naughty_fae (naughty_fae) wrote in bloodclaim,
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naughty_fae
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Romancing The Stone

Title: Romancing The Stone (Apologies to Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner)
Warnings: HAU, M/M sex, violence, swearing, possible humor, blatant use of movie misquotes, OOC, varying chapter lengths. UNBETA'D
Rating:Overall NC17 Individual Chapters PG to NC17
Pairing: 100% S/X (Is there any other?)
Author: Naughty_Fae
Comments: Comment if you want to, though it would be nice to know someone is reading it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to someone who is not me. I write for fun not profit.

Note 1: This was written for the Film challenge on Ultimate_Xander

Note2: This follows the general plot of the film with a few important deviations!

Note 3: My heartfelt thanks go out to my dear friend Bmblbee, for kicking me up the ass into writing this and holding my hand through the writing and posting process. Without her it would never have been written. *Hugs*
Summary: Alexander Harris is a highly successful author of romantic novels under the pen name Xander Harris. His stories have a twist, his hero is a 500 year old, ensouled vampire called Angel and the love interest is always male. Shy and retiring he lives a quiet, orderly life in the town of Sunnydale where he was born and raised. In contrast his younger step brother Lindsey McDonald lives an exciting life traveling the world and lurching from crisis to crisis. When Lindsey lands in a spot of bother Xander's money can't solve, it's up to Xander to launch a rescue mission. Along the way he meets the handsome, roguish, soldier of fortune William Stone. Question is, is it the best or worst thing to ever happen to him?



Chapter 3/20

Rating:NC17 overall

Xander began to panic. He gazed wildly around searching for any sign of his beloved cat. He stepped cautiously through the remnants of his apartment.

"Anya! Anya! Where are you babe?" He felt himself careering towards a panic attack. "Anya, Anya, come to daddy." Out the corner of his eye he caught a flash of pale fur, before he could react Anya landed squarely on his chest.

Xander's arms flailed and he shrieked. He clutched at the cat. "Oh thank God!" He felt a wave of relief course through him and the panic receded.
He plucked the cat from his chest and held her at arm's length, inspecting her for injuries. She glared at him, her tail lashing from side to side; she seemed more annoyed than hurt. He cradled her against his chest. "It's ok babe. Suppose we'd better call 911."

He looked around for the telephone and saw it laid near the sofa. He made towards it and bent down to pick it up. Just as his fingers curled around it the tinny strains of Waltzing Matilda filled the room. He jumped dropping the phone and cursing.

"Oh God, fuck!" He grabbed the phone . "Hello?"

"Hello, Xander, Xander can you hear me? It's me Lindsey."

"Lindsey? I, I can't talk right now."

"For fuck's sake Xander listen to me. I'm in trouble."

The strain and urgency in his brother's voice made Xander tense. "Lindsey please, not now."

"Listen to me, listen very carefully."

Xander let Anya slip from his arm and he jammed the phone harder against his ear.

"I'm in trouble. Real trouble."

"Lindsey, please not again." Xander rolled his eyes.

"Life and death kind of trouble." Lindsey persisted.

"Linds what's wrong?" Xander frowned.

"Have you had a package from Graham? A big envelope?"

"Yes, yes it came today. I haven't opened it yet. I have to say it was kind of creepy to..."

"Good," Lindsey cut him off knowing how his brother could babble.

"Graham posted it on the day he," Lindsey hesitated. "on the day he died. Open it, there should be an old treasure map."

Xander fished the envelope from his bag and managed to open it. He pulled out a large piece of brown, folded paper. It looked like a hand drawn map encased in a plastic sleeve. He turned it over. "Yes, I've got it. It says 'El Corazón' ."

Lindsey gave a relieved sigh. "Thank God. I need you to bring it to me."

"Bring it to you?" Xander scowled. "Why? I mean is it even real?"

"Real enough to get Graham killed." He replied flatly.

"Oh."

"I need you to bring that map to me in Colombia."

"Colombia? Lindsey I can't come to.." Xander started to protest.

"Xander please." Lindsey pleaded. "Get to the Hotel Cartagena, in Cartagena. When you arrive call this number 6378554670."

Xander looked for a pen. "Wait." He found one in the bottom of his bag and began to scribble the number on the envelope.

"Have you got that? Did you write it down?"

"Yes. My God Lindsey, what kind of trouble are you in?" He asked urgently.

