Title: Circuit Overload
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I bend to Joss Whedon's will and try my best not to murder his characters.
Summary: Instead of Spike having a Buffy-bot made, Xander gets a Spike-bot. Only problem is that it seems to have a mind of its own.
Warnings: Spike-bot with Spike, threesome, and robot loving.
Notes: Thanks to mysticsoblivion for betaing.
“Shit, shit, shit,” Xander breathed as he plowed through a group of over-aged trick-or-treaters. “I can’t believe he got out. Lousy, distracting trick-or-treaters. Who trick-or-treats in an apartment building anyway?”
He had only turned his back on the robot for one second. The Spike-bot couldn’t have gotten far. Xander knew it was wrong keeping a Spike-shaped robot hidden in his apartment, but he was in love with Spike. Spike, the jerk vampire who constantly belittled and tormented Xander making it abundantly clear that any “love making” between them would be near impossible. So, when he saw what Warren could do, he knew he had to have one. Xander had even taken a week’s pay in advance to help cover the costs because he couldn’t intimidate Warren into doing it for free.
“Spike!” Xander called out, hoping the robot would come running when he heard. “Damn it, Spike. This is not cool.”
Xander always thought the robot took a little too much after Spike. It had the same cocky attitude even though it moved slightly stiffer. Also, the bot had the uncanny ability to get Xander in extreme trouble, because like Spike, it had a short attention span with the love for a good spot of violence, except Xander had made it clear to Warren to make the robot only want to hurt demons.
“SPIKE!” Xander tried again.
Xander saw Spike a few feet ahead poking around in a Halloween bag. He had either scared the kid into giving it to him or did some trick-or-treating himself. Xander was going to have a talk about Warren and his programming. He was sick of the little unwarranted surprises that kept popping up.
“There you are,” Xander said strictly. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“You have?” Spike raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.
“Of course I have. You’ve been extremely bad. Now let’s go home.”
Spike’s eyebrows risked disappearing into his hairline, “Are you off your bloody rocker?”
“Um, so,” Xander said trying not to cringe. “You’re not made of metal?”
“There he is!” A voice that sounded like Spike’s said behind him. “Thank you for helping me find my boyfriend. I was very lost.”
Xander hid his face in his hands as he felt arms wrap around him. Spike-bot had found him. Now he just had to explain to Spike why there was a robot him walking around. Maybe Spike had magically disappeared or was really indifferent about there being a robot double of him. Xander peaked through his fingers to see Spike staring at him questioningly, the bag of candy in his hands on the verge of falling to the ground from the obvious slack in Spike’s grip.
“Is something wrong?” Spike-bot asked. “Do you need me to take care of this wanker for you, Xander?”
“Bloody hell!” Spike exclaimed. “Where’d it come from?”
“I-uh, bought it?” Xander smiled hesitantly while thanking God Spike still had his chip.
“Me and my pet are lovers,” Spike-bot said protectively while tightening his grip on Xander. “If you try to come between us, I’ll kick your sorry arse.”
“Lo-Lo-Lovers?” Spike stuttered. “You’re having sex with a robot shaped like me?”
“I, um… no?”
“Xander!” Spike-bot glared at Spike. “Don’t let this tosser intimidate you. I’m the Big Bad. I can beat up anyone who hurts you, then I can lick your sexy wounds and make them better.”
“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” Xander hyperventilated. “You did not just say that in front of the real Spike.”
“You think I sound like that?” Spike’s voice hinted at offense.
“No… it’s just how he was programmed.”
“If you just wanted sex-” Spike began, but he was cut off by Spike-bot.
“It’s not about just shagging! Xander is funny, sweet, and very sexy.” Spike-bot said while moving his hands suggestively lower. “We’re soul mates.”
Xander yelped and tried to push the robot off him, “Now I know I didn’t have Warren program that in you!”
Spike laughed, “Looks like the metal head has a wee bit of a crush on you.”
“We’re going home,” Xander scowled.
The Spike-bot seemed more than delighted by the idea and began dragging Xander away. Spike followed after them, his laughter dying down to mere chuckles.
“No, wait,” Spike said catching up to them.
Spike-bot didn’t slow down and kept dragging Xander, “No, no one laughs at my pet. When Xander says we’re going home, we go home.”
“Alright, alright, didn’t mean to offend. Just tell me why you made him and I swear I’ll leave you two alone.”
Xander looked at Spike and half-smiled, “Because I love you and you’re in love with Buffy. That’s why.”
Spike stopped in his tracks and let Spike-bot drag Xander completely off. Spike didn’t know why, but something about Xander’s voice made him ache. It made him feel guilty for ignoring him for so long.
“Bugger. Why the hell am I the only vampire who can actually care for humans?”
Xander relaxed on the couch next to Spike-bot with the bowl of leftover Halloween candy. It was past the curfew and Xander finally had time to relax. He was just about to turn on his VCR and get down to Elm Street when there was a knock on his door.
