Rating: Adult NC17
Warnings: M/M sexual situations, adult language, reference of violence.
Disclaimer: The Bee owns nothing in this world but her own peace of mind.
I have no claim on any of the characters or products named and make no profit
from my stories.
Summary: AU (Human? Vampire?)
This is the simple tale of a successful psychiatrist with a busy practice.
Dr. Alexander Harris lives and works in the rich and colorful area of the Florida Keys
and everything about his life seems right on track. Then, one day a man comes to
him for help. He is troubled with a history of violence that he hopes therapy can
teach him to control. Clear cut? Maybe not.
As always, thanks to the wonderful Petxnd for the amazing banners and loyal friendship
Xander remained there, in Jack's office for the better part of the day. They spoke
of the truth and what each man thought to be the truth. They talked of acceptance
They considered and constructed a plan for gradually decreasing and finally removing
Xander from all his medications with the agreement that he would consult with Jack
daily and report any adverse reactions.
Jack explained that as the medication faded from his system, the memories that had
been so long suppressed and forgotten may come back with frightening accuracy and
they agreed, for now, that he would continue on with the sleeping pills. His body
and mind were enduring enough stress during the day, at least at night he could enjoy
When there didn't seem to be any other questions Xander could ask about his medical
treatment, their meeting morphed smoothly into a much needed therapy session as
Xander slid back, comfortably settled on to the couch and he began to talk..
Jack sat quietly while Xander spoke in depth about his childhood. He no longer felt
any animosity toward his parents. They were the prisoners of their own addictions
and would not have chosen that miserable life if they had the choice. Xander didn't
need to ask if they had died in the quake. He knew in his heart that Tony and Jessica
were not the people who had loved and tracked him all these years.
He talked about his best friends, Willow and Jessie and he asked Jack if they were
part of this 'Council'. Jack said he didn't know. That was 'need to know' information
that a lowly psychiatrist like him apparently didn't need to know. He did tell Xander
that obviously he was very much a vital part of the Council's inner circle and when
he was ready, they would eagerly welcome him home.
Xander thought about all that and more. He wished that the meds were flush from
his body so that his mind could unlock it's mysteries. The good and the bad.
He suddenly wanted it all.
He had spent months in the protective embrace of a straight jacket followed by
years of being wrapped in the invisible arms of an unseen benefactor. It was time
to step free from all of that and stand on his own two feet.
And then there was Spike.
What to do about Spike?
"It's getting late, Jack. Shit, you have spent the whole day with me. I need to go."
Jack Elliott rose to his feet and offered his hand to tug Xander up. Xander clung
onto the warm familiar feel of the firm grip before pulling the older man into a tight,
secure bear hug. Jack relaxed and spoke in Xander's ear.
"So then you aren't angry?"
Xander chuckled. He couldn't believe how much better he felt now than he did when
he first arrived.
"Nah, you did what you did to help me. Hell, Jack, you saved my life. If you hadn't
devoted so much time and effort on me, I would still be a brain dead, drooling idiot
locked in that small padded room. I can't be mad, not when I'm so grateful. So, as
soon as I leave here, I suppose you will call this Watcher's Council and report to them?"
Jack shrugged and laughed.
"It's what a watcher does. Watch and report. What about you, Alex? Are you going
to talk to Spike? Will he give you the answers you want?"
"To be honest, Jack, I think all my answers lie with Spike. Oh, and one more thing.
From now on, call me Xander. I think it's who I am. O.k?"
Jack smiled as his friend walked out of his office.
"No problem. See you later, Xander. Call me if you need me."
Instead of going home, Xander decided to clear his brain with a long walk. Spike
had told him last night that he would come over and as anxious as Xander was to
get some answers, he wasn't ready to face the man just yet.
He was no fool. Once he began putting two and two together, he realized that the
story Spike had told him in therapy must have been about the two of them. Jack
said that Xander was a warrior who fought on the side of good. Spike had said the
same thing about his lover. If Spike and he were comrades, Spike must be one of
the good guys too.
It felt right. Xander prided himself on his judgement of people and he was certain that
Spike was a decent man. He couldn't have fallen in love with him if he wasn't.
Love. Spike had said they professed their love for each other. They held tightly and
they made love. The concept moved around inside Xander's head and he examined
it from all angles. Yeah, he decided, that penny loafer fit his foot perfectly. It was
something he could wear comfortably.
By now, the sun had set and Xander was surprised to realize how tired and hungry he
was. It was time to go home. He was, in equal measure, excited to see Spike and
fearful. He still didn't know what the man wanted from him. It didn't seem plausible
that he just popped up for no other reason than he missed him. Why now, after all
this time? He would soon know.
Spike stood silently, out of sight as he watched the man walk so near him, he could
have reached out and touched him. When Xander passed by, Spike's pointed tongue
flicked out from between his fangs as he tasted the air.
Confusion, hesitation, tension and hope. They were all emotions Spike was relieved
to register. There was no fear. No anger. Whatever that interfering shrink had
spent the afternoon telling his boy must not have upset him too much.
Spike wanted to hate Jack Elliott. He had, over the years resented the close
relationship he shared with Xander. He had what Spike wanted. He had Xander's
But he just couldn't. The man had saved his boy. He had brought him back from
the brink and given him a life. A real life. A human life. Something Spike could
He continued to watch till Xander turned the corner and disappeared from view.
When he could no longer see him, he moved out from his corner of concealment and he
took a moment to allow his face to morph back in to the sweet, handsome facade of
a human. Spike then braced himself and he started out, following in the direction of
Xander rode the elevator to the 9th floor and he stepped out. He fished in his pocket
for his keys as he dragged himself across the carpeted hallway. Just as he reached his
own apartment door, a soft, low voice spoke behind him.
"You look tired, Xan"
Although surprised, Xander was not startled or fearful. Instead, he turned and glanced
back at the closed elevator door then back at Spike.
"How did you get up here so fast? The elevator couldn't have had time to go down
and come back up again?"
Spike took the key from Xander's hand and turned it in the lock. When the door
swung open, they both walked in.
"Oh, I took the stairs. It's good for the old cardio to walk once in a while. Course
not that you need it. You look to be in terrific......"
"Cut the small talk and flattery Spike. Jack Elliott told me everything. Well, almost
everything. I still need you to fill in the rest. I need you to fill in the 'us' details. I want.....I NEED to remember, Spike."