that Xander would even think that.
"What? No. Xan, I didn't mean.....wait, please."
Will rubbed his hands over his face as he felt it all slip away.
Like trying to catch the rain in his hands, his fingers grasp at
He couldn't let it end like this. He had to try again to make it right.
His voice was low, sincere and pleading.
"Xander. The last few days with you have been the best of my
life. I'm crazy about you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this,
I should have trusted you to understand, but, please, is it all that
important? It's just a job. I want other things in life too. This is
just the ticket to get there."
For a moment, Xander waivered.
He knew that his time with Will had been the best of his life too.
He thought he had found the man he was destined to be with,
but now knew he was wrong. The cost of happiness was too high.
"It does matter. You have dreams, well, this is my dream."
Xander waved his arms in all directions.
"Being a teacher. Leading my kids in their first steps into education
and life, that is my dream and I can't give it up. Not for love. Not
for anything. If I can't tell them that I'm gay I sure as hell can't tell
them I'm involved with a gay porn star. I'm sorry, Will, but...."
"You said 'not for love'."
Xander sadly shook his head.
"There isn't anything more to say, Will. You need to go now."
"You're an idiot, Xander Harris. Someday you will regret throwing
Xander nodded. He already regretted it.
Will raised his head and straightened his shoulders. He refused to
crawl or beg any more. If that was what Xander foolishly wanted,
so be it.
He dropped the movie in a nearby trash can and turned away.
At the last second, Xander called after him.
Hope filled Will's heart and he looked back.
"Not that it matters now, but is that it? Are there any other secrets
that you hid from me?"
Will thought briefly about his son, about Scotty, before deciding
that, fuck it, he didn't owe this man anything.
And he walked away.