“Must be some stragglers,” Xander said getting up.
Xander balanced the bowl and opened the door. On the other side was Spike and Warren. Spike was holding a mint condition, never been out of the box Luke Skywalker action figure, while Warren kept stealing fevered looks at it and shifting with his tool box.
“Trick-or-treat,” Spike said. “Going to invite us in?”
“Uh, yeah. Come in,” Xander said confused.
“You heard him, go in,” Spike said to Warren.
“I heard him. I’m going in. Just don’t hurt Luke,” Warren pleaded.
“Won’t hurt your bloody doll,” Spike said stepping inside.
“What’s he doing here?” Spike-bot asked enraged.
Spike-bot got off the couch and strode towards the door. The way he was glaring at the real Spike, it was obvious he was going to start swinging.
“Spike, power down!” Warren yelped before Spike-bot could start fighting with the real Spike. “I added that since the April incident.”
Spike-bot sagged in place, his eyes strangely blank as he powered down as Warren commanded. Spike picked up the robot and slung him over his shoulder.
“Hey!” Xander yelled. “You’re not taking him!”
“Not taking him. Warren, where would it be easier for you to work?”
“The bedroom and can you hand Luke to Xander? You’re squishing his box.” Warren looked at Spike’s tight grip on the box with extreme worry.
“Can someone please explain to me what’s going on?”
“We’re reprogramming your robot. You’ll see when we’re finished.”
Spike carried the robot into Xander’s bedroom, Xander and Warren following closely behind him. Spike laid Spike-bot down on his stomach and Warren climbed on the bed, setting down his tool box. He opened up the robot’s back, then he pulled out a small laptop from the tool box and attached it to Spike-bot’s back.
“What are you programming him to do?” Xander demanded.
“Programming him to like me more, is all.”
“Like you more?”
“If I’m going to be around more, he’s going to have to like me, ain’t he?”
“Be around more? Did I fall into the Twilight Zone?”
“You said you loved me and I think I want to be with someone who can love me back.”
“And the robot?”
“I’m fixing him, aren’t I?”
“Well, the more I thought about, the more I liked the idea of having sex with myself. So, I’m fixing it so he likes me too, but in a purely sexual way.”
“I guess there’s only one last question.”
“Do androids dream of electric sheep?”
Warren groaned, “And people call me a nerd.” He repacked everything and closed the panel on Spike-bot’s back. “Well, I’ve made all the modifications you requested. Can I have Luke back?”
“Activate him and we’ll see.”
“Fine,” Warren sighed. “William, power up.”
“You changed his name too?” Xander asked more than a bit dumbfounded.
“There can’t be two Spikes,” Spike said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Bloody hell,” ‘William’ said rolling onto his back. “What just happened?”
“You shouldn’t have just reprogrammed him without his consent,” Xander growled. “Both of you get out.”
“But I fixed him,” Spike stated in confusion.
Spike-bot, no William now, grabbed Xander’s arm, “Shush, pet. Know what they did. I backed up my memory.”
“I didn’t program him to think like that,” Warren said amazed.
“AI, wanker,” William said. “Grow as I learn. Haven’t you seen 2001: A Space Odyssey? Only I’m a lot sexier than H.A.L.”
“Of course you didn’t. I watched it with Xander and stored the visual files. He used it to help explain to me what I am. And creation to creator, you suck at writing speech dialogue. It’s taken me forever to rewrite it all.”
“Spike,” Xander said not taking his eyes off William. “Go show Warren out. I need to talk with William here.”
Spike resisted from teasing his double about how much trouble he was in. Instead, he handed Luke back to Warren and herded him out of the room. Stealing glances, knowing he would have to eavesdrop once Warren was gone.
“So,” Xander began. “You’re an AI.”
“You did pay top dollar for me,” William sat up in the bed returning Xander’s stare.
“All those times you just happened to get out of the apartment and those times where you just happen to come home with stolen gas station candy bars, it wasn’t that you didn’t know any better or that’s how you were programmed, but you thought it would be fun to make me think that.”
“Does not compute,” William said in a monotone voice.
“Oh, I see. Well, how about the phrase ‘sleeping on the couch’? Does that compute?”
“Alright. I knew. And I had been forgoing the use of the new word banks. I just didn’t want you to know that I was envious. You seemed to like me the way I was with the weird speech and the way I would lick your sexy wounds. But you love Spike more than me. He’s all you ever talk about. At first I thought you were talking about me, but after awhile I realized you weren’t. So, I upgraded myself to be more like Spike, because that little doll I was before, he wasn’t even close.”
“You didn’t have to learn to be Spike,” Xander sat on the bed next to William. “I did like you the way you were. It was charming in a weird sort of way.”
“I can reboot. Go back to how I was before I learned I was a robot.”
“No, don’t listen to me. I’m tired. Spike, William, whoever you are, I want it to be who you want to be. Not who you were programmed to be. If you like your rewrites, keep them. If you don’t and were happier before, then reboot. It’s your choice to make.”
