|| Bloodclaim ||
You know they're doin' it
Wishes and Wants 
21st-Jan-2009 05:04 am
Title: Wishes and Wants.

Author: BmblBee
Paring: S/X
Rating: Very NC17!
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, products or articles
mentioned in this story and gain no monetary profit from it.

Willow and Buffy are feeling guilty about their fake gift and are concerned
they haven't heard from Xander in days. When they check on him, they
find him with Spike. In shock, they decide to do a real spell to give their
friend his hearts desire, hoping he will dump Spike.

Warning: This story is a pointless, spornographic bit of fantasy, fluff and
sex. The author does NOT endorse the bizarre sexual techniques or
situations this story contains. (O.k., some of them are......never mind)

As always, full credit to the talented Petxnd who puts wonderful visuals to
my words and brings the stories alive.

Xander felt as though he were floating, possibly back in the small row boat
on the ocean, silent and peaceful. The air around him smelled of the
pungent odor of release and despite his reluctance, his brain slowly
started putting two and two together.

As he came more fully awake, he realized someone was petting him.
Gentle, cool fingers lovingly stroking his hair and forehead. Even before
opening his eyes he knew who it was. His whole being recognized and
responded to the touch of his master and he leaned toward him.

Spike's voice, just inches from Xander's ear, chuckled.
"Are you in there, Love?"

Xander smiled and wiggled till his body was pressed flat against Spike's.
He then wrapped his arms around the vampire and pulled himself even
closer squinting one eye open.

"It happened didn't it? I can feel it. Like a quiet, whispering promise
in my head. I'm really yours. I am a Consort. Wow."

Spike, too could feel the change. It was an overwhelming possessiveness
and ownership toward the human in his arms. His demon, like a junkyard
dog, stood snarling, watching and protecting.

"You are mine. The bond is still weak, but as time goes on and the more
we exchange blood, it will get stronger. You will get stronger. Our
connection to each other will harden like cement. No one will ever
come between us. It's prophetic, Love, like they say, 'what butts and
bites have joined together, let no witch or slayer put asunder'."

Xander knew Spike meant his friends, and that was fine with him. He loved
Willow, Buffy and even Giles, but he belonged with Spike. In time they
would accept it. If they were really his friends they would understand.
And after all, it was their spell that brought Xander his wish of true love.

Xander yawned. It had been a hell of a week end. He wanted to talk.
He wanted to fuck and his whole body begged to be bitten again, but
the Master could see what his human needed most.

"I love you, Spike."

Spike smiled at his Consort. He pulled the blanket up around them and
tucked them in together. They both needed sleep. Then he would see
that his Consort was fed, bathed and possibly fucked again. It was an
overwhelming responsibility that the vampire happily embraced.

"I love you too, Pet. Now, go to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us."
Spike lovingly laved his tongue over the seeping wound on Xander's
neck, tasting the emotions that flowed there, then he too dozed off.
Safe. Secure. Loved.


Buffy jerked upright on the couch. She had waited there impatiently for
the coming dawn and now realized she must have dozed off around midnight
and that the sun had already begun to peek over the horizon in the East.
Before going to bed, Willow had assured her that the magic of the cards was
a given.

Buffy felt a minor twinge of guilt over the trick she had played, but reasoned
it away by saying that Xander got his wishes, Willow got the satisfaction
of doing her good deed and, most importantly, Angel got that three inches he
so desperately needed.

She knew Angel would have been out cruising the parks and bathhouses
all night as he often did, no doubt looking for hapless victims to save.
The man just never quit.

She also knew that with his pants on and his mind occupied, he would not
have noticed the three inch growth she had wished for until he returned to the
huge gothic mansion on the edge of town at daybreak.

Jumping to her feet, she dove into her shoes and grabbed her sweater.
Before she reached the door, her cell phone jingled with the preprogrammed
tune of Monkey Love, that signaled the caller was none other than
Mr. Suddenly Bigger himself.

Grabbing the cell phone in one hand and the door knob in the other, Buffy
answered as she ran outside.


"Oh, God! Buffy! Hurry! You won't believe it! I think the Powers That
Be have finally rewarded me for all my self sacrificing magnificence. They
have answered my prayers."

Buffy squealed in delight as her slayer speed kicked up a notch and she dashed
down one street and up the next.

"Is it beautiful? Oh, Angel I'll bet it's beautiful."

Angel's voice choked with emotion.
"It is incredible. I never though this could happen. You know, being dead
and all, you just think that what you have is what you have. That it won't
grow. That it can't get longer, but it did! IT'S LONGER!"

Buffy waved her phone hand high in the air as she spotted the mansion off in
the distance and quickly coming closer.

"WHOOPIE!!!! Hang on, Lover. I'm nearly there! Oh, fuck, Angel,
I can't wait to get my hands on it!"

"Hurry, Buffy, I'm waiting! I want your fingers all over it!"

