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Hard Times for Spike and Xan chapter 3

Chapter 3
Title: Hard Times for Spike and Xan
Author: WarpedMindedYaoi & NightmareAhead
Chapter: 3/?
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Summary: Xander and Spike's lives spin out of control. How do they fix it?
Warning: none
Disclaimer: I don’t own
Note: This is a role-play between WarpedMindedYaoi and NightmareAhead. In this one, Warped plays Spike and Nightmare plays Xander (its usually the opposite). This was also Nightmare’s first rp EVER.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Spike smelled something sweet near him and he leaned closer to the amazing smell, and that was when he realized, he was as close to the smell as he was going to get. He opened one eye and saw Xander sleeping in his arms and he smiled, kissing the top of his head gently.

"Pet... it's probably time to go see those friends of yours," he sighed, gently tickling Xander's sides.

"Mn... later, sleep now." Xander didn’t know what was going on around him, all he knew was that he was comfortable and cuddled up with someone who smelled, and felt, great.

He was slowly starting to fall back asleep when the tickling started. He tried his hardest to ignore it, but alas, it was not meant to be. He started laughing and withering around, trying break away from the hold of the person tickling him.

He opened his eyes, which where filled with tears from laughing so hard, and saw his attacker. Spike, with a lovely smile on his face.

"Spike! Stop, Spike! Please!" He didn’t think what he said was understandable considering how hard he was laughing.

Spike was having so much fun tickling Xander, and seeing him smile, but the tears made him stop in his tracks. "Xan? Are you okay? Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" he asked worriedly, lifting up Xander's shirt to check for bruises.

He lay there panting, thankful that Spike had stopped. "I'm fine, Spike. Its just hard to breathe when you’re laughing that hard." He felt him stomach tense when Spike lifted his shirt and blushed when Spike kissed it.

"Pet, it's hard to tell when you are joking saying stop and really saying stop," he sighed, kissing Xander's stomach tenderly. "I love how you have a little more fat on your body. I don't know if I could stand having two twigs doing the jig," he chuckled.

"You're lucky I'm not a girl, Spike. If you said that to one, you'd be dust before you even realized she grabbed a stake."

He put his hands on either side of Spikes face and pulled him up from his stomach. Once within reach, he gave Spike a sweet 'good morning' kiss. "Hey" he said with a smile. "I could get used to waking up like this. Well, without the tickling part of course."

If vampires could blush, Spike would have been as red as a tomato, "Me too. I just... wanted to wake you up that way." He smiled, kissing the tip of Xander's nose. "I hope I didn't upset you when I said I like you with a little more meat on your bones. I just... I am used to telling what I feel without caring what people think. But, I care about what you think." He gave a grimace as he looked away. "Now I am acting like a bloody bint," he chuckled to himself. "You know, we better get going before they think I got the chip out and drained you." He rolled his eyes a little as he got off the bed and helped Xander up also. He walked up the ladder, making sure Xander was following, before he walked out the crypt with Xander at his side.

'Hehe. Spike kissed me on the nose.' Xander never would have guess the vampire could do something that cute and sweet.

"I'm not upset. I was just warning you. It would be my luck that you say something about a girls weight and she dust you. And I care about what you think too. So if you like me like this, then I do too."

They stopped in front of the Magic Box. Xander grabbed Spike's hand squeezing it as hard as he could. He was scared. This might be the last time he sees Spike in a long time. If ever.

Spike gently squeezed Xander's hand before letting go and lighting a cigarette, and striding into the Magic Box with as much courage as vampirely as possible. He walked in and sat in one of the chairs and puts his leg on the table, until Giles knocked it off, and Spike smirked at him, then looked at Xander with a small smile.

"Oi! Everyone, listen to what my pet has to tell you all," he called out.

