naughty_fae (naughty_fae) wrote in bloodclaim,

The Duke And The Dirtwater Fox

Title: The Duke And The Dirtwater Fox (A VERY LOOSE S/X adaptation of the movie The Duchess And The Dirtwater Fox)
Warnings: HAU, M/M sex, humour, mild violence, swearing, angst, OOC, vague mentions of het sex, prostitution, varying chapter lengths. UNBETA'D. A little use of movie dialogue and songs.
Rating: NC17 overall, various chapters PG-NC17
Pairing: 100% S/X (With vague reference to X/OC, S/OC pre meeting.)
Author: Naughty_Fae
Comments: Comment if you want to, though it would be nice to know someone is reading it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to someone who is not me. I write for fun not profit.

AN 1: Although Sunnydale characters have been used they are NOT necessarily in their Sunnydale persona's.

Note 1: This is set in the West of the 1880's, and it is not meant to be historically accurate. It mentions both the Mormon and Jewish faiths. This is fiction, it is a comedy, no disrespect is meant to either faith.

Note 2: My heartfelt thanks go out to my dear friend Bmblbee, for holding my hand through the writing and posting process. *Hugs*

Note 3: This is a plot driven story. What sex there is happens in the natural course of the plot and as part of Spike and Xander's relationship.

Summary: Xander Harris is a young, charismatic cowboy making his way gambling, petty thieving, womanizing and occasionally rustling through life. When he 'accidentally' steals $40,000 from the hapless Rayne gang, he and his clumsy, near-sighted horse Black Jack are forced to go on the run. He ends up in San Francisco, where he meets the handsome Englishman Spike 'Duke' Quaid, whore, con artist, bar tender and Saloon entertainer and their lives will never be the same.

Chapter 7/18 + Epilogue

Rating: NC17 Overall

Chapter 7/18 + Epilogue

Rating: NC17 Overall

It was just passed nine in the morning when the Rayne gang reached San Francisco an began a systematic search of all the hotels for any sign of Xander.

In the Barbary Point Hotel, Xander stirred and coughed, his head felt thick and heavy and his mouth was as dry as a desert. He sat up. "Duke? Hey Duke." He looked round the room and then remembered Duke said he had to go. He smiled at the memory of the previous night and was filled with the sudden urgency to pee. He padded to the bathroom, raised the lid on the john, grabbed his dick and pissed like a racehorse. He shook off and washed his hands and pulled the chain. As the john flushed he thought he'd better check on the money. He searched where he'd left the bag, no sign, he frowned and looked round the bathroom, there was a growing knot in this stomach and fear gripped his heart. He charged into the bedroom. "Duke you English bum, whatcha done with it?" He searched under the table, behind the furniture and under the bed, there was no sign. "You Limey bastard, wait till I get hold of you." He flung the door open and stepped into the hallway, a woman screamed. Xander dived back into the room and struggled into his pants, yanked on his boots and shirt, rammed his hat on his head and dashed out into the hallway, down the stairs and into the street, making straight for Lord Jim's.

In another part of the town Spike made his way to the Gents Outfitters and stepped inside, a few moments later the manikin in the window was naked and Spike was trying on the suit. The shirt, waistcoat and jacket fitted near enough, but the trousers had to be taken in and shortened. Mrs Chang did it immediately and shortly after ten he was stepping into the street, black bag in one hand, his canvas traveling bag in the other and walking towards The Bay Hotel.

Xander stalked along the street, the bum had left Lord Jim's and his room was empty. He swung by the livery and collected Black Jack and rode through the streets looking for any sign of the Limey bastard.

The Rayne gang entered their third hotel and snatched the register from the nervous receptionist and searched for Xander's name.

Spike walked into The Bay Hotel and putting on his posh accent accosted the clerk. "I say my good man, can you be a decent fellow and tell one where one might find the Widdicome party?"

"Rooms two three five, two three six and two three seven."

"And the interviews?"

"They'd be in room two three eight."

Spike nodded and made his way upstairs and located the rooms. The door was ajar and he walked in. Several men were sat on chairs, they were dull looking, older types this would be a walk over. He walked straight passed and knocked on the inner door. Wells stuck his head out. "Yes? may I help you?"

"Good day, I'm here to apply for the position of Tutor to the Widdicome family." Spike smiled.

"Oh good," Wells stepped out, clip board in hand. "and you are?"

Spike blinked. "Who am I?..... Who am I?" Wells blinked. "Didn't you get my wire saying I'd be here promptly at ten thirty?"

Wells shook his head. "No, no wire."

"My good man, have you any idea to whom you are speaking?" Wells shook his head. Spike drew himself up to his full height. " The Name's Covent-Garden as in Duke of." Wells eyes widened. "Duke?"

"Duke." Spike nodded.

Wells looked flustered. "Please wait a moment Your Lordship." He disappeared inside the room, a few seconds later a startled looking middle aged man was bundled out and Spike ushered into the room.

Widdicome sat in front of his wives, the boys stood by their mother's chairs and Wells hovered. Widdicome smiled broadly and his eyes raked over Spike's body, there were appreciative murmurs from the wives. Widdicome cleared his throat. "Tell me Duke, are you a man of strong religious belief?"

"Oh why of course Sir, I have found the secret to life is purity of the body and soul and all like that."

"And what of children?"

"Oh, I adore the little nippers"

"And teaching?"

"I believe Sir we should teach only what is right and proper," Spike said earnestly. "the Bible tells us that he who doeth what is good and doeth what is right and holy is gong to doeth alright."

One of the wives lent forward. "Where in the Bible does it say that?"

"Under the doeth's." Spike replied.

Widdicome grinned. "And have you any special subjects you would like to teach the boys?"

"I have several specialties Sir, I doubt I should teach them all to the nippers." Spike grinned.

"And what of languages, history, geography, art and so on?"

"Yeah all that and music, I especially like music."

Widdicome nodded and turned to his wives. "I believe we have heard enough?" The wives nodded in unison. He turned to Spike. " You will suit us very well Duke." He stood. "Perhaps you would like to step into the next room and we can discuss financial arrangements?" Spike nodded and followed into the next room.

Xander rode up and down the streets searching frantically for any sign of Spike but he seemed to have vanished into thin air. It slowly began to dawn on him that the blond cock sucker had probably left town and taken his $40,000 with him, he was unlikely to see either again.

The Rayne gang marched into The Barbary Point Hotel and demanded to see the register. The receptionist grabbed it and pressed it to his chest, Ethan snatched it from him, the receptionist snatched it back, Ethan pointed his gun at the receptionist's nose, he handed over the register.

Xander pulled up outside the hotel. Might as well collect what was left of his belongings and be on his way, without the money Australia was still a dream. Xander walked in the hotel, the gang poured over the register, the receptionist looked up. "Good day Mr Harris." Xander nodded, Ethan's head jerked up and the gang slowly turned. Xander's mouth dropped. "Oh shit!" He ran for the stairs, the gang ran after him.

It was at this point Miss Mallone and her eight young ladies from the 'Miss Mallone School For Young Ladies' chose to come down the stairs. Xander tipped his hat. "G'day ladies," and he weaved through them, the gang ploughed into them. Miss Mallone beat Ethan, Jesse, Danny, Warren and anyone else who was within reach soundly around the head with her parasol. "Ruffians, louts!" She cried, giving Ethan a firm crack across the head, showing what a shrewd judge of character she was. The resultant chaos delayed the gang by several minutes and allowed Xander to reach his room and lock the door. He grabbed his leather waist coat and his duster, stuffed what little money he had into his pockets, raised the window leaned out and whistled shrilly. "Jack, Jack! C,mon boy!" He called, whistled again and Jack appeared in the alley and took position under the window.

Now, as any horse will tell you, having a hundred and fifty seven pound human land on your back from a height of one storey is likely to result in severe back trauma........... Jack was a smart horse.......As Xander jumped, he moved. Xander landed on his ass in the dust, he howled as pain blossomed. Jack looked on unsympathetically. Xander scrambled to his feet and staggered to his horse and grabbed the reins. "Jack, you no good bum... How many times I gotta tell you? Under the friggin' window!"

Spike strode along the street a spring in his step, a song in his heart and a newly purchased Bible in his hand, well he had to look the part. Things were looking up and from the way Widdicome looked at him, he'd be doing a lot more than tutoring in Salt Lake! He walked into the stage depot, Wells was waiting for him. "Ah, there you are Duke. Mr Widdicome and the party have already left with all the luggage and we'll meet up with them in Virginia City before nightfall." Spike nodded. "Transportation has been arranged for us." Behind Wells Mr Waverly gawped and mouthed silently 'Duke?' Spike's eyes widened and he shook his head. Waverly grinned and rubbed his thumb and forefinger together. Wells frowned. "Is everything alright Duke?"

Spike jumped. "What? Yes, of course," he answered hurriedly and dropped his Bible, as Wells bent to retrieve it he shoved a twenty into Waverly's hand. Waverly smiled and nodded. "The stage is waiting, you and the Duke have a good trip now."

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