“My choice to make,” William repeated. “Is that why you told me?”
“I told you because it really wasn’t fair. You honestly thought you were real and I felt bad for deceiving you.”
“You never deceived me, pet.” William stroked Xander’s hair. “Now get some sleep. You’ve had a busy day. I’ll take care of Spike.”
“Do you like being called William?” Xander blurted out as William eased out of bed.
“Yeah, I think I do. It’s a bit long though, isn’t it? Maybe Will. Do I look like a Will?”
“You surely aren’t a Bill,” Xander chuckled.
Will pulled the covers over Xander. “Then call me Will. That’s what I want to be called.”
“Will,” Xander muttered as he laid down. “Night, Will.”
“Night, pet,” Will said with a smile.
Will waited until Xander’s breathing signs signaled that he was in a deep sleep before heading out of the bedroom to look for Spike. The vampire in question was sitting still on the couch, it was obvious he had been listening to every word that had been said and was now trying to process it all. Will guessed that it was the chip on his motherboard that made all his processing go so quickly.
“What do you think of me?” Will asked Spike while sitting next to him on the couch.
“Honestly, I can’t come up with an opinion. I don’t blame Harris. If I would have known Warren was so easy to intimidate, would have had one made for myself, but now you’re here. You look exactly like me except underneath it’s just a bunch of bolts and screws.”
“Your biggest problem is that I’m made of metal?”
“Don’t have any problem with you. You didn’t choose to be made, can’t ask you to be unmade. It’d be like you telling me I should be dust.”
“What’s your point?” Will asked skeptically.
“Just saying, I know what it’s like to be born without choosing to be then trying hard to change for someone you love. I get where you’re coming from. What I’m trying to suss out is what it means for me and Harris. You’re metal and he fancies you, doesn’t even matter that you’re a robot. Makes me wonder if I’m a bit too late.”
“Brilliant, now I have to keep the Spikefriend.bfd file,” Will groaned. “Xander will always love you. Maybe he loves me too, but always you first. I only wonder if you are now pursuing him because you want someone who will love you not that you love him yourself.”
“I never even considered Harris before. Only saw him as someone I could torment to keep feeling like I had a choice in the matter. That I was still evil, I was just choosing to work for minimum wage with the Scoobies.”
“I really wish there weren’t all these choices. I’d just once like to not be me for a few hours.”
“Well, it’s Halloween for a few more hours.”
“Yes, I know how to tell time.”
“I know a twenty four hour costume place. We could dress up for a few hours. Maybe egg a few houses,” Spike suggested.
“We have to egg Giles’ place first. Wanker always complains about me, well, you, but me, he just complains about us when he’s over.”
Spike grinned, “Deal.”
Xander woke up when he heard the telephone ring. He noticed Will wasn’t in bed with him but shrugged it off as he groggily reached out and picked up the phone.
“Hello?” He answered, his voice raspy from sleep.
“Xander, I need to borrow a ladder. Do you have one?” Giles asked him.
“At the construction site there might be one. I could pick it up for you, only maybe though. It’s the weekend. They’ll be closed and I might not be able to get it.”
“Good, thank you.”
Xander held back a yawn, “Can I ask why you need a ladder?”
“Someone egged my flat, now I need to clean it up before the paint begins to peel.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll be there in a couple of hours. I just have to do a few things first.”
They said their good-byes and Xander hung up the phone. He laid his head back down on the pillow and closed his eyes. He tried to fall back to sleep, but he kept hearing this faint creaking noise coming from the living room. He wondered if Will had slept on the couch or if he was up.
Xander got out of bed and padded towards the door, the slight creaking sound growing louder. He slowly opened the door and it was pitch black, he could barely see a thing. Xander walked out, stumbling over something that was on the floor. He picked up and inspected the item, realizing that they were a pair of black leather pants. Xander flipped on the light switch to get a better look at the pants but was awestruck at was ‘brought to light’. On his couch, on XANDER’S couch, there were two Spikes with one of the Spikes buried deeply within the other. The Spike on his back with his legs tightly wrapped around his double was wearing a grey shirt and had on an oversized leather duster that looked completely different from the one Spike usually wore. The other Spike who was frozen mid-thrust had nothing on except a pair of gloves that matched the pants he found and sunglasses. Xander also noted that the pitching Spike had done his hair differently, having it resemble loosely the style Angel had.
“Uh, do I want to know what’s going on?” Xander asked standing in place.
“We were just- Uh, we got dressed up for Halloween, see?” The Spike with sunglasses said. “I decided to go as The Terminator and Will decided to go as Roy Batty from Blade Runner.”
“And that led to sex,” Xander questioned slowly not quite understanding.
“How does it not lead to sex?”
“Xander, take it from me,” Will said. “Just switch off and get naked.”
And Xander did just that. Sadly though, Giles never got that ladder.