Buffy was glaring at Spike, but she looked at Xander. Tara and Willow smiled and shared a knowing look between them. Giles sighed and looked at Xander with a fatherly look. Dawn was smiling as she showed a picture of an ugly demon to Spike and Spike snorted a little, then looked at Xander.

'I have to tell them?! Thanks for the warning, Jerk!' He thought while glaring daggers at Spike. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was about to happen.

"Ok, before I say this I need everyone to promise to remain where they are, not to panic, and NO staking. Ok?" he looked around into everyone’s eyes making sure they understood he was dead serious. After each persons hesitant nods, he took another breath. Clearing his throat he began, "Spike and I are, umm… together." He tensed up, preparing to jump into a fight if one broke out. He would do anything to save Spike, even step in front of a flying stake.

Spike smiled at Xander and gave him a sad look, from when Xander was glaring at him for not giving him a warning. "Do any of you have a problem with it?" Tara, Willow, and Dawn shook their heads and smiled brightly at them.

"That's great you guys!" Dawn happily yelled as she hugged Spike then ran over and hugged Xander.

Giles sighed, "Are you sure this is such a good idea Xander?"

Buffy growled as she grabbed Spike and shoved him against the wall, pointing the stake at his heart, "You better be joking Spike. I will stake your undead ass."

Spike glared, "You better let go of me or you will lose a friend, and maybe a sister," he growled, not threatening Xander or Dawn, just saying that if he goes 'poof' they might never talk to Buffy again.

Buffy screamed, "You liar! Xander wouldn't want you! You’re ugly, too skinny, stupid... And he isn't gay!"

After seeing Buffy grab Spike, Xander saw red. He ran and jumped over the table, landing behind Buffy. He grabbed her wrist of the arm holding the stake to his loves heart and wretched it behind her back, pulling it up just short of breaking it. With a disgusting smirk on his face he leaned down to whisper into her ear. "You broke your promise, Buffy. And only one of the things you just said is true; I'm not gay, but I do love Spike. I always have, I just didn’t realize it till yesterday. Now drop the stake and apologize to my boyfriend."

Hesitantly Buffy let go of the stake and mumbled an apology to the vampire. Xander let go and pushed her a little; he didn’t trust her near his Spike.

Suddenly a little lightheaded, he put his hand to his forehead and rubbed it.

Spike stared in shock as Xander did that to Buffy, and he let a small smile show, and he hugged Xander, giving him a small hesitant kiss on the cheek, "That was bloody brilliant mate." He smiled, then frowned, "You okay pet?" He saw Xander put his hand on his forehead. "Want me to get you a glass of water?" he whispered, setting Xander down on a chair.

Once sitting in the chair, he pulled Spike into his lap, putting his arms tightly around him and sticking his head between his neck and shoulder. He inhaled deeply, smelling Spike, making sure he was still here.

"No. I'm ok. Just got really scared there for a minute," he chuckled at how pathetic he was. His voice wavered and he was shaking.

Spike blinked when he was placed in Xander's lap, not that he was complaining or anything, it was just... different, good, but different. He always expected him to be the one to pull Xander into his lap, not the other way around.

The thought that he could have easily just lost the love of his life scared him more then he ever thought was possible. That was when he realized that he would never be fast enough. He wasn’t a Slayer, a Witch, or a Vampire. He didn’t have a superpower to help him save the only thing in his life that mattered anymore.

"Just stay here, Spike."

When Xander said that, Spike looked back at Xander confused, "What? I'm not leaving... Or were you telling me I am supposed to stay here while you go somewhere?"

"I'm not going anywhere without you, Spike. Never." Xander felt detached from his body, like he was standing in the room looking at all of this happening. All he could feel was his trembling, all he could smell was Spike, all he could see was darkness of his closed eyes, all he could hear was Spike. Where he was and who was here didn’t register in his mind anymore.

Spike gave a sad, very small smile, and patted Xander's hand.

