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Learn to be Lonely Chapter 29

Title: Learn to be Lonely Chapter 29/?
Author: chocgood84
Rating: NC-17 for brief violence and sexual content
Pairing: BtVS Spike/Xander
Author’s Note: Yes, I am aware that the timeline is a little screwed up and that Giles didn’t own the Magic Box until after Adam and after Dawn arrived. But in my reality, who’s Dawn? Adam what? Also, a huge spanking thanks to kitty_poker1 for still agreeing to be my official L2BL beta, even after so much time has passed.
Disclaimer: These character’s aren’t mine, never were; I don’t get any profit for this hobby, so don’t sue – Thanks.
Warning: Brief violence, nudity, and hetero and homo sexual content and situations. And some h0t man-luvin.
This can also be found in my LJ Memories, as well as on my revamped website: Forget It.


Learn to be Lonely



Twilight never came. It was replaced by still-voluminous curtains of rain and a thick fog that rolled through the trees and swept over the house like a silent tidal wave. And even though the pitch black was now only a mere milky inkwell, it was still impossible to tell whether it was night or day. Pressed against the glass, the smoky fog made the room feel like a tomb, and though the room was warm, a spontaneous shiver wracked through Xander’s body. The steady and familiar weight of Spike’s body lying next to him in bed grounded him, however, and he knew – somehow, deep down – that he was safe.

Searching through the subtle shadows within shadows of the room, he felt around the floor for his clothing, unwilling to turn on lights and risk waking the slumbering statue in his bed. Finding only the wrinkled and travel-weary pair of jeans he’d worn the previous day, he swung them over his bare shoulder and padded – sneakily, silently, and nakedly – down the steel staircase and without a breath slipped through the suite doors into the hall below. Once in the semi-darkness of the hallway, he slipped into the jeans. The hallway floor which led from one end of the complex to the other was flanked with cinema style running lights along the baseboards, loosening the hold of darkness but stirring the space with still more shadows.

Thinking for a moment, trying to visualize the layout of the complex in his mind, he turned right from the suite doors and made his way down the hall toward the center of the house. Coming to an intersection, he took another right and then an immediate left, following this hallway to a spiral staircase leading down to the main floor. A gentle glow wound its way up the stairs. He gave a silent hurrah! as he stepped off the final rung and into the extravagant kitchen that would make any top chef simultaneously weep and orgasm. Finding the switches to the right of the entrance, he chose one at random and was rewarded as the under-cabinet lights popped to life. The room was instantly filled with a demure blue-white light that didn’t completely dissipate the shadows but also didn’t make his eyeballs melt back into his brain. This kitchen alone was bigger than their suite in Chicago had been.

On auto-pilot, Xander gravitated toward the fancy coffee maker on the stainless steel island. Next to it was a large glass jar of fresh coffee grounds, against which rested a note that bore his and Spike’s names. Note in one hand, he fed the hungry machine scoop after scoop of the grounds with the other. It took quite some time and many stabs of the index finger to figure out the correct combination of buttons, but finally the room began filling with the rich scent of bold java. Eyes finally focused, he read the note while waiting for the sludge to brew.

Morning, Kids!

Hope you slept well – I happen to know that you did because my ear was pressed against the door all day and heard nothing! I’m disappointed in you two! The honeymoon isn’t over already, is it? Because Spikey, honey, they make pills for that now! You don’t have to be embarrassed, a man your age…It’s only natural you’d lose your touch.

Anyhoo, I’m off to work. Glayke called in so it looks like they needed Miss Thing here to come keep the beasties at bay. You boys (mis)behave and make yourselves at home. Me casa es su casa.

Hugs and blowjobs,
-T

P.S. Xander, the coffee maker is preconfigured to how I know you like your coffee. All you have to do is put some grounds in and press START. And Spike, fresh O-Poz in the fridge. Just throw it in the nuker and press POPCORN.

“Damn fancy machine,” Xander muttered, slapping the note on the counter and glaring at the machine.

“Oi!” Spike yelped from behind him, causing him to scream like a manly girl. Xander wasn’t sure, but he might have pissed himself too. “Haven’t lost my touch, wanker!”

“Jesus, Spike!” He swiveled, not even pretending to be surprised to find the vamp completely naked.

“Sorry, Xan.” The smirk was anything but sorry. Nor were the cold hands suddenly trying to pry Xander’s jeans off.

