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You know they're doin' it
Wishes and Wants 
5th-Jan-2009 04:42 am
Title: Wishes and Wants.

Author: BmblBee
Paring: S/X
Rating: Very NC17!
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, products or articles
mentioned in this story and gain no monetary profit from it.

Willow and Buffy are feeling guilty about their fake gift and are concerned
they haven't heard from Xander in days. When they check on him, they
find him with Spike. In shock, they decide to do a real spell to give their
friend his hearts desire, hoping he will dump Spike.

Warning: This story is a pointless, spornographic bit of fantasy, fluff and
sex. The author does NOT endorse the bizarre sexual techniques or
situations this story contains. (O.k., some of them are......never mind)

As always, full credit to the talented Petxnd who brings puts wonderful visuals to
my words and brings the stories alive.

Xander yawned and stretched. The relaxing quiet that engulfed him,
combined with the roll and swaying movement of the waves held him
relaxed, making it hard to fully wake up.

'Swaying movement of the waves?'

Xander popped into an upright position, his eyes wide open and his head
jerking in all directions. It was still night, pitch black except for the quarter
moon and twinkling stars in the sky above. There was no breeze or sound.

His first instinct was to leap to his feet, a move he quickly realized would
be a mistake when the small boat he was crouching in began pitching from
side to side.
"Whoa, Xander, stop jumping about, you'll tip us over."

Scooting around on his little wooden plank, he was greatly relieved to see
Spike sitting on the bench seat directly behind him. When he picked up
his lover's mood as calm, Xander's pounding heart slowed to normal.

"Well, well, Love, finally awake are we? I had a bit of a kip meself."
"Yeah, was I asleep long? Oh, and by the way, where the fuck are we?"

Spike stretched his arms and legs, arching his back like a cat in front of the
fireplace on a cold winter night.
"Near as I can figure, and from the taste of salt in the air, I would say we
are somewhere out in the ocean."

Xander frowned, unsure as to why his companion was not the least concerned
about their predicament.
"Holy fuck, Spike! We're in a row boat! Out in the middle of the friggin'
ocean! How..? Who...? When...?"

Spike leaned calmly on one elbow.
"Ah, yes, all good questions. Well, while you napped, I've had a bit of time to
contemplate this whole bizarre situation and here's what I think. Beginning
with our good friend Melvin, this entire situation smells of magic with just a
hint of lavender thrown in."

Xander's eyes flashed in anger.

Spike nodded.
"That would be my guess. Seems your best buds were not happy with the
outcome of their first gift to you and they have decided to make some

"God damn their interference! Why the fuck can't they just let me be
happy in my own way?"

Spike shrugged and sat up straight.
"I think that is what they want. They just don't believe it can be with me.
I guess they are trying to show you other things that you might like better."

Xander frowned.
"They picked a foot fetish fantasy?"

"Yes and no. They picked what they liked and then since it is your gift,
it altered itself to suit you. Ever thought about a toe job before? Does
my sweet boy have a bit of a thing for a good foot fuck?"

Xander blushed and looked everywhere but at Spike who just laughed
at the nonconfession and continued.
"Anyway, I don't think anything that happens can really hurt you. I'm
fairly sure Red would put a safety provision in to protect you."

"You don't think. But you aren't sure."
"Not entirely."
"So how did you get sucked into this little wild world of wonders?"

Spike scratched his nuts and scooted his bare ass around uncomfortably
on the hard wooden seat.
"Been considering that point too, Love and I think it is because we were
physically joined together at the time the spell kicked in. Apparently we
are going to have to ride this out together. Hope you don't mind."

Xander beamed with a bright loving smile.
"Hell, no. So far it's been amazing, besides, there is no one else I would
want to be here with. And speaking of here....."
Xander waved his hands in all directions.

Slowly, Spike got up off his bench seat and prowled toward Xander.
In one swift move, he scooped the laughing human around the waist
and lifted him, then deposited him flat on his back on the floor of the small
row boat and laid down beside him.

"All this, my love, is the stuff of poets and Harlequin romance writers. The
night is warm and clear, the stars are bright and the moon is full. While you
napped, I spotted a shoreline off in the distance so after we enjoy the
view for a bit, we each grab an oar and row to shore."

Xander looked up and for the first time, took the opportunity to really
count the stars and marvel at the way they sparkled, seemingly for only them.
Snuggling up against his vampire, Xander whispered reverently as though they
were in a magnificent cathedral

"It's unbelievable, Spike. It feels like we are the last two people on earth."

