Rating: NC17 overall.
Disclaimer: The Bee owns nothing. Certainly not the characters or products
mentioned in this story and unfortunately, the Bee makes no profit from it.
Summary: This story is a light hearted comedy/mystery.
It is based slightly (very slightly) on the plot of the old movie
"House Of Long Shadows". It is an HUA that tells the story of a very successful
mystery writer, Alexander Harris, who is suffering from a severe case of writer's
block. Against his better judgement, he accepts a $10,000.00 bet with his
publisher after claiming he can crank out a full manuscript in a 24 hour period. This
short story is his struggle to do that and the bizarre obstacles that pop up.
Warnings: Sexual dialogue and M/M slashy acts.
As always, special thanks to the amazing Petxnd for her wonderful banners.
All eyes, except Angel's, stared into the clean, very empty car trunk.
Detective Giles turned to Willow with skepticism clearly written on his face.
"So, where is the body?"
Willow blinked and flailed her arms wildly.
"He was there! He was there! I swear to God somebody had O.J.ed his
ass right there!"
The red headed mechanic was beside herself. She reached in and felt around
as though she expected the pizza boy had taken on a cloak of invisibility and
was still cold, stiff and simply unable to be seen. When she finally satisfied herself
that there was nothing there, her mood went rapidly from shock to confusion and
landed on angry. With her hands on her hips, she whirled around to face the others.
"All right. Who the fuck took the body?"
Giles calmly closed the car lid and he straightened his suit vest.
"Apparently you were mistaken. There does not appear to be a deceased person
lying in a pool of congealed blood as you reported. I am assuming it was simply
an error in judgement rather than the filing of a false police report, which, I'm
sure you realize is a very serious infraction of the law."
Willow exploded at the perceived accusation.
"WHAT? Now look here, Buddy, I'm telling you he was DEAD. Dead as a week
old tuna. Dead as a possum on the highway. Dead as......."
All the others chimed in unanimously.
Detective Giles took a moment to evaluate the situation and decided that possibly
the boy was dead and that the body had been removed from the scene of the
crime to conceal any evidence by the perpetrator. In the mean time, Buffy,
who was still kneeling at the side of the moaning and groaning Angel, had no
intention of being the next victim of the pizza boy slasher.
"Listen up, Flatfoot. There is a killer on the loose and I do NOT want to be
the next one on his list. So, you get your donut eating, coffee drinking butt
out there and you find him!"
Giles bristled at the stereotype but agreed with the logic.
"Of course. I want the lot of you to go back inside and lock the door. Do not
open it to anyone but me. I will radio for back up, cordon off the perimeter
and scour the crime scene for forensic evidence."
Spike, who had been standing with his arm protectively around Xander's waist,
scowled. The whole little speech sounded very artificial. To Spike, something
about the copper tasted bitter on his tongue. He considered demanding to see
the man's badge but realized he wouldn't know a real one from fake if it bit him
on the arse. So, for now, getting them back into the security of the house was
the best solution.
"The detective is right, Love. Let's just go in and let him to call for help
and look for the missing body."
Xander yawned. The long night combined with the stress of the situation was
beginning to take it's toll and he was sleepy as hell. With a simple nod of the head
as his answer, he allowed Spike to lead him away.
"Hey! Wait! What about a little help here."
The others looked on as Buffy attempted to tug and pull on Angel's arm while the
semiconscious man moaned, groaned and flopped about in the grass.
"Oooo. Who am? Where am I? What happened?"
"Well, fuck! Come on Pet. Lend a hand and let's get this great lump off the
ground. I suppose if we left him out here and the mad ripper got him, Blondie
here would blame us."
With a combined effort, Spike and Xander hoisted Angel up on to wobbly legs
and, with one of his arms flung around each of their shoulders, they led-dragged
him back into the safety and security of the mansion. Once inside, Willow quickly
threw the deadbolt lock and followed the group back into the living room where
their package was unceremoniously dumped on the sofa.
