Rating: Very NC17!
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, products or articles
mentioned in this story and gain no monetary profit from it.
Summary: This is the follow up to Happy Birthday, which can be found:
Willow and Buffy are feeling guilty about their fake gift and are concerned
they haven't heard from Xander in days. When they check on him, they
find him with Spike. In shock, they decide to do a real spell to give their
friend his hearts desire, hoping he will dump Spike.
Warning: This story is a pointless, spornographic bit of fantasy, fluff and
sex. The author does NOT endorse the bizarre sexual techniques or
situations this story contains. (O.k., some of them are......never mind)
As always, full credit to the talented Petxnd who puts wonderful visuals to
my words and brings the stories alive.
"No gag reflex?"
Willow thought about that and nodded. When Buffy was right, she was right.
Before they had a chance to further discuss the Slayers' hidden talents, they
found themselves standing on the cracked cement stoop that stood in front
of the stairs up to the entrance of Xander's building.
Neither made the first move to enter. Finally, Buffy looked over at her friend.
"You really think he's mad at us?"
"He kinda has good reason to be. But, on the upside, it's Xander and God
knows we have done worse and he always forgives us, so why should this
time be different. I'll bet he would even take us out to eat if we asked real nice."
Buffy's face lit up.
"Hey, it's taco Sunday down at the Alamo Pit. Let's apologize, grovel a bit,
and go grab a bite. Xander can pay."
With the problem all but solved, they dashed up the steps and reached
for the door knob of the first apartment on the left. Much to their surprise,
it was locked. Willow tried again while Buffy looked over her shoulder.
"Sometimes it sticks. Just jiggle it a little it'll open."
"Damn, Buff, I think it's locked. He never locks the door. Oh My God! Do
you think something has happened to him? Maybe he is lying dead on the
floor. Attacked by a burglar. No, wait, he doesn't have anything to steal.
Maybe he was eaten by a demon. Spike did mention once that he thought
Xander was a nummy treat. Do you think he has been chewed on?"
Willow paused in her attempts to open the door and she turned a quizzical
face toward her friend.
"Spike told you that? When?"
Buffy dramatically flipped her hair back off her shoulder.
"Oh, one of the times he came over and tried to wriggle into my panties.
The jerk. Just to make sure that never happens, I stopped wearing
underwear. Pfft. You can't get one over on me."
Willow decided to think that one over later. Right now she was extremely
worried about the friend that has not been seen or heard from for two days.
Immediately she began pounding the palm of her hand against his door and
"XANDER! HEY, XANDER! Open the door! It's us, Buffy and Willow!"
Before they could shout again, the door cracked open and Xander's
flushed, sweaty face, wild fuzzy hair and huge grin peeked out.
"Hey, hi. Um, sorry I haven't called to thank you but I've been a bit
busy. Very busy actually."
Xander burst into a fit of near hysterical giggles that caused both women
to scowl suspiciously.
Immediately Buffy slammed her hand against his door and began pushing.
"Open the door Xander. Something is going on and we want to know what."
Before he could stop them, his best friends shoved the door open, causing
him to stumble backwards, and they stepped in. Both were shocked and
concerned at his appearance. His body was covered with sucker bites and
there were red raised nail marks down his chest and stomach. Even more
upsetting were the ripped white boxers that barely covered his privates and
the trail of sticky chocolate syrup that ran down the inside of his left thigh
Willow was the first to read the signs.
"OH MY GOD! You got laid!"
Xander threw both arms out to his sides and began singing.
"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I got me some nookie,
cause of magic cards three."
Willow was silent. They had come here to be honest. To tell the truth
and apologize for the cheap ass trick they had played on him, but if he
got lucky anyway, and thought it was because of the magic cards, well
fuck, she couldn't see any reason to throw sand in his pudding now.
"Great! See the cards worked! I mean I knew they would but, hey
see, Buffy, Xander got.........."
Buffy put her hands on her hips.
"Yeah, Willow, but didn't you say.....OW!"
Reaching around behind her, Willow grabbed and pinched an inch
of Buffy's ass to shut her up.
"Sorry we interrupted but Buff and I were worried cause we hadn't seen
you for two days and we wondered what........"
Spike stepped, nude, from the bedroom and casually scratched his ass
as he passed. He then strolled on toward the kitchen.
The other three people in the room stared at the vampire as he nonchalantly
shuffled by. Xander with moon eyes and Buffy and Willow with bug eyes
and silent gaping mouths. Both women wanted to scream. To shout
their shocked outrage.
A small squeak was the best they could do.
"Well, as you can see, I'm very busy."
Xander shoved and pushed till he got both his friends back across
"We'll talk later. DON"T CALL ME! I'll call you. Thanks again. TTFN."
The solid door was quickly slammed in their faces, barely missing Buffy's
slightly pointed nose. Before the initial force of the shock could wear
off, the door again opened. This time only a few inches, and Xander
face again appeared.
"By the way, I'm gay."
WHOOSH! The door shut and the women spun around to face each other.
This time, they found their voice and did the only thing they could.