Chapter: Hospital Visits and a Need for a Straitjacket
Pairing: Spike/Xander (later)
Concrit: In Comments
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter. Please don‘t sue me for I have nothing that you would want to gain.
Warnings/Squicks: Mentions of Xander/Cordelia, Angel/Buffy, Oz/Willow, and Spike/Dru.
Summary: Weird things start to happen in Sunnydale. Demons begin to disappear, vampires start to become smart, and weres are able to control their beast to a certain point. Just a normal day in the life of a certain Zeppo.
Xander is baffled as he steps out of the hospital into the darkening streets of Sunnydale. He is the last member of the swim team to have the plasma transfusion done and he feels strange now. He felt fine just before he walked into the room where the transfusion was done, it was only during the process that things started to become weird.
It started out as an itch in a rather…private area. Xander was tempted to scratch said area but he didn’t want the rather hideous nurse to believe he was adjusting himself, bile shot up his throat at the thought. After a while the itch turned into a sharp pain that seemed to pulse with his heart beat. Feelings of fear ran up and down Xanders spine at the idea that something was wrong with him. It is only the memory of the look of discomfort on the faces of the other swim team members that calmed Xander down. Maybe the same thing happened to them that is making him feel uncomfortable too.
Just as the transfusion was finishing Xander felt a rather fierce sting shoot up his spine that made him gasp out in shock and bend over slightly at the waist. The nurse looked over at him before she pulled off the tubes, bandaged him up, and told him rather rudely to leave.
Now Xander finds himself standing outside the hospital with slight fear twisting in his gut. He watches in shocked silence as the small town becomes darker and only reacts when he sees the shadows start to move. He quickly grabs his skateboard and rushes home as he attempts to ignore the feelings in his gut that tells him something hellmouthy just happened.
Xander struggles to fall asleep later that night, his mind keeps shifting through his memories of earlier. Twisting sharply to his side, Xander strives to block his thoughts with other things to forget about what happened. Denial is his closest friend.
He thinks of Cordelia, Willow, Buffy, his not so forgotten history paper that is due tomorrow, and any other thing that can distract his normally easy to distract mind as he tries to drag it away from the traumatic experience at the hospital and the strange feeling between his legs.
Finally, when the anxiety becomes to much, Xander throws off his blanket only to stop and stare nervously at his boxer cover legs. Slowly as if trying not to scare himself away, Xander closes his eyes and peals off his boxer.
A few seconds pass before Xander can gather enough courage to open his eyes. It takes a few more seconds before Xander can peal his eyes away from his yellowish-white ceiling to actually look down. He sighs in relief when he sees his penis in its normal place.
“Thank God, I was afraid that you disappeared.” Xander says to himself, “But just to be sure you work properly I might as well put you to use.” Xander giggles in what he would call a manly way before closing his eyes and imagines a horny Cordelia Chase.
His right hand moves slowly up and down his dick, his thumb strokes the head every up stoke. In his mind he sees Cordelia slowly taking off her fashionable clothes and rubbing her small hands all over her tight body. Xander’s breathing speeds up when he imagines Cordelia taking off the last bit of her clothes and moves her right hand down to between her legs while her left hand moves up to cup one of her breast. Xander’s left hand moves down his chest from where it was tweaking his nipples to his balls which he rolls slowly and softly. When pretend Cordelia starts to move two of her fingers in and out of herself Xander quickly moves his left hand down beneath his balls only to come up against something incorrect. There is two pieces of skin that are now covering a somewhat moist hole where smooth skin once was.
Xander screams and swiftly looses his erection. The next thing that take places is what Xander would call fainting in a very manly way. To be suffice, Xander ends up sleeping well that night.
When Xander awoke the next morning it is to the sounds of his parents usual fighting about whose fault it is for not paying the water bill. Xander groans and attempts to picture that everything is normal and that he didn’t acquire a new appendage yesterday.
“I have to find out what happened yesterday. Can’t let anyone know that something is wrong. Have to act normal. Don’t freak out Xander, just have to ignore that fact that you gained a vagina yesterday. Shit!” Xander threw his face against his pillow hating the fact that strange things always happen to him. It’s all the stupid hellmouth’s fault.
“Okay, first thing I have to have is a plan. Step one is to get to school on time,” Xander looks over at the clock and curses softly at the time, “Which apparently is to late. The second part would have to be that I have to make sure no one knows about my new freaky thingy which means I have to break up with Cordelia because if she found out she is dating a hermaphrodite she would kill me. Oh god, I actually call myself a hermaphrodite.”
Attempting to ignore the dizzy sensation that is going through his mind Xander slowly begins to get dressed and ready for school. Millions of ways of how to break up with Cordelia zooming through his head, all of them ending with Xander being dead or torn apart to the point of almost dieing. Both of which Xander doesn’t want to happen.
“Hell I don’t even know if it is a vagina. It could just be some strange hole that mysteriously popped up. Yeah that’s it, it popped up and it will pop away. No need to worry, in a few hour I’ll be the same old Xan-man!” Xander cheerfully begins to whistle as he sets off to another day at Sunnydale high. The thought that he is a hermaphrodite firmly stuffed in a box in the back of his mind with the label ‘Do Not Open You Idiot’ stamped boldly on the top.
When Xander enters the school a half hour later he tries, self consciously, to hide himself from the eyes of the other students by ducking his head and walking behind some taller male students that had to be on the football team for the shear buff they each have. Xander pouts discreetly as jealousy fills his thoughts.
“I bet I could be big and strong with well muscled arms if I wanted to” Xander mumbles ignoring entirely that he does want to be that buff, which ends with the thought of why isn’t he. The two in front of Xander completely overlook him as they set off to do whatever it is that airheads called jocks do.
Grumbling to himself, Xander heads over to the library to see what his favorite people are doing. When he swings the doors open chaos enters his sight. Gulping down his fear Xander trudges over to the table where all the action is happening all the while hoping it’s not an apocalypse going on.
“Hey guys, what’s up,” Xander says as he sets himself next to his soon to be ex-girlfriend. “Don‘t tell me if it‘s another apocalypse.”
“We have to find out how to kill some demon that‘s eating little kids,” Buffy mumbles from where she is practicing using a gigantic double headed axe. Sighing, Xander complies while trying to ignore all the thoughts flying through his head.
‘It’s not even noon yet and we already have to deal with something supernatural. Some days I just wish I had a normal life’ Xander thinks before pretending to bury himself in some book while his mind is actually far away in his make-believe normal life.
Please review! But be kind, this is the first story I’ve written in a while. Thank you.