Title: Woman Troubles
Author: forsaken2003
Fandom: BtVS
Rating: R (For swearing)
Characters/Pairing: Spike/Xander, Willow/Angel
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the one and only Joss!
Warnings/Spoilers: Between season 4 and 5. Mentions of female problems.
Summary: A mistake is made and Xander becomes a woman.
Beta'd by: Lady Merlin
Part 1
Xander walked into the Magic Box, it had started raining hard and the crew got shut down for the day, “Hey anyone here?” He called out when the front room was deserted.
“Hey Xan, I’m in the back, be out in a minute.” Willows’ muffled voice came from behind the closed door.
“Sure thing Wills,” Xander replied as he searched through the fridge. He found a bottle with Buffy’s name on it. The liquid was a pinky red, “Mmm cream soda. Buff wouldn’t mind if I snagged some.” He unscrewed the lid and drank it in seconds. “Yum Cherry!” Minutes later his stomach started grumbling loudly before the cramps started. He doubled over in pain knocking over a jar before passing out.
Willow rushed out hearing glass breaking. “Xander everything okay?” She turned the corner gasping, she grabbed the phone before kneeling beside her friend sighing in relief when his chest raised and fell. She dialed the memorized number. “Spike you need to get to the shop. Now!” She hung up not letting the vampire reply. “Spike is going to kill me!” Willow exclaimed hanging up the phone before going back to her oldest friend.
***
Forty-five minutes later Spike appeared. Buffy, Angel and Giles were already there.
“What took you so long?” Willow demanded walking up to the chipped vampire.
He raised an eyebrow, “I ran into some demons in the sewers. What’s the big deal, New demon in town? Shouldn’t we be waiting for Xander?” He noticed Willow looking guilty. “What happened to Xander?”
“He’s fine, mostly.” Giles reassured the blonde.
“Mostly fine, Where his he?” Spike growled, when it came to his Xanpet he was overprotective at times.
Buffy pointed to the back room and they all followed him. Spike walked into the middle of the room noticing a girl huddled on the couch, smelling of Xander. “Why does this stupid bint smell of my Xander?”
“That would be because that is Xander,” Giles said wiping his glasses.
The vampire spun to look at the redhead taking a step in her direction. She eeped and Angel automatically stood in front of her. “Spike calm down, it isn’t her fault.”
“What happened to him,” Spikes eyes flashed yellow.
Willow looked ashamed, “I made a potion for Buffy. Giles knew about it I talked to him before making it. It was for Buffy’s umm… female problems. You know how she gets.”
“Hey!” Buffy said insulted. “It’s not that bad!”
“Anyways,” Willow said. “Xander found it in the fridge and it was labeled Buffy! But he thought it was juice or something and drank it.”
Spike looked back at the miserable looking human, “So what this will be only for a day or two then? That’s fine we can live with that.”
“Actually… he drank the whole bottle.” Angel said.
“What the hell does that mean?” Spike asked getting annoyed.
Giles looked at the vampire, “We don’t know how long it will be in his system. But we do know it will wear off.”
“So he is stuck in a female body for god knows how long?” Spike asked.
Willow nodded, “I am so sorry Spike. I honestly didn’t think he would drink it!”
He waved her off as he walked over to Xander, “Hey pet.” Spike said softly.
Xander buried his head into his knees, “Don’t look at me!”
Spike frowned, running his hand through the now long hair. “Come on Xan it isn’t that bad.”
“I’m a girl! With girl parts! No manly bits anymore!” Xander said hysterically his voice more feminine and softer.
Spike picked up the now smaller man setting him onto his lap, “It’s not permanent you’ll be back to yourself in no time.”
Xander sniffled and hid his face in the crook of his vampires’ neck, “I don’t want to be a girl.”
“I am so sorry Xander!” Willow said. “I didn’t know this would happen I swear.”
“I know you didn’t do this on purpose. It was my fault,” Xander said wiping his eyes. “What am I going to do about work?”
Angel walked up wrapping his arms around the redhead, “We will call them and tell them you had a family emergency out of town and you don’t know how long you’ll be away.”
