nightmareahead (nightmareahead) wrote in bloodclaim,

Hard Times for Spike and Xan chapter 13

 Chapter 13
Title: Hard Times for Spike and Xan           
Author: WarpedMindedYaoi & NightmareAhead
Chapter: 13/18
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Summary: Xander and Spike's lives spin out of control. How do they fix it?
Warning: violence/gore
Disclaimer: I don’t own
Note: This is a role-play between WarpedMindedYaoi and NightmareAhead. In this one, Warped plays Spike and Nightmare plays Xander (its usually the opposite). This was also Nightmare’s first rp EVER.


Xander was on his way back to the apartment with Spike, passed out, in his arms. He thought about what had just happened.

He killed Riley in a way he rather not remember and then turned to gather Spike and run. The dogs were out in the hall, taking care of all the soldiers who came to stop them. They made sure he got safely to the door and then he whistled to call them all back into the tunnel.

After helping them all up out of the tunnel, he thanked them and dismissed them. All accept for a few coyotes ran off. They had offered to make sure he and his mate made it home. Once at the building he thanked them again and they took off. He made his way up to his floor in the elevator and then into the apartment.

His body was on autopilot as it set Spike on to the bed and began to clean his wounds, being careful not to cut him with his claws. He was still in his half-vamp half-hyena form because Princess refused to leave until she knew their mate was okay. When he was done cleaning the vamp he lay down on the bed and passed out himself.

Spike let out a whimper as he woke up slowly. He noticed that they were at Xander's apartment, not at the initiative. 

"X-Xan?" he croaked out, shaking his head a little to see if everything would stop moving. He looked to the side and saw Xander, and all the blood, but he had a feeling it wasn't any of Xander's. He stood up and lifted Xan into his arms and got warm water started in the tube before setting him in and washing him off, getting him all squeaky clean. 

"Thank you pet. I was so scared you would have just stayed here while I was there." He kissed the side of Xander's head, but still talked, even he was still passed out. 

When his lover was all clean, he lifted him up and dried him off and set him under the covers. He ignored all his pain and cut his wrist and put it to Xander's mouth.

Xander was instantly awake at the taste of Spike's blood on his tongue. His yellow and green eyes looked up into blue. He pulled the wrist away and sat up. "You need it more than me. I'm fine. None of this is mine,” he said as he looked down and gestured to his shirt, but found that it was off and he was now clean. 

He saw the claws on his hands and remembered everything that happened. What he turned into, what he did. And Spike had to clean all of that off of him? He sat there and waited for Spike's reaction.

Spike looked at Xander with eyes full of love, "Pet, don't worry, I already knew about the hyena, and all that jazz." He leaned down and gently kissed Xander's lips. "I love you... thank you for saving me." He could feel tears prick his eyes and he closed them, and turned around. "You... saw what they did to me... I'm disgusting now."

Princess finally left when she knew that Spike was physically fine and he was back to his human form. 

"Love you too. And you're not disgusting, they are. And maybe me for what I did to them." he chuckled, feeling proud yet ashamed of himself at the same time. 

"You okay?" he asked as he pulled the vampire into his lap.

Spike smiled and nuzzled Xander's neck, "Yeah pet, I'm fine, thank you."

He gently licked and nibbled on his love's neck, just wanting to be close and feel. "Tell Princess thank you. She did a great job helping you save me." He whispered into Xander's ear. "You know... I should make it up to you..." He purred

Xander put a hand on Spike's chest and pushed him back. 'Does he seriously want to do that right after all of that?!'

"Spike. No. ... I'll go get you some blood. Hold on." He got up off the bed and went to the kitchen.

Spike looked down, confused, 'Did I do something wrong? I thought... I was supposed to please him.' He sighed and laid back on the bed. 

When Xander came back he got on his knees, "Master... what did I do wrong? Don't you want me?" he whispered shyly.

"Stop with the 'master' stuff. I'm not in the mood. Here drink this." 

After he handed the mug to Spike Xander sat on the bed with a heavy sigh. He put his face in his hands, trying to escape this world for a little bit.

'We failed him as a master. We failed him as a lover, as a mate. We let him fall into their hands again. Why is everything so fucked up when we're together? Why cant we just go on a fucking date and live a happy life?'

None of the voices in his head answered and he wasn’t much surprised. It's not like they knew the answers either.

