Rating: Adult for language and very brief M/M sexual content.
Disclaimer: The Bee owns nothing including the characters and
products named in this fanciful story.
Summary: AU. Xander is living in his own apartment when he
is invaded by a mouse. Although he often faces demons and vampires,
Xander has a particular fear of rodents and therefore enlists Spike to rid
him of the varment. Spike, who has his own aganda, accepts the challenge.
Authors note: This is a very short story that the Bee is offering up to
her loyal and wonderful readers as a Christmas gift of thanks.
Boo Boo Betaed by the patient and gracious Silk_labyrinth
Waves and winks to the wonderful Petxnd for the banner and a hug for her friendship.
BANG BANG BANG "SPIKE!"
Spike lay on the comfy bed in the lower level of his crypt. Although it was
nearly sunset, he was not ready to roll out. After all, what did he have to
look forward to? Sure there was always the thrill of the hunt and the exhilaration
of the kill but, thanks to the fucking chip in his brain and the soul up his arse, the
chipmonks on the menu offered little in the way of a challenge.
When the pounding on his door first started, a sniff or two in the air told him
all the details he needed to know. It was the Slayer's pound puppy and he
was upset. Again.
Spike covered his head with his pillow. Why the fuck should he jump and run, he
wondered. What did it get him? Paid? Praise? Pussy? Nope, none of the above,
thank you very much.
The only perks of this gig as sidekick seemed to be the chance to slaughter whatever
demon the boy had attracted this week and sometimes kip a bit of demon blood.
When it was edible and only if it wasn't the type that turned to excrement the instant
it landed in your stomach.
Spike shuddered at the memory. He had certainly learned his lesson that time.
No more eating demons who smelled like shit. There was a reason for the odor.
Still, it was a night with nothing on the menu but boredom, and the relentless hammering
on the stone slab of his crypt showed no signs of stopping. So.........
"What the fuck? Maybe I can scare up something worthy of my talents and
Spike jumped to his feet, stark naked and did a couple of air punches and a
roundhouse kick before puffing his small frame up and snorting in self satisfaction.
He then climbed the ladder and popped his head up out of the man...er, vampirehole.
The minute he jerked the door open, Xander tumbled in, landing on the floor in a
sweaty heap at Spike's feet. Spike stared down at the mess and wrinkled his nose.
Xander flopped over on his back and stared straight up at the naked vampire and
the long, pale, loose-hanging cock that was so near, yet so far.
He very nearly grabbed onto it as a handhold to hoist himself to his feet, but quickly
decided that it was probably not the best idea he had ever had. Still, he couldn't
take his eyes off of it.
"It's a cock, Xander. I'm surprised you don't recognize it. I always suspected your
lack of bollocks but I assumed you had a dick."
Spike's snarky insults snapped Xander out of his dick trance and he leapt to his feet.
"Hey! I've got balls! In fact, I've got two of them. So there smartypants! And
speaking of pants, why aren't you wearing any?"
Seeing the perfect opportunity for a little entertainment, Spike immediately stepped
forward: his eyes hooded suggestively and his voice took on a silky, thick, whispery
tone that skipped over Xander's ears and was absorbed directly through his skin
like a slathering of BenGay. Appropriately enough.
"I'm naked for you Xander." He purred "I knew that was you pounding on the door
and I wanted to be ready for you to pound into me. I have always wanted you, Xander.
So big, so strong, so fully packed. I'll bet you have a huge cock, don't you? Long, thick,
juicy and ready to be tugged to paradise and back."
Xander blinked. He was flustered and floored. An amazing tingle and heat rushed
through him starting at the top of his head and ending at his toes, all the time bouncing
repeatedly off his nuts and pecker like a pinball machine.
He had always found the vampire attractive and often wondered what a vampire's spunk
tasted like in comparison to a human's, but only on a scientific level of course. He was
not gay. Not 100% gay anyway. After studying on it and masturbating to pictures of
both men and women -- and once to a Horse Traders magazine, but that is one he refuses
to acknowledge-- Xander estimates he is possibly 41.6% gay.
"Um, well, yeah, I guess it's big. I mean big enough. You know what they say. More
than a mouthful is a waste. Ha ha. Hey!! Wait a minute!! I didn't come over here to
discuss the size of my manhood and there will be no pounding! I mean, there will be but
not in me! I need you to pound a monster. A fiend, a demon who has invaded my
Spike threw his hands in the air. He knew it. Another freelance job. All humor and
teasing fell away as he turned his back to the boy to give himself time to think. Was he
in the mood? Did he want to bother? Yeah, fact was, the boy was attractive enough and
he had only been half joking when he asked about his cock. Just then, the idea came to
him in a light bulb over the head moment and he spun back around.
Xander had watched as Spike moved around. His firm butt cheeks had exactly the right
amount of bounce per inch and when he stepped, the head of his limp cock peeked
enticingly from between his legs. He was fucking scrumptious! His sinewy body moved
like a cat which was exactly what Xander needed. In more ways than one, and Xander
twitched when Spike twirled back to face him and the uncut dick slapped against the left
creamy thigh. Ok, perhaps he was 51.6% gay.
"I'll do it!"
"I said I'll do it. I'll kill your monster but it will cost you."
Little did Spike know that at this point he could have asked for Xander's firstborn and
the boy would have wrapped the little bugger in swaddling and signed over the papers.
"You got it! Let's go!"
"Don't you want to know what I want?"
"Anything, Spike. You don't understand the urgency. The little bastard is probably
at this very moment destroying my apartment. Come on. Please. Hurry!! Oh, but
put some pants on first, my neighbors are a tad squeamish. Mrs. McHale is still angry
about the pumpkin and leaky bathtub incident."
Spike shook his head and decided not to ask. Instead, he quickly dressed and giggled.
He had secured a promise from a white knight. When the job was done, he could
claim any prize he wanted and call it terms of the contract. He was extremely
confident that, with a bit of manipulating and fast talking, his right hand had just
been given the night off.
Within minutes, they arrived at the doorstep of Xander's apartment where they both
paused. Xander out of fear of what he may find when the door was opened and Spike
out of cosmic restriction. When it appeared they would stand here forever, Spike
pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
"So, pet. Are we going to stand out here all night? Can't kill it if I can't see it. Oh,
and by the way, what the fuck is it? Not that it matters. Toss anything at the Big Bad
and he will rip its head off and fuck it's neckhole."
Xander wrinkled his nose in disgust at the mental picture and the foul cigarette smoke.
He shook his head and waved his hands around his head to divert the clouds of toxic
"There will be no head ripping or neck fucking, Spike. I just want it caught and flushed.
It's that simple. Caught and flushed."
Spike's cigarette stopped halfway to his luscious lips and Xander stared at the waiting
pucker before it suddenly flattened out and turned downwards.
"Flushed? What the fuck kind of demon do you flush? Gackle? Turdite? Oh, oh, wait,
what were those little green things we fought last year? Mucosums?"
Xander's whole body reacted with a violent shudder as he recalled looking into the
devious monster's beady red eyes.
"It's a mouse, Spike! Oh, lordy, lordy, a huge, clawed and fanged mouse and it's in there
right now doing God knows what in the cupboards and kitchen. So, go! Get in
there and do your thing! Kill it! Catch it and flush it!!! Go!!! I'll just wait here."
Xander had stepped back and was making wild 'shoo shoo' motions with his hands.