Tara and Willow were smiling, Dawn was making an 'aww that's cute' face, Giles was grimacing, but not doing anything else, and Buffy, well... she wasn't happy, but she refused to see her friend angry at her again.

Spike looked at Xander, "It's okay...They aren't gonna do anything to separate us. We won't let them, and neither will Nibblet, Red, or Glinda." He smiled.

Xander picked up his head and looked into blue eyes. "Its not them I'm worried about anymore, Spike. I just realized I’d never be fast enough. I don’t have superpowers like you, or Buffy, or Willow and Terra. I cant save you. I'll never get there in time," he trailed off, tears streaming down his face. He felt like he was letting Spike down. Like their fates were already decided. He would lose Spike because he was useless. There would be nothing he could do. He would have to stand there and watch his love, his LIFE, turn to pile of dust.

Spike growled and vamped out, as he grabbed Xander's chin and forced him to look at him, "Don't let me ever hear you say that again, got it? Your not useless or any of that rot! What about the hyena, and the soldier? They are your special attributes, just like Slutty's the slayer and Willow and Tara are the witches. Look at Dawn... she is a key, that's not really any superpowers, but she still fights back, and that is what you do too. You don't give up. You are loyal, and very trusting! I trust you, everyone here trusts you,” he growled, trying to make Xander see his point. "You’re special to me and to everyone here." Spike sighed, and kissed Xander's lips softly. "Your mine also," he whispered.

The bell above the door rang, signaling someone was walking in. Spike saw it was Riley and he shuddered, looking away with a far away look on his face.

Riley looked over at Spike, "Spike... or should I say Hostel 17..." he smirked.

Xander realized that Spike was right. He was- the thought was cut off as he registered the new voice. His eyes harden as he felt himself return to his body. By the look in Spike's eyes, he was scared. And Xander wouldn’t allow that. Spike helps him, he'll help Spike.

He gently pushed Spike off his lap and stood up. He grabbed his hand and, glaring at Riley, addressed the others, "We're outta here. I'll talk to you later." He started towards the door quickly, pulling Spike behind him and making sure he was between him and Riley at all times. "Come on Spike."

Once outside, he pulled Spike into the ally by the store. "You ok, baby?" He had one arm around his vampire the other was petting Spikes head. Trying to get him to come back to himself.

Spike closed his eyes. Seeing Riley brought back all the memories of the initiative, and it made him want to throw up. He shook his head, "I have to tell you this, but... I don't know how. I don't want you to think I am disgusting or anything." He rested his head against the brick wall, and looked at Xander sadly, "When I said Peaches was the only guy... that wasn't true. When I was in the bloody initiative Riley and a couple blokes he was friends with came into my cell, knocked me around a bit. But this time, instead of leaving like always, they chuckled and three of them held me down, while Riley..." Spike cut off by wiping his eyes and seeing bloody tears, he was shocked, he had never been this sad before to actually cry. "They... Riley raped me while Graham, or whatever the asshat's name was... fucked my mouth. It was 3 hours of that torture, all of them switching, laughing, and degrading me more and more. By the end of it... I was actually begging them to stop," he choked out, looking down at his hands which were scratching each other, to make sure that he was there now, and not just dreaming that he got out of there.

"Please... please, Spike. Tell me this is a really sick joke of yours." When no reply came Xander swallowed hard.

Looking down he saw what Spike was doing with his hands. He chuckled not really knowing what else to do, "Come on, Baby. Stop that. You're gonna hurt yourself." He pulled Spikes hands apart and held them in his. After staring at their hands for a while he looked back up into Spikes eyes. "I... I don’t know what to say. I'm so sorry baby." He quickly pulled Spike into a hug.

Quickly, without Spike noticing what he was doing, he pulled a dagger out of the vampire’s duster. He broke the hug and looked back into Spikes broken eyes. He leaned back in and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you. Never forget that. I love you more than anything, Spike. And I would do anything for you. Even this." He turned around and headed towards the front of the Magic Box, dagger in hand.