Spike looked down at the blood, then at Xander, then again at the blood and he set it on the table. "What's your problem pet? What the hell did I do?" The snarky Spike growled out. "I'm sorry I keep changing my personality...the master stuff, was mostly William. I'm sorry," he whimpered, looking at Xander with pleading eyes.

"It's alright" Xander answered absently. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair then had them dangling between his knees uselessly. "I just dont get why all of this is happening! What did we do wrong!? Is this the Powers That Be's fucked up way of telling us we cant be together?! What did we do to deserve this?!"

Having to let his frustration out before he did something or said something wrong, he picked up the alarm clock and threw it at the wall as hard as he could. It smashed into thousands of pieces and left a hole in the wall, but he didn’t care.

Spike's eyes were wide as he backed away from Xander, "First of all, you should calm down." He let out a breath as he slowly walked over to Xander and hugged him tightly. "They might just be testing us, to see if we can go through anything when we are together, and so far... we have been telling them we can do anything they throw at us, so they can kiss our asses." He smiled and gently kissed Xander's neck, "Am I right, or am I right?"

Xander let out a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his love. He pushed his face into the bleached curls and inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. "Just makes me wonder what the next 'test' is going to be. I mean, when is it gonna end?"

He sat on the bed and held Spike, who was still standing, between his legs. He pushed his face into his chest. "I can only take so much Spike. And you being taken by... them again... I can’t believe that they would do that. That’s way to fucking far."

Spike nodded, running his fingers through Xan's hair, "Baby... it's okay. I'm fine. You saved me. We can do it all. Honey..." He sighed and nuzzled the top of his lover's head. 

He pulled back and lifted Xander's head to look up at him, "Xan, promise me, we will do anything to stay together. Please?" He got down on his knees and looked up at his love.

Xander lifted a hand and cupped Spikes face. He gave him a sad smile and said, "I can’t promise that. If there’s a chance that they will get you again because of me then... I can’t let that happen again. No matter what it means I have to do to stop it." He pulled Spike's face down and gently kissed his lips. "Just know that I love you. No matter what, I love you more than life itself."

Spike grabbed Xander's arm viciously, "You better not do anything to leave me. I love you too much to lose you to some stupid shit," he growled. 

'He better not leave me. I am his sire, I am his lover, and we are gonna be together for a long long long time.'

'I don't think he will... just... don't judge too soon.'

'...Yeah, thanks for that Wil.'

"Xander... What are you gonna do?"

Xander looked into blue worried eyes. "Whatever it takes. I'll be back." He got up, got dressed and ran out of the apartment. It was morning and the sun was up, so he knew Spike wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Spike's jaw was dropped, he ran to the door, but jerked back when the sunlight hit him. "Fuck!" He screamed as he ran around the house in a shock. 

Xander made his way to Gile's house and banged on the door. A sleepy Gile's answered the door.

"I need to talk to the PtB."

Giles cleaned his glasses, "I am not too sure about this. Xander, do you know what this could do to you? It could really hurt you, or... change you."

"I don’t care! I'm sick of all this shit happening! I was fine with it happening to me but what they did to Spike last night is the last straw! I'm not putting up with this anymore!" His fists were clenched and he was thinking of ways to get Giles to do the spell that would allow him to talk to the PtB.

'If he says no... I'll find a way. No matter what. They went to far.'

Giles let out a breath as he walked up to Xander and put a hand on his shoulder, "You’re like a son to me, and when they hurt who you love... they hurt me. I will do whatever I can do to help." He walked over and opened the spell book, "Alright Xander, can you please grab the candles and put them in a shape of a pentagon, and then sit in the middle, Indian style, and repeat this spell." He handed Xander the small paper with the words he is supposed to say.

After Xander set up and sat down, he took a deep breath and began the spell. He felt a surge of electricity jolt though his body and when he opened his eyes he was in an endless room of nothing but white.

"Hello? Hey! Get your asses out here! I have a bone to pick with you!" he shouted to get the attention of whoever was supposed to be here.

White light appeared in front of Xander, and ghost like figures appeared behind the bright light. 

"The world is sad in your life human. The tests we are giving you, you have been fulfilling. When they are done you will live a happy life with your sire, loved one. What else is it that you have to ask?" 

