Rating: NC17 overall.
Disclaimer: The Bee owns nothing. Certainly not the characters or products
mentioned in this story and unfortunately, the Bee makes no profit from it.
Summary: This story is a light hearted comedy/mystery.
It is based slightly (very slightly) on the plot of the old movie
"House Of Long Shadows". It is an HUA that tells the story of a very successful
mystery writer, Alexander Harris, who is suffering from a severe case of writer's
block. Against his better judgement, he accepts a $10,000.00 bet with his
publisher after claiming he can crank out a full manuscript in a 24 hour period. This
short story is his struggle to do that and the bizarre obstacles that pop up.
Warnings: Sexual dialogue and M/M slashy acts.
As always, special thanks to the amazing Petxnd for her wonderful banners.
Xander was flabbergasted!
Although he wasn't a big fan of gay porn, o.k, yes he was, still the sight
of the middle aged police official taking it up the ass from the murder victim,
pizza boy was something that he knew would be burned into his brain for years
He wanted to turn away. He wanted to gouge out his eyeballs, unfortunately,
like a car wreck, he just couldn't look away. Pizza boy Andrew had a hell
of a pepperoni and apparently knew how to use it!
When Xander became aware of his own erection, disgust forced him to
release the side of the curtain and step back before Andrew could slather
the sauce all over the crusty cop. Once the hypnotic pull of the vision was
broken, Xander was able to clear his brain and he paced the room, murmuring.
"What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is all this? Is Giles really a cop?
If Giles isn't a cop, why the fuck is he taking pork from the pizza boy?"
Xander was in a state of total confusion and all he wanted to do right now
was get to Spike and discuss this strange turn of events. For some reason,
instinct told him not to mention this to the others. Not yet. Not till he
and Spike could figure it out together.
Quietly, he slipped back across the hallway. The crack of dawn was filling the
mansion with a golden glow of morning light that changed everything. The
spooky, dark stairway again appeared magnificent as the solid cherry beams
framed the wide sweeping steps. Even the dark red carpet took on a rich,
It was now less House on Haunted Hill and more Gone With The Wind.
When he reached the closed door, Xander gingerly turned the knob. He
hoped to open it just enough to catch Spike's attention yet not be noticed
by the others. He was only partly successful. While he did not see Spike
anywhere around, he did see the others.
The three were standing around the fireplace, laughing, chatting and
talking animatedly as though they hadn't a care in the world and for the
first time, Xander got a really good look at the strange intruders.
Now it is often said that a person's reality varies with his perception of the
world and that was now proven true as Xander realized that what he had
accepted all night as reality may not be at all what he thought. To test
this theory, he slowly eased back. He then made a great deal of noise and
shoved the door wide open as he stepped in.
Angel was back on the sofa with a cool cloth on his head. Buffy was fussing,
concerned and caring at his side and Willow was scowling and wringing her hands
as she paced back and forth by the window.
When Willow saw him, she rushed to his side and grabbed him by the arm
tugging him in to the room.
"Oh, Goodness, Xander, there you are. We were getting worried that something
had happened to you. God forbid you should meet the same fate as Andrew."
Xander pictured himself bent over the back of the police detective and he
shuddered. Then, in a light bulb over the head moment, Xander knew
exactly how to get to the bottom of this. He would use a tried and proven
method often used by his mother. It never failed.
"No, we wouldn't want that, would we. Speaking of which, I know what's
going on here."
The others fell silent and looked back and forth between themselves. Finally
"What are you talking about? You know what?"
Xander crossed his arms over his chest and put a stern, no nonsense look
on his face.
"I know exactly what you are up to. Do you think I am stupid? Do you think you
could keep this bull shit up forever? You might as well confess because the jig
is fucking up!"
The others were clearly stumped. Finally, Willow looked outside and shrugged.
"O.k, you got us. Hell, it's morning and we were only paid for the night
Xander watched, his mouth hanging open, as Angel jumped to his feet and Buffy
stepped away smoothing her hair. Suddenly, Xander didn't care how stupid he
looked, he just had to know.
"What? Who paid you? Paid you to do what?"
Buffy frowned when she realized that Xander wasn't as in the know as he said.
"I thought you knew. Ethan Rayne paid us. We are members of The Mystery
Train. It is an acting group. We do those murder mystery weekends. Mr.Rayne
told us we were to improvise a scenario as a birthday gift for a friend. So,
Happy Birthday and goodnight."
He watched in shock as they collected their things together and headed out.
"Hey! Wait! Where is Spike?"
Angel scratched his nuts sleepily.
"I dunno. He left right after you went off to fart. He isn't part of our group so
we figured he was here with you. Oh, he did leave your phone on the coffee
table. He told us to make sure you got it. Well, that's it for me. You girls want
a ride into town?"
Xander followed them to the front door He had a million questions and couldn't
voice a single one. He was stumped. When the door opened, a very rumpled
and disheveled detective and victim stood on the threshold. Giles immediately
clamped his hand around the back of the boy's neck.
"I found the scamp. He has confessed all to me and I will, of course place him
in to custody. It was a scam. He had perpetrated a fraud. He only pretended
to be murdered to scare......"
Buffy pushed past them shoving the older man aside.
"Forget it Giles. The job is finished. Time to go home."
Immediately, Andrew spun around and leapt on the fake cop causing them to
roll down the steps and land with a whoomp on the ground below. Giles flipped
over on to his hands and knees and attempted to crawl away but Andrew was too
fast for him. Within seconds the tweed was tugged from Giles shiny white ass.
Xander quickly slammed the door and blocked out the view.
He then wandered back into the living room and picked his cell phone up from the table.
He flipped it open and it lit up, fully charged. The phone wasn't dead at all. Spike
lied. Why? If Spike wasn't one of them, who was he? Why was he here in
the first place and why did he leave?
"So, Ethan, you bastard, you did all this to keep me too busy to write."
Funny thing was, Xander was smiling. He couldn't even get mad. It had been the most
fun he had had in years. It had been exhilarating. It had been inspiring.
Xander's eyes lit up and the flood gates in his brain burst as a tidal wave of ideas,
plots, characters and colors washed through his head in a total mental orgasm
The writer's block was broken!
He immediately checked his watch. 7:30 AM. He still had time!
It was a manuscript that practically wrote itself in his brain as he ran for his lap top.
It was the story of a writer trapped in a spooky old mansion filled with strange
and bizarre characters. It was a murder that wasn't and a love affair that
tried to get off the ground but didn't. It was scary, funny and sexy. It was
perfect and if he wasted no more time, it was a winner.