Spike leaned down and lightly brushed his lips over Xander's warm ones
before rubbing his cheek against the side of Xander's face, nipping at his
earlobe seductively.
"Would you like that? To be here with me forever?"

Xander's hand pressed against the center of Spike's chest causing the
vampire to moan quietly as the heat seeped into his cold skin. Slowly,
his hand slid upward till it circled and cupped Spike's neck where
he tugged the vampire's face down for another kiss, this one deeper,
longer, and more purposeful.

Spike's tongue, slick and forceful, pushed forward into Xander's mouth
where it intended to claim dominance. In a surprising move, Xander
latched onto the tongue and sucked it hungrily. Spike grunted as his hips
humped, poking his hard cock into the human's hip.

Finally, Xander pulled back for air. The kiss had given him time to
carefully consider the wording of his answer.
"I love you, Spike. You are what I wished for. You are what I have
wanted for a long time and I do want to be with you, but if you are
asking me if I want to be a vampire, the answer is no."

Spike jerked back, shocked.
"No, Pet, no. I wouldn't want that either. You are perfect just the way
you are. Sweet, warm, loving, and most of all, human. I would never
change that. But, there might be another way. Maybe we could talk about
it. You could be my Cons......."

Interrupting his unfinished sentence, the small row boat was rocked as an
unexpected wave smacked the wooden side. The two men laughed and
cringed as the cold water sprayed over them, drenching them in sea foam.

Before they could continue their words of love and discuss their future,
a second, harder wave slammed them roughly causing Xander to grip the
sides of the boat firmly. He quickly sat up and they were rocked again
as Xander tried to see through the darkness that engulfed them.

"Fuck, Spike, what is it? Can you see anything?"

Spike jumped to his feet, balancing on wobbly sea legs that tried to
remain stable in a boat that was now barely staying upright in the assault
of the white caps that washed over them.

"THERE! LOOK! Over there. Can you see it?"
Spike pointed off to the starboard side and Xander strained to see what
his vampire's eyes had located. At first it seemed to be nothing more that
a small whirlpool that grew larger by the second but before long, both men
caught sight of the huge, dome shaped thing that was rapidly rising, then
suddenly exploding from the surface of the ocean. It sent a near tidal wave
of water over them and one of horror through them.

"Jesus Christ Spike! What the fuck is......?"
When he turned, the expression of terror and recognition on his lover's face
struck Xander silent.

Immediately, Spike dropped down onto the bench seat and grabbed an oar
from it's metal brace, slapping it into the water.

Xander did as he was told and the boat slowly turned and began to move.
When he couldn't stand it any longer, Xander knew he had to ask.
"Please, Spike, what is it?"
"It's a fucking sea monster, now row the fucking boat! I saw it once before
and believe me, we don't want to let it near us."

Xander's arms strained from the exertion. He gasped as the air burned in his
lungs, but still he couldn't let it go.

"Is it a whale? Moby Dick?"
"A shark?"

"Fuck! Damn it, Spike, just tell me!"

"It's a giant cocktopuss! Now fucking ROW!"
5th-Jan-2009 11:21 am (UTC)
"It's a giant cocktopuss! Now fucking ROW!"

You know, if I hadn't learned to make sure I am not drinking my morning tea when I read your posts in the morning, there would be a soaked keyboard right now.

That was, um, I actually have no real words to describe what you are doing but it's fun. Glad to be along for the ride.
5th-Jan-2009 11:23 am (UTC)
Lovely to have you on board. Actually, I did warn in the
beginning that this story was odd, bizarre and pointless
fun and sporn.
The Bee's brain runs on strange tracks and sometimes I just
need to give it free reign. It's not usually a pretty sight.
5th-Jan-2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
LMAO! "...exciting ocean cruise" indeed!
"It's a giant cocktopuss!"
Now, all Mys can think about is Cockness- you are an evil, evil woman, lol, don't ever change.
5th-Jan-2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
The Bee does see a certain relationship between
giant, monster penis and frightening fishy smelling
demons. They just sort of go together. Of course,
a cocktopuss is NOTHING like the Cockness monster.