“Spike…what…are…you…doing?” Xander asked as Spike began kissing him, pressing him back against the counter. The wandering hands found their prize as the denim slouched to the ceramic tile and another – better – yelp escaped Xander’s lips.

“Just following orders, love,” Spike mumbled against his neck and he sank to his knees, curling his lips around Xander’s suddenly swollen cock.

“Fuck, Spike!” he screamed, causing Spike to pull back.

“Oh, we’ll get to that, pet, don’t you worry. Show that git who’s lost his touch.” After that, Xander wasn’t sure what happened. He was only aware of soft lips and a slippery tongue sliding over his cock and that his eyes had, apparently, rolled into the back of his head. He never did get to that pot of coffee.



“I don’t think I’ve ever seen it rain so much in Sunnydale!” Xander exclaimed, looking out the passenger window of the Jeep as they coasted through the lake that was downtown Sunnydale. He had, for some unknown reason, agreed to let Spike drive them back to Giles’ place. This trip had been even more nerve-wracking and stunt-laden than the drive to Tuna’s. Thanks to the rain, whole sections of the forest floor were under water, including the winding gravel drive. More than once, Xander was sure they were about to wind up on the wrong end of a mudslide. But thankfully, Spike’s vampire reflexes - or so he said - had been able to navigate them back to town in one piece. At least the fog had kept to the forest.

“Maybe we should start gathering demons, two by two,” Spike joked, clicking the windshield wipers up another notch, as far as they would go. The rain still fell, pinging off the roof and slapping against the windows as they turned right on Casa Blvd, towards Giles’ complex. “We are the chosen, after all.”

“Um…I think that’s a different kind of Ark, Spike. Didn’t SciFi do a crappy movie about something like that?” Xander wondered as they passed another abandoned stalled Lexus. “I sure love them, but man, their movies are bad.”

“Well it is SciFi, love.” Spike grabbed the wheel hard as they slid through the next turn onto Giles’ street. “This rain doesn’t let up, we’re headin’ into the mountains.”

“Only if you promise we can play Mountain Man,” he replied, throwing a seductive glance Spike’s way. He was rewarded by a low growl and an arch of eyebrows.

“Down, boy,” Xander teased with an exaggerated lick of his lips. “I somehow don’t think the girls would appreciate it if we showed up with sex-smell.”

“Why not?” Spike snorted. “They all have.”

“I don’t even want to know.”

“Although I gotta give some props to Soldier Boy; he sure can-”

Not another word.” Xander insisted, glad that they’d finally splashed to a stop in front of the complex. He stepped out of the Jeep and into water that came up to his shins. He mentally sighed, wishing he’d thought ahead and brought an extra pair of pants.

“Shite!” he heard Spike curse, followed by a lot of splashing on the other side of the SUV. A very wet, very drowned-looking, very pissed off Spike rounded the Jeep, stomping – or rather splashing – past Xander towards the stairs to the courtyard.

“Vampire reflexes, eh?” Xander called after him. Spike’s only response as he stepped down out of sight was flipping him off with a dripping middle finger. Giggling more than a grown man should, he hurried after him, navigating the series of waterfalls and lakes that had become the stairs and landings.

Spike was leaning against the door under the overhang and cursing under his breath at a soggy pack of smokes when Xander finally waded his way down and through the courtyard. The vampire was sulking, his face a mask of pout and rage.

“Damn rain,” Spike muttered. Xander leaned in and kissed him softly just as the door behind him opened.

“Ew!” Buffy exclaimed, throwing her hands up and going back into the flat. “That is the last time I open this door.”

“S’matter, Slayer, never had a snog in the rain?” Spike asked, shaking his head like a bleach blond Schnauzer once inside.

Tara watched him, laughing softly, from where she sat on the arm of the chair. Buffy leaned against the back of the sofa, looking slightly annoyed, and standing behind her was a face Xander hadn’t seen for some time: Riley. With arms crossed and a duh I don’t know what’s going on look gracing his face, he was nevertheless a sight for sore eyes.

Xander looked back at Spike and rolled his eyes. He bent down, slipping off his shoes and socks and rolling up his pant legs. A loud thwack echoed through the room and he felt a hard sting in the shape of a hand on his ass. Yup…I just got spanked by my undead boyfriend in front of my estranged friends. Fantastic.

“A good screw is better, though,” Spike proclaimed.

“Spike!” Xander squeaked, jerking up to find three pair of eyes on him and three perfecte ‘O’s where mouths should have been. They’d obviously all been practicing their fish faces.