"Just DO it Xander."

"But Lindsey. Colombia. I, I can't come to Colombia."

"Xan you have to or they start sending me home piece by piece and remember don't tell a soul about this, especially the cops."

The phone went dead. "Lindsey? Lindsey?" His brother was gone.

Xander dragged his blue suitcase through the apartment. Giles hurried after him.

"For God's sake Xander are you mad? You can't go to Colombia. Have you any idea what it's like? I do. Your books sell very well there. They have insects the size of elephants and jungles."

Xander turned. "I'm going to Cartegena it's a town. It'll have roads, hotels everything. No jungles. And, and I'll buy insect spray."

Giles put his hands on his hips. "Says the man who has a panic attack at the sight of a tree."

Xander huffed. "I do not."

Giles polished his glasses. "Who was it went for a picnic in the park and had to be brought home by a troop of Girl Scouts?" He put his glasses back on.

"There were bees." Xander objected.

" Have you even reported the break in?"

Xander pulled on his parker. "Nothing was stolen, not a thing. "

"Lord Almighty Xander. Why are you going to Colombia?" He persisted.

Xander looked at him ."Lindsey's in a spot of bother. He needs me, I've got to go."

"A spot of bother? A spot of bother that wouldn't include his murdered lover?" Giles raised an eyebrow.

Xander shook his head. "No, nothing like that." He picked up the cat carrier and shoved it into Giles arms. "Feed her twice a day and pick her up and cuddle her at least once a day."

Giles sighed. "Have you got everything? Passport, Plane Ticket, Travelers Checks, Cell Phone, Charger, Pesos. Have you had your shots?"

"Shots, there are shots? Giles I don't have time to get shots."

Giles followed Xander into the street and watched as he waved down a cab. "You get car sick, sea sick, plane sick, bus sick. Hell you puke on an escalator."

"Lots of people feel dizzy on escalators." Xander protested. " Besides it was only once."

"Xander I can't let you do this. Look at me . You're not up to this Xander and you know it."

The cab drew up. Xander turned to Giles. " I know, but he's my brother."

Xander opened the door, pushed in the suitcase and slid in beside it.

Giles leaned into the cab. "Alright I'll feed your damn cat but Wesley can cuddle her."

Xander smiled. "Thanks Giles."

Giles nodded. "You take care." He slammed the door and watched the cab draw away from the curb and join the stream of traffic.

Further down the street, Liam O'Connor ordered his cab to follow.


Xander stepped from the airport into bright Colombian sunshine. He recoiled squinting against the light. He stopped and adjusted the parker over his arm and the strap on his shoulder bag. Grasping the case handle and with an air of determination he looked for the bus station.

Oz book in hand scanned the faces of the passengers for a match to the photo. Harris was nowhere to be seen. "Fuck!" He stalked up and down, then realizing he must have missed him and made his way back to the street.

Xander eyed the two ramshackle buses with dismay. They looked far from roadworthy. He saw some of the passengers from the plane hand their luggage over to be put on the roof rack and take their seats. He watched in horror as a goat and a piglet were carried aboard. He leaned inside catching the driver's attention.

" Cartegena. Does this bus go to Cartegena?"

Before he could get a response a voice came from behind him. A male voice with a slight, soft Irish brogue.

" Excuse me, in answer to your question yes, this bus goes to Cartegena."

Xander turned round and his jaw dropped. The man looked like he'd just stepped from the pages of one of his novels. He was Angel come to life. Tall, broad and muscled. Dark haired and eyed classically good looking with a slightly menacing smile and oddly wearing a three quarter black, leather coat, even in the blazing sun.

The man nodded and brushed past him boarding the bus. Xander was galvanized into action. He handed his case over to one of the men loading the luggage and climbed aboard the bus.

He scanned the seats for the handsome stranger and his heart fell as he saw him, the seat beside him already occupied. Xander took a seat a couple of rows in front and made himself comfortable. He turned to glance at the man and was shocked to see him smile at him. Heart racing he turned back and looked out of the window.

Oz raced up and down the buses peering in the windows. He spied Xander and raced to the front of the bus just as it rattled into life and began to pull away. He dropped the book and grabbed at the bus as it began to gather speed. He ran after it. "Stop! Stop!" He waved his arms.

"Harris! Harris you stupid fucker! You're on the wrong fucking bus!"
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