Rounding the last bend, Buffy snapped the phone shut and stuck it in her
pocket before dashing up the long winding gravel road.
Within minutes, she hit the courtyard running and rushed past the ivy
covered dry fountain statues.

Without hesitation, she sped in the front door, gasping for air and
searching the darkness for his hugeness.


The thundering footsteps pounding down the sweeping stairway signaled
her lover's approach and Buffy bounced on the balls of her feet in
anticipation. Lurching forward, Angel stood, stark naked in front of her
and eagerly awaited her response.

Buffy blinked. Buffy stared. Angel's soft, four inch winky dink hung
limply between his legs. Buffy was, as always confused.

As her eyes slid slowly up his body, she asked,
"I don't get it. Where's the three.........oh, HELL NO!"

Angel stood on his tip toes like a ballerina and did a full pivot, all the
time tossing his head back and forth. His LONG brown hair fell
into his eyes and down around his shoulders.

"Isn't it the most amazing thing you have ever seen?"

His voice cracked as he tried not to sob with joy and his round melon head
flopped from side to side dramatically causing his long locks to wave and fall.

"Do you want to touch it? Go on, touch it. Oh, God Buffy! Isn't this just the
best? Could you have ever ask for more? Come on, let's go upstairs and
I'll let you brush it, maybe even braid it if you ask really nice. Hey! If we
look through that old trunk in the attic, I'll bet I have some of those leather
hair ties I used when I was human."

Angel grabbed Buffy by the hand and jerked her off her feet as he hurried
to get back upstairs. Buffy just rolled her eyes and mumbled.

"Fucking Powers and their fucking loopholes. Well, hell, at least nothing
went wrong with Xander's wishes. By now he should be well rid of that
fucking annoying Spike."

The End

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I hope this story brought
a smile to your mornings.
Our next story starts Feb. 1. Title: Carnavale Mystique. A mysterious
carnival comes to Sunnydale. People begin dying and Xander is captivated.
Although vampire/human it deviates from the Buffy time line. An
explaination will be posted the day before posting begins. It is a dark story
based on an idea from the delightful Mystic Oblivion.
Hope to see you then.

p.s. Don't forget about writercon this summer in Minneapolis!
Check out the info at writercon.com. The Bee hopes to see everyone there.
21st-Jan-2009 10:14 am (UTC)
FOMCROTFLMAO...I knew it. I just knew it. Buffy didn't specify what three inches, the dingy broad...LMAO... And leave it to Angel to be impressed with hair growth, heeheehee.

I did put my coffee down or it would have been up my nose! I'm still cackling like a loon.

This was a fun romp, just lovely and delightfully crack!fic, my dear..

Very lighthearted and just what I've needed for the past few weeks.

Now, *ahem* where's the preview for the next bit o' fic?

(ETA: Never mind. I found it. I was laughing so hard I missed it at first.)

Edited at 2009-01-21 10:17 am (UTC)
21st-Jan-2009 10:27 am (UTC)
I am thrilled to have lightened up your mornings a bit.

Buffy got just what she asked for and Angel is thrilled.
It was the only way to end this silly story.
See ya next month.
21st-Jan-2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
hahahhahhahhah!! three inches of hair? hahahhahahahhahha

too funny, as always! so happy the boys are together and content, and Angel's happy....everyone but Buffy and Willow, hee! Loved it, Bee!
21st-Jan-2009 01:49 pm (UTC)
The boys being bonded together and Angel getting his hearts desire instead of Buffy's was the best revenge on the girls. Maybe next time they wont't try to fix what isn't broken.
21st-Jan-2009 03:03 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! Perfect ending! :-)
21st-Jan-2009 03:44 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm glad you liked.
21st-Jan-2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
The ending was too funny. I enjoyed the whole story. I can't wait to start reading Carnavale Mystique next month.
21st-Jan-2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I'm glad the story brightened your day.
Mystique is being boxed up in bubble wrap and ready for
shipment the first of Feb. See you then.
21st-Jan-2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
Oh *lol* that's really a funny ending. Thank you so much for sharing the whole fic. And yes this story brought a smile in my -hm, not mornings - mostly middays or afternoons. Thanks. I wished Beedoll would know the ending. It was a great funny story and I loved the acts between Spike and Xander.
See you by your next story but I have to disappointed you: I won't see you in Minneapolis. It's just too far away from Germany where I live. But, well I'll follow your stories.
21st-Jan-2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
I am glad you liked the story and I will keep fond thoughts
of beedoll in my heart. Germany is far off but I am standing
here waving at you long distance.
21st-Jan-2009 05:26 pm (UTC)
I waited to read it all @ once & OMG this was Bloody Brilliant!!! I laffed myself silly. My dogs now think I'm a lunatic. This was absolutely wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing.
21st-Jan-2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you for spending the time to read and for the
wonderful comment. See ya next month.
21st-Jan-2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
OMG! I laughed so much Andy thought I was hysterical.

'What butts have joined together, let no man put asunder'."

It SO should be part of the commitment ceremony!