Xander swallowed and nodded, “Thanks.”
“Spike I think you should take Xander home when the sunsets. He is in no shape for patrol right now.” Giles suggested.
“We will have to take you shopping Xan,” Buffy said.
Xander’s eyes widened, “Shopping? Why? Haven’t I suffered enough?!?!”
“Your clothes are too big for you right now, you’ll need something that fits better,” the slayer explained. “Don’t worry me and Willow will help you.”
“I’m not wearing skirts or dresses!” Xander said crossing his arms and then uncrossing them feeling extremely uncomfortable with his new body parts.
The girls nodded in agreement, “You will have to shave though.”
“Why?” Xander rubbed his chin not noticing any stubble.
“She means your legs luv.” Spike clarified.
The newly formed female rubbed his legs wrinkling up his nose, “They are pretty hairy.”
“Don’t worry Xander me and Buff will pick you up some razors and shaving gel.”
“The sun has set, Spike.” Angel told his childe
Spike stood helping Xander stand, “Come on love lets get you home. I’ll even order from the expensive Thai place you like.” The couple started towards the front of the shop.
“We will stop by after patrol.” Buffy promised as they walked out.
Angel kissed Willow’s forehead, “it’s not your fault kitten. It will all be fine, I promise.”
Part 2
The next day came and Buffy and Willow were at the apartment just before noon. The night before had been difficult, Xander had nicked himself quite a few times becoming frustrated finally making Buffy finish the job.
A sleepy looking Spike opened the door ushering the girls into the apartment. “He is still in the bedroom. Doesn’t know what he should wear since all his clothes are too big now.”
“We brought some clothes for him, may be snug but it will have to do before he gets some clothes.” Willow said as she lifted the bag that held the clothes.
Spike nodded, “You can go in. He all but pushed me out before changing.” The girls gave him a confused look. “He is embarrassed about his new body.”
“Oh, don’t worry Spike everything will be back to normal soon.” Willow comforted the vampire before making her way to the master bedroom. She knocked on the door before opening it. “Xander? We brought some clothes for you to wear.”
She was met with a crushing hug who had tears in his eyes, “Thank god! I couldn’t go out like this!”
”Sweetie what’s wrong?” Buffy asked concerned.
“I don’t know!” Xander sniffled.
The slayer and witch looked at each other, “Hormones.”
“Are you kidding? Not only do I look like a woman I also feel like a woman?” Xander looked disgusted. “How do you deal with it?”
“Chocolate,” Buffy said.
The brunette nodded, “Thanks for the clothes. Could you leave though?”
“Sure Xander,” Willow gave him a supportive smile. “Just come out when you are comfortable.”
Twenty minutes later Xander came out wearing tight brown slacks and a blue tank top. “I feel stupid.” He grumbled.
“You look amazing pet,” the vampire reassured his lover helping him put his jacket on. “Shopping will be fine; you can even con the girls into buying you lunch.”
Willow nodded wanting to make it up to her best friend, “Anywhere you want to go!”
Xander sighed before kissing the vampire, “You’ll be here when I get back?”
“Course luv, you may have to wake me up.” The blonde replied pulling him into a hug.
Buffy tapped her foot impatiently, “Come on you two I want to do some shopping!”
“Love you,” Xander said before being dragged out the door.
Spike chuckled and called out, “Love you too Xan!”
Part 3
The three friends made their way through the mall, “Where are we going?” Xander asked clutching Willow’s hand while they were pushed by other people.
“To the place me and Willow shop, they have lots of selections and it’s not overly expensive.” Buffy said pushing a pink haired teen out of her way.
They made their way into the shop Xander’s eyes widening at the size. “Holy Moley!”
Willow giggled, “They have a huge selection.”
“May I help you?” An older brunette woman came over to them.
“Yes our friend is in need of new clothes.” Buffy explained.
The older woman looked over Xander, “I don’t think we have anything.”
Willow frowned, “What do you mean you don’t think you have anything?”
“Well, I don’t mean to be rude but we only carry sizes one through five. Your friend is between an eight and ten.”
