Pairings: S/X, A/W
Rating: NC17 (Mild description)
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn
Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped
Beta’d by: Dragonfly_64 and mrs sakuma
It was quarter after two in the morning, when Xander finally made his way back to the apartment. He closed the door and stumbled towards the bathroom. All he wanted was take the longest, hottest shower possible.
“Had a good night did you?” Spike sat up on the couch startling Xander.
“Leave me alone,” Xander replied, not looking at Spike.
Spike quirked an eyebrow, “I can smell it, you know. So much for simple; tsk tsk. Putting out on the first date, what would the girls say?” He mocked; he was surprised when he was grabbed by the collar of his black t-shirt and shook hard.
“You don’t tell them a god damn thing,” Xander hissed, tears filling his eyes. “I’ll stake you before you use this against me… against them.”
“What are you blabbering on about?” Spike demanded then he caught the whiff of blood. “Bloody hell.” Spike’s eyes enlarged as he realised what happened.
Xander shoved Spike away from him. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“You need to go to the hospital,” Spike disagreed with disbelief.
“No I don’t,” Xander answered and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Spike heard the water turn on and steam soon leaked through the crack at the bottom of the door. He listened as Xander washed himself, worried that Xander might do something stupid.
Finally, after half an hour Xander came out of the bathroom his skin red from the heat. He refused to look at Spike, “I’m going to bed.”
“Talk to me, tell me what happened.” Spike said in almost a calm voice, as if he were trying to not scare an already frightened animal.
“Why? You know what happened,” Xander replied but stopped at his door. “You just want the details.”
Spike shook his head even though Xander wasn’t looking at him. “You aren’t going to tell your friends about what happened and you washed away any evidence to go to the cops. If you don’t talk about it, it’ll end up eating you up inside.”
“Alright, but if you laugh or make any kind of comment I’ll stake you,” Xander threatened before entering his room.
“I thought you were going to tell me?” Spike asked confused.
“I will, but right now I need sleep okay?” Xander asked and stood there as if he was waiting for permission to go to bed.
Deciding not to push, Spike nodded. “We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Xander whispered before closing the door.
Spike lay back on the couch but remained awake in case Xander needed him. He knew he was a bastard; he’d killed his share of people, tortured them for the sheer fun of it. But never in his hundred plus years had he ever raped someone. That had always been more Penn’s thing. He thought about how, in order to get revenge for Xander, the chip needed to be removed.
Xander tossed and turned knowing, sleep would not come to him, but he couldn’t face Spike just yet. He just wanted to forget what happened. What was he going to tell Buffy and Willow? What would Brett tell them? The second question scared him even more. Would Brett tell them that they had sex or that things didn’t work out? What if he told them he wanted to see him again? How would he explain that he wasn’t interested without telling them what happened?
With a groan, Xander rubbed his palms against his eyes hard, seeing all the pretty colors dance under his eyelids. He listened for Spike in the living room; it was completely silent. Maybe he decided to leave. Xander hoped that he did but at the same time he didn’t. He couldn’t stand to be alone right now.
There was A small knock on the door and it opened; Spike’s head popped in. “I know you don’t want to talk until you’ve slept. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, though,” Spike said and realised how stupid that was. Of course Xander wasn’t alright.
With a sigh Xander sat up. “Why are you here, Spike?”
“Told you, just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Spike replied lingering near the door.
“Why?” Xander asked, looking away from Spike. He wanted Spike to care, wanted to know this wasn’t some trick.
Spike shifted, looking uncomfortable. “No one deserves this. Death is much better; you’re not left with the memories of what’s happened to you.”
Xander sniffled. “You picked a hell of a time to piss off some demons you know?”
“You’d rather be alone?” Spike questioned.
“No,” Xander answered, wiping his nose.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Spike asked gently.
“Not really,” Xander replied. “But I promised didn’t I?”
Spike remained silent letting Xander get his thoughts together. He had no doubt that this was going to be hard. He only hoped that he could keep his emotions in check.
“It was going great at first. He seemed nice and really interested in me. We went to this underground club that I didn’t even know about. It was like a rave or something,” Xander started off. “I decided not to drink because he was, and one of us had to be sober right? He didn’t seem that big; he was smaller than me wasn’t he?” Xander asked.
“Yeah pet, but size doesn’t always matter,” Spike explained. He slid to the floor, not wanting Xander to think he was looming.
Xander swallowed fighting down the bile. “He had too much to drink, I think. He was getting a little more touchy feely than I was comfortable with. I told him that and he apologized and stopped. Later I started kissing him. It was my fault, I led him on. He thought it was the go ahead. We were kissing one minute on the dance floor and the next we were in the backroom.”
“This isn’t your fault Xander. Just because you kissed him didn’t give him the right to do this to you,” Spike disagreed. He couldn’t stop the growl that rumbled through his chest.
Xander nodded but Spike could tell he didn’t believe him. “I kept telling him no but it was like he couldn’t hear me. The next thing I know, we’re both naked and he’s towering over me, pushing his way in. He never said a word. I couldn’t move, like I was paralyzed. It was over pretty quick.”
Spike sat there trying to find the words to comfort him. He said the only thing he could; “I’m sorry.”
“That wasn’t even the worst part,” Xander laughed mirthlessly. “When he was done he actually had the nerve to cuddle. The entire time he held me, I cried. I still couldn’t move; I was afraid if I did he would do it again. Then he kissed me and told me we needed to go. We got dressed and he dropped me off.” Xander finished the story, his whole body shaking, “It’s karma.”
“What are you talking about?” Spike asked not following what Xander was saying.
Xander brought his knees up wrapping his arms around them. “When Buffy first came to town I was possessed by a hyena spirit. I was crushing on Buffy big time. I had been so cruel to Willow and I attacked Buffy. If she hadn’t been the slayer or thrown a desk at me I don’t know what could have happened.”
“That wasn’t you, it was the demon. This bastard has no bloody excuse. I promise you pet, he’ll pay for ever touching you.”
“What are you going to do Spike?” Xander questioned looking at Spike.
“I’m going to get the bloody chip out of my head and kill the bastard.” Spike snarled his promise.
Xander’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“I’m going to kill the bastard,” Spike repeated and stood up, making his way over to the bed, only stopping when Xander tensed up. “He deserves to suffer and I am going to be the one that bloody well does it.”
“Why do you even care Spike?” Xander remained wide-eyed. “What is it that you want?”
Spike knelt beside the bed. “I like you. Angelus told me years ago you were a white knight. You still are; you’re keeping your pain bottled up to spare your friends the guilt. You’re loyal to a fault. I should despise that but I don’t. I only hope one day I could have such loyalty for myself and I hope that it’s yours that I get.”
“But you hate me,” Xander reminded him.
“No I don’t. I just play the role you all think I should play,” Spike clarified.
Xander seemed to accept that answer. “I don’t trust you, but if you keep my secret, I’ll help you find away to get rid of the chip.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Spike replied clearly shocked that Xander was willing to actually help him get rid of his disability.
“I want to, I-I can’t do it myself,” Xander responded. “Just don’t go after my friends.”
“I have no intentions on killing any of them. I just want him,” Spike promised. “Once I’m done with him, if you want me gone, I’ll go.”
“I… don’t know. I’ll decide when the time comes,” Xander answered, suddenly tired.
Spike stood again. “Get some sleep. If you need me I’ll be on the couch, alright?”
Xander snuggled down, his eyes closing. “Thanks Spike.”