Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Who killed Harmony?
Warnings/Spoilers: Characters Death not the boys
Beta’d by: Madame_Mary
There had been rumours of Harmony returning to Sunnydale after her vacation in France, so when they went to find her the only thing they found was a pile of ash and a large, ugly stuffed unicorn. Everyone was wondering who killed her.
“Which one of you killed her?” Buffy demanded, Harmony had been a pain her ass ever since high school and she had been looking forward to finally getting rid of her.
Willow shook her head, “It wasn’t me. I was with Angel.”
“It certainly wasn’t me,” Giles insisted. “I wanted her dead as much as any of you but coming after her meant I’d have to listen to her natter on.”
“It wasn’t me or Spike,” Xander said.
Spike smirked, “We were stuck in bed the entire day.”
“Ew!” Buffy wrinkled up her noise, “TMI Spike.”
“One of us had to have done it,” Angel spoke as he knelt down. “Who ever it was, they left the stake behind.”
Willow knelt beside him, “Oh! And look there are foot prints. They are definitely not high heels so that excludes Buffy.”
“I already knew I didn’t do it,” Buffy muttered, “That doesn’t explain who did though.”
“They're too big to be a woman’s so that excludes me too; though I already knew it wasn’t me.” Willow pointed out.
Spike rolled his eyes, “Alright so it’s narrowed down to Xanpet, Peaches, Ripper and myself.”
“I’m pretty sure we can also eliminate Spike,” Angel said.
”Why?” Spike demanded to know. “I could have done it! The bint was bloody annoying.”
“Yeah we know you could have but you didn’t, and I know this because there isn’t any blood. If you would have done it, it wouldn’t have been a clean kill.”
Spike grinned and bobbed his head up and down, “Peaches has a point.”
“Alright so that leaves Angel, Giles and Xander.” Buffy replied. “Come on fess up!”
All three men just stood there not saying anything. Spike was getting bored and wanted to go home and shag his boy. He picked up the hand crafted stake and looked it over. “Peaches, is in the clear. He doesn’t have the patience to do a decent job on carving a stake.”
“I have more patience than you,” Angel scowled at him.
“You have plenty of patience,” Willow agreed petting his arm.
Buffy pointed an accusing finger at Giles, “I think it was you.”
Giles sputtered, “Me? Why on earth do you think it was me?”
“Come on Giles, we all know you had a crazy past.” Buffy continued to point her pedicured finger at him.
“I did not kill Harmony, and get your finger out of my face,” Giles glared at his charge.
Buffy lowered her hand slouching a bit; Giles still had moments of being scary. “So then it was Xander.”
“You have no proof it was me,” Xander argued. “Besides like Spike said we were in bed… together.”
“That’s what I said but…” Spike thought back to that morning. “When I woke up around noon I rolled over to snuggle… I mean not that I snuggle or anything I’m the big bad after all.”
Giles rolled his eyes, “Get to the point Spike.”
“Anyways,” Spike shot Giles a dirty look. “I woke up and you weren’t there pet, or anywhere in the apartment.”
Xander stood there staring at Spike like he had been betrayed. “You… You undead jerk!”
“Xan?” Spike’s eyes flew open.
“Fine I did it I killed the bitch,” Xander admitted. “And I’d do it a thousand times over.”
Everyone looked at him like he had gone crazy which maybe he had. “Why’d you kill her Xander?” Willow asked.
It was Xander’s turn to look at each of them like they were crazy, “Are you serious? She came back for Spike!”
“Spike?” Buffy echoed.
“Yes Spike.” Xander waved his hands around. “She wanted her ‘Blondie Bear’ back. And I couldn’t let that happen. So I confronted her about it.”
Angel shook his head, “You obviously didn’t come here just to confront her. You brought a stake with you.”
“Just to scare her, but the bitch just laughed at me didn’t take me serious at all!” Xander explained, “Then she came after me can you believe the nerve? I come here to tell her to stay away from Spike and she tried to eat me!”
“So you staked her,” Buffy finished.
Xander shook his head, “No she tripped over that ugly unicorn and fell on to the stake. So really it was self defence.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us that luv?” Spike asked truly confused by Xander.
“I don’t know,” Xander scuffed his shoe on the floor into Harmony’s remains. “I mean I knew her since we were kids, it felt wrong you know? I didn’t really plan on killing her. Just wanted to scare her is all.”
Willow pulled her friend into a hug, “You don’t need to feel bad Xan. She wasn’t human and you were in danger. We’re all just glad you’re alright.”
“Of course,” Giles patted Xanders shoulder. “Besides she was annoying no one would truly miss her.”
“I’m right proud of you luv,” Spike grabbed Xander and groped him. “How about we go home and I take care of my saviour?” He licked the column of Xander’s ear.
“Eww!” Buffy cried out again, “Stop doing that in front of me!”
Spike smirked and lead Xander away from the group, “Fine by me don’t want you lot seeing what a gorgeous arse my nummy has anyways!”
“SPIKE!” Everyone yelled but Spike just continued his way home with Xander.