Xander vamped out and growled at the figures before him. "You can go ahead and fuck with me all you like! But you messed with him and I wont take it! What you did last night was too fucking far!! Don’t touch him! Give me more tests or make them worse or whatever, just leave him alone!" He started to feel defeated and tired. "I'll do anything. Please. Don’t do anything to him."

The Powers that Be were in a shocked state, "We... didn't actually have control over what happened last night. That was just people being cruel. We apologize for what happened to William/Spike. We only give you tests that we know you can't fail."

Giles was a little worried it was taking Xander so long to talk to them.

"Oh" Xander went back to his human visage and looked a bit embarrassed. "My bad..." 

'I just yelled at the PtB for something they didn’t do! Shit!'

"Umm I guess I'll be going then... As long as you promise to leave Spike and William alone." He looked into each face of the figures before him, making sure they were sincere.

One of the men that belonged in the PtB, stepped forward, "Mr. Harris, we aren't bad... please trust us. We also don't blame you for assuming that we were doing this to you. We will do what we can, but... sometimes, nature just takes it's course." 

He put his hand on Xander's head, "If you would like, we could erase the memory from Spike's mind, thinking he wasn't taken, just that you guys got in a small argument and you headed home, and he came back an hour or so later. Would you like that?"

That was a hard decision to make. Should he have them mess with Spikes mind? Would Spike remember that Xander killed Riley? Would he remember the... creature he became? Did any of that matter? Spike wouldn’t remember what he had to go through for a second time. 

"Yes. Please."

The man gave a small smile as he nodded, "So be it." 

With a flash, Xander was back at Gile's house, in the middle of the candles, on his back. 

Giles ran up to Xan and helped him up, "Are you okay? What happened?" he asked worriedly.

Spike was lying in the bed staring sadly up at the ceiling when a flash appeared, then disappeared. He smiled as he stood up, he was glad when he came home and they forgave each other. He was going to make Xander lunch, a very nice one. He went to the kitchen and started making bread bowls to put potato soup in.

Xander felt groggy and shook his head to try and clear it. "Yea, G-man, I'm fine. Thanks. I owe you one. I'm gonna get outta your hair. I'll see ya." 

He ran out the door and back to the apartment. He had to see if Spike was ok and if he really did forget. Pausing before opening to door to their home, he took a deep breath. 'Does he even know where I just went or what I just did?' He opened to door and entered to find Spike in the kitchen.

Spike smiled brightly, "Hey pet. I just got done making lunch, I don't think you have ever had this, but hopefully you like it." He put the food on the table and then walked over and gave Xander a hug, "Where did you go to anyways?" He then sighed, "Sorry, not everything you do is my business." He kissed Xander's cheek. "Go ahead and sit down and eat all you want."

'This is kinda 'Twilight Zone'y.' Xander sat and began to eat, not taking his eyes off Spike. "You... you feel okay, right? Nothing... weird?" he had to make sure they didn’t give Spike a lobotomy or something. 'He seems fine, just... chipper? I don’t know.'

Spike looked at Xander weird, "Uh, I'm fine pet. I just, I regret making you come home alone last night. I just... wanted a little time to myself and let both of us cool down." He reached over and caressed his lover's cheek. 

He got one of the bread bowls and poured the soup in it and took a big bite, he was surprised, "Wow... this is damn good. I'm happy," he grinned, "Do you like it?"

"Yea its good," Xander said without really thinking. His mind was still on what was going on in Spike's head. "Okay. This might sound kind of weird, but can you tell me everything that happened from when we got to the restaurant to when I just walked though the door?"

Spike raised an eyebrow, "Well..." he started off hesitantly, 'what is wrong with him?'

"We got in a little fight. You came home, and I just walked around fighting fledges. I got back home an hour or so later, then I got into bed with you and I fell asleep. We woke up, and forgave each other. Then you left to go somewhere." He shrugged, "Why pet?"

"What was the fight about?" he knew Spike was thinking he went insane or something but he had to know exactly what was going on. "And when you got home... did I look... weird?"

Spike couldn't help but grin, his goofy Xan was here. "The fight was because of Buffy and Riley at the restaurant, and yeah, you were in your hyena form. But... why?" He tilted his head as he ate his food, "Are you okay? You didn't get hurt while you were out there... did you?"

"I'm fine. Nothing happened... I guess," he mumbled the last part without really thinking.