Tears prickled Xander’s eyes, “You’re calling me fat?”
The woman shrugged and then ignored Xander turning her attention to the other two, “We have a sale going on I’m sure there is something you’d like.”
“Are you serious?” Buffy said fuming. “You just insulted our friend and you think we are going to shop here?”
Willow pulled on the slayers sleeve, “Buffy?”
“Yeah Wills?” She turned her attention away from the snotty lady.
“Um… where’s Xander?” The witch asked walking out of the store.
Buffy shot one more glare at the woman before chasing after her friend. “He couldn’t have gotten far… could he?”
Willow bit her lip, “Spike is going to kill us!” She said grabbing her friends’ hand dragging her through the mall.
“Poor Xander,” Buffy said. “There is nothing wrong with his figure. I’m actually kind of jealous!”
Willow nodded, “Me too. But I don’t think we should tell him that.”
“Yeah we don’t think he would really take it as a compliment.”
Buffy stopped them at the food court looking around for her friend, “I don’t think he is here.”
“We should phone Spike,” Willow said making her way to the pay phone. After the third ring the answering machine kicked in. “He must have gone back to bed.”
“We should head over there just to make sure he got there alright.” Buffy responded.
Part 4
Xander stormed into his apartment in tears making his way to the bedroom. All he wanted right now was to be comforted by his vampire. He felt bad about waking up him up but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care much. He jumped on the vampire wrapping his arms around him.
Spike shot up vamping out, growling. He slid back into his human façade, when he caught Xander’s scent. “Xan, luv what’s wrong?” He looked at the clock seeing that he had been gone just over an hour. Xander mumbled something into the vampire’s neck. “I didn’t catch that Xan. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m fat!” Xander wailed, hating the hormones.
The vampire looked absolutely baffled. “What are you talking about luv? You’re not fat.”
“I am! The sales lady said so!”
Spike rolled them over so he was on top of the human. “Xan, you are not fat. You have a sexy body in female and male form.”
“I don’t like shopping.”
Spike wrapped his arms around his Xanpet hating to see him so miserable. “I know shopping is evil, but you need clothes.”
“Will you come with me?” Xander asked giving his puppy dog eyes.
The blonde mentally cursed as he could never refuse the look, “Course I will.” Leaning down kissing his boy. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.
“That will be the girls. I kind of ditched them.” Xander said looking guilty.
Spike dragged them both off the bed, “I’m sure they’ll understand.” He opened the door letting them in.
“Xander I am so sorry! That woman was a b-i-t-c-h.” Willow said hugging him.
He hugged her back, “it’s okay Wills. Sorry I ran out on you.”
“Do you want to try shopping again?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah but can we do it tonight? Spike is going to come with.” Xander explained.
Buffy grinned, “Want to get your mans’ seal of approval?” making Xander blush.
“My Xander will look gorgeous in anything.” Spike said smiling. “Why don’t I make some lunch.”
“I could eat!” Buffy said following the vampire into the kitchen,
Willow looked at Xander in shock, “Spike can cook?”
Xander laughed, “If you call making Kraft Dinner cooking.”
“MMM I love Kraft Dinner!” The witch said giggling.
“Are you going to drag your vampire shopping with us?” Xander asked as they made their way to the small kitchenette.
Spike turned to them, “He better. I’m not bloody suffering clothes shopping alone!”
Willow laughed, “I’ll call him after we eat.”
Part 5
The five of them made their way back to the mall this time going into a different shop. Buffy went up to one of the workers and asked if they had clothes that would fit her friend. The worker looked shocked by the question and answered yes. Now they were looking around the store for shirts and pants. Willow reminded him that he also needed bras and underwear.
Angel held up a yellow top with a duck on it. “Why would a grown woman want a duck on their top?” He asked Spike.
The blonde looked at the shirt with revulsion, “I don’t know.” He went back to looking through the tops. “Aha! Jack pot!”
“What you find?” Angel asked coming over to Spike.
Spike held up a black t-shirt with a large grey skull on it. “This would look good on my Xander!” He exclaimed excitedly.
