bmblbee (bmblbee) wrote in bloodclaim,

Count Luffton

Author: BmblBee
Paring: S/X, AU
Rating: Adult NC17 for language and M/M sexual content.
Disclaimer: The Bee owns nothing including the characters and
products named in this story.
Warnings: Sex, violence and character death. Yes, the mouse
Summary: This story is a followup to Mouse but it is not necessary
to have read it. Xander brings Spike home to kill a mouse.
The mouse escaped and Spike stayed for the fun, games
and conflicts that S/X always get up to. One night Spike
gets more than a little drunk and does something stupid.

Comments: The last few stories have been drama and trauma. I felt
we needed some lighthearted fluff, comedy and stupidity.

Thanks to: Petxnd for her preread and suggestions and to Silk Labyrinth
for her betaing of boo boos. It should be noted that if any
irregularities remain it is due to the Bee's bullheadedness.

Buffy walked purposefully through the streets of a darkened Sunnydale as
Willow hurried to keep up. They had strode down the residential sections,
past the business sector and, without slowing their gait, proceeded toward
the more dangerous demon-infested area on the far side of the tracks.

Willow was out of breath. She had repeatedly asked her friend to slow down
but Buffy gave no indication that she heard, or maybe just didn't care. When
they were finally just two blocks from Willy's, Buffy altered her pace just
enough to allow a near-breathless Willow enough time to catch up.

"Say, Wil, let me ask you something."

Panting and heaving from the exertion, Willow tried to answer in a voice that
spoke in gasps and hitches.


"What do you think of me?"

Willow paused. That was a question fraught with dangerous landmines. Should
she mention Buffy's dubious taste in fashion? Or her obsessive use of hair color?
Or maybe her friend's query was aimed in a more personal direction. Was she
having a moment of intimate reflection in which she recognized her arrogance and
shortcomings in the way she dealt with the people in her life? Suddenly, Willow
was very proud of her friend's introspective moment and she wanted to assist in
Buffy's growth.

"Well, you know that is a question that we all ask of ourselves in times of deep
thought. Some of the world's greatest philosophers suggested that...."

Buffy wrinkled her nose up at her friend. They were rounding the bend toward
their destination and she wanted to move this conversation along.

"Yeah, blah, blah, blah. What I want to know is, as a lesbo, would you dive on my

"WHAT THE FU.....?"

Before the conversation could go any further, their attention was drawn to the fact
that even a block away, they could hear what appeared to be one hell of a riot at
Willy's. Hand in hand, the girls rushed forward and, with Buffy in the lead, they
burst in expecting to see bottles and fists flying with tentacles flailing and fangs

What they found was none of that. Quite the contrary, it had all the trappings of
a party. Every species of demon and half-human were drinking together, shouting,
laughing and large wads of money were changing hands. Buffy noticed Artie the
bookmaker sitting in the corner like a king surrounded by his serfs and minions.
When the presence of the slayer was detected, the revelry eased down a notch
or two but even she couldn't douse it completely.

Concern and questions sent her to the bar where Willy was just barely keeping up
with the orders and drink demands. She hopped up on a stool and slapped her
hand down on the sticky, stained bar top expecting him to immediately respond.

Willy rolled his eyes. This was the best money night he had had in years and it
was just his fucking luck that the damn slayer would show up and toss an onion
in his lemonade. Without breaking his stride, he handed two Coors Lights over to
Biff the werewolf before stepping her way. He kept his mood light and a smile,
though now a tad strained, on his lips.

"Hey, it's the slayer. So, what can I get you? On the house, of course."

Buffy turned in a full circle on her bar stool. She observed every corner of the
room and tried to pick up a word or phrase from someone that would give an
indication as to exactly what was being celebrated. When she arrived back to
her starting point, she stared at Willy with what she hoped was a sharp glare
of intimidation.

"Yeah, how about a great big glass of information? What the hell is going on in
here tonight? I got a complaint to come by and check it out."

Willy huffed in disgust. Who the fuck did she think she was? The slayer spoke
like she was the cops investigating a complaint of disturbing the peace. Truth
was, he was sick and tired of her popping in and beating on him for no good reason.
How would she like it if he showed up at the magic store that she and her friends
operated and just burnt the fucking thing to the ground?

