God damnit I'm Zeek (new_unchanged) wrote in bloodclaim,
God damnit I'm Zeek

Day 4 of 28, Part 2of 3 in the ‘Adele Series’

Author: New_Unchanged
Title: Burning Tears
Chapter: Day 4 of 28, Part 2of 3 in the ‘Adele Series’
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language
Concrit: Comments only
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.
Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....

Summary: Aftermath of Angel’s meddling with Spike and Xander’s relationship. How Xander is feeling by himself.

Notes: The Song used for this day  is Song- Set Fire to The Rain, By Adele
Beta(s): Spike_1790

Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Burning Tears

Xander didn’t remember the drive home from LA. All he knew is that he sped the entire way home. Things were so fucked up. He couldn’t believe Spike... Scratch that, he had no problem believing Spike was in LA cheating on him with Angel. What he couldn’t believe was that he let himself fall in love with a soulless Vampire. What did he think was going to happen? A happy ending for the Zeppo? Hardly.
Xander knew before it started that it was going to end in heartache.He knew  it was only a matter of time before Spike got the chip out, or Drusilla came back, or Spike came to his senses and realized he could do better than Xander. He wished he could go back to that first night.
Spike and Xander were out on patrol. The girls were all watching movies in Buffy’s dorm. Anya wasn’t invited. She was hanging out at the Magic Box with Giles. They had just broken up for the umpteenth time- this time about how she didn’t fit in with his friends, appropriately enough. Xander was a little down,  but he expected it. No one really stuck around him after too long. Willow and Buffy were in college doing collegey things. Giles was running the Magic Box. Everyone kind of moved on and forgot about Xander.
There was an oogily boogily and Xander wasn‘t paying attention. Spike had to step in and save him. Then not only didn’t make fun of him, but got annoyed at his self depreciating humor. Spike even helped him home that night,

I let it fall, my heart

And as it fell, you rose to claim it

It was dark and I was over

Until you kissed my lips and you saved me

My hands, they're strong

But my knees were far too weak

To stand in your arms

Without falling to your feet

Xander figured Spike was just trying to weasel money out of Xander when he started inviting Xander to the Bronze after patrol. When Xander beat Spike at pool he suspected Spike could tell how pathetic his life had become. When your enemies take pity on you, you know your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere.
When Xander confronted him about it Spike gave him some big speech about how Xander was good company. Spike tried to kiss him that night. Even after Xander decked him he still invited Xander out for bar sports. After a month Xander decided maybe Spike might have been interested in him like he kept telling Xander.

But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew

All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true

And the games you play, you would always win, always win

After Xander came to terms with the idea of dating a vampire, he tried to ambush Spike in his crypt for a night of lovin’. Spike didn’t take the bait and instead tried to feed Xander some garbage about how he was worth courting. That Xander shouldn’t settle for a one night stand. A month after that night they started dating, and it took another month after that before they made love.

But I set fire to the rain

Watched it pour as I touched your face

Let it burn while I cry

'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

When laying with you

I could stay there, close my eyes

Feel you here, forever

You and me together, nothing is better

It really was making love, or at least the closest that Xander had ever come to it before. Xander never had a more attentive and gentle lover. Spike really seemed to care about his feelings about what they were doing. He took his time and worshiped every inch of Xander’s body, laying kisses on all of Xander’s skin. Xander felt safe in bed with Spike. He wondered if that was what he was missing with his previous lovers.

But I set fire to the rain

Watched it pour as I touched your face

Let it burn while I cried

'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

I set fire to the rain

And I threw us into the flames

Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that

That was the last time, the last time

Xander couldn’t get the image of Spike kissing Angel out of his mind. It went against everything Spike had worked to make him believe during their nights together. Why would take the time to hurt him this way. Why subject his own body to the acts they committed in bed? Why all the late night pep talks? It just didn’t make sense that Spike would waste so much time getting Xander to fall in love and build up his self esteem. If he wanted to hurt Xander why not do it after taking Xander’s virginity?

Sometimes I wake up by the door

Now that you've gone, must be waiting for you

Even now when it's already over

I can't help myself from looking for you

I set fire to the rain

Watched it pour as I touched your face

Let it burn while I cried

'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

I set fire to the rain

And I threw us into the flames

Where I felt somethin' die

'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh

What was it with people popping his cherry and then running to Angel’s arms. Faith did the same thing. It made Xander so angry. He could see what Angel could offer Spike, so he wasn’t really mad at Spike. It wasn’t as if Xander knew Spike was too good for him. Nope, he was angry at himself. He wished he could take it back.
“I wish I never met Spike. I wish he didn’t make me feel loved. I wish he didn’t make me believe I was worth something.”
Xander was surprised to hear a knock at his door. He was more surprised to see Anya standing behind it.
“Xander if you keep wishing one of my vengeance demon friends is going to have a lot of business. Tell me what’s wrong. I miss you.”

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