And Angel...............Perfect just perfect. Thank you for writing and posting this, it was awesome. Looking forward to the new fic. *Hugs*
21st-Jan-2009 06:26 pm (UTC)
Nothing says love like a total exploration of your
partner's wrinkled ass-ets. It should absolutly be
part of a commitment ceremony!

I can't even feel bad for short changing Angel.
Afterall, he got his hearts desire.

See you in Feb. *smooch*
21st-Jan-2009 06:22 pm (UTC)
I don't feel in the least bit sorry for Buffy. Long hair can be beautiful. Well I am biased I like Angel both the good and the bad. This was a great story and I love it. Great job. Looking forward to the next one.
(Deleted comment)
21st-Jan-2009 06:52 pm (UTC)
Buffy wanted Angel to be happy so you
would think she would finally be satisfied.
21st-Jan-2009 07:33 pm (UTC)
*squeeeeeeee* Consort!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mys have a Consort kink? Nah, couldn't be, lol.
Haha, okay so Mys was totally off on where the 3 inches would show up, but that was bloody perfect!!!!

*bounces* Carnie fic! Carnie fic!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gah, can't wait... no Mys doesn't want spoilers she wants to be all excited and bouncy for the ride to cum! (Like Mys could resist that set-up, lame though it may be, lol.)
21st-Jan-2009 07:58 pm (UTC)
The ride to cum? That really was shameful! I know
because I have used it myself. So, Spike and Xander can
wallow in the thrill of consortness while Buffy and Angel
enjoy his extra three inches.
Carnivale will be under lock and key till February.
See you then my Sweet.
21st-Jan-2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
I was wondering where that 3 inches would go. I 'knew' that it wouldn't be where Buffy wanted it, but hair? It actually makes a lot of sense, though. Angel was always fussing with his hair. Angelus too. And he has a hair kink! Wanting Buffy to brush it, braid it (if she asked nicely). LOLOL.

And the boys are happy. Very, very happy. Contented too. Lovely. Such a lovely story. Very funny too.

Now, on to the next one, the dark one. Carnival fic.

BTW, how's your weather going? Still freezing? The weather seems to be weird all over the world at the moment.

21st-Jan-2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
Brrrhaahahahahahahahahahah. Yep, you sure have to be careful what you wish for, be specific, although Angel seems enraptured by his new three inches....
21st-Jan-2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
She did want Angel happy. At least she said she did.
I think she was more wanting the three inches for herself
that's what makes it all the sweeter.
21st-Jan-2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
Three whole inches? See me not impressed. *snicker* I just know Xander and Spike will be very happy together. Great story, thanks so much.
21st-Jan-2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks for sticking with me. It means a lot.
See ya in February.
22nd-Jan-2009 12:07 am (UTC)
As always, I'm on pins and needles to find out what you're going to do next.
22nd-Jan-2009 04:20 am (UTC)
Hee, hee, hee! I had wondered if the extra 3 inches wish would apply to his hair, although I also thought that maybe Wesley or Doyle had received 3 inches that Angel was wanting. lol

I loved this from start to finish. Like I said in an earlier post, things have been kind of tough here lately and the laughs have been greatly appreciated.
22nd-Jan-2009 09:28 am (UTC)
If my LJ fantasies made your RL realities a bit easier,
that is the nicest compliment I could get.
I thought about other 3 inch possibilities, but with Angel
as self absorbed as Buffy, the hair seemed perfect.

See ya soon.
22nd-Jan-2009 12:48 pm (UTC)
Priceless, absolutely priceless. Laughed till I cried. I would have commented yesterday but my Internet was intermittent at best.

‘She knew Angel would have been out cruising the parks and bathhouses
all night as he often did, no doubt looking for hapless victims to save.’

That’s Angel(us) tirelessly striving to help the innocent of parks and bathhouses. *Snicker* I wonder if he was doing that for the decades after the soul and before Whistler commandeered him to help Buffy and he saw a chance to avoid going to Hell?

Reminds me of a story about Winston Churchill when he was Prime Minister.

He was awoken early one morning by an aide in a terrible flap.

“Prime Minister something dreadful has happened. A prominent Minister was discovered last might in Hyde Park bushes in a compromising position with a senior ranking Guardsman and the press has hold of the story.”

Churchill sat up and reached for a cigar, lighting it. He pondered then said.

“Damnably cold last night wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” agreed the aide. “Minus eight.”

Churchill puffed his cigar for a minute then said smugly.

“Damn, make’s you proud to be British!”

A wonderful story, brilliantly executed with everyone getting exactly what they deserve. *HUGS*
22nd-Jan-2009 06:14 pm (UTC)
Ha ha! I never heard that one. I knew I like Churchill!

You were the only one who picked up on the bathhouse
line. Only Angel would cruise that area and claim it was to do good.
I am glad to be putting this one to rest. Time to move on.
22nd-Jan-2009 12:49 pm (UTC)
OOPS the above comment was ME!
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