Rating: Very NC17!
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, products or articles
mentioned in this story and gain no monetary profit from it.
Willow and Buffy are feeling guilty about their fake gift and are concerned
they haven't heard from Xander in days. When they check on him, they
find him with Spike. In shock, they decide to do a real spell to give their
friend his hearts desire, hoping he will dump Spike.
Warning: This story is a pointless, spornographic bit of fantasy, fluff and
sex. The author does NOT endorse the bizarre sexual techniques or
situations this story contains. (O.k., some of them are......never mind)
As always, full credit to the talented Petxnd who puts wonderful visuals to
my words and brings the stories alive.
Xander crossed his arms over his chest, then wrinkled his nose in disgust
at the sticky trail of melted sugar that was left behind. He had never
realized how disgusting melted cotton candy in chest hair could be.
"O.K, well, let's not panic. I know it goes against the unwritten manly
code, but I say we just go ask someone."
To Spike, that sounded too simple, but what the hell, it was better than
anything he had, so he agreed.
With determination, and the courage that comes from knowing you have
a master vampire watching your back, Xander marched toward the
first carny he could find. He was a small, wormy looking man in tight jeans
that displayed a huge, unappealing bulge in the front. He had with very
little hair and even fewer teeth which he didn't mind presenting in a wide
grin as he watched Xander approach.
"Um, hi. I'm Xander and this here is...."
Xander's introduction was quickly interrupted as the carny's eyes
flashed, catlike, then back to human. Xander blinked and wondered
if it had been a trick of the lights.
"Yessss. We know you. We are here for you Xanderrrrrr. What can
we do to make your wish night happier. Do you want other rides?"
The carny waved his arm and the high flying bucket ride faded into
a cloud of fog, replaced by an oval, fenced ring filled with saddled
ponies waiting for a special rider.
Xander lurched forward.
"Oh, God! Spike! I want to ride a pony!"
Spike snatched Xander back before he could slap his bare balls into
a smooth leather saddle and the carny growled at the vampire' interference.
Spike was far from intimidated.
"No! We are looking for the exit, Xander, remember?"
Xander scowled, but had to admit, Spike was right.
"FINE! Spoil sport. Look, mister, my vamp here wants to know how
we can get out of here. As much as I REALLY want to ride this pony,
my BOSS says it's time to go."
He then punctuated the speech by sticking his tongue out at his lover.
Spike just rolled his eyes as they both waited for the worker's directions.
"Not that simple, gentlemen. Ya'll got in free but ya'll gotta win your way
out. I woulda thought Big Mac at the admissions gate woulda told you
that when you came in"
Spike and Xander glanced at each other. That did NOT sound good.
"I don't remember that. Do you, Spike?"
"Seems I do recall something along those lines. Guess you didn't hear
cause you were too busy bustin' arse to get inside!"
The pony man snickered. He just loved a good cat fight. Still, time was
"Now, now, Ladies, let's not frighten the ponies with a bitchfest. If you two
want to leave, you will just have to play the game and collect your prize."
Spike unconsciously, and protectively, interlaced his fingers with Xander's
"And just how the hell do we do that?"
The carny's shoulders went up and then dropped in a show of total disinterest.
"Don't know, do I? I'm in charge of the rides. Iff'n you want to know about
games ya'll need to mosey over to the game booths."
Spike fought the urge to punch the ugly little man in the nose then rip his toes
form his body and offer them to his pet for use as butt plugs. It should be
the perfect gift for a man with a shoe fetish.
Xander, on the other hand, had already began to look in the direction
of the colorful tents where he knew the ball toss, dart throwing, and
goldfish winning was in full swing. For some reason, to him, the carny's
statement made perfect sense.
With a tug on his vampire's hand, Xander was anxious to go.
"Come on, Spike. No point in arguing the matter."
Spike had turned his face toward Xander when the boy spoke and when
he turned back to give the snotty little man one more glare, he was surprised
to find he was gone, ponies and all.
Mumbling under his breath, he allowed himself to be dragged along across
the open field of activities. Smiling as he watched the familiar waggle of
Xander's butt cheeks, Spike never the less continued to curse his missed
opportunity with the pony worker.
"Damn, if the little fuck wasn't real, I probably coulda bit him. Fuckin'
chip shouldn't mind."
Before he could ask Xander's opinion on the metaphysical musing,
he noticed his lover gazing out over a countless number of tents and games
with an expression of total confusion on his face.
"Look at all the games, Spike. How do we know which one?"
It wasn't a difficult decision. Spike grabbed both sides of Xander's head
and turned it in the direction of the clown toss. When he saw the barker,
Xander's face burst into a bright grin of recognition and he ran over.
"Melvin! Hi! Don't you sell shoes no more?"
The carny in the dark, horned rim glasses and oversized neck tie just huffed
and tossed his head, causing the few dyed hairs of his comb over to flip in
the wind in annoyance.
"I am NOT Melvin. That's my brother and we look NOTHING alike.
My name is Marvin and I DON'T DO FEET. They are disgusting! What
with the ingrowns and nail fungus and all things unpleasant."
Xander's smile disappeared and his toes went limp.
"Oh. Gee that's a shame. Isn't that a shame, Spike?"
Spike had had enough of the bullshit. He shoved Xander to the side and
stepped forward angrily. He was through with the cryptic conversations.
He wanted some straight talk.
"Now see here. My boy and I want out. We have had all the fucking
fun we can stand and there is nothing else we want to do here."
Xander scuffed his feet in the sawdust and grumbled quietly.
"Except maybe ride the ponies."
"Xander! I said we want OUT! NOW!"
Marvin fluttered his eyes and smirked.
The sleazy carny smiled. That was all he needed to hear. His marks were
ready to play. Immediately, Marvin went into barker mode, shouting and
coaxing watchers to approach and cheer on the hopeful.
"Hear ye, hear ye! Step right up and watch the vampire win his consort
a prize. Step right up. Everyone plays, not everyone wins."
Xander leaned close and whispered into Spike's ear.
"What's a consort?"
"Shhh. Not now, Pet. We'll talk later."
Suddenly, with a flip of a switch, the interior of the booth lit up and the men
looked all around. Hanging from every inch of the top of the tent and lining
all the sides were the prizes waiting to be claimed.
They were not balloons or toys. They were not stuffed animals or
Kewpie dolls. All the prizes were signs. They were large and small. Some
were slips of paper with tiny letters scrawled on the, some were huge
wooden placards. One was long, nearly two feet, with flashing neon.
One was adorned like a Christmas tree with multicolored bulbs.
All waited to be claimed.
All the signs read the same.
All contained one word.