Spike looked as Xander left and reached into his duster, and realized his dagger was gone. "Xander!" he yelled as he ran and grabbed his lover and held him tightly. "Don't do this," he hissed into Xander's ear, "I don't want you to get in trouble with your friends. I don't want the rest of the initiative guys to come after you, like they did me. Please." He panted, even though he didn't need to breathe. "Stop... put the dagger down, and turn towards me." He commanded as he slowly let go of Xan, his hands gently running down Xander's arms. "Don't hurt anyone, and lose your friends. They don't care about me and they don't need to know..." he begged Xander with his bright blue eyes.

Xander tightened the death-grip he had on the dagger. His head down, jaw clenched, eyes squeezed shut, his back still to Spike. If he turned around he would lose it.

"Spike" he said tensely, checking to see if talking would set him off or not. "Spike, I have to do this. I wont let anyone know. I'll just walk in, do it, and walk out. Or-or I'll ask Riley to come outside. I'll get him into the ally and do it. Then we can run. We'll go to England or something. It'll be fine. I can to it."

'Yea right you can do this. You cant even say it,' a little voice in his head mocked him. 'I can say it. I can do this! I can do this for Spike!'

"I can kill him." His voice didn’t even sound like his own.

Spike backed up, he was confused now, 'What happened to my Xander? It's... like he is totally different now. I knew I shouldn't have told him. Bloody hell Spike...' he tiled his head, and shook it.

"Xan? No. I won't let you kill someone who is gonna get what is coming to them eventually anyways. I don't want to see you tainted like I am. I want you to have friends, I don't want you to... regret killing someone after it is done," he whispered the end of it sadly. "Bring back the Xander we all know and love. Bring back the Xander I fell in love with." He sighed, reaching up and gently touching Xander's back. "Please..."

Xander didn’t hear the words, too lost in his rage, but he did feel the hand. Spike's gentle, loving hand on his back.

His grip on the dagger disappeared. As it fell to the floor he opened his eyes slightly with a puzzled look on his face. 'I... I almost killed someone. And not just anyone, but a person I once considered a friend, and who one of my best friends is in love with.' His knees suddenly gave out and he fell to the ground. Arms uselessly hanging by his side. Trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

Spike grabbed Xander before he hit the ground, but he lowered him down the rest of the way and hugged him from behind, "Xander, I'm here. I don't know what happened, but I am here for you, and I will help you in any way possible.”

He reached around and quickly grabbed his dagger and put it back in his duster pocket, and wrapped both arms around Xander's body, and rocked gently back and fourth, kissing the back of his neck gently.

"Spike, what... what happened? Why..." Xander didn’t know what he should even ask. He felt lost again, like he did back in the store. Before he realized it, he was laughing hysterically. Just like this morning when Spike was tickling him. When he wasn’t crazy.
"I'm... I'm losing my mind, aren’t I," it was more of a statement then a question. He already knew that Spike would say that that wasn’t the case. He continued to laugh until he finally blacked out in Spike's arms.

Spike was lost. Almost as lost as he was right after he got the bloody chip! He felt crazy, getting angry at almost everything. He knew what Xander was going through and he had to help him in some way. He stood up and took a deep breath, lifting Xander into his arms and walking into the Magic Box.

"Alright you bunch. We need to find out what is wrong with my Xan, and we need to find out soon," he growled as he walked to the couch and laid Xander down on it gently, pushing some hair out of his eyes. "Xan pet... we are gonna figure this out. I swear on my dead body," he snorted a little, and leaned down kissing the brunette's forehead, when he pulled back he heard someone scoff and make a disgusted noise, while saying, "Queer." Spike looked around sharply, with a glare that could freeze hell, and it landed on Riley, who was sneering at Spike.

"Hostile 17, good to see you are up and running now," he drawled in that Texas accent that just cut down deep in Spike's bones.

TBC…

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