One is a fresh water demon while the other is a salty bugger.
5th-Jan-2009 12:44 pm (UTC)
That's a funny story. Beedoll and I are laughing so much. Thank you, you made my day and today I have sitll a day off, the snow was growing during the night and so I grabbed my camera and went outside again to take some photos (more than 300 are some, right?). Well I did last Saturday the same thing without so much snow but well, the pics are very different. Well, while I was into the deep snow and slowly went back home I thought about your fic and with an goofy smile in my face (well, I can't do it otherwise) I also thought that I'll read your today-update as soon as I'll be at home and have a warm cup of tea. And I did it and that was exactly the right thing to do. So, thanks a lot for your today-update. I'm glad I don't have to work tomorrow either. Well wednesday is my first day at work and I ought make sure I don't have those goofy smile still with me.
5th-Jan-2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
I live to make you and the beedoll happy. We haven't gotten much snow this year and usually we get a lot. You must have my snow. That's o.k. you can keep it.
5th-Jan-2009 01:15 pm (UTC)

Bwahahahahahahaha..I should know better by now with this story. Really I should. I was okay until that cocktopuss crack, and then I lost it and snorted coffee up my nose. I didn't even have time to put my cup down.

Sneaky you!
5th-Jan-2009 11:47 pm (UTC)
If you liked the cocktopuss, then don't drink tomorrow
till after you read because he attacks and it ain't pretty.
5th-Jan-2009 02:23 pm (UTC)
OMG! I was ok right up to the last line.

"It's a giant cocktopuss! Now fucking ROW!"

I laughed so much I nearly slid off my chair. I may have to consider the dog's tranquilisers if I am to reach the end of this fic without sustaining bodily harm! Lulled into a false sense of security by the romance of the prrevious scene. Wonderful writing. *hugs*
5th-Jan-2009 11:49 pm (UTC)
I am thrilled to have driven you to illegal animal medications.
Tomorow's chapter should finish you off.
5th-Jan-2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
One word: LOL!
5th-Jan-2009 11:53 pm (UTC)
*takes bow*
5th-Jan-2009 03:50 pm (UTC)
Oh this is too funny. A Row Boat fpr a cruise. Then a Giant Cockopuss. What's next a Giant Penis to go with your Giant Cockopuss. Row boys row get out of there. Ha ha too funny.

Congratulations on your noms at Forbidden. Great job.

5th-Jan-2009 11:54 pm (UTC)
Will they make it to the shore in time? We will see tomorrow.
5th-Jan-2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
OMG! *chokes* a WHAT? LMAO!!! too funny!! wow, now that's an 'exciting sea cruise' hee!!
5th-Jan-2009 11:57 pm (UTC)
Willow's idea and Xander's are apparently two different things.
Will they make it to shore? Can Spike save him?
5th-Jan-2009 06:37 pm (UTC)
Uhho...The question is......IS this a giant Penis with eight tenacles or is it is a creature with eight Penises........... And I dread to think how familiar Spike is with it! I think virtue more than life is in danger! Hilarious!
5th-Jan-2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
It is worriesom that Spike seems familiar with this monster.
Hopefully he can save Xander.
5th-Jan-2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
A giant cocktopuss? (giggle, snort, snicker)

I'm having problems typing this because I can't stop laughing.

Can't wait for tomorrow's installment.
6th-Jan-2009 12:00 am (UTC)
You're laughing? This is a scary monster attack!
Shame on you. Hopefully Spike can save him.
5th-Jan-2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
Ah me, oh my. That was just so romantic at first. Though a rowboat for a sea cruise? LOL. There was kissage, and serious talk, and then......cocktopuss! And just how, I wonder, did Spike meet one before? At least he's got Xander freaked out too!

A salty version of your Loch Ness Monster. Very, very funny.

Now I can have breakfast without worrying about either choking or snorting museli.

6th-Jan-2009 12:01 am (UTC)
Spike's history with this monster will be explained tomorrow as he tries to save Xander from a penis attack.
5th-Jan-2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
A Giant cocktopuss! You are fun and warped! What will they have to do? Throw it a giant cock ring? LOL
6th-Jan-2009 12:03 am (UTC)
Luckily, Spike has faced this monster before and he knows just what to do.
6th-Jan-2009 03:54 am (UTC)
Considering these wishes are altering to fit whatever Xander wants, I'm a tad scared to see the next installment. And can I just echo everyone else when I say WTF!?! This is fan-frickin-tastic!
6th-Jan-2009 09:08 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're enjoying it. The problem with Willow and wishes is that they never go as expected and poor Xander has to just ride along.
It is never exactly clear if something that is happening is real or
a Xander-alteration.
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