“What?” Spoken so innocently. Oh, those eyes…damn that face.

Glancing back and forth between Spike and the other three, he finally just gave up and shrugged. “Hey, Riley! How’s it going, man?”

“Hey, Xander,” Riley managed to get out, struggling to make his mouth move, though his feet did not. His eyes kept roaming from Xander to the floor to Spike and back again. “It’s…going.”

“Oh, come off it, kiddies.” Spike rolled his eyes, sloshed past Xander and Buffy and threw himself down into the chair. He made a squish sound as he settled into the comfy chair and glared up at Riley, who was returning the favor, sans squish.

Buffy and Tara exchanged glances and then looked dejectedly at Xander.

“Research?” he asked in a squeaky voice.

“Research!” they both agreed.



“This,” Xander sighed, slamming closed the book he’d been skimming for the better part of two hours, “is fucking pointless.” He all but threw the book back on the coffee table, wheezing slightly as a plume of dust shot up into the air. “Whatever this is, it’s not here.”

“Agreed,” Buffy admitted, tossing her own book into the pile of “zippo leads” they’d already looked through. So far, thirty-one books in the “zippo” pile and not a single paragraph in the “a-ha!” pile. “And I don’t mean that in a ‘we’re really just tired of reading and searching’ way like usual, either. I honestly don’t think any of these are going to help.”

“I got nothing here, either.” Riley laid his text on the floor next to him where he sat at Buffy’s feet.

“Same here,” Tara agreed, placing hers neatly on top of the wobbly pile of “zippo”s.

“Christ almighty,” Spike muttered, coming out of the kitchen carrying two mugs. Handing the less-bloody one to Xander, he took a sip of his own before saying simply, “You all know what’s doing this; you just don’t want to say it.”

A few awkward minutes of silence passed, full of unwilling glances and embarrassed thoughts as they all realized they did know what this was.

“Willow,” Tara finally whispered, bowing her head and covering her face with her hands. Buffy went to her, throwing a supportive arm around her trembling shoulders.

“I don’t get it, though,” Riley said, pulling himself up to his feet.

“That should be your catch phrase, boy,” Spike shot at him, turning his nose up to the chorus of “Shut up, Spike.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Riley persisted, pacing from chair to chair.

“Why not?” Xander asked. “I hate to say it, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me about this.”

“I just mean, you know…” Riley thought for a minute, trying to find the words he needed. “Okay, so, she was upset about Xander and…uh, Spike. Admittedly, gross-”

“Sod off, you camo-crony,” Spike growled, placing his free hand on the back Xander’s neck and taking another sip of blood. Riley only gave him a dirty look before continuing.

“Like I was saying, I can understand being upset, but Willow… I mean, she’s Willow. Yeah, sure she’s powerful, but it’s not like she could actually hurt someone. Right?”

“I don’t know, Riley.” Buffy’s eyes had gone distant again, there but not there. “You didn’t see her that night.”

“She was pretty… She wasn’t exactly herself,” Xander explained, trying to ignore the flame of guilt and hurt that had fanned itself up inside his chest. Spike’s hand squeezed a little harder, and he looked up to find the vampire smiling sweetly down at him. Not your fault, his eyes seemed to say. But wasn’t it? It had all started when she’d found out about him and Spike.

“I’ve never seen her like that,” Tara said, having regained her composure, though she looked like she could start crying at any second. “She was just so…lost.”

“Like something was, I don’t know, broken,” Buffy finished the thought.

“That’s really the only thing I can think of to explain this,” Xander admitted, staring intensely into his cup of tea. There was a silent agreement among the group. “And it’s all our fault…all my fault.” He instantly felt Spike’s arms close in around him, the mug of blood forgotten, and temporarily warm lips against his temple.

“S’not true, love,” came the words, soft and deep against his ear.

“Absolutely not,” Tara insisted. “There’s no way what happened between you could have caused something like this.”

“I don’t know how else to explain it.” The words were bitter in his mouth, dry and ashy. But really – how else could they explain it?

“You can’t think like that, Xander,” said Buffy, her half-smile full of pity. “Honestly, I don’t think it was that. There has to be more to it.”

“Doesn’t matter, I guess…” The guilt had risen and the pain had come with it. It itched behind his eyes, and he could feel them watering. Breathing heavily, he tried to gather all his strength. I will not lose it here. I won’t…oh God, Giles! After more intense quiet, he asked the question they’d trying to answer all night. “What are we going to do about it?”
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