“I don’t know if Xander will like that,” the brunette vampire said warily.
“Piffle, he’ll love it!” He left Angel to go in search of Xander who was trying to find bras and underwear whilst having an argument about why they needed to match. “Xander I found you a shirt!” Spike said sounding proud of himself.
“You did?” Xander looked happy but frowned slightly at the shirt. “It has a skull on it.”
Spike nodded grinning, “It’s bloody awesome isn’t it? You would look amazing in it!” Thrusting the shirt into his arms, “Try it on.”
Xander looked at Willow and Buffy for help but they just grinned and pushed him into the dressing room with the shirt and a few other items. Angel came over a few minutes later finding nothing that Xander would like. “He’s trying on the skull shirt?”
“Yup! My Xander is going to love it!” Xander came out wearing tight faded blue jeans and the skull shirt. It actually fit well, showing off all his curves.
Buffy whistled, “Wow that actually looks good.”
“Really?” Xander asked looking in the mirror.
Spike wrapped his arms around him, “You look extremely shaggable pet.”
“So the shirt is a must.” Xander grinned as he slid back into the changing room to try the rest of the clothes.
Part 6
Two weeks passed and Xander was still a girl. It had gotten semi easier, though he still sometimes got emotional, he didn’t know if it was the female thing or just the situation. He loved Spike; the vampire had been so supportive of the whole thing.
It was Saturday, Xander loved Saturdays. It was their day to stay in bed till noon before getting up to make breakfast. This Saturday was different though, Xander woke up at 7:00AM feeling a little bit off. He climbed out of bed making sure he didn’t wake his vampire before heading to the bathroom. He wrapped his arms around his abdomen as painful cramps took over his stomach and back. Finally making his painful way the bathroom he became embarrassed when he realized he got his period. “Oh my god, Oh my God, Oh My GOD!” Xander screeched in panic. He hadn’t even thought about this possibility.
“Xan? You okay in there luv?” Spikes voice came from the other side of the door.
“Y-yeah, fine. Go back to bed baby; I’ll be in, in a bit.” Panic still in his voice.
Xander could hear the frown in Spikes voice, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, don’t worry. Get some sleep you didn’t get in until 3:00 this morning.” Once he heard the vampire close the bedroom door he dashed out into the living room grabbing the cordless phone and running back into the bathroom. Punching in the numbers he waited for Willow to answer the phone, after the fifth ring Angel answered.
“Angel? What are you doing up? Right I guess having the phone ring early in the morning is probably irritating. Look I need to talk to Willow. Um… it’s kind of a personal thing… you know female stuff. Thanks Angel.” Xander waited impatiently until his friend came on the phone. “Willow you have to help me! I got my period! I have really bad cramps, I think I’m dying! Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little but I am in pain! Will you, Thank you Willow! I’ll see you shortly.”
Xander hung up the phone and made his way to the living room curling up on the couch. “This is so fucking embarrassing.” Tears prickled his eyes.
Thirty minutes later there was a light knock on the door, Xander rushed to the door all but hauling Willow into the small apartment.
“Calm down Xander,” Willow said handing him the bag that contained pads and Midol.
“I can’t! Its one thing to be stuck in this body but now this?” Xander was near hysterics. “And what about Spike? You know how embarrassing this is?”
Willow raised an eyebrow, “Uh yeah. Angel remember? Its fine Xander, You can’t really hide it from Spike.”
“Kill me now!” He cried.
Spike came out wearing just sweats, “What’s going on? Why is Red here at quarter to eight in the bloody morning?” The vampire noticed the change, looking from Willow to Xander. “Um…” He became embarrassed as soon as he realized.
“Shut up Spike!” Xander hissed a fresh wave of tears coming before running into the bathroom slamming the door.
The vampire stood there uncomfortable, he didn’t even think about the possibility of that happening. He scratched the back of his neck looking at the witch for help. Willow sighed, “He will be fine. It is just embarrassing, you know with having a vampire around. Trust me I know.”