'This is good right? He doesn’t remember. I still do, but I should. I'm his protector.' He looked down and started to pick and eat his food. Not really hungry with the memories that Spike didn’t remember running though his head. 'Do I tell him I killed Riley? Should I just tell him he left the country or something? Or just not say anything at all? I don’t want him to have to worry about him coming back or something.'

Spike pushed his plate away and put the silverware down fiercely, "Alright. Tell me what is going on. You look like someone kicked, and then threw your dog in front of a car." He stood up and lifted Xander up. "Talk to me, dammit!" He growled.

Xander winced and the anger that was evident in Spike. He fought out of Spike’s grip and sat back down, placed his elbow on the table and placed his chin in his hand, while looking into Spike's angry eyes. 'Guess I gotta tell him something,' he let out a sign.

"I killed Riley Finn. Well... more like ripped him apart. But as a result he died."

Spike took a step back from the blunt answer. "Well pet... Umm. That's good. Was it because of what he did to me a while ago? Or what?"

He was a little confused that Xander killed Riley. How many people knew? When did he do it? "When?"

Xander let out another sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "It was for... a few reasons. And last night. I guess before you got home."

'Wait he said it was good? He's the one who wouldn’t let me kill the jackass the first two times I tried to!'

Spike rubbed his face, "I'm sorry I tried to make you stop before. But, the reason I made you stop, was because of all your friends." He looked down and flushed, "I'm sorry... I just... didn't want your friends looking at you like you were worthless. You mean so much to me."

"Yea, well, they'll be lucky if they can even identify the body. Don’t think even dental records would work," Xander chuckled. 

He was a little surprised that Spike was okay with this. The way he killed Riley was more Angelus’ style. Spike would just kill, not really torture the way he did.

Spike simply sat down and ate some more of the food. 

'Can you ask him if Alex and all of them are okay?'

"Xan? Wil is wondering if Alexander and Princess is okay?"

"Yea. Alex is mad at me about a few things and Princess has never been happier."

'So everything is good right? Things can go back to normal?'

'Yea have fun facing Buffy and everyone after what you did to her boyfriend,’ Alex shoved a picture of exactly what Xander did to Riley in his face. 

"Fuck!" Xander cursed and gabbed his head, trying to make the image go away, the feeling of this claws digging into flesh, the feel of fresh warm blood spraying everywhere.

Spike jumped out of his seat and grabbed his lover's arms and pulled them down, "Xan! What the fuck! Stop. What is wrong?" He pulled Xander to their room and sat him down on the bed. "Did one of them get upset with you?" He kneeled down and looked Xander in the eyes.

"Fuck you, Alex" he said aloud to let Spike know who was fucking with him and tell Alex it wasn’t funny at the same time. He was panting heavily from the adrenaline rush at the panic that ran through him. 

'I'm fine with you killing, Xan, but not torturing. And I warned you not to let her out, but did you listen? No! You locked me up.'

"Needed her... to find Spike... save him..." he was too tired to realize whether he was talking allowed or in his head.

Spike pulled back, "What?" He lifted Xander's head up and stare him in the eyes. "Save me from what?" he growled. He knew Xander was hiding something now. "Tell me, please? I don’t remember you saving me from anything."

'Why am I so tried?' He had trouble keeping his eyes open and he was half-asleep.

"I know you don’t.... Had the Powers That Be make sure of that," he giggled and fell back onto the bed. "No remembering for Spike. Nope."

Spike jerked Xander up, "Tell me dammit! What did you do to me? What really happened last night?" He stopped, "You found Giles today huh? And you had him help you find the PtB right?" He frowned and shoved Xander back, "How could you have them fuck with my mind?!" he yelled.

Xander knew Spike was mad but he was so tired he was giddy. "No bad memories for Spikey. Nope nope nope. They said they would do it so I said 'yes please!' Help my Spikey out!"

Spike felt betrayed, the least Xander could do was either, not say yes to it, or not tell him afterwards. 

"I got to go..." he growled as he stopped away from the bedroom and headed to the living room, and sat down angrily.

Xander groaned as he managed to get up off the bed and made it to the doorway to the living room and leaned against it. "Had to... trust me…" He felt dizzy and held a hand up to his head to try and contain his brain, which felt like it was going to fall out.

"Shit... 'nother test?" he asked to no one in particular before he fell to the floor.



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