When Buffy and Willow rushed to the man's side, Xander pulled Spike to
the side and whispered.
"Give me my phone, Spike. Something about this whole thing smells like
an overflowing kitty litter pan. I want to call Ethan and then maybe the
local police and check up on this Giles guy. Besides that, what if the killer
isn't out there? What if the killer is in here? What if the killer is one of them?"
Spike looked over the other three members of the odd group and he knew
that Xander was only voicing a suspicion he had been carrying all evening.
"Love to, Pet, but unfortunately, I tried using the phone earlier and the battery
is dead. I didn't say anything because I didn't want them to know that we
are isolated here and unable to contact the outside world."
Xander's eyes lit up and he tugged Spike even further away from the others.
"But we aren't! I still have my laptop. That's how I contacted Ethan earlier,
remember? O.k, this is what we do. I am going to make some excuse to
leave the room. When I am out of sight, I'll run to the den and send Ethan an
e-mail explaining everything and telling him we need help NOW!!"
Spike's head bobbed up and down in what Xander considered a very sexy
manner. He couldn't help wondering what it would be like to have that head
bobbing up and down in his lap. It seemed only fair. After all he had
received a blow job under false circumstances, it is only right that Spike
came through with the real thing. Yep, when this was all over, if they survived,
Spike would definitely be expected to drop to his knees and straighten
out this small misunderstanding.
"You zoned out, Love. The plan?"
"Oh, oh, yeah. Sorry."
Then, with an exaggerated groan, Xander wrapped his arms around his belly and
he bent over.
"Oooooo!! That fucking pizza turned on me! Oooooo!! I need to fart and it
won't be pretty. Oh, God, I only hope I can make it out into the hallway before
I really let it rip!"
The other three looked on in horror and slapped their hands over their noses
as Xander took off, stumbling and tripping and he ran for the door to the den.
Spike just rolled his eyes as he watched his boy dart out of the room and slam
the door behind him.
Wasting no time, Xander rushed for the den, careful to close the door in case
any of them should sneak in to see what he was up to. He then pressed
the 'power on' button and listened to the whir as the trusty machine came to life.
While he waited for the computer to load, Xander wandered over to the huge
french doors and he gazed out facing the garden and the horizon which, he was
startled to note, was streaked in the promising pink of sunrise.
"Day break. It's day break. The night is over."
Xander checked his watch. 7 AM. The bet, that he had all but forgotten
about, would end in just 5 hours and he realized that he couldn't care less.
A silly challenge meant nothing in the face of personal survival at the hands of a
knife wielding psychopath, a mysterious blow job and a collection of characters
that could be innocent or guilty as hell.
When the musical tones signaled that the computer was ready, Xander turned
to fire off the e-mail that would save their lives, but before he did, something
caught his eye.
Something moved. Something or someone, was outside in the courtyard.
Xander's adrenalin shot through the roof. His heart slammed in his chest and
sweat dampened his scalp and palms. Quickly he slipped back to the side and
out of sight. Carefully, he pealed back the flap of the drape and he peeked out.
Again he spotted the movement and he crouched down to watch. Within seconds
Detective Giles stepped out in to the open of the cement circle of the courtyard
and he appeared to be scanning the area for clues.
Before the relief could register, another figure also emerged. Xander squinted
into the dim early morning light and when he recognized the second person,
his stomach lurched in surprise.
"Andrew! Pizza boy himself! Alive and well!"
When Xander thought he could not be more surprised, what happened next nearly
sent him into an Angel like swoon.
Andrew slithered up till he was body to body with the older, straightlaced police
detective. However, instead of Giles arresting him, the detective scooped the boy
up, slammed their lips together in a fiery kiss and they fell to the ground.
Xander gasp and slapped his hand over his mouth as he stared at the unattractive
fumbling, tumbling of arms and legs and tweed and denim.
Apparently it was not yet morning because the last thing Xander saw bouncing
up and down from the tall grass was a shiny full moon.