Warnings: HAU, M/M sex, humour, mild violence, swearing, angst, OOC, vague mentions of het sex, prostitution, varying chapter lengths. UNBETA'D. A little use of movie dialogue and songs.
Rating: NC17 overall, various chapters PG-NC17
Pairing: 100% S/X (With vague reference to X/OC, S/OC pre meeting.)
Comments: Comment if you want to, though it would be nice to know someone is reading it.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to someone who is not me. I write for fun not profit.
AN 1: Although Sunnydale characters have been used they are NOT necessarily in their Sunnydale persona's.
Note 1: This is set in the West of the 1880's, and it is not meant to be historically accurate. It mentions both the Mormon and Jewish faiths. This is fiction, it is a comedy, no disrespect is meant to either faith.
Note 2: My heartfelt thanks go out to my dear friend Bmblbee, for holding my hand through the writing and posting process. *Hugs*
Note 3: This is a plot driven story. What sex there is happens in the natural course of the plot and as part of Spike and Xander's relationship.
Summary: Xander Harris is a young, charismatic cowboy making his way gambling, petty thieving, womanizing and occasionally rustling through life. When he 'accidentally' steals $40,000 from the hapless Rayne gang, he and his clumsy, near-sighted horse Black Jack are forced to go on the run. He ends up in San Francisco, where he meets the handsome Englishman Spike 'Duke' Quaid, whore, con artist, bar tender and Saloon entertainer and their lives will never be the same.
Chapter 15/18 + Epilogue
Rating: NC17 Overall
Chapter 15/18 + Epilogue
Rating: NC17 Overall
'You can't hurry love'
Xander's lips were cracked and blistered and his mouth as dry as the sand they were laid on. He put his lips together and barely managed a soft, broken whistle. Spike sighed. "I told you you're wastin' your breath, " he croaked. "he's not going hear you, if I can hardly hear you how's he gonna?"
"He'll hear me." Xander whispered confidently. Suddenly they heard a voice and the sound of hooves. Xander raised his head. "Well will you look there, someone sure did." Spike squinted. An elderly, bearded man came into view, a prospector by his dress, leading a palomino mare laden with prospecting gear and a pretty flowered bonnet tied on her head and headed straight for them. He drew to a stop next to Spike and Xander. "Well, well Cleopatra what in the world do we have here? Two nice lookin' young fellas laid out in the sun. I wonder what thery're doing out here?"
"What do you think we're doin' out here?" Spike whispered hoarsely. "We're staked to the goddamn ground."
"Friend if you could just get the ropes? We'd be mighty grateful." Xander prompted.
The prospector stroked his beard thoughtfully. "See that there suit Cleopatra? That pinstripe is exactly what I had in mind for a dress for you, only in black not brown, no sequins." Spike and Xander looked at each other. "Hey, hey, fruitcake it's hot down here!" Spike croaked.
"Shhhh, shhhhh," Xander shushed him. "That's no way to talk to the mentally afflicted, you have to know how to talk to this guy, besides he might be dangerous." Spike rolled his eyes. "Sir, sir would you mind unloosening the ropes? If you'd be so kind." Xander smiled.
The prospector continued to talk to his horse. "I like you in black, goes with your hair and eyes." He turned away. "Time to be moving along girl." He began to walk away. "No, no come back." Spike called.
"Hey! Come back you lousy fruitcake!" Xander yelled as loud as he could.
The prospector kept on walking and talking to his horse. "Weren't they a handsome couple Cleopatra? But you'll be part of a handsome couple yourself before long, 'cos this is your season. Now don't you just choose anyone, make sure he's a fella as I can be proud of."
Spike and Xander watched as he disappeared from view. "Now what?" Spike asked. Xander tried to whistle again. "Whatcha doin', " Spike said sarcastically. "whistling up another fruitcake?"
"Aww shut up."
Half an hour passed, Xander gave up whistling and Spike had gone ominously quiet. Xander thought he could hear the pounding of hooves and he opened his eyes and raised his head. Black Jack appeared over the top of some rocks and galloped towards them. "Son of a bitch, it's him!" Xander called excitedly. Spike opened his eyes. "Come to daddy." Xander encouraged, Spike squinted. "Yeah, here comes my boy," Xander laughed.
"Ummm don't you think it would be a good idea if he slowed down right about now?" Spike suggested.
Jack wasn't slowing, if anything he was going faster and headed right for them. "Here he com............." Xander's eyes widened, Spike cringed, Jack sailed over them both and kept on going. "Yep, and there he goes." Spike commented as Jack disappeared after Cleopatra and the prospector.
"Come back! Come back you horny bastard! I'm gonna sell you for dog meat first chance I get you lousy bum!" Xander yelled after the retreating horse as loud as he could. "Can you imagine a horse being that horny?"
"Only if he's your's." Spike sighed.
Five minutes passed in silence. Spike raised his head. "Xander, can you reach my jacket pocket?"
"Never mind why, can you reach it?"
Xander squirmed around as far as the ropes would allow and stretched his arm and his fingers caught the edge of Spike's jacket and he inched it toward him. "I got it," he panted. "Great, reach inside and see if you can get hold of my reading glasses."
"Reading glasses? Whatcha gonna do? Read a goddamn book?"
"Shut up Xander, just do as I tell you."
Xander strained and huffed, squirmed and cursed. "Say, you wouldn't happen to have a ham sandwich in here?"
Spike swore, loudly.
Almost ten minutes passed before Xander's fingers pulled the wire rimmed spectacles from Spike's pocket. "Uh, sorry Spike the glass is cracked."
"That doesn't matter, can you get them into my hand?"
There was more straining, struggling and cursing before Spike's slim fingers were able to curl around the glasses. Now it was his turn to squirm round until he was able to hold the broken lens just so it caught the sun and a pin point of light fell on the rope binding one of Xander's wrists to the stake. Half a minute passed and smoke curled up from the rope, thirty seconds more and there was a tiny flame, Xander pulled on the rope and his hand was free.
They staggered holding each other up back to the river and fell on their knees and drank the water with their hands and then splashed their faces with the cool, soothing liquid. They laid at the water's edge for some time. There was the steady clop of hooves and Jack appeared making his way down the bank looking happy but sheepish. He took a long draft of water, Xander glared at him. "You horny bum." The horse moved over and nuzzled Xander's chest and face, the cowboy slowly smiled and petted it's nose and head. "Love you too buddy," he said softly.
Spike left them to their 'bonding' moment and carefully picked his way over the river that was no longer wide or deep at this point and up the slight incline on the other side. At the top he stopped and squinted into the distance, his jaw dropped and he placed his hands on his hips. Shimmering in the heat about a mile and a half away, were the elegant buildings of Salt Lake City. He twisted around. "Hey Xander, come look at this."
Xander picked his way over the river and up the bank, Jack trailed him. At the top he followed Spike's gaze and grunted.
"Well, you made it Spike, Salt Lake City."