Then, before he could say or do something that would ruin the night, Willy put it all
in perspective. He straighted his backbone and forced a growth-spurt in the size
of his balls. He would not allow this spoiled brat to destroy his business.

"Now see here! I've had about enough....."


Both Buffy's and Willow's attention were drawn to the table by the door where
a Ver'zon, a telepathic demon, sat with two of his friends. Their raised voices,
giddy with excitement, had Buffy hopping off her stool and marching their way to
personally and painfully shut them up. Just as she reached their group, one of
the others caught his breath and stopped laughing with a hiccup, long enough to
spit out the words,

"A fucking mouse. Of all things, he had a fucking MOUSE!"

His comment sent the others into another wave of hilarity and rang a bell for
the slayer. Grabbing an empty chair, she shoved it up to an open spot at the
table and she sat down. Willow hung back at a safe distance in case Buffy
started pounding and the demon slime sprayed.

While fading into the bakground, Willow looked at Buffy. Really looked as she
considered Buffy's question. Would she muff dive? Scuba for snatch? Harvest
hoochie? Possibly. Usually she liked her women with a little meat on their bones,
and of course there was always the complication of being friends with benefits.
Was it worth losing Buffy as a bud if their lip to lower lip activities went south?
Maybe. Especially if enhanced slayer muscle strengh and endurance extended to
her tongue muscles. It was certainly something to consider.

Oblivious to her friend's musing, Buffy crossed her legs and casually leaned one
elbow on the table. The others grew quiet and wary.

"So, gentlemen, what's with the mouse?"

The Ver'zon stopped laughing and he blinked. With the unfair assistance of his
mental insight, he had been one of the few who had bet on Spike and was now
flush with rodent-earned winnings. Cash he had no intention of letting this bitch
confiscate as she so often did in here.

Staring into her eyes, he did a fast scan of her thoughts and knew in an instant
she was here for information on his heroes, Spike and his mouse. Info that she
would not get from him. Vic the Ver'zon was no sell-out.

"Mouse? Mouse? Oh, you must have misunderstood. We were talking about
Ralphy, the rat-demon. Have you ever seen his dick? Its mouse-sized. Damn
thing is three inches tops. Then it has the odd little cork-screw head that..."

"AAHH!! Enough!"

Buffy slapped her hands over her ears. Although she really would have liked to hear
more about it, it didn't seem ladylike to relish the details. Besides, she needed
to stay on topic.

"Cut the bullshit, Vic. I'm looking for a demon mouse that may or may not have
attacked a dog tonight in the cemetery. You know anything about it?"

Vic raised his eyebrow as he studied the question. When he answered, his voice
was escalated and the other patrons in the bar easily picked up his lead.

"You think there is a demon mouse running around? Wow, you are going to need
a ton of cheese. Tell you what, I have a brother-in-law in the wholesale cheese
business. Give him a call and use my name. He will give you a great deal."

Buffy was impressed by his openness and honesty. Since she considered herself
an excellent judge of character, she was certain that Vic was being straight up
with her. It gave her a clear conscience to report back to Giles that there was no
monster mouse on the loose and she could head home.

After a brief and halfhearted pass through the bar where she asked a few others if
they knew anything about a monster mouse, she was pleased that she had done
all she could. With a nod of her head, she signaled to Willow that they could go.
Once outside, Willow wasted no time in revisiting their earlier topic of conversation.

"So, um, about your question. Yeah, I guess if I met you in a bar, I would hit
on you. You can be a panty dampener when you clean up."

Buffy's face lit up and she looped arms with her best friend.

"Really? Great! See the thing is, no one ever asks me out. I just can't figure out
why. I'm hot, sexy, brilliant and I put out on the first date, but my fucking phone
just never rings."

"Really? What about Spike? He's hot as hell and you said he wants you, so why
not give him a try?"

"Hrmph! Truth is, and this is just between you and me, I did offer. Can you
believe he turned me down flat? The jerk. I think he's seeing someone. Anyway,
I've made a decision. I'm going online to sign up on They
guarantee the perfect match. SQUEE! Isn't that exciting?"

Willow tugged her sticky panties away from her crotch. She knew it was too
good to be true. Damn. Looked like another night with the vibrator.

"Yeah, Buff. Exciting. Hey, do you mind if we swing by the drugstore on our way
home? I need to pick up some batteries for a project I have going."

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