Spike looked at the closed door, “Should I go talk to him?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now Spike,” Willow said patting his arm. “He won’t want to talk about this at all and I don’t think you should bring it up.”
“So I should do nothing?” Spike asked, he didn’t like doing nothing.
Willow nodded, “I think that would be best, unless he asks for something. He may be more moody for the next few days.”
“Right,” Spike said still uncomfortable.
“And for goodness sakes don’t act like this around him! It will only make it worse!”
The vampire nodded looking sheepish, “Thanks Red. You should probably get back to Peaches.”
Willow nodded yawning, “Yeah I could definitely use a few more hours sleep. If Xander needs anything else you guys can always call me or Buffy.”
Spike walked Willow to the door telling her they’d see her later. A few minutes after she left Xander poked his head out from the bathroom, looking around.
“Red’s gone to get some more sleep.” The blonde told her lover.
The brunette came up arms still wrapped around his stomach, “You uh… want to go back to bed?”
“I wouldn’t mind a few more hours,” Spike stated. “You coming?” Xander nodded walking into their bedroom and curling up in a ball. The vampire crawled in after him running a hand through the long locks of brown hair, “What’s wrong luv?”
Xander looked up at the vampire tears in his eyes whispering, “Cramps.”
Spike frowned never noticing how painful cramps could be but he assumed they had to be bad if his human was curled in a tight ball, “Turn around Xan, I’ll rub your stomach for you.” Xander did as Spike asked trying not to curl back up. The vampire moved his body against Xanders’ before draping an arm over the waist his hand automatically moving in a circular motion. “Just relax Xan, Spike will take care of you,” he dropped a kiss on his head.
“You always take care of me,” Xander mumbled his eyes shut. “Love you. Sorry I’ve been a wreck.”
Spike nuzzled Xander’s neck, “Don’t worry about it. Just think you’ll be back to your old self in no time.”
Part 7
Spike was relieved he had survived a PMSing Xander. It was harder then he originally thought. The mood swings were scary, one minute his Xan-pet would be laughing and the next he would be crying or screaming at Spike over the littlest things that never bothered him before.
Three days after that horrible experience Xander decided they should go to the bronze since he hadn’t been there since before the ‘change’. So the gang found themselves at the only place in Sunnydale worth going to. The girls and Xander were on the dance floor while the vampires held their table. Angel refused to dance unless it was a slow song, not willing to embarrass himself. Spike was nursing his beer as he watched his mate dance to some horrible teeny bopper music.
“Xander looks like he’s having fun,” Angel commented.
Spike nodded, “Yeah. Maybe this was a good idea.”
“You didn’t think it was?” The brunette asked.
“Not at first no, I was afraid he would be uncomfortable but he seems to be having fun.” He smiled as the three friends danced together.
***
Xander was dancing with his girls having the time of his life, he had tried to con Spike into dancing but he just raised an eyebrow and gave him the two finger salute. {That vampire of mine, what a sweetheart… not!} But Xander wasn’t going to give up that easily as soon as the next slow song came on the blonde was going to be on the dance floor willingly or not. Buffy already promised to help drag the blonde onto the dance floor if needed with an evil grin.
Finally a slow song started and Angel automatically appeared beside the redhead. Buffy started dancing with Riley who had just gotten back into town after visiting his family.
“Where’s Spike?” Xander asked looking at their empty table.
Angel pulled Willow close to him dancing slowly, “Where else? Getting another beer.”
“Bastard he left the table as soon as the song started didn’t he?” Xander accused.
“Um…” Angel flicked his eyes to his witch looking for help.
The brunette sighed and started to make his way off the dance floor. Not really paying attention pouting over Spike being all Spike like, he almost ran into someone, “Oh sorry.”
The man turned around grinning at Xander, “Well I’m sure you can make it up to me, how about a dance?”
“Sorry I’m a one man kind of gu-gal,” Xander corrected himself. “And my man isn’t too fond of me dancing with others.”
The college kid put his hand on Xander’s arm, “And where is this boyfriend of yours?”
Xander did a quick look around for the blonde not spotting him, “Either getting a beer or out for a smoke. Can’t really miss him, bleach blonde, hair sexy blue eyes and killer cheekbones. You’ve probably seen him around, all the girls are always gawking at him some guys as well, and he just radiates sex.”
“Look babe, no need to be embarrassed that you didn’t come here with someone. All that matters is that you leave with someone.” The guy tried leering but failed miserably and Xander could just think that if it was Spike his insides would have turned to mush by now.
Xander pulled his arm away, “I am here with someone and that is the same someone I’ll be leaving with. Now go away,” Xander said turning to guard their table. He was yanked back against the man who now looked more than angry. “You really want to let go of me.”
“Really and why’s that?” he asked.
“Because you are about to get your ass kicked six ways from Sunday,” Xander enlightened him.
The guy stiffened when he heard a low growl come from behind him, he turned quickly pulling Xander with him bruising his wrist when the hand tightened as he found himself staring into yellow eyes.
“I believe that is my girl,” Spike snarled.
Xander smiled in relief, “Told you, blonde hair, blue eyes, killer cheekbones, sex on legs!” His wrist was released.
“Dude, she didn’t tell me she was here with anyone!”
The brunette scowled at him, “the hell I didn’t!”
He ignored him, “I think you want to watch out for this girl. She was leading me on.”
Willow giggled hysterically all eyes focused on her, “Um... why would she want you when she has him? That would be like trading down wouldn’t it?”
Spike chuckled wiggling his eyebrows at the witch before turning his attention back to the man, “I suggest you get out of here before I kick your arse.” The vampire slipped into his game face enjoying the color drain from his face before running out of the club.
Xander launched himself into Spike’s arms. “I can’t leave you alone for a moment can I luv?” Xander punched him in the chest. “OW! What the bloody hell was that for?”
“You big jerk, you high tailed it out of here when the slow songs started,” Xander pouted.
The vampire sighed, “Sorry Xan. I’ll make it up to you now.” He wrapped his arms around the humans’ waist pulling him into his body.
“Awwwwwww!” Buffy and Willow said simultaneously before giggling.
Spike glared at them, “Shut. Up.” Earning more giggles.
After a few slow dances Xander started to feel dizzy, “Spike?”
Spike looked at his mate, noticing he had lost color, “Xan what’s wrong?”
The gang turned their attention to the couple, “What’s wrong?” Buffy asked.
“I don’t feel so good,” Xander leaned his head against Spikes shoulder closing his eyes.
Angel grabbed Willow’s hand as they made there way out of the Bronze after he suggested that the cool air may help.
“You feeling better Xander?” Willow asked.
Spike was supporting most of Xander’s weight, “That depends.”
“On what?” Angel asked dropping his jacket over Willows shoulders since she left her own at home.
“On when I was on the tilt-a-whirl,” Xander replied before passing out.
Part 8
When Xander woke up next he found himself in his bed, he groaned his head throbbing, “Spike?”
The blonde walked back into the bedroom with a glass of water and bottle of Aspirin. “Welcome back Xander,” The vampire gave a relieved smile.
“Back, did I go somewhere?” Xander asked confused accepting the items.
Spike chuckled, “You could say that. Do you notice anything different?”
The brunette looked confused for a minute before lifting the blanket off of him finding he no longer had girl parts. “Oh my good I’m Man Xander again!” He grabbed his vampire pulling him in for a kiss,
“Glad to have you back luv,” Spike said in between kisses.
“You’re not going to miss girly Xander?” The brunette asked worriedly.
Spike wrapped his arms around the human, “Course not. Fell in love with the male you. But if there had been no way to reverse it I still would have loved you. May have looked different but it was still you wasn’t it?”
“Thank you Spike, for everything. I know it wasn’t easy.” Xander said, “I have new respect for the girls now.”
The vampire licked his lips, “I think we have had enough girl talk Xan. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Uh huh,” Xander said his eyes glued to the vampires lips.
“Now I think we have some catching up to do,” Spike whispered.
The teen nodded kissing the vampire again, “Love you Spike.”
“Love you too Xander,